Lily's Problems
by naavi
Summary: Lily searches for answers, friendship, and maybe even love. Trouble, however, seems to be searching for her! 26 ~ James and Lily get in a fight, Cecil reflects on her troubled family history, and a Voldemort minion searches for revenge. Its party time.
1. Transfiguration

Chapter One ~ Transfiguration

"Ms. Evans."

"MS. EVANS," Professor McGonagall yelled harder this time and Lily Evans snapped out of her dream world, "I hope that you will continue to pay attention in class from now on."  Some of the other Gryffindors sniggered a little, laughing poorly at her plight. 

"Yes, of course, Professor," Lily replied, grumbling, a little embarrassed. How anyone could find Transfiguration interesting was beyond her. McGonagall seemed to drone on and on almost as badly as Professor Binns. Lily returned to the only thing that she did well in Transfiguration—feigning attention to it. Normally she didn't get caught, and it was impossible to tell that she wasn't actually listening to a word.  But today she had been late and she was stuck in a chair further to the front of the classroom than she would have ever chosen herself.  Today was not her lucky day.

She thought about Charms, now that was a class that she liked. She was easily the best of the whole sixth year. The rest of her grades were really pretty good—excluding Transfiguration. She hadn't had a problem with it before, but ever since this year had begun she had been lost. She had always heard work really escalated in your sixth year, but she never thought it would be this bad.  _I suppose_, she considered playfully, _if I didn't actually go to all the effort to get myself lost, this might not be an issue._

"MS. EVANS!!!!!!!" Professor McGonagall yelled.

"What?!?" Ironically, Lily was caught daydreaming in Transfiguration while she was daydreaming about daydreaming in Transfiguration.  She looked down, abashed, realizing how she had just responded to her teacher and the Gryffindor head of House.  Absently, Lily noticed she was the only one remaining in the room and cringed.

"The class has left," McGonagall said primly, though reprimand oozed in her voice in a way that made Lily want to hide behind her chair.  "Maybe you should too; you wouldn't want to miss lunch."  Lily sat up warily and started to pack her bags, muttering a statement with many repetitions of "very" and "sorry".  She had just about made it to the door when McGonagall stopped her.  Lily had to suppress a groan.

"Lily, I was upset at your performance today," Professor McGonagall said, resembling an overbearing mother-in-law who was very cross though truly cared deep, deep, down.  

"I really am sorry Professor, it won't happen again," she promised in what she hoped was a believable voice.  _Just let me get out of here_, she repeated pleadingly in her mind.  _Please!  She felt like she was getting lectured by her mother on something she had known she had done wrong—she fully felt badly about it, and though she may resent it, her guilt would make her fix the problem in the end.  Lily's mother, then, after the apologies were made (though they were usually a _tad_ more sincere) would let her off the hook. _

McGonagall was like a cookie left to sit on the kitchen counter for a little too long; she was tough to break.  "Really?" she asked Lily rhetorically. "Because you seem to always drift off during class.  For these first two months of school your performance has truly been lacking," she continued pointedly, pausing to look at Lily who stared incredulously back.  A string of worried expletives ran through her mind, and Lily fully realized that McGonagall, though certainly as boring as Binns, was nowhere near as dim.  "I hate to have to say this, but if you don't bring your performance up then you'll never remember enough to pass your final exams."  Lily looked at the floor resentfully.  "You do remember you are to be tested on this in June, don't you?" she asked again in that patronizing tone.  She stared at Lily, who was still gazing at the ground, and realized she had been too harsh.  She was used to reprimanding the sixth-year boys, not the girls, for heaven's sakes, she thought wearily.  _They_ _are the death of me.  Never were there such troublemakers as Potter, Black, Lupin, and Pettigrew._  In a kinder voice, Professor McGonagall responded to Lily's silence, "Time to go to lunch, Lily. If you need help don't hesitate to ask." 

Lily calmly walked out the door, and then started to walk down the corridor to the Great Hall. "Don't hesitate to ask, Lily," she repeated in a whiny, annoying voice, mostly just to vent her anger at herself more than because she was mad at McGonagall.  She was tearing up and repeating to herself, _How_ could I be failing?_ As she walked she gained momentum and anger. "I mean, what use is Transfiguration anyway? It has to be the dumbest, most pointless, idiotic subject EVER!!!" As Lily approached the Great Hall she decided to take a minute to calm herself down. She had realized that when she got angry she got other people angry at her, so she always tried to calm herself down when she got mad._

As Lily walked into the Great Hall she surveyed the Gryffindor table for a place to sit. As soon as she walked in she saw all of the other sixth-year Gryffindors, everyone except her best friend and one of her roommates—Evelyn. James Potter, Evelyn's boyfriend and general troublemaker, was talking very secretively to Remus Lupin, who looked sick, and Peter Pettigrew, who seemed petrified, both of whom were his cohorts in any significant prank that was pulled. Their fourth accessory, Sirius Black, was being unsuccessfully coerced into paying attention by James.  But Sirius was not one to usually listen to anyone, even his best friend, and was busy flirting with Lily's other roommates, Laura Lucila and Cecil Aveneere. These four boys were generally hated amongst the faculty—something in which they took much pride. Lily grinned; Sirius was a flirt if there ever was one.  She guessed it was just because he enjoyed making other people laugh, but he was a flirt all the same.  They all always sat together, so Lily, upon not seeing Evelyn with them, figured that Evelyn must have had to talk with another teacher or drop something off at their dorm.

"Hey everyone!" she said, trying to exude happiness even as she worried about her Transfiguration grade.  

"Oh, hey Lily," Cecil said, and Laura waved, thoroughly absorbed in Sirius's story of how he had managed to turn the pipes from the prefect bathtub connect into the air vents that led to Filch's office.  For some odd reason, Filch's office seemed to be curiously Muggle-ish, though no one knew why.  It was one of the great mysteries of Hogwarts that Sirius planned to expose someday.

"I'll find out sooner or later, though.  I've been into his office enough times to find my way around blindfolded," he declared proudly, and Lily laughed.

"Wouldn't that mean that you just have a bad habit at getting caught?"  His smile faded into a frown, though an amused one, as Lily and Sirius bantered, as usual.  Sometimes the other Marauders joined in to gang up on her, and sometimes the girls to overpower him.  Nonetheless, their lunch period began to pass with lots of laughs, even managing to make her forget about Transfiguration.

When out of the corner of her eye Lily spied Evelyn poking morosely at her food with her fork all the way at the other end of the table, she was completely startled.  "Guys, why isn't Evelyn sitting with us?" she asked wonderingly.

"I don't know," James said quickly, making Peter stare pointedly.  Remus and Sirius were calm though, and James raised his eyebrows an exasperated fraction of an inch at Peter.

"She's been there all period," Peter explained.  "She walked right part us all and just sat down by herself," he said, though as he said it you could tell he didn't understand it one bit.  Lily got up and walked to her and sat down at her side.  She was sad, Lily noticed right away, though she still looked gorgeous.  Evelyn was one of those girls that had classic beauty. Long black hair, deep brown eyes, and a great smile that she usually beamed 24 hours a day. Evelyn must have been in a really bad mood, because she wore the most sullen face Lily had ever seen. 

Lily plastered on her fake smile ever stronger than before, hoping to brighten her friend's spirits. _Misery loves company_, as her dad always said.  Evelyn was so absorbed in her lunch that she only noticed Lily when she had sat down.  So Evelyn missed the fact that Lily's smile didn't quite reach her eyes, something she would have noticed otherwise.  Lily, likewise, was so distressed that Evelyn was so sad that she didn't notice that Evelyn was really only staring off into space, not at her plate.

"Hey Ev," Lily called her by her nickname. "What's the matter? You look really upset," she asked worriedly. Lily didn't want get her friend even more depressed by going on her problems, so she tried to sound remotely cheerful. Evelyn, though, as if she had an allergic reaction to Lily's 'happiness,' gasped quickly and raised her head, letting Lily view the tears that were falling down her face.

Lily stared at her friend, openmouthed. She tried to remember if she had _ever_ seen Evelyn cry. Evelyn never let things get her down, even in bad situations. She was always optimistic, and sensible, but much more serious than Lily. _That's part of the reason why I'm friends with her, she knew,_ Ev never let's me feel sorry for myself_. _

It took just a split-second for all that to flash through Lily's mind, and in another split-second she was hugging Evelyn and reassuring her, just as Evelyn had always done with Lily. After her quick gasps (even _those seemed graceful, Lily's pale skin would be red and blotchy) had been reduced to occasional sniffles, Lily gently tried to get some information out of her._

"Ev, I've _never_ seen you so upset. What happened?"

"It seems so stupid now. I was just in shock, I mean, I never could have guessed, everything was going fine and then…" she trailed off, and resumed staring into space.  Lily had no clue what she was saying, and though she really didn't want to pry she tried asking again.

"I'm confused, what was going fine?" Lily asked softly, trying to look Evelyn in the eye.

"Well," she gulped and looked at Lily, "me and James."

Lily stared astonished at her friend. She practically squeaked, "James Potter broke up with you!" The only thing Evelyn could do was nod; she obviously didn't want to talk anymore. She had a good guess at what James had been whispering to Remus and Peter a few minutes ago. _That prick__!  __He said he didn't know why she was down here by herself, she thought madly._

At the very least, Lily was surprised. James wasn't one of those guys that just went through girls tirelessly.  Or at least she didn't think so.  But she had never seen them unhappy together and they had never fought.  They were one of those couples that people, including Lily, looked at and became jealous because they just looked so good and so content together.  Obviously, she was not on the same page as James, and neither was Evelyn, or probably anyone in the school except for Remus, Sirius, and Peter.  She continued mulling over it until lunch was over. Lily using as many tactics as a Quidditch team to try and keep Evelyn off the subject of James. As soon as lunch ended she and Evelyn got up and walked to Herbology.

* * *

In Herbology the Professor announced that they were going to be working in pairs. Lily silently prayed that Evelyn would not be with James, she honestly didn't think that she could take it. "Today we will be working on practice ferns for when you work with the real biting ferns.  Carefully extract five leaves each from the stems, they are enchanted to thrash about and try and get you."  Lily listened, though she was unimpressed.  The Professor rattled off names, "Now, let's see, Evelyn why don't you go over and work with… S i r i u s." she said slowly, rightfully not trusting him to behave. "Well now, I believe that's everyone. Get to work."

She sat at her seat, dazed. Over her anxiety for her Evelyn she had completely missed her own partner. She scanned the room and saw Remus mouthing, "Over here." He still looked a little off-color, but Lily decided that it was simply the badly lit room. Herbology wasn't being held in the greenhouse today, the weather had just started to get cold as November was just about half-way through. The class had a long winter of indoor Herbology ahead. 

Lily and Remus worked well together, and when the Professor complimented them Lily beamed. It was a welcome change from the ultimatum she had received in Transfiguration. She was stealing glances at Evelyn the whole time; thankfully, Evelyn was having a good time. Sirius even made her laugh once or twice, she noticed.

It was during one of those glances when Remus tapped her shoulder. "Umm, Lily. What's up? You look paranoid, always looking over your shoulder like that." He said smiling. Remus' pallid face wasn't so noticeable when he smiled. 

"I was just checking up on Evelyn, she's really distressed, you know. I don't blame her; I didn't think that James would break up with her." Remus looked surprised. Lily doubted he thought she would bring it up.

"Same here. Usually I'll know if James or Sirius wants to end it with their girlfriends. He never even hinted…" Remus trailed off as he shook his head. "I have absolutely no clue why he would do it," Remus said with a sigh.  Lily knew he was truly a kind person; he really hated to see anyone hurt.  He walked with an air of sadness though, and Lily guessed it was because of his sick grandmother that he went to visit every month.  Or maybe it was his mother, or his uncle, or something.  She never quite remembered.

"Really?  James didn't tell you why?" Remus shook his head again and Lily's hopes fell. James and his best friends, Remus, Peter, and Sirius—the Marauders as they called themselves, though nobody had the faintest clue why—were the only people Lily could hope to find this out from. She was the closest with Sirius out of all of them, he was atrocious at Charms, and she helped him a lot, but you could never count on Sirius for a straight answer. She hardly knew Peter, he was awfully quiet most of the time he was around her and she didn't have any reason to really want to get to know him, so he stayed as a friendly acquaintance. She completely believed that Remus didn't know—he was a trustworthy person. And if none of them were available then there was only one way left to find out, and that was to ask James. 

Remus interrupted her thoughts by actually answering her question, "I tried to ask him, but he kind of mumbled and stalked off. I don't think he'll tell anyone.  I think it only happened last night, so he still feels really badly about it… probably," he added.  James was his friend, but he wasn't blinded by that enough so he couldn't see that James was a little egotistical.  He was top in Transfiguration and a Quidditch star, as well as being friendly and known for pranking, so it was a little well-deserved, but _still_.  

"Well, he certainly doesn't feel as badly about it as Evelyn does.  So, whether he wants to talk about it or not, he _is_ telling me," she said forcefully, making Remus take a small step back, even as she delicately trimmed the very last leaf from her fern and displayed it proudly.  Remus simply looked on with a sense of foreboding, and across the room Evelyn began to rave with laughter as their plant wrapped around Sirius, gagging him at the mouth and making him toppled their table in surprise.  Lily was happy, and she started to hum a little song as she arranged her fern clippings.

But she wasn't fooling Remus, oh no.  He scratched the back of head and sighed.  _Things are about to get ugly…_ he thought.

* * *

Okay, this is an updated version of chapter 1 for all you new readers, since I realized that the hit count dropped drastically after about chapter 3.  I do have support services so you can email me at naavi@fanfiction.net.  The Harry Potter materials are all ©JK Rowling and Warner Bros. for all remaining chapters. I hope you enjoy the fic!


	2. Nothing

Chapter Two ~ Nothing

Lily sat down next to Evelyn in the Great Hall for dinner. It seemed as though James had avoided Lily all day. They didn't have some classes together because of their electives, but she had seen him in Potions after her Herbology class.  Once the day's classes were over he still continued to elude her. _It's like he's trying to be inconspicuous,_ she thought, perturbed, and realized she was most likely right.  The Marauders, it was widely believed, knew just about every secret passageway in the school. They were known for popping out of walls and dousing Slytherins with red and gold paint.  But Lily hadn't really ever considered just how voluminous Hogwarts was, and she had obviously far underestimated the hideaways in the school!  

She was exhausted now from running around the castle trying to search for him and she had wasted a good bit of time doing it, too.  She had done some of her Charms homework during class and there was no Herbology assigned at the end of class, so she didn't have an enormous amount left to finish, but there was still a lot.  And the thought of not finishing it made her anxious with stress. She sat down next to Evelyn (who looked considerably happier than Lily would have expected) and the other girls just as dinner appeared. She began to eat rapidly, realizing how hungry and tired she really was.  Finishing, she decided to return to the Common Room, and began to stand with a decidedly defeated look on her face. 

But Evelyn had other designs, and pulled Lily back by her shoulder.  "Look!" she whispered through a broad smile, and pointed to the other side of the Great Hall. She saw Severus Snape walk by, his hair a shocking shade of pink.  Laura and Cecil were laughing and shaking their head, respectively.  There was no contest to the culprits; cursing hair color was a juvenile and long-lasting favorite of the Marauders. Somehow they had even managed to grow out a pink mustache too, though his eyebrows remained a dark, sour black.  The complete effect made him look extremely odd.  His eyeballs were practically popping out of their sockets in anger. "Black, Potter, I'll get you! You know I will," he cried madly, stalking to the Slytherin table, where one of his friends helpfully offered his hat. Severus grabbed it and threw it on the ground, kicking it into the shadows.  Lily couldn't help but smile at the expression on Severus' face. It was priceless.

Somewhere, she knew, Peter and Remus were smirking very happily, for it seemed that Severus never suspected them as culprits in the Marauder escapades.  She also knew that James and Sirius didn't exactly mind the attention, and were quite content to take all the blame for themselves.

As Lily laughed softly she realized that James had been off organizing this little heist while Lily was searching for him. Most likely he was lying low so Severus wouldn't be suspicious. _Fat chance_, Lily thought sourly, _Severus was born suspicious of Gryffindors_. And it really hadn't helped, whenever anything went wrong it was usually blamed on one of the Marauders.  Whichever of the four was the closest, or perhaps whoever you had a particular repugnance for, always ended up having to scrub something with a toothbrush.  It was pretty standard. Lily, for Sirius's last birthday, had even deigned to give him his own Barbie toothbrush for the job, though the reference was lost on him, not being a Muggle and all.  He had found it amusing though, being that the toothbrush was much the same color as Severus's hair. 

And now the hall was abuzz with chatter and lilting laughter while people revisited on past pranks and memories. 

"Hey Evelyn, do you think that Lily or Severus looked worse with pink hair?" Laura said, remembering that in response to the pink toothbrush, Sirius had rewarded her with pink hair identical to Snape's. Laura, Evelyn, and Cecil tried to maintain a straight face as they appraised her and swiveled their heads to view Snape. 

"I'm not sure," Cecil tried to look pensive. "But they both look so hideous that maybe they should have been a pair!"  Lily, who was seriously _not_ amused, shrieked.  "Take it back!  That really isn't true!" They just kept laughing at her. 

"Oh, we all know you are pining for him, Lily.  When was the last time you had a boyfriend?" Laura questioned, and Lily blushed. 

"Fourth year," she mumbled.  "I will get you guys for this, you know it," and she scowled angrily, looking at her plate.  She tried very hard to regain the angry look on her face and defiantly stuffed some salad into her mouth.  When she looked up and saw her friends' faces, however, she couldn't help but smile.

* * *

Lily's fun she had at dinner dissolved once she returned to the Common Room and began her homework. "I just can't _stand_ this _stu_pid book!" Lily complained too loudly, and hit her book for emphasis. Everyone who was left in the room at this hour snapped their heads up to look at Lily. She blushed, momentarily embarrassed by the attention she had brought onto herself. "Sorry everyone—Transfiguration," she stated, and shrugged her shoulders. Those who couldn't empathize with her situation grumbled and went back to what they were doing. A couple people smiled at her, they obviously knew what she was experiencing in the way of extreme mental pain. The broad smiles from Sirius and James (who were currently lounging by the Fat Lady) didn't hold encouragement; they were simply making fun of her. Lily told herself to ignore them, but when they started to laugh at Lily's feeble attempts to pay attention to her Transfiguration, that was the last straw. 

Lily glared at them while Remus tried to no avail to get them to shut up. He should have known that it was a futile effort, they only laughed harder. _After all the crap I took from McGonagall today the last thing I need is to be laughed at. And it's no consolation that the laughter comes from those two—those two IMBECILES, she fumed inside her head. Just because they were good at Transfiguration without ever picking up a book didn't give them the right to look down on her!  She had the urge to charm their ears off.  _

She hurriedly picked up her books and stalked out of the Common Room, "At least the Library is _quiet_," she mumbled pointedly as she walked out. 

When Lily reached the Library she sat down and laid out her book to get ready to work. She procrastinated for awhile, but then reminded herself that she could not fail Transfiguration, and set to work. She became completely absorbed in her homework, for the first time that night.  She hadn't realized how much time had passed when she looked at the clock on the wall.  "A Prefect up past lights-out," she said to herself.  "What would dear old McGonagall have to say about that?"  At that point, some small back part of her brain kicked in and she remembered that she had wanted to discuss Evelyn with James, if now only for her own interest as it seemed that Evelyn was feeling better.  But she didn't have time to think about that now, she wanted to test herself to see where all this forsaken studying had got her.

She pointed her wand at the fountain pen she had brought with her and crossed her fingers.  A steady but small stream of water burst from the tip.  She smiled and reversed the spell.  "Okay, partial transformation of objects down," she said, flipping though her text.  "Only three more chapters to go.  This shouldn't be so bad," she said softly, even as she knew it wasn't true.  Never would she go to McGonagall for help, but she would need a miracle to keep up with the current class work while making up everything she didn't understand. 

Gathering her things she left the room, figuring that at least if she ran into Filch she could flash her badge and get out of trouble.  She stopped suddenly, swearing to herself that she had heard someone else's footsteps.  As much faith as she had in getting out of trouble with Filch, she had no desire to converse with him in a dark hallway at night.  But looking around, she saw no one in the dim torchlight.

She stayed completely still and heard a voice, echoing off the walls, "Lily? Is that you?" the person called.  She stood rigid.

Even considered why someone else would be out this late and where the hell he (at least it _sounded_ like a he) was hiding, she answered, "Yes." Then, with a quiver in her voice she asked, "But who are you?" Who would be following her around this late? She didn't see anyone. _It can't be Filch,_ she reasoned. _He would have run right up to me like a mad-man, or at least sent Mrs. Norris up ahead_.

Another thought occurred to her, that this better not be a prank. She frowned as she turned in a circle, still apparently alone in this corridor. If this was another prank she would strangle Sirius, she was not in the mood to be made a fool of. If she wasn't in such a bad temperament she might have laughed it off, but not tonight. Sirius had fooled her before and the memory was unpleasant (she fingered her long hair—red, as it should be—without realizing it). James and he were the main accomplices in the major pranks pulled around Hogwarts. But, if this was Sirius there was absolutely no need to be afraid, that would only being doing what he wanted. She said, with more confidence, "Better yet, _where_ are you?"

Silence… Then a small, deep chuckle and a gentle tug on the back of her robes. "Right behind you."

Lily's books clattered to the ground as she whirled prepared to see Peeves the Poltergeist, or at the worst a total stranger. Even worse, it seemed, is that when she turned around she found herself staring into the empty hallway, the mysterious person vanished.  She touched the back of her robes where a hand had just been, mystified.

Lily stared, transfixed for a few seconds.  "Nick?" she called to Nearly-Headless Nick, the Gryffindor ghost.  It didn't sound like his voice though, and Peeves would have broke into some crude song and picked up her books and flown away with them.  He certainly wouldn't have missed the opportunity to make her utterly miserable at his first chance, in any case.  She slowly picked up her books and began to back away.  When she had received no answer she was completely creeped out, even growing up in a magical school then couldn't make you completely used to odd things happening.  When something tapped her shoulder she screamed.  She was promptly cut off by a hand over her mouth, or rather; it felt like a hand, she couldn't see anything. She immediately tried to remember what she had learned in a self-defense demonstration she had seen once.  But she couldn't, so she just screamed and dropped her books yet again.  Water burst in torrents out of her tiny fountain pen and she stamped her foot in frustration. 

"Ow!" a voice echoed from behind her, and she wormed her way out of the stranger's clutch.  She whirled around and tried to grab at the air, feeling like an idiot.  She came in contact with a soft material, but was so surprised that she let it go.

"Who are you?" she said, angrily. Slowly she saw someone's shoes seemingly Apparate before her, then black robes, and the person's hands followed. She stared in awe and finally figured out what was going on. "You're in an Invisibility Cloak!" She'd read about them, they were of some practical use, but at Hogwarts it was probably only used for mischief. _Well, ambushing someone in the middle of the night probably counts as mischief_, she thought, very sour and definitely amused. 

"You're smarter than you look." Lily glared at where she guessed the person's head was. As she bent down to pick up her books she wondered what else you'd use an Invisibility Cloak for. The possibilities were endless.  She guessed this person was merely searching for the end.

Once she was upright again she replied scathingly, "If you don't mind, I'd like to see who I'm talking to. It's unnerving to see a body without a head." That was the honest truth. Even when Nearly-Headless Nick let his head hang by ghostly sinew she looked away. The rest of the cloak was completely removed in one swift movement. She found herself looking directly into the grinning face of James Potter. "James! What are you doing here?!?" Lily pronounced in the angriest whisper she could muster—she couldn't decide whether she was more upset or surprised.

"I decided to take a stroll around random parts of Hogwarts," he said sarcastically. "Where were you?" he said pointedly, though a smile inched up the right side of his face. Lily was taken aback, usually people didn't counter her sarcastic attitude, and at least not when she was being mostly serious.

"I was in the library because _someone_," she took a moment to glare at him, "was interrupting my concentration when I was trying to study in the Common Room." Now her temper had begun to rise. Lily's closest friends would have recognized the warning signs: pursed lips, deep breaths, and most of all, the fact that her green eyes sparked brightly. That only happened when she was very angry or very happy, and even a moron could tell Lily Evans wasn't happy, not one bit. James, however, took all that in stride and in a few seconds had supplied a comeback. 

"And what about _my _concentration?  You were making lots of noise over all your Transfiguration. Besides, I'd say you weren't even concentrating in the first place.  You were always fidgeting, staring at random things, generally not paying attention to—"

"I get the drift James," she yelled, talking over him in order to get him to shut up. She wondered for a second why James was even watching her doing her homework, but she let it go.

"First, be quiet, it's way after we're allowed to be out of bed. We'll be caught if you don't stop yelling." Lily instantly realized she had gotten angry again and she tried to calm herself down. She imagined that if her roommates had been watching they would have bombarded James with questions. How exactly had he managed to get Lily calmed down so quickly? How had he done it in less than a minute when she usually had to be left to her own devices for awhile before she'd apologize? Lily considered that it was probably James reasoning that had lowered her temper. She was smart, the most logical idea usually appealed to her. She was also painfully aware that her temper got away from her too often. She was working on that character flaw, but it was hard, and it made her depressed to think about how she made other people angry and how she couldn't control herself.  No one would reason with an angry person, and she hated being brushed off. Though Lily thought through all that, her reply was instantaneous. 

"Since when do you care about getting caught, James?" she asked.  "Since when did it matter that someone innocent was pulled down along with you.  It wouldn't be the first time you know."  He looked ready to respond, but she continued.  "It wouldn't be the first time that you lost House Points that someone else who actually happens to pay at_ten_tion in Charms had earned. Don't tell me that all of a sudden you care about other people. Don't tell me that all of a sudden you _don't_ care about Evelyn."  It all poured out of her mouth, one thought firmly attaching itself to the next and refusing to let go.  She winced at her atrocity. 

James raised his eyebrows.  "Well.  You certainly have a lot to say.  Anything else you would like to add?  A comment about my hair maybe?"

"Since you mentioned it, yes.  It is horribly messy." She kept her lips completely straight, attempting to bite her tongue.

"Some girls like it," he said dubiously.  "What kind of rumors would you expect if word got around that we were caught, late at night in a hallway?" Lily couldn't find a comeback for that comment so easily.  "If you are so worried about Evelyn, maybe you should take that into consideration as well."

"That was a low blow, James.  Don't get angry at me because I care.  It is obviously something you aren't accustomed to," she said bitterly, with a sinking feeling she was only digging the hole deeper.  "Why are you here, anyway?" she said with a resigned sigh.

"Well, I might have wanted to apologize," he said.  "But I have recently been informed that I am incapable of caring, so of course that isn't possible," he said jokingly.  

"Oh," she said shortly, ashamed that she had been so rude.  In any other manner, that comment would have infuriated her, but James' joking manner made it easier to swallow.  _A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down_, she thought.  In some ways, her Muggle upbringing was too hard to let go of.  

"I guess I was worried." James looked as if he regretted even starting to explain. Lily looked pained, but at the same time she was curious to see a part of James that wasn't about pranks or jokes.  She was beginning to realize he wasn't as painfully one-dimensional as she had once imagined.  True, he was always good for a laugh at the lunch table, rather good-looking, and reasonably athletic, but she hadn't ever truly thought about him as a true friend.

"Why would you be worried?" she said, much less angrily than she had intended. She saw he was genuinely concerned, and that softened her anger, however much she didn't want to admit that maybe James wasn't as arrogant as he seemed; however much she didn't want to admit that maybe she had a problem with arrogance herself.

"Well, some girls just cry about anything you know?" Lily blushed, remembering how she had just cried that morning. "It was late when you left, and then you never came back. When it got to after lights-out I decided to go out looking for you in my Invisibility Cloak so I wouldn't get caught. I was worried you were off crying somewhere." That led to a rather awkward silence. Suddenly he got a mischievous glint in his eyes, and a sly grin on his face as he continued, "I should have guessed that you would be studying." Lily huffed and frowned playfully, very glad that he had ended the silence. She was still tongue-tied, however, and continued her walk back to Gryffindor Tower. James jogged to catch up, falling in step next to her.

They walked in silence, and Lily looked at James, who at her request had left his cloak off. "Don't you have something you want to say?" she asked, smiling a tiny bit. James just looked at her; he was clueless to what she was talking about. "You did want to apologize, didn't you? I think I deserve a good one considering you scared me half to death when you came to apologize in the first place." James laughed, surprised by her bluntness.  Lily smiled, surprised that she had so quickly repressed the shame she had felt from accusing him of being, essentially, a completely selfish person.

"A good apology? Now how would I go about doing that?" James looked expectantly at Lily, he had quickly grown to expect her ingenious remarks. Lily giggled, realized what she had done, and promised herself she would try not to giggle again.  She was not in fourth year.  She was sixteen, she would not giggle. 

"Surprise me," she requested. He started to grin then became completely solemn.

He stopped her in the hall, and got down on one knee. He took her free hand nobly, the picture of someone from a Shakespearean play. _Oh great, thought Lily, rolling her eyes, __I should have guessed James would make a joke out of it. He looked directly at her, "Lily Evans, I am extremely sorry that I made fun of you when you were having trouble with your homework. I should try to help you instead of making it harder than it is to begin with. I hope you accept my apology." James got up, a questioning look on his face. To Lily he was saying as plain as day, _How'd I do?__

Lily was surprised, no, she was awestruck, no, she was—she didn't know what she was, but she was definitely confused.  She had expected him to make a joke out of it, but instead he had sincerely apologized. He had _definitely_ surprised her. Her menace towards him melted, and she couldn't even muster a response, but merely smiled. He smiled back, and Lily suddenly saw why he made some girls swoon. _The stupid girls, she thought, __and I'm not one of them. I'm glad Evelyn never acted like a fool around him, I wouldn't have been able to take it. Though, she had to admit, he never took advantage of it, at least not to her knowledge._

Suddenly Lily had an odd memory. It was when they were both in fourth year, during a Charms class…

"Ok, class. I'm coming around to collect your homework." Professor Malchite had started to walk around to collect the Charms homework. In front of her she had heard an urgent whisper:

"Sirius, I forgot to do the Charms homework. I'll get detention for sure this time." Lily remembered being surprised by that. James and Sirius were as big on pranks in 4th year as they are now, detention wasn't something out of the ordinary then. Lily didn't know why, but she had felt bad for James. She had stared at her homework, she spent a long time on it, but, she was already doing so well in Charms Professor Malchite wouldn't miss one homework assignment from his best pupil.

When the Professor's back was turned Lily slipped her homework to James. He turned around, looking confused. She remembered herself saying, "You need it more than I do." James looked relieved, mouthed a quick, "I owe you one," and had given her that smile that crept up the right side of his face. 

Lily was a generous person, and the missed homework didn't even affect her record. It made more sense to give it to James. Professor Malchite hadn't even noticed the handwriting difference…

The rest of the walk to Gryffindor Tower went by quickly. Lily and James hadn't talked for the rest of the walk back, they were both consumed with thought. They reached the Common Room, said goodnight and parted ways—Lily to the left and the girls dorm, and James to the right to the boys. She was halfway to her room when she had a sudden inspiration. She turned around and rushed after James. She caught up to him right outside his door. He turned to look at her, a look of extreme confusion on his face. What was Lily doing in the boys' dorm? He soon found out, before he had a chance to question her presence she blurted out, "James, I accept your apology."

James shook his head questioningly, smiling.  "Thanks, I suppose," he said.

"Good," Lily replied.  "Now, I believe you have a simple favor to repay."  James obviously didn't remember, Lily hadn't exactly expected him to.  But he would soon remember, she knew, and she would soon have an answer to her Transfiguration problem.

"What are you talking about?" he asked, stupefied.

"Oh… nothing," she replied mischievously.  But from the glint in her green eyes, James knew something more that _nothing was on her mind.  He sighed.  _What have I gotten myself into?__


	3. Answers

Chapter Three ~ Answers 

"Lily, no wonder you stink at Transfiguration, you don't pay attention!" James yelled, completely exasperated. After much wheedling on Lily's part, James had agreed to tutor her for a little while in Transfiguration.  Well, from Lily's point of view it was wheedling, from James' it was the result of some evil power Lily possessed. He was the perfect tutor, Lily had decided, mostly based on the fact that anyone was better than McGonagall. James hadn't been willing to in the first place, but he 'grudgingly agreed' from Lily's standpoint. On the other hand, James could be heard muttering at random intervals the next day, "I've been had." Most were inclined to agree with James, but they just told him he should have known better than to try and argue with Lily. James reviewed his conversation with Lily from last night, where had he gone wrong?

"You want me to tutor you," James had repeated, completely dumbstruck, after she had asked him to help her.  And this was Lily asking him, the Prefect who could do no wrong!  James was a Prefect as well, but he only kept up the nice image for the teachers, though they always suspected him for some reason.

He had noticed when McGonagall had reprimanded her earlier that day during class, but he didn't think much of it; he'd been caught during class before, though not recently.  Lily had only starting not paying attention this year, but James had been practicing since his very first day at Hogwarts.  

"Yes of course, James. That's what I just said, didn't I?" she had replied, aggravated.  

"I don't think that one measly homework assignment is worth tutoring lessons, Lily. They don't add up," he had jokingly replied.  "Not to mention the fact that that was back in _fourth_ year." Lily had just set her jaw and arched her eyebrows.  _Oops, wrong move number one._

"Not equal," she had said in disgust. "You got 120 on that assignment. I pulled you out of the gutter in Charms.  Besides, you said you owed me.  What, so now the great James Potter is going back on his word?" James scowled, one assignment and tutoring lesson weren't the same thing. That should have been the end of the discussion. Unfortunately, for James, it wasn't.

"I didn't say I owed you dozens of hours of my free time. I'll give you a Transfiguration assignment, if that's what you want," he'd countered.  Lily huffed and crossed her arms.

"That won't help, James. You understood Charms; you were just too lazy to do the work. I don't understand Transfiguration at all. I NEED HELP!" she said desperately, and James just rolled his eyes and threw up his hands in frustration.  If she hadn't been so difficult about it, he thought, he would have done it just as a favor, but this was too much.

"I'll say you do," he muttered under his breath.  Lily had acted rather calm until this point, James noticed. _Too bad I ruined it_, he recalled ruefully. 

"James!" Lily had cried in indignation. James cringed, saying that hadn't been too smart of a move either.

"I never promised to help you Lily, don't try and trap me into it!" James was now fretting, and getting all jumbled. Lily, however, was as poignant as ever, and countered with, "You _said you should help me." She emphasized it as if __said meant the same thing as __promise.  Lily had recovered from her temper flare, and was now stating her points simply and with a large, self-satisfied smirk._

"I did not," he had yelled in desperation, and then they simultaneously recognized his error.

"Remember last night, James?" Lily asked, triumphant at having mixed around James' words.  James just groaned.

"But I was just apologizing, that doesn't count!" _Ooh, James thought, wincing__, three strikes and I'm out. _

"So, what you're saying is that your apology meant nothing?" She asked the question with such plausible innocence, but looking back, Lily held about as much innocence as a manticore. She had him with that comment, and they both knew it. Lily hadn't really done much; James had backed himself into a corner. He was obscurely aware of this; however, he was still mad at how Lily had twisted his words and made him do something he didn't want—and knew he shouldn't have—to do. 

While James was devastated at the thought of spending Tuesday and Thursday evenings with Lily (except when Quidditch interfered), Sirius was ecstatic. It was Wednesday, and all day he pestered Lily by saying things like, "How'd you do it Lily?" and, "I'd never thought I'd see James get tricked into something!" and multitudes of similar things. Lily upheld that no _trick had gone on, but of course she knew better. _

The next day, Lily learned that Sirius particularly loved to say his little tidbits of amazement during her lesson, because then he got to say them in front of James too. _Twice the fun_, Sirius thought with a grin. He took an odd joy in watching his best friend get severely annoyed. After every comment James would get so upset, he would look back and wonder how he had gotten himself into this mess, just as he had done moments ago.  Lily would get all huffy and glare like always. 

That first Thursday in the common room concluded that all remaining lessons would be held in the Library—not exactly Sirius' favorite place in school, and he didn't visit there very much at all, at least not without James' cloak.  Sadly, it seemed, the new location didn't faze him much at all, though Madam Haslett, the ancient librarian, had inquired if he was an exchange student.  Sirius had looked at her oddly and not replied.  _Probably Hungarian_, she thought, for no other reason than she had ordered horrid takeout from a Hungarian restaurant once and it had made her sick to her stomach.  Madam Haslett was a _very odd old woman._

If she had truly known that it was the infamous Sirius Black she might have fainted; he was number one on her list of students to reprimand.  _Simple Charms and How to Apply Them_ was approximately six years overdue, and she was furious about it. In the grand scheme of things, he was probably better off being Hungarian.

Book-stealer or Hungarian, Sirius was merely a nuisance to Lily and James, who tried very hard to ignore his antics but found it difficult.  He had an endless supply of obnoxious comments that he oh-so-gladly bestowed upon them. Lily was trying to read up on some particularly difficult material about animal-human transfiguration before the test scheduled on it next week and her frustration was growing and growing.  _Good _thing James knows an awful lot about it; otherwise, I'd be toast_, she thought.  Sirius even offered his own brand of advice while James was off returning a book to the shelf: "Never try transfiguring into a porcupine," he said. "They smell."_

Lily huffed loudly, then whispered, "I wouldn't think you of all people would notice," and glared at him violently.

Sirius pondered that momentarily and replied, "You know James is only doing this because he likes you." With that, her patience finally snapped. 

"Sirius!" she yelped loudly, and then sighed disgustedly. "R_eally.  Only you would say something like that." She would have continued, but she realized all too late that she had just yelled in the Library. She saw Madam Haslett walking over. _I'll kill Sirius for getting me kicked out of the Library when I need to study_, she thought, a murderous glance flickering across her face. Sirius grinned back and she added as an afterthought, _I'll do it very, very, slowly_. _

"Lily," Madam Haslett exclaimed. "Please calm down, we can't have you disrupting anything. I'll give you one more chance; but, only because I know you didn't mean to." She walked back to the checkout counter, slightly disgruntled.

Sirius looked disappointed, Lily looked relieved, and James, having returned from replacing the book, looked confused. He, of course, had no idea what had just happened. Once Lily's relief faded, the most accurate way to describe her face would be to say she was sending a death wish with her eyes. Lily's eyes were very expressive, if you knew how to read them. Most guys in Hogwarts agreed that they were beautiful as well; you lost yourself in their green depths if you weren't careful.  If you were even _more_ careless you could earn yourself a death glare from her, in the mildest terms it was an unpleasant experience. In this case, the recipient of her glare—Sirius—kept smiling.

James witnessed the exchange between Lily and Sirius, and was even more thoroughly confused than before. "You know, I hate secrets," he said congenially. 

"Funny you should say that, James," Lily said, a specious smile on her face. James eyed her suspiciously while Lily tried to hide her smirk. James should have been much more wary of her after the tutoring incident, but he wasn't. 

"Why so funny?" he asked innocently.  Sirius looked devilishly happy.

"Not funny so much as… coincidental.  I have something I want to know from you as well." James looked mildly surprised.  "Consider it a trade."

"Sure," he replied simply. "But you first." Lily grinned slyly, and Sirius whooped with the expectation of humility, earning him an invitation out of the Library from Madam Haslett. 

"Those silly exchange students," she muttered under her breath, eyeing Sirius slowly as he walked out the double doors.  _It's not fair,_ Sirius thought crossly as he left,_ how does Lily trick him so easily? That girl has got__ to give me lessons. He waited right outside the doors, hoping still to witness something interesting._

Lily watched Sirius get kicked out of the Library with much pleasure, especially since he made less than a tenth of the noise she had. "Well, it's nice to know a good reputation counts for something," she said happily.  "You'd think that being a Prefect would make it easier for us to get into trouble wouldn't you, James?"  He nodded his head.  James had a way of slipping out of trouble at the last minute, always the man with the excuse, the alibi, and that winning grin to top it off.  Teachers suspected him, but they were never really quite able to corner him.  They had no choice but to give him the Prefect badge after receiving such good grades and spectacular O.W.L.s.  

James looked expectantly at Lily, waiting for an answer. "Oh, right… about Sirius…" she began, and then thought better of it.  "Well you know him, he says whatever pops into his head and…" she stopped again. Lily was astonished at how she was acting, was it so hard to repeat what he said? When she proposed the deal she didn't think she would have the hard part of the bargain. She quickly repeated what Sirius had said, and cautiously laughed.

James looked at her, a tiny twinkle in his eye. "You yelled at him for that?" he asked, and then began to laugh. His reaction eased her considerably, and she smiled.

"Yeah, it's silly. But I just get so fed up with him.  I haven't yelled at him in over two weeks, he was due worse than his Library book," she said, then laughed.  Little did she know that the book in question sat proudly in the boys' dorm room on their official Table of Conquest.  It was one of Sirius' first offenses, and he held it dear to his heart in a rather twisted fashion.  It was joined by many other objects, a few plucked from Filch's own office.

"That's just Sirius, I guess.  Couldn't change him if you tried," he said, shaking his head and chuckling. Lily laughed with him, but Madam Haslett sent them a warning look.  

From Sirius' view through a crack in the door he had witnessed Lily get very ruffled moments ago. Suddenly her lips moved very fast, and then she laughed nervously, a little bit later James did too.  Then, Madam Haslett gave them the same look he had received, yet they were still in there. Now, all of a sudden, she became very serious, and he guessed she was asking her question.  He did indeed know what she was going to ask: Why in the world had James broken it of with Evelyn?  Remus had talked with him about how Lily had asked around about it, but Sirius had no more clue than anyone else.  _And he calls me his best friend, Sirius thought ruefully._

Turning back to their conversation, Sirius watched as James suddenly looked taken aback. He gazed at the ground momentarily, looking somewhat lost. Sirius desperately wished that eavesdropping would actually do some use, but they were sitting much too far away.

He blinked quickly and hit himself over the head. Wasn't he a wizard? He quickly performed the Listening Charm, silently thanking Lily. She had drilled it into his head when she had been giving him Charms lessons.  He would have asked Professor Malchite, but had always sort of thought the guy was a little creepy. He heard Lily's voice first, albeit very faintly. He had no idea whether he was bad at this charm or Lily was just having trouble finding her voice.

"Wow, I had no idea it was like that," Lily said quietly as she dragged her finger back and forth across the pages of her parchment absently.  Her eyebrows furrowed in thought.

"What did you think it was like?" James said defensively, busying himself with flipping through pages of the Transfiguration text.  He was curious about what she, and probably everyone else, thought about the break-up.  But the way she said it made him just the slightest bit offended.

"I didn't know what to think," she said with a sigh. "Usually when people are going to break up you can tell. It was a shock, that's why I wanted to know." Lily was blunt, no doubt about that, and it unsettled James.  He was pretty much used to achieving what he wanted without too much trouble.  "I think Evelyn has a right to know that as well," she said daringly.  James cleared his throat and pretended not to hear.

"Well," he said. "Now that we've wasted almost half an hour of our studying time, how about we get back to work?" he offered in a desperate attempt to change the subject.  Lily frowned, knowing he was being stubborn.

"Ok, well Animagi are…" James started reading out of a book. Sirius took off the Listening Charm, disappointed. He hadn't really learned anything useful—blackmail-worthy, that is. Sometimes he wondered what goes on in James's head underneath that mop of hair. Evelyn was beautiful and a really great person to be with in his opinion. He got up and began the walk back to Gryffindor common room, pulling out a stash of Filibuster Fireworks.  Filch's office was on the way, and he there needed to be _some excitement this evening._


	4. Arguments

Chapter 4 ~ Arguments

"I'm _so_ bored." Lily heard Cecil complain from across the dorm room.  Cecil had only returned from a detention five minutes ago.  Binns, of all people (or non-people, as the case may be) had given it to her for talking back in class.  Of course, a ghost that old is more than a little senile sometimes, and Cecil had done no such thing. She sighed loudly.  "There is absolutely _nothing_ to do." She accentuated her statement by practically collapsing on her bed face-first. A moment later she rotated her head towards Lily. "Do you want to go play some chess?" Lily looked up and noticed Cecil's usually cheerful face was surprisingly bland. And since when did Cecil like chess? 

_Oh well, desperation drives people crazy sometimes, I guess. Cecil is proof enough,_ Lily thought, sighing deeply.  Laura and Evelyn had apparently left the room awhile ago, though she hadn't really noticed.

"No thanks, I've got to finish this entry." She was referring to her diary, which she tried to write in every day, and had been absorbed in for about the last hour. Cecil, who only wrote when it was assigned, looked positively indignant for being passed over for writing in 'some silly book' as she had taken to calling it.

"I just don't understand it.  You write forever in that silly thing." Lily knew Cecil was right. The truth was, Lily had been so busy she had just gotten around to writing down the conversation she and James had had two weeks ago.  Lily knew that her time would be better spent on the homework she still had to do, but she felt that she needed to do something for herself or she would go crazy.

Lily contemplated the idea, "You're right, I'll just finish it later." She hopped out of her bed and stretched. Her body ached from lying at a forty-five degree angle for half an hour while she had written. Chess would be a great thing to sidetrack her mind, Lily always came away extremely thoughtful from writing in her diary. Besides the conversation with James, that particular entry had been devoted to some feelings she had wanted to sort out. Leaving it only half-done left with only half-thought-out feelings left her a bit unsettled, like she was backing down from what she felt. It was too bad though, she really had needed to stop.

"Great," Cecil yelled as she jumped off her bed and bounded over to the door. Cecil, it seemed, had an unlimited supply of energy that she could call upon anytime she felt like. Lily briefly wondered why Cecil didn't play Quidditch, then scolded herself, _Cecil is afraid of heights, you idiot_. Just as Cecil began to open the door, Lily walked over and gently closed it.

"But, I still can't play."

"Why?" Cecil was obviously a little upset at the prospect of being ditched. An idea struck Lily, _We could still have a little fun before I leave_, she thought, and grinned wickedly.

After her first meeting with James in the Library she had returned to the dorm room late, thanks to Sirius' games, and woken Cecil.  When she questioned Lily on what she had been doing, Lily drowsily replied, "With James," which of course had set off sparks.  It had taken a little while to convince Cecil of the truth, and then she positively cracked up at Sirius' side of the story, marveling at Madam Haslett's behavior.  

Cecil also found it positively amusing that Lily had admitted she needed a tutor, and always took joy in reminding Lily when she had her 'dates' with James.  _Sometimes, Lily had thought, _she is so much like Sirius it is scary_. _

Lily rolled her eyes animatedly.  "What _day _is it today, Cecil?" she said, putting her arms on her waist.

Cecil knitted her perfect dark eyebrows.  "Tuesday," she said simply. Her jaw dropped a little, "Ooo_oooo_oh… _Tuesday," she said, her inflection speaking for itself.  "Time for your date with Jamesie."_

Lily laughed.  _Jamesie__, what a hideous name_.  "Yes," she answered.  "And only _ten_ minutes to get ready!"  She said it like it was a sin, and yet her face was scrunched up in displeasure.  These Transfiguration nights were a drag.  Luckily, however, James had informed her that Quidditch practice schedules might be altering soon, and he might not be available.  This came as good news, because her class schedule just didn't allow for extra time spent on Transfiguration on any other night, and her social calendar didn't allow for it on the weekend.

"And you wouldn't want to be late," Cecil said, looking miserably bored, her voice sarcastically light and happy.

"Never!" Lily replied. She sat up from her bed and continued in her fake voice, "Well, time to go. Wouldn't want to be late for my _dar_ling James, now would I?"

"No, I suppose not. You'll have to tell me about it when you get back. No skimping, do you hear me?" she said with an impeccable rendition of someone who actually cared. If Lily came back and began to talk about Transfiguration, Cecil would strangle herself.  "I'll just sit here and… well, I don't know what I'll do," she said.  "There's absolutely nothing to do… and now I have no one to hang out with."  She frowned.

Suddenly Evelyn's bed curtains flew open and she calmly slipped out of her bed, though Lily could tell she was mad.  Her lips had gone all straight and white at the edges. She glared directly at Lily. "Lily Evans, I can't believe I ever called you my best friend!"  Lily gulped, taken aback.  Evelyn walked quickly to the door and looked back at Cecil.  "You, obviously, don't care very much about me either."  Cecil looked even more morose than she had before, if that was possible.   

"I can't believe you'd do this to me," she said softly, her voice cracking.  Lily could tell Evelyn was trying not to cry.  The thought occurred to her that Evelyn might not be the strong, poised person that she seemed, and she was dumbstruck at what to do.

"There's been a mistake!" Lily blurted out.

Evelyn shook her head.  "I heard what I heard.  You can't change that," she said quietly. 

"You can't change out years of friendship either," Cecil said softly, her eyes pleading.  "Come on Ev, you know us."  Lily tried to walk towards her but Evelyn only backed away, closer to the door.  _I can't let her leave!_

"No… no I don't know you, and I will change it.  I'm leaving.  Please, don't try to talk to me."  Lily sighed a little. _This is getting unreasonable, she thought.  Evelyn looked at Lily and bit her lip.  "I thought you understood," she whispered, and closed the door behind her as she calmly walked away._

Lily stared openmouthed at Cecil.  She hadn't thought that James was still sufficiently painful to hurt Evelyn this way. A little voice inside her head scorned her, _But__ the thought of her best friend going out with him probably is.  Lily felt lost._

"Cecil, what do I do?" she said quietly.  She knew she was late for her Transfiguration lesson, and she hadn't done too well on the animal-human transfiguration test last week.  There was a quiz tomorrow and Lily needed a good grade badly.  _But Evelyn…_ "James is waiting for me, Cecil. I don't want to leave Evelyn, but I really can't afford to miss a lesson!"  Cecil narrowed her eyes, wondering if Lily really _did_ feel something for James.  This wasn't like Lily, to leave Evelyn.   _But it's not like her to flunk a class either, she thought.  Sometimes she wondered if Lily had her priorities straight._

"Umm, don't worry Lily, I try to find her," Cecil promised warily. "I'll find her Lily, I'll try and fix this… this mess." Lily looked apprehensive, but Cecil waved her on and Lily ran as fast as she could to meet James in the Library.  Cecil wondered briefly if she had made a mistake, and then walked out the dorm room door, wondering where Evelyn could have gone.

_Well_, she thought brightly, _at least now I have something to do._

* * *

Lily was a complete mess from the beginning of the tutoring session. She arrived late and had to endure James telling her how he was busy as well and she could at least attempt not to waste his time.  Lily couldn't even provide a rebuke.  She was suddenly thinking all those corny thoughts that seem so cliché, and she couldn't even help herself.  

She realized about five seconds into James' lecture that she shouldn't have left Evelyn for a silly lesson, but there was no getting out of it now.  Evelyn was much more important than James.  _Besides, she thought, _McGonagall can kiss my—__

"LILY," James said, utterly annoyed.  But she wasn't paying attention, because Evelyn's words rang throughout her skull._ Lily Evans, I can't believe I ever called you my best friend…_

What made it worse (if that was even possible at that point) was that Evelyn was mad at Cecil too. _Its not Cecil's fault at all,_ she knew, and the guilt piled up on her. She had too many thoughts cluttering up her head right now, including very important Transfiguration notes that James was, at the moment, trying to cram into her head. 

James noticed wondered if she even realized how obvious she was being, it's no wonder McGonagall caught her daydreaming.  _She really needs to work on that_, he thought.  Plus, it was aggravating; he could be using this time to review important Quidditch strategies for the approaching game against Ravenclaw instead of Transfiguration. He was the Gryffindor team captain and the Seeker, and there was a lot of pressure for them to beat Ravenclaw. In turn that put a lot of pressure on him, and he didn't have the patience to tolerate Lily wasting his time.

"Lily, I doubt it's even worth it to tutor you, you never pay attention," he said loudly and sourly.  Lily's head popped up. She would have been thankful to be knocked out her sorrowing reminiscence, except for the comment was obnoxious. She might have considered it as a joke, but James' voice was cold. She tried to brush it away.

"Sorry, bad day." Lily replied, groggily.  _I won't drag another person into my problems_, she thought.  _Besides, it would be awkward_.  It was also late, partly because she had arrived late, and partly because she really didn't understand the material. He had been in the middle of the fifth repetition when he stopped.  James rolled his eyes.

"Is every day a bad day for you? You never remember anything I tell you, you never listen to me, and you were the one who dragged me into this in the first place," he said angrily. James was totally exasperated with Lily, and the late hour was affecting him as well. Lily was suddenly awake; _James can't act completely heartless and insult me in the same breath and get away with it, she thought angrily. She was as fed up with his tutoring as he was with teaching it. Lily knew she needed help, but she could find it from someone else, James had pushed her threshold of tolerance too far._

She tried to keep her voice low seeing as they were in the Library, and yet her anger couldn't help but bubble over. "I just had a _huge_ fight with Evelyn, but I left her because I didn't want to miss this _stupid_ lesson. _I_ care about whether or not I pass Transfiguration, but I can see _you_ don't! Consider your debt repaid, James Potter!" James immediately regretted not being a tad more sympathetic.  _Last time I make that mistake._

He hadn't meant to upset her, but it was hard to be carefree when people placed Gryffindor prospects of the Quidditch Cup in his hands. The only good thing was that he would get to return home for holiday break on Saturday the 17th, the same day as the game, so if Gryffindor lost he only had to deal with it for a few hours. He hadn't realized his edginess about it was affecting his personality so… negatively. He started to apologize, but Lily was out of the room quicker than if she'd Disapparated.

Lily ran to Gryffindor Tower and entered the common room, only to find Cecil lying defeated on a chaise longue. Cecil had found Evelyn in the Owlery, Lily discovered, but Evelyn had refused to talk to her, and stalked off. 

"Just so we don't do something stupid again," said Cecil, "Evelyn is in her bed and the curtains are closed."   Her voice was playful, but her eyes showed she was defeated. Lily appreciated that Cecil was trying to make her feel better, she needed it.   But Lily knew that she had made the mistake of leaving to go to her lesson, and so she had to do something.

"If she won't talk to us," Lily said, "then we need to find someone who she _will talk to." _

"Ok, simple enough.  How about Laura?" she said.  "Hey Laura!!" she called across the room, and Lily turned.  She hadn't realized that Laura was here, but she was sitting at a table and studying with Peter and Sirius.  She walked over, looking upset at being interrupted.

"What's going on guys? I haven't seen you all afternoon," she said cheerily, fiddling with her blonde hair. It was a little idiosyncrasy of hers. 

"I don't know if you've heard…" Lily began, not knowing where to start. Laura waved her hand noncommittally.

"You mean about Evelyn?  I heard," Laura said, surprising Lily.  She had only told James, so that meant…

"Cecil, who did you tell?" Lily asked, aggravated.  Cecil narrowed her eyes.

"Don't get angry with _me_ now," she said snappily.  "If you only ever waited to hear the other person's side of a story you wouldn't get mad all the time," she said.  Her words stung, and Cecil realized that was uncalled for.

Laura intervened, bending over between them and hugging them, "I know you both don't mean that.  Lily, Cecil asked me where Evelyn was and when I told her no I wondered why she was looking.  You two are in a fight with her, that's all Cecil told me—no particulars, I promise."  Laura smiled, but the explanation really didn't make Lily feel any better, only guilty.  

"Listen, Lily I am sorry," Cecil said quickly and then turned to Laura.  "The whole point of this was to ask if you could talk to Evelyn for us, because she won't say anything to either of us."  Laura looked indecisive.

"What's the matter?" Lily asked her.

"I just don't want it to seem like all three of us are against her.  If it seemed like I was betraying her as well I don't think she could take it," Laura explained.  Lily tried not to get frustrated with her, as she sometimes did.  _Betray, she thought, _nice choice of words, Laura_.  "I would try Remus if I were you, he's fair," she continued.  Cecil and Lily exchanged looks of agreement.  But when they questioned Sirius and Peter about where he was, they learned that he had just left to visit a sick family member at home. He wouldn't be coming back until after the Holiday break which ended January 9th, more than a month away. _

Sirius and Peter were quickly ruled out as mediators, they asked petty questions along the line of _Was the fight over a hairbrush?  Did you steal her mirror time?  _Lily crossed her arms, vexed.  

They returned to the chaise longue and racked their brains for an answer.  The thought of her leftover homework never even crossed Lily's mind.

"I think we'll have to wait until after break," Cecil interjected, frowning.  The idea was not appealing at all. 

"That's what I'm afraid of." She wasn't sure how great of a Christmas she could have with this hanging over her head. And Evelyn would just keep getting angrier and angrier. Not even the thought of seeing her parents cheered her up.  Certainly the thought of seeing her older sister Petunia didn't cheer her up.  They had never been on the best terms since Lily left for Hogwarts.  "Maybe there is something else we can do?" Lily said hopefully. "I'll write her a letter and leave it on her dresser."  She nodded to herself, already composing the letter in her head.

"Great idea," Cecil said, knowing it wouldn't work.  "Come on Lily, let's go to sleep. This is tiring me out." Cecil sat up and stretched.  They walked up the stairs and silently opened the door, entered, and closed the door behind themselves. Lily saw her diary poking out from underneath her pillow, where she kept it. She checked to make sure both locks, magical and Muggle, were still intact. Then she thought better of it, undid them and got out a pen, prepared to rip out a page and write Evelyn a letter. She looked at the end of the entry she was writing this afternoon.

_Of all the answers I was expecting missing 'that certain something' was not at the top of my guess list. James calmly explained that he and Evelyn acted just like they had when they were friends. Of course that's why nobody expected it, because Evelyn hadn't really done anything. They were just acting as their normal selves. I didn't really understand, but then again, I'm not very relationship-experienced, I suppose. I wish that Evelyn wasn't so distraught over it, because it really worries me to see her like this. But, I think that she's almost over him now, though I can sort of tell when she is trying to hide how it hurts when she sees him. I'm hoping that in a couple of days she should be back to normal._

Lily reread the last sentence, _in a couple of days she should be back to normal_. She laughed sourly.  _Not after what happened today, she thought. Evelyn would probably be furious with James too, thinking he had broken up with Evelyn for Lily. She wrote a brief summary of what had just happened. She sighed, she'd probably need an hour—or two or three—to properly write this down along with the planned letter. It helped Lily to write down her thoughts, especially when she was angry or upset. She'd noticed that it helped prevent temper flares. Her diary held everything important that had ever happened to her, she always tried to keep it current. Lily took one last look at her diary after she locked it; she had a feeling she would be writing a lot in the near future._

* * *

The rest of Lily's week was spent in solitude. Not talking to Evelyn was bad enough, but James had such a hurt look in his eyes every time she got near him that she couldn't bear to be around him. That included classes, lunch, and the common room. Since she wasn't speaking with James, she was cut off from the Marauders as well.  Sirius and Peter weren't avoiding her, but every time she talked with them it was decidedly awkward

She saw James and Peter talking and Sirius comforting Evelyn. A lot of people seemed to be comforting Evelyn. Lily, on the other hand, only had two comforts, Cecil and her diary. She had enough free time to elaborate on each day three times over.  She was tempted to do just that, because even though she was in the crunch time before break, she just couldn't bring herself to absorb herself in her studies.   

It seemed like everyone knew about what was going on in the sixth-year Gryffindor girls' lives, and Lily walked around school feeling like people were talking about her.  She absolutely _hated that feeling, and she knew that it was partially true.  James, at least, seemed to stop whatever conversation he was having whenever she walked in the room and look at her oddly.  After a second he would shake his head and turn back to his friends.  _

Sick of the way things were going, Lily approached Evelyn but she had abruptly rushed away, acting as if she suddenly remembered something vital. After a few more futile attempts, Lily just stopped trying. If Evelyn went through all the trouble to get away from Lily, she wasn't going to go chasing after her. Indifference settled on Lily like snow falling on leaves.  It settled into every little crack, seeping in between her thoughts and actions.  How could she care when everything was so horrible? 

She barely even reacted when McGonagall returned a failed paper to her the next Monday.  Of course, Lily missed her Thursday meeting with James, and it was getting harder and harder to concentrate.  A countdown until holiday break started was constantly in her head.  Sitting in front of Professor McGonagall that Monday, staring at her paper marked with red ink everywhere, the only thing she could think was _thirteen more days…_

The thought of winter break was the only thing that kept her going. For the first time, reassurance from her friends and writing in her diary weren't enough. Her house seemed like heaven now, even if her sister Petunia was completely abominable. She dreamt about her family. Families, unlike friends, she decided, didn't desert you when you needed them, even if your sister _did hiss at you once in awhile._

* * *

Thirteen days seem much longer to experience then to count on the calendar, but they passed.  Lily packed up her trunk, making sure she had packed everything that she needed for the days at home.  When Saturday the 17th arrived, Lily woke up to a seemingly deserted school and had a flash of fear that she had missed the train and would have to stay at school.  _Where is everyone?_ she wondered.  But, as she looked out the window she saw many people milling around and realized that it was the day of the Gryffindor-Ravenclaw match.  _James' big game, she thought.  _Maybe I should go, just to support the team. Plus, it isn't as though I have something better to do_.  Cecil's fear of heights kicked in just watching people dip, dive, and swerve so high up in the air, so Cecil always disappeared early on Quidditch days.  Lily wrapped her cloak arounf her and headed down to the pitch._

The game was much-anticipated and had a big influence on who'd win the Cup. The Ravenclaw Chasers were all powerful seventh-years, it was very visible that they worked together well, whereas the Gryffindor Chasers needed some work. Lily wasn't much into the game, even though she loved Quidditch. She cheered, but her heart wasn't in it. Lily ended up sitting by herself. Quidditch lost some of its excitement when you couldn't share it with others. Sure, she was surrounded by other Gryffindors, but she wasn't with her friends.  She tried to focus on the game.

_This is crazy, _she thought to herself, _I don't really even like Quidditch… so why am I here? _She glanced quickly at Evelyn, Peter, and Laura sitting together.  _The least Laura could do is come and join me, she continued, being unreasonable.  She rubbed her gloved hands together trying to stay warm.  She wondered how the players managed to stay focus as the wind whipped around them._

The Ravenclaw Chasers, in particular, caused quite a stir, practically dominating the Quaffle. Sirius and the other beater, a fourth-year girl, valiantly held them down. In the end, Gryffindor won by 90 points, James making a spectacular catch as the Seeker.  Lily felt a little on the outside, whereas usually a Quidditch game was spent cheering, laughing, and then hopefully celebrating.  Normally Lily would have dove into the party, but seeing as James was practically the Guest of Honor, she didn't want to stick around.

As Lily walked back up to her room, she looked at the list of people staying for the Holidays. There wasn't a single fifth, sixth, or seventh year staying, and only two Gryffindors. It looked as though almost everyone at Hogwarts wanted to go home as badly as she did.

* * *

The students waited in line to get on the boats that led to the Hogwarts Express. Lily had a heavy trunk, and it had taken her awhile to get there. As a result, Lily was close to the end of the line—the abominably slow-moving line. Lily hummed every song she knew, even the atrocious school song. _The holidays will be over before I even get in a boat. This is a magical school for heavens sakes, don't they have a faster way to do this? she mentally griped. As if her question was answered, the line started to move just a little bit faster._

It seemed like an eternity before it was finally Lily's turn. She shoved her bags into the boat and climbed in. The seat was welcome to her sore back, she had been standing for a long time. She was finally allowed to go, and her boat started to glide forward, then lurched to a stop. She waited until the boat stopped swaying, and looked to see if they had hit a rock or something. She realized someone had put a magical barrier on all the boats, and now everyone was getting panicked. Half the boats had nearly tipped over from the force of the spell, a few actually did. "Is this someone's idea of a joke?" she heard McGonagall, who was in charge of the line, mutter.  Lily wanted to know the same thing.

Her eyes searched the crowd and the passengers for Sirius, remembering that the Marauders hadn't pulled any pranks in a while. They'd want to do something big like this right before Holiday Break. When she found a look genuine surprise on his face she realized her fault. Sirius had probably already forgotten the charm for ceasing movement. Lily, being as good in Charms as she was, was capable of stopping a few of the boats, but to stop them all would take a really powerful witch or wizard.  She shivered a little.  The sun was gone and it was wintertime, truly.

Hearing a faint voice, she looked towards the school. She saw a man, tiny in the distance, running towards the boats trying to say something. Other people noticed him, and strained to listen, but his words were incoherent over the cacophony that was being produced by the passengers. She, along with the other Prefects starting hushing everyone and silence was finally, though grudgingly, accomplished.

She watched the man get larger as he bustled closer. He was wearing robes, and had a long silver beard. "Dumbledore?" she asked herself. _What would he be doing out here? She soon found out. _

He had on a voice magnifier charm, but his voice was still strained, traveling the distance that it was. It was not calm, as usual, but scared and fearful. _What could make Dumbledore scared?_ Lily wondered anxiously.  His tone of voice imbued a sense of fear into her, and she gripped the corner of the boat with her hand.  Her pale skin turned a ghostly white around her knuckles. Dumbledore's voice was mostly lost in the open area of the grounds, but he was still faintly audible. Straining, she heard his voice waver, "Lily Evans, where is Lily Evans?" 


	5. Family and Friends

Chapter 5 ~ Family and Friends

Lily was getting tense, almost all the students had gotten onto the boats, and she was walking back to the castle with Dumbledore. He had used a Levitating Charm on her bags, and they were effortlessly floating next to him. They walked for a while longer, and Lily began to get agitated. They were going the wrong way. Away from the good, and towards the bad, didn't he see? Finally she asked, "How am I going to get home if the Hogwarts Express has already left?" 

He slowly turned to look at her. He took off the charm on her bags and they floated to the ground. He motioned for her to sit on her trunk, which she did. For a moment she wondered what people would think if they saw her sitting on her trunk in the middle of the Quidditch field. Then she turned her attention to Dumbledore who, oddly enough, was staring at her pityingly. He began, "Lily, you will be staying at the castle over break," he paused to allow her to question his statement, but she didn't. Dumbledore procrastinated a little while Lily stared at him in amazement. She had never seen—or even ventured to think—that he could ever lose composure. But he did now. "There is no easy way to go about this Lily," he started again.

Now Lily was worried, Dumbledore had to tell her something, and he didn't want to. She had a sinking feeling in the pit of her stomach. She had an awful feeling about the topic of this discussion that seemed too painful for him to talk about. "My family," she whispered, too quiet for the man to hear. "My parents," she said again, this time directed at him. He looked down into her eyes, her green orbs were pleading with him. He saw her jaw was quivering, as were her hands, which she was wringing in an attempt to release some of her tension. Looking at her, Dumbledore wanted nothing more that to tell her, "Your parents are just fine Lily," but he had to speak the truth.

"Your parents, Lily, they were murdered last night." He waited for her response again, but she just looked around herself frantically. So, he continued, "That's why you can't go home, Lily, you don't have a home to go to. I'm sorry, it was completely destroyed." His throat was parched now, from forcing the words that burned Lily's very essence out of his mouth. "Petunia is still alive, she going to stay with your aunt. The Ministry is searching for the man who caused this, he goes by the name of Lord Voldemort. They are also searching for a suitable a wizarding family that wants to take you in until you are legally of age. You should get the owl with the news as soon as they find an acceptable home, or they find any news." Lily just stared at the ground, something she seemed to be doing a lot of lately. Dumbledore could see her trying to contain violent shakes that reverberated through her fragile body.  He proffered his hand, patting the top of her back. "Lily, if you have anything you wish to talk about, know that you're—"

"No," said Lily quietly, yet violently. "You're lying."  A look of sadness appeared in those wise eyes of his.  She couldn't look into them.

Sadly, regrettably he replied, "Lily, I'm telling you the tru—"

"NO!" Lily screamed, violently. "No, no, no, no, NO!" she repeated, trying to convince herself she was speaking the truth. Yet, when she looked into Dumbledore's eyes again she saw that they held that same sad look as before, and she knew that he was not lying. His eyes told the truth—her parents were dead. Her own eyes brimmed with tears, and then overflowed, leaving salty waterfalls down her cheeks. She couldn't handle the truth right now. 

The bats on the lake had restarted their journey swiftly after Lily had left, and they were headed for the opposite shore.  But to those who were watching Lily and Dumbledore from the boats, it was still possible to see what was happening.  Some of the boats had passed too far across the lake to see anything, but James, who was in the last boat along with the Marauders, acting in his Prefect role to make sure no one was left behind, could see quite well.  The boys saw her misery, and they saw her run back into the castle.  James, seeing her run away, couldn't help but feel that he wasn't quite doing his job.

* * *

Lily collapsed into the nearest chair she could find, which ended up being a small loveseat in Gryffindor common room.  The fire from the fireplace heated the back of the chair.  There was a little loose thread on the couch and she busied herself with pulling at it, tugging it and ripping the couch as she sat there for hours and cried.  The two Gryffindors who were staying didn't come near her. They were two first year boys, and scurried from the portrait hole up to their room. Lily didn't even notice them. She lay there wide awake, until midnight. She rose, and managed to make it to her bed. She just lay there and listened. 

**…**

**…**

**…**

The whole castle seemed to be completely silent. Lily continued to lie there, and learned what it felt like to be truly alone. Her friends, some were gone for good. And the others, well, they were gone too, now. She had thought that her parents would always be there for her, always comforting her. _They wouldn't leave me, they loved me, she thought. But, in the end, she accepted the inevitable. Her parents were gone forever as well._

* * *

Lily never woke the next day. She slept through until the next morning. For one blissful second after she awoke, she was happy. For that one second she forgot her worries.  She was still smiling from the fresh smell of the morning when she remembered.  It was funny, a little ironic even, that she had thought her life could be no worse last week.  And now she realized that she had been blessed, but had lost it all.

She had an acute pain in her stomach from no food for two days, and little food before that.  When she was stressed, she didn't eat. It didn't take perfect vision to see that Lily's sadness was affecting her body.  It hurt her to lie there, and yet she didn't have a desire to move.  

It seemed as though her blood carried the pain from Evelyn, James, and her parents. It circulated through her body, and pumped into her heart, infecting her emotions. The pain pounded in her head, and made her ache. It was torture, and she had to deal with it by herself. However, Lily didn't have the capacity for all the pain, so she just fell back asleep. She could worry about food later.

Over the next few days Lily only emerged from her room to ease her hunger. That pain was easy to deal with. The other was proving difficult. She tried writing in her diary, but she couldn't put the guilt, suffering, and inexplicable agony into words. She was also incapable of holding a pen correctly; she shivered so much just thinking about it. On her last trip for food, she decided to just stay in the Common Room, her dorm held too many memories. There were too many pictures of her former friends and family, too many memories inflicted upon that room. The bleak atmosphere in the common room eased her pain for now.  She sat down on her little loveseat that faced away from the fireplace whose whole left seat was practically in shreds, slowly eating a peanut-butter sandwich and staring off into space.

* * *

Lily woke up one day to find it snowing. For the first time in over a week she felt the initiative to do something. She got on her cloak and went for a walk in the snow. The cold numbed her hands just as the pain numbed her heart; they were both incapable of feeling. Lily realized that it probably wasn't making herself feel better by walking in the snow. There were too many metaphors for pain, and her mind was reeling so much she kept on finding them. She walked back inside to find the Great Hall decorated cheerily—too cheerily. Lily hadn't even realized it was Christmas. The thought considerably lowered her spirits.

She wouldn't be getting any presents this Christmas, or any other Christmases for that matter. Lily wasn't so superficial that she wanted _things_ from people. She just wanted to know that she was loved, appreciated. She would cherish a slip of paper that had the simple words, "Lily, you're a great friend." She tried not to get her hopes up. _Who would send me a present anyway? She tried not to think about it, but she couldn't help it._

She finally decided she would hang her cloak up in her room, and not look at her bed. She knew the chances of getting a present were slim to none, but it would still hurt to see nothing at the end of her bed. It would be better not to know than to know that nothing was there.

Lily climbed the stairs to her room, and opened the door. She averted her gaze from her bed. A voice inside her head was telling her, _Lily, there'll be presents, all you have to do is look. At the moment this seemed reasonable to Lily, her mind was malfunctioning a little from all the stress she was going through. She looked and, to her dismay, found nothing._

She knew she shouldn't have looked, but that didn't comfort her. Sleep was comforting, so that's what she did.

"Mommy, Mommy!" her six-year-old self cried, and bounded down the stairs. "It's Christmas!"

Lily watched herself happily tear open presents, have Christmas dinner, and proceed in trying out all her new toys. Lily continued to watch herself climb into her parents' bed, late at night. 

Her Dad asked, "Are you okay Lily? Did something scare you?" 

"No." she replied.

"Then what are you doing out of bed, dear?" her Mother had wanted to know.

"I was just thinking, isn't Christmas the best day ever?"

Both her parents had laughed at that. Her Dad picked her up, carried her back to bed and tucked her in. Lily had lain there, not understanding what her parents thought was so funny. Why had they laughed?

Time passed quickly for Lily, because she was asleep twice as much as she was awake. But, after she started having dreams about her parents, she decided to stay awake more. She spent all the time she was conscious eating or thinking. It was on one occasion when she was sitting in the common room thinking when she heard a voice. A voice? Lily hadn't heard a voice since Dumbledore's, not even her own. As soon as Lily got over the shock of actually hearing it she tried to find out so it was, so she listened.

"Oh great," Lily heard a female voice complain from behind the picture hole, "What's the new password, I can't find it!" Lily knew that voice. Cecil! Today must be the day that they all get back from the Holiday Break. Lily tried to hide, she couldn't face Cecil, but her legs were too weak to move. Enraged at her helplessness, Lily started to cry. She heard Cecil say the password and saw her eyes widen when she saw Lily. She rushed over to her.

"Lily, oh my gosh what's the matter? I was so worried about you when my owl came back and still had your present! I thought something awful had happened," she rambled. Then Sirius walked over.

"Lily! What on earth happened?" he questioned. "Why are you here and not at home?" He only caused Lily to cry harder. Cecil comforted her while Sirius said, "Back in a flash, I got something for you." Lily was whisked out of her sadness. Sirius had something for _her_. Then Cecil surprised her even more.

"Hey, so do I. It's upstairs in my trunk." Lily would have wondered how Cecil's trunk had managed to get upstairs when Evelyn walked in. She took one look at Lily and asked quietly and evenly, "So Lily why are you so sad? Did James break up with you, too?" Lily scowled and tried to stand up. She was trying to find the nastiest rebuke possible, when someone interrupted from behind her.

"We were never going out, Evelyn. And, I don't think you're helping." Lily wondered if she was hearing things, _Was_ that James I just heard? But I never saw him walk by. He'd need to be_, she paused in a moment of realization, _invisible_. Cecil and Sirius entered the room as Evelyn stalked back out, bumping into Remus as he came through the portrait hole. James joined them and walked over to her. Remus noticed the commotion and walked over to Lily also._

"Lily, what's the matter?" he exclaimed.

"I'm just so weak, I don't think I've eaten in days," she replied, tiredly. That was only a half-lie really. She was hungry, but she had been eating some.  She just didn't want to tell everyone about her parents yet.

"Are you crazy?" cried Cecil, "That's not good for you!"

Remus and Sirius whispered something to each other, the Sirius said, "Hey Lily, give Remus and I five minutes." He pointed at his present. "That should cure you for now." And he and Remus left leaving Lily, James, and Cecil. Lily reached for the present, and opened it to find, "Chocolate Frogs! Yes!" Lily was devouring her frogs when James left, saying he had a present too. Lily took a second to marvel inwardly at how nice James was. He had gotten her a present when they were in the middle of a fight.

"Lily, open mine now." Cecil handed Lily her present. It had a card attached, so she opened that first.

_Dear Lily,_

_I got you this because your other one is filled to the brim. _

_I hope that you can put it to good use. See you after break,_

_                                                                        Cecil_

Lily opened the present to find another diary. This one was larger which was nice, but she was dismayed to find the paper wasn't lined. It was sort of like a binder, the pages could come out and be rearranged, and the holes were magically reinforced. "Thank you, Cecil," she said, awestruck. She hadn't gotten presents because the owls didn't know where to go, but this made up for it. Lily was in the process of getting up when James entered saying, "One more." Lily sat back down. 

James handed her his present, and she opened the attached card.

_Lily,_

_A present as unpredictable as you are.__ Lily, you're a great_

_friend__, I'm sorry we fought._

_                                                Merry Christmas,_

_                                                            James_

Lily's jaw hung open staring at the card. It was like James had read her mind. Hadn't she thought, just days ago, that all she would be content with was a piece of paper that said, "Lily, you're a great friend"? How could he have known? James cut into her thoughts by pushing the present closer. When opened, she revealed a package of Bernie Botts Every Flavor Beans. She got up and hugged James fiercely, "Thanks James, you have no idea how much that meant to me." Lily looked at her presents, she couldn't help it, and she started to cry.

"Lily, now what's wrong?" Cecil asked. At that moment Remus and Sirius walked in with an assortment of food.

"I didn't get anything for you guys. I would have but," she stopped.  "I was going to get them when I got home, but something came up. I couldn't make it back." Her friends were skeptical on the truthfulness of her story. They all knew that if Dumbledore had called Lily back, something important had happened. They weren't blind. They didn't press her about it though.

After eating most of the food, she gathered up her presents, and walked up to her room. She thought about the day's happenings, and her dream. She closed her eyes and saw her six-year-old self saying, "Isn't Christmas the best day ever?" Now she knew. It didn't matter what day it was, it just felt great to be loved, and right then Lily thought that she had just had the best day ever.


	6. Change?

Chapter 6 ~ Change?

Lily sat in her bed with the curtains drawn around her. She lighted her wand and looked at the blank book Cecil had given her. Lily's handwriting could turn illegible if she didn't have lines on her paper. It was hard enough writing her homework on parchment; she wouldn't do her volunteered writing on blank paper. She'd think about that later.

It had been just about two weeks since classes had restarted. She had told each of her friends individually that her parents had died. She wanted them to know, but she didn't want wild rumors flying all over the place. It seemed as though Evelyn had found out also, she hadn't tried to insult Lily after the day she got back. She really hated not being friends with Evelyn, but how could it be fixed?

Cecil ran into the room, breathless, and pulled Lily's curtains apart. "James… Sirius… want… Hogsmeade… go… now…"

Lily appraised what she had said and repeated what she thought Cecil had been trying to say. "James and Sirius were wondering if we wanted to go to Hogsmeade with them now." Cecil nodded eagerly. Lily thought, _It__ will be nice to get away from the castle, plus, there's nothing better to do on a Saturday. She repeated that to Cecil and grabbed her cloak; it was still just the third week of January and very cold.  Her thin frame shivered and she decided her first action in Hogsmeade should be a nice, warm, Butterbeer._

They exited the common room and Cecil repeated the directions she was given, "We're supposed to meet them by entrance to the Charms classroom. Let's go." Lily wasn't surprised the least bit that James and Sirius knew some secret ways out of the castle, they were certainly sneaky enough. They always seemed to have an endless supply of things from Zonko's, not that Lily had the faintest idea of what they were. They saw the boys waiting and rushed over to meet them.

"Well, ladies," Sirius said, pouring on the charm, and making Cecil giggle, and Lily scowl, "I hope you are ready to have a most fun-filled and adventurous day. Let's be on our way." He offered his arm to Cecil, who accepted, and they walked off down the corridor. James chuckled at that.

"That, Sirius, he never stops." James bowed and said to Lily, "After you fair Lady." Lily started to walk haltingly, following Sirius.  The term 'Lady' jarred her into remembering Evelyn, who had not been in the dorm room all day.  

"You're one to talk, James," she said, trying to be wry but ending up a little sour.  She looked ahead to distract herself, and noticed that Cecil hardly stopped laughing, and Sirius had a grin on his face. Lily pondered aloud, "Cecil doesn't seem to mind the charm though, does she?" James looked at them and smiled.

"Not a bit." They walked in silence for awhile, passing through one corridor after another.  Lily hardly even noticed when they approached the passageway to Hogsmeade.  But when James tapped some painting with his wand and muttered something, an angry-looking elf appeared to tell them off.  In the midst of the little screeches the elf emitted, James suddenly said, "Lily?"

Lily stepped through the portrait, hearing the noise from the painting die down.  She could, however, hear Cecil's laughs reverberating from far ahead.  She didn't feel quite so comfortable anymore, now that she was alone with James in the tunnel, and not quite the group of four that she had planned on.  "What is it?" she asked as they began to walk

"I've been wondering about something." He said this cautiously, he was suddenly kind of nervous. His nervousness sparked that same chord of apprehension that Dumbledore's quavering voice had just over a month ago.  She stuffed her hands into the pockets in her cloak, wondering what he could possibly have to say.  Realizing he was having trouble finding his words, she urged him on with a nod.  "Well," James said as if recalling something, "remember when I gave you my present?" Lily nodded again. How could she forget? James' present had made her feel so much better, he had known exactly what to say.

"Do you remember what you said to me about it?" Lily nodded again, she remembered that day so well. 

She smiled awkwardly, as the little details of that day were relived in her head.  It had all been so surreal, and yet some things she remembered.  She remembered the food Remus and Sirius had brought her so quickly, how the simple sandwich had made her feel just right.  The days beforehand were all sort of fuzzy, and she wondered how she had passed all that time doing nothing.  But she did remember her conversation with James word for word. After all, she had written it down that way in her diary, expressed her wonder at how he had known just what to say. It was the card that she loved, not the present, really. Bernie Botts had a weird effect on her stomach, especially since she had the fate of always picking out the disgusting ones.  Why _does mud have to be the same color as chocolate? "Of course, I remember exactly what I said. I said, 'Thanks James, you have no idea how much that meant to me.'"_

"You were right, I have absolutely _no_ idea. I was wondering why."  Lily was surprised that he even thought about it.

Lily thought a minute on how to say it exactly right. Then she answered, "Over the holidays I felt like nobody cared about me anymore.  I wished that someone would tell me that I was a great friend, just to know that someone actually cared." She smiled at James, "You did that. Even though we were not speaking to each other, you still cared. I mean, I wasn't expecting anything from you, but you turned up with...well, exactly what I wanted." She blushed a little, but then realized she had nothing to blush about. Somehow it was just so easy to talk to him.

"I did all that?" James asked, astonished.  She saw a light ahead, and realized they had passed the whole trip to Hogsmeade already.  She laughed at his astonishment, "Well," she said. "You really did."

James smiled.  "You know what that means don't you?" Lily rolled her eyes as he grinned lopsidedly, "You have to get me one hell of a birthday present come October 23rd."

"Not if you're still as greedy as you are now, I don't," she retorted.  They laughed as they approached Cecil and Sirius who were waiting at the entrance to Hogsmeade.  They came up right behind Zonko's, which James and Sirius immediately entered.

Cecil decided to look in a new little artsy-looking store that had just opened. As soon as the group split Cecil asked Lily, "What in the world were you guys talking about?"

"Nothing in particular," Lily lied.

"Are you sure, because every time I looked back James seemed to be very interested in what you were saying. Or maybe," she said with a grin, "he was just very interested with you." She raised an eyebrow in suggestion but Lily ignored it.

"Geez, Cecil, just because you spent the whole time flirting doesn't mean I did.  End of story."

"So, you only spent part of the time flirting?" asked Cecil.

"If you really want to know—"

"Yes, I do."  Lily glared.

"He just wanted to know why I liked his Christmas present so much."  Lily had related the coincidence to Cecil earlier, to which Cecil replied that James was most likely her soul mate, and after all their star calendars were compatible.  Cecil was one of those obsessive Divination people.  Lily braced herself to hear how Polaris was a major influence on her love life, but instead Cecil replied, "Let's just go to the store."  Lily had no qualms with that.

When the group met later at the Three Broomsticks for some Butterbeer the boys were each carrying a large bag.

"I expect that the things in those bags won't be aimed at us." Cecil said.

"Wouldn't dream of it," replied Sirius with a false air of sincerity.

"Come on, let's just get a table," suggested James.  "I'm in the mood for a Butterbeer."

Lily watched as Sirius and James placed their purchases next to their table. Her eyes widened, "And guys say girls buy a lot." Lily had only bought some weird pens, and colored pencils. She had been an avid artist before Hogwarts, Lily's parents had even considered having her go to a school for the arts. She didn't draw that much anymore but had gotten them to use in the book Cecil had given her. Drawing, it seemed, was the only thing it really seemed useful for. She was happy about it though, it gave her an excuse to draw again. Drawing soothed her almost as much as writing.

They were all considerably warmer after the Butterbeer and decided it was time to go back to the castle. Sirius and Cecil flirted the whole time, as they had on the way there. Conversation between James and Lily was strained because they really didn't have anything to talk about.

"So what'd you get?" Lily asked in a desperate attempt to start a conversation.

"Well, a couple of Stiff-Arms, some Wowzoo's, and an Avalanche." The only familiar thing he had just said was 'avalanche', but Lily knew he couldn't buy snow. She had no idea what he was talking about and felt silly about asking.

"Oh," she said softly. A few moments passed. It didn't help the dialogue to hear Cecil laughing wildly down the hall.

"Well, how about you?" James was as desperate to save the conversation as Lily had been to start one.

"Some pens," she said simply, then regretted it. James probably thought pens were just about the stupidest thing to waste you money on. But why would she care what James thought anyway? 

"Um, cool." James had replied with the amount of enthusiasm Lily had expected—none.

After that, they walked in silence, Lily staring off at the wall.  Her thoughts wandered off into distant remembrances and the walk was, in itself, quite peaceful.  There was some light chitchat along the way, but now that she didn't feel the need to talk she enjoyed herself.  When they reached the common room Sirius and Cecil had already said goodbye.  Sirius was on his way up to his dorm, and Cecil had stopped to talk to Laura, who was sitting and doing homework next to the fireplace.  Laura watched Lily with a sad look in her eye, and then turned back to Cecil. 

"Well, I had fun," James said.  "Bye Lily."

"Bye James," she said, a little melancholy, still observing Laura. He turned around to walk to his dorm. "James?" she said on impulse, making him face her again. "Thanks for today. And thanks again for well, everything."

James grinned, and put back on the charm he had used earlier, "Anything for you, fair Lady." Again, that name made her feel like he somehow knew too much about her, and she forced a smile.  "Goodnight," he said, and followed Sirius up the stairs.

* * *

It had been a whole week after her trip to Hogsmeade and Lily had just brought out her new pens and pencils. She was sitting exactly like she had been last week, in her bed with the curtains pulled shut. Well, not completely shut. Lily had pulled on them and one of the rings that attached the curtain to the bed broke. Through the opening she could see Evelyn in her bead reading. She was sitting completely still. Lily began to draw, and in twenty minutes had drawn the outline of Evelyn's face and the book she was holding, almost without even considering what she was doing.

Lily looked at her drawing and began picking out faults with it. In about ten minutes she decided she had done enough. She was lucky to have drawn the outline, because at that moment Evelyn put down her book and walked out of the room. Lily spent the next half an hour coloring it. When she finished she appraised it. She had gotten a really good likeness.

Lily spent the rest of the morning drawing pictures. She didn't really know why, but it still felt good to draw again. She was still surprisingly good for how little practice she had gotten over the last six years. Drawing was comforting, but she couldn't draw Evelyn and not think about her. She got her diary and a pen and began to write but her hand cramped.  She scowled, was this some sort of sign that she should get going on her homework?

_Oh well,_ she thought, _I'll get some lunch and then I'll write._

However, Lily didn't write after lunch, she didn't even write after dinner. Things just kept popping up. Around ten, she tore herself away from the game or chess she was playing with Remus. She walked to her room, and collapsed on her bed.

"Owwww!" She had landed right on top of her diary. Then she remembered that she had wanted to write in it. _No time like the present_. She searched for her pen and began to write about Evelyn. After she finished she looked at her entry. She felt so relieved after writing, but suddenly she frowned in concentration. She proceeded to rip the entry straight out of her diary. She flipped all the back to the beginning and quickly tore out twenty or thirty pages from seemingly random places.

She got all her pens and pencils, and the book she had been drawing in a placed them in a pile on her bed. She opened her trunk, which emitted a loud squeak. She hunted through her trunk for the last thing she needed. At the very bottom she found it, an old shoebox that held lots of pieces of paper. "Yes," she said in delight, a little too loudly, for Evelyn retorted, "If you want to make so much noise why don't you go down to the common room?"

It didn't make a difference to Lily. She gathered her things and walked downstairs.

She found a large table in the middle of the room a laid her thing out on it. She furiously began to attach one thing to another and trimmed others. Around midnight very sensitive ears could hear Lily saying, "This is perfect, it'll fix everything." In the common room Lily tucked her creation under her arm, gathered all of her supplies and walked back to her room.

* * *

The next morning Lily woke up very excited, feeling as though her luck might finally change.  She got out of bed and noticed all her roommates had already left. Lily got ready, brought out the thing that she had spent so long on last night and went to the common room. She spotted Evelyn sitting on a couch reading. Lily walked up to her and realized she didn't know what to say. 'Speak the truth' her father had always said. Evelyn pretended not to notice she was there.

"Evelyn, these past few weeks would have been hard for me, but they were harder without support from my best friend. I realized how much you meant to me. I think we both forgot how much we usually rely on each other for support." She gave a little pause for Evelyn to agree, but she didn't. _Of course she wouldn't, thought Lily, _that___ would be making it easier for me. _

She kept going. "So to remind us, I made this." Lily thrust the book into her hands. Then, after a few seconds of debate sat down next to her.

Evelyn just stared at it, "What is this, Lily?" she asked, her voice weak as she turned the first page.

"It's a scrapbook. It's full of pictures, drawings I did of you, and—"

"Lily, did you put entries from your diary in this?!" Evelyn's hard face melted immediately, knowing that she was being entrusted with the most private thing in Lily's life.

"Yeah, every single one that was about you." Evelyn was scanning through the book. She came to the last thing in the book. It was about three-quarters of the way through it. Lily had left space as a reminder to Evelyn's subconscious that there was still room for their friendship to grow.

"Wow, Lily, you never let anyone read you diary before."

"Yeah. I hope you like it Evelyn. Consider it a late Christmas present." Lily began to stand up. Evelyn could apologize if she wanted to now. Lily really hoped she did. One could take only so much of Cecil's jumpy personality.

"Lily," Evelyn said voice quavering. Lily sat back down.

"Yeah?" Evelyn looked up, tears in her eyes. She threw her arms around Lily.

"I'm so sorry, Lily."

"Me too, Ev." Though Lily was happy that Evelyn had so readily accepted her offer to be friends again, but she couldn't help but wonder why. Then she saw tear stains on that last entry she had written. It was the Diary entry that Lily had written last night. She didn't need to look at the page, she had memorized what was written. After all, it was her inspiration.

_Saturday, January 29th_

_I'm not sure if I ever realized how much Evelyn meant to me. That day we first fought, it really did feel like part of me died. I remember seeing all the happy memories of us together, I never want to lose those. I have known Evelyn for more than six years, she knows more about me than any other person I know. I had forgotten how much fun we had together when I was so wrapped up with my family. Now I realize how Evelyn really is as important as family. I shouldn't have let our miscommunication get worse and worse by putting it off. I took me until now for it to hit me that she means just as much as my parents did. If I lost her as a friend forever, I don't think I could take it. I think that she might have forgotten how much I meant to her. If only I could think of the perfect way to remind her, then she'd realize what were both missing._

It was sappy, but it had worked, and it was true.

Last night their picture selves had been turned with their backs towards each other. Now they were hugging in every picture. Lily and Evelyn looked through page by page, laughed at the funny stories Lily had written about themselves in her Diary, and cried when they realized how stupid they had both been.

James, Sirius, Cecil, and Laura all watched from the other end of the common room.

"Thank goodness," exclaimed Laura. "Finally our room will be back to normal."  

"I'm glad too, but trust girls to get all emotional about it," huffed Sirius.  "How can they spend so long on something like a scrapbook? I'll never understand."

"Excuse me Sirius," said Cecil, "I thought I just heard you make a derogatory remark about girls. My ears must have been deceiving me, correct?" She glared at Sirius.

"Of course you're right." Sirius said, nervously.

James was just staring at Lily. "Why'd she do it though?" he muttered under his breath.  He would have to join Sirius in the 'never understanding' category.  

Laura surprised him by actually answering. He'd overestimated the distance between them. "Because, James, Lily is just nice like that. You would think that Evelyn should be the one apologizing, after she realized what was wrong.  They're both very proud, but Lily knew Evelyn wouldn't do that, so she apologized instead."

"What would she apologize for?"

"For joking about going out with you in the first place," Laura answered.  James gulped and managed a small, "Oh." 

"Laura!" Cecil hissed, "He didn't know, you idiot!"

"Oops. He does now." She tried to laugh about it but Cecil was obviously upset. Sirius walked over next to James as Cecil and Laura bickered.

"So James, how does it feel that Lily and Evelyn fought over you?" James glared at him.

"It wasn't like that, Sirius, and you know it." James said, with an edge to his voice.

"Oh, touchy, touchy." After a moment of speculation he added, "Maybe James is just upset because it wasn't."

"Sirius, if you don't shut up right this instant I'll—"

"James?" Cecil said as she walked towards him, "It's not what you'd think. We were harmlessly joking, or we thought so at least, and Evelyn overheard. They weren't actually fighting over you." She directed the last comment more at Sirius than at James.  Sirius laughed.  "Sirius! You only wish that something like that could happen to you."

Laura was a really distraught over the commotion she had caused, and she went upstairs.  She had been so left out for the last two months.  Evelyn had been reclusive to her as well, and Cecil and Lily had bonded over the whole ordeal.  Just when she thought things were better, she has to go and mess it up.  Cecil and Sirius left the room as well, walking together out the portrait hole. Over the din in the common room James barely heard Sirius say, "Why'd you ruin the fun Cecil, all James needs is a little boost of confidence before he really asks her out. If you'd just played along…" Their voices were too far away for him to hear any more.

James sat upright in his chair and rolled his eyes. He was going to have a little talk with Sirius when he got back.


	7. The Midnight Visitor

Chapter 7 ~ The Midnight Visitor 

Lily and Evelyn could have been surgically joined at the hip, and no one would have noticed the difference. For the last four days they had obviously been trying to make up for lost time. Besides all the time she spent with Evelyn, the amount of time Lily had to put into homework almost doubled. All the sixth years were feeling the strain, and no one was happy about it. Ever since school had gone back into session the work had been getting harder. 

Lily was sitting in the common room with her friends on a Thursday night. She and James had decided that they should study with everyone tonight. They had also decided that they would only have tutoring sessions on Thursday from now on. Currently, Lily was trying to concentrate on her Transfiguration homework. "And I thought the O.W.L.'s were bad. They've already got us studying for the N.E.W.T.'s!" she complained softly, almost without realizing it. They all ignored her, of course. They were too absorbed in their own work. Some people were more easily affected by the workload, they didn't suspect that there was something else wrong too. Even Evelyn was too caught up with work to notice how bags formed under Lily's eyes, or how even Charms hadn't been able to keep her awake during the day; she normally loved that class. 

All night Lily was fidgety. All night she complained. All night Lily got basically no work done, yet she stayed in the common room. She just couldn't accept her own failure, and she stayed until even James was leaving, and only she and Evelyn remained.  "I think it's time for me to go to sleep," James declared with a yawn, gathering his things together.

"We should go too, Lily," suggested Evelyn as she finished what she was doing.  Lily shook her head. She had dark bags under her eyes and her hands were quivering.

"No? Lily, we've been working for more than five hours! Even if we haven't completely finished, it's better to be awake for class and not have finished some crazy Charms reading then asleep with your work done.  You can improvise in class," she said with a weary smile.  

While Evelyn's persuasion might normally work, it didn't tonight. "Don't you understand? I want to sleep, I just… I can't." She had a defeated look to her, and a tear fell onto her Charms book.  Professor Malchite had given more than 40 pages of reading and had a penchant for pop quizzes.  She tried to annotate, but she couldn't even comprehend what she was reading she was concentrating so hard on not crying.  Evelyn sat down next to Lily and gave her a hug.  

"What's wrong?" she said softly.  Lily had ceased to cry, but was now focusing her energy on drawing little lines in the margin of her book. 

"I see them dying, every night worse than the last." Lily almost choked on the words, they were so hard for her to say.  James was completely caught off guard.  He had no clue what to say, and even as he was feeling awkward about the whole situation, he was kneeling down at her side.

"Do you want to talk about it Lily? It might help you, you know, not dream about them." Lily nodded, and sniffled in an attempt to stop crying. She heard James' voice from that first encounter in the hallway when she had stormed off to the Library, _Some girls just cry about anything, you know?_ She didn't want James thinking she was some ditzy girl. His opinion had come to matter to her since the beginning of the year. 

She recounted, vividly, her dreams from the last three nights. James noticed how her parents' deaths became more gruesome each night. He and Evelyn just looked at her. What could they say? They had no idea it was this bad. "It wouldn't be so bad, if only I could see their faces.  But I know that it's them, I see my living room, my kitchen, I see my mother in her favorite dress.  But I don't see them, and I can't find their picture anywhere.  All I know is Lord Voldemort killed them, but I don't know anything about him really.  I don't know what he looks like, I don't know how it happened.  In my mind, it happens all these different ways, and it won't stop."  She sighed and laughed a little, a short and baited laugh.  "I don't know what to do."  She hung her head down.  Across her, Evelyn and James looked at each other.  It was the first time since their breakup that they had acknowledged one another so personally, and they both smiled a little and turned back to Lily.

Her hair lingered on the edges of the book in front of her.  Her cheeks were flushed; her eyes were glazed with her withheld tears.  She looked pretty when she was sad, and not nearly so intimidating.  Yet James wasn't paying as much attention to this as his hormones would normally dictate. He was caught in a quandary—would what he knew about Lord Voldemort ease her pain or worsen it?  

"Lily," he started softly.  Evelyn could sense the tension on his voice.  It reminded her of how he started to tell her he wanted to end it.  _Evelyn…_

"Lord Voldemort is a cruel, powerful man, but he has a modicum of stability, unless he is trying to prove a point.  Your parents would have died by the Killing Curse—quickly, painlessly.  What he did to your house was most likely the result of his frustration at not finding what he wanted."  Lily knew the Killing Curse, she had learned about it in History of Magic for the first time in second year.

"We can't hope to take the pain away," Evelyn continued, "But we are here for you whenever you need us."  Lily gazed at the two of them knowing that they were full of kindness, but it would never be the same.  She tried to smile.

"At least they died loving me," she said, gathered up her books and walked up to her dorm room.  Quickly she changed and went to bed.  In the common room, James and Evelyn were distressing over Lily.

"I wish there was a way that we could make it better," Evelyn said sadly.  "If there was anything I could do I would do it in a heartbeat, but I feel like I'm no help."

"I guess we just have to wait," James said.

"Waiting seems so useless," Evelyn said shortly, knowing she was being silly.  She grabbed her notes from across the table, gathering her things together.  James didn't reply for a minute or two.  Evelyn finished organizing her things and stood up.  "Goodnight, James."

"Goodnight, Evelyn," he said softly.  She walked to the door to the dorms.  "Evelyn," he said, and she turned.  "Sometimes, a person will get hurt and no matter how badly you want to make that person feel better, you just can't."  He had an apologetic look on his face, Evelyn could tell he wasn't talking about Lily anymore.  "I'm sorry," he said quietly.  

"Really, James, don't worry yourself about it."  She smiled briefly and walked up the stairs.  As she blinked, a tear rolled down her cheek.

* * *

Lily slept so softly that night that she had no dreams about her parents, no dreams at all, really.  But after barely two hours of sleep, she was violently shaken awake.  Quickly she opened her eyes, seeing Evelyn next to her.

"Evelyn?" Lily said groggily looking at the person next to her, "You almost shook me apart, and gave me a fright to go along with it. What's the matter?" Something was obviously wrong if Evelyn took the trouble to wake Lily up at four in the morning.

"Lily," Evelyn Whispered. "There's something banging outside our window!" Lily looked at Evelyn incredulously.

"It's nothing." She promptly replied, and pulled her covers over her head. Lily could tell Evelyn hadn't moved from her bedside. "Fine, I'll check," she said in defeat.

"Oh thank you, Lily, I couldn't get to sleep." Lily walked over to the window and tried to undo the latch. Her fingers tingled while the blood rushed to them quickly from the sudden movement. 

She finally got the latch undone, and slowly opened the window. 

"See, Evelyn? There is absolutely _nothing_ outside out window," Lily said, more sarcastically than she had intended. She was thoroughly upset at having been woken from her peaceful sleep. Lily waved her hand outside as proof. Mid-swing, she hit something. Her face, which had been so calm, became blank with surprise as she shuffled yards away from the window.

"Ok, so maybe there _is_ something out there."  Lily couldn't quite hide the tremble in her voice, and Evelyn couldn't quite hide the smirk on her face.  The feeling of satisfaction waned as Evelyn realized what Lily had said.

"What is it?" she asked quietly, for there wasn't any movement outside the window for the moment.

"I don't know… I hit something though."

Evelyn leaned from side to side, peering out into the cloudy sky.  But the moon was bright, and its illumination proved that there was nothing directly outside their room, for now. "Is it gone?" Evelyn asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Lily said.  But she really didn't think anything.  Whatever she had touched had vanished.  "I must have scared it off," she said, trying to be convincing.

She put her wand away, knowing that there was no way that she could sleep now.  "Well, I'm going to go back to bed then, I suppose.  It was probably just the boys playing a trick.  You know them, always up to something or another," Evelyn said, stifling a large yawn.  

But Lily wasn't so sure now, Evelyn might be able to sleep, but Lily _knew that she had touched something out there.  "You're probably right," she said._

"Sorry I woke you for nothing, but you know how I get sometimes," Evelyn apologized.  Certainly Evelyn had the random overreactions, but Lily knew that Evelyn was just saying that.  If anyone was sensible, it was Evelyn, and she was quietly tucked into her bed already.

_Well_, Lily considered, _if Evelyn is so sensible then she is probably right about this whole thing.  As she returned to her bed, she had the eerie feeling like she should close the window anyway, just in case._

She looked outside, feeling her pulse quicken and simultaneously feeling like an idiot for being so scared.  She rolled her eyes at herself, but stopped quickly when she saw a quick flash of white.  She took a few steps backwards, scanning the sky from what she considered a safer position. She watched the stars twinkle in the open gaps of the clouds.  _Am I seeing things?_ she wondered.  

Lily resumed her walk towards the window, but she saw another flash of white. _Were those wings?_ she thought, sensing it might be an owl. She was confused why an owl would be banging against the window, presumable trying to deliver, when they only ever delivered in the morning.  But then why would a wild owl be so near the school? Lily was only a few steps from the window when she saw the bird fly by once more. It altered its horizontal course, pivoted, and flew through the window—and right into Lily's face.

* * *

Lily's frantic screams immediately woke all her roommates. Understandably, Evelyn was the first up. 

"Lily, what is it?" Evelyn said, regarding Lily with a wary eye. Lily was unable to answer.  Evelyn had seen Lily a messy drunk only once (one too many shots of Ogden's Firewhiskey) and that still didn't seem to compare with Lily's behavior now, though this incident, Evelyn thought, might become as memorable as the former.  As Evelyn decided what to do, Cecil and Laura pulled themselves out of bed.

 Cecil turned on the lights, grumbled nastily.  Laura sat on the edge of her bed, running her fingers through her hair and squinting.  "Lily," she said in a hoarse voice, "Get a hold of yourself! It's barely 4:30," she said.  "My body wasn't made to be awake this early."  She sighed and looked at Cecil.  "What's wrong?"

"I don't know, but I am not very happy," Cecil said, hands on her hips.  "So if she doesn't stop herself I will."  Evelyn laughed.  "Lily, what's the story?" she said, laughing at the cross look in Cecil's eye.  Lily, beginning to hyperventilate, pointed out the window.  When she tried to talk, she merely made loud gasping noises.  Cecil and Laura were not pleased; Evelyn was amused.

Lily continued with her broken speech. Finally Cecil just got tired of it and clamped her hands over Lily's mouth. 

"Ahh…thethall.. lll..kithh…gooo!!" Cecil had no idea Lily was sending her a death threat and blocked Lily's air until her chest settled down, and she started inhaling and exhaling at a normal rate. When Cecil finally removed her hand Lily was calm and a little out of breath, but at least she had stopped her screeching.

"Cecil, I really think there must have been a better way to do that," she said grudgingly.  

"No Lily, I really think there wasn't," Laura said from her bed.  "You were acting crazy."

"Well, you would have thrown an absolute hissy fit if an owl flew into your face," Lily replied scathingly.  Patience wears thin quickly early in the morning.  Laura looked like she would stick out her tongue if she didn't find the action so juvenile. "Evelyn, you were right. There was an owl outside, and I really did hit it when I checked. After you went to bed I was going to close the window, so it wouldn't fly in. Then it flew in and hit me in the face." 

"Are you sure it was an owl Lily?" Laura asked this warily, for some reason. And that bothered Lily.  She looked at Cecil and Evelyn, both of whom didn't quite meet her eyes.

"You know," Lily said sarcastically, "Maybe it _wasn't_ an owl." She raised her eyebrows and smirked.  "It was kind of hard to see, considering it was Right In Front of my face."  Lily knew she was losing her temper, she knew she was being awful to her friends as well.  _Screw my temper and screw them_, she thought.  _They're hiding something._

"Well, it could have been something else," suggested Cecil who smiled halfheartedly.  

"What? What else could it have been?"  Lily said, running her hands through her tangled hair.  She found something stuck to her head and grabbed it.

"You could have been… hallucinating," said Cecil in what Lily considered a blatant and horrible attempt at a lie.  _Really, Lily thought.  __I'm not stupid.  _

"Hallucinating!" she cried in indignation. "You think I was hallucinating! Then tell me, do hallucinations knock into you? Did they leave feathers? Huh, do they?" She showed the feather that she had just pulled from her hair. "Because this one did." She set her jaw stubbornly and waited for someone to contradict her. The three exchanged looks and Evelyn was silently nominated to talk some sense into her.

"Lily, I really think we should just go to bed. It's been a long night and all. With the homework, and your… umm…"

"Don't even say it Evelyn. I was not having hallucinations. And you!—you of everyone—you should know what's going on.  You're the one who woke me up in the first place.  I know you all are hiding something and lying to me."  She crossed her arms stubbornly, glaring at Laura, Evelyn, and Cecil.  They all looked worried.

"Ok… there really was an owl," said a defeated Evelyn.  Cecil sighed deeply, obviously upset at their lack of resolve.

"Yeah, we were lying about that," admitted Laura quickly, eying Cecil from the corner of her eye.

"I knew that already," Lily said stonily.  

"Ok Lily _fine." Cecil was finally willing to cooperate, thank goodness. "That, owl you were talking about, remember?"_

"Of course I remember. You guys were the ones who were pretending not to remember." Lily was being difficult, and she knew it.  Cecil looked like she was at the edge of a cliff, waiting to fall.

"Well, it has been here before."  Lily's sharp intake of breath was the only sound in the room.  "Three days ago it left a letter in this room and flew away."

"It wasn't addressed," continued Evelyn quietly, "So we opened it."

"Who was it for?" Lily asked, whispering.  She knew from her friends' actions that she wasn't going to like the answer.  _More bad news? she wondered.  _Has someone else died?_  _

"It was for you Lily," Laura answered, though it wasn't quite necessary.  Lily nodded.  "Who was it from?" Lily asked, sitting quietly on the edge of her bed. Immediately they all tensed. Lily repeated more forcefully, "Who was it from?" They still didn't answer. "WHO WAS IT FROM?" she bellowed. 

Evelyn took a small step forwards and swallowed and reservations she had about revealing this information.  "It was…It was a letter from your parents Lily." 

* * *

She took a deep breath. "Where's that letter?" she demanded. Her friends all cringed.

"Here," Evelyn said as she produced a tattered letter from her end table drawer.  Before she had even reached out to proffer the envelope to Lily it was snatched from her grasp.  Laura and Cecil exchanged a look of surprise, each one's mouth formed into a little _O_.

Despite her anticipation and latent anger, Lily recognized the look that passed between them. _If this is a joke, she thoughtgrimly, _they all die._ She looked at the address, decidedly yet faintly scrawled in her mother's impressive and loopy writing.  As a child, she had received letter from her mother and taken days sometimes to decipher what was written.  She had optimistically decided that it made the letter last longer.  However, Lily had grown to comprehend the even twists and wriggles of her mother's writing, and she could pass through a letter quickly and with ease.  She could still recount some of the letters that she had received in first year, and yet her most recent letters were blurry and vague.  __What have I lost? she wondered, and her eyes became teary.  Carefully she removed the letter from the envelope, noticing how the ink had run from being exposed to the rain.  __Two months that owl has been trying to deliver this letter, what could possibly have caused it to take to long?  All her thoughts emptied from her head once she slid the letter from the weary envelope._

_Dearest Lily,_

_How are you honey? Your father and I are so excited about you coming home; we sent this letter in advance. Think of this owl is an early Christmas present, we ordered it from a wizarding catalog that you left at home. There is something else we wanted you to have before coming home, its small, and its still in the envelope. We can't wait to see you_

_Love,_

_Your__ Parents_

Tears flowed more readily down Lily's face as she read the letter. Without completely looking up, but feeling the eyes of her friends upon her, she handed them the letter, and they passed it around reading it. Laura had just passed it to Cecil when Lily let out a loud and staggered gasp.  "Evelyn," she said, and a hand was instantly rubbing at her shoulder as she lightly sobbed.

"Lily, the envelope, it had so many holes in it. You realize that owl has been trying to find you for more than two months. Whatever was in the envelope could be anywhere." Cecil was right. Lily tried to hide that this upset her terribly and shook her head briskly.

"Where would that owl be? He is mine after all." Lily returned to her secondary emotion: that of wariness about the owl. First of all, it ambushes her, delivering the letter at the complete wrong time of day. Owls are smart birds, _it shouldn't have taken it two months to go somewhere as simple as Hogwarts, she knew. School owls had found her house before, was it much different? _

As if on cue, the owl swooped down from out of the shadows. He slowed a little when he got to Lily, and then he continued out the window. The girls just stared in shock.

Lily was not in the mood to discuss a rampant owl, even if it was hers, and she said as much, "It's been a really long night. I'm going to go to sleep." As an afterthought she added, "and lets not tell anyone about this, okay?" That owl could come back if it wanted to, she decided, even if it _was supposed to be her Christmas present. Lily climbed into bed and slept._

Her dreams, so terrible the night before, were softened. She dreamt of her parents. She dreamt of her mother writing the letter, her father dangling over her shoulder. With all the water stains from the rain, Lily would never know that some of the words had blurred even earlier than she expected.  As her mother had reread the letter before sending it out with the newly purchased owl, a few tears had blotted out some of her more festive curlicues.


	8. The Hunt

Chapter 8 ~ The Hunt

When Lily woke the next morning her friends had already left the dorm. Glancing at the clock (which was beaming _You're_ late!!_ rather boldly) she dressed hurriedly and jogged down to get breakfast. When she got to the Great Hall Cecil waved her over to the table where all her friends were sitting. Remus and Peter were talking, next to them Evelyn was deep in discussion with Sirius, Laura—whoa! Lily did a double take. Sirius, deep in discussion? She supposed that Evelyn's personality balanced as well with Sirius as it did with Lily. It was still a sight to get used to, though. Moving on, across from Evelyn Laura held the rapt attention of James, Lily did a double take on that, too. Laura, in the nicest words, wasn't exactly practiced in the art of interesting conversation.  When Lily was angry, however, she viewed it more along the lines of _Laura is _such__ an airhead.  _Looks like James has found a new girl,_ thought Lily glumly. __Why else would he be talking with her? And really, they are sitting quite close to one another.  _

Lily dismissed the thought from her mind and returned to looking at the table. Cecil was watching over everything, not really in any of the conversations. Lily sat down next to her, James was on her other side.

"Cecil, how come you didn't wake me up?" Lily was a little perturbed that her friends had just left her. Cecil giggled, wondering how Lily could always be so contrary.

"You hardly slept last night, we wanted to give you a chance to rest."

"Were you planning on letting me rest all through my classes, too?"

"Oh really, Lily. You woke up, why be upset about it if it's already over?" Lily laughed, loudly enough to tear James away from Laura. His eyes widened when he saw Lily so happy.

"Lily, are you okay?" 

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"Well—last night."

"Oh no, your advice helped me fine."  Lily smiled a little awkwardly, wondering why James seemed quite this worried, and why he chose to be quite this worried in front of everyone and not in private.

"It did, how?"

"Yes your advice helped, I already thanked you, remember?"

"No…" James looked really confused now. "The letter from your parents." 

"WHAT!!" The noise in the Great Hall lulled as the students wondered who had screamed. Some looks were strewn at Lily's section of Gryffindor table. 

"Calm down, Lily," suggested Cecil as she placed a hand softly on her shoulder.  Lily turned to Cecil and raised her eyebrows imploringly, almost asking permission to get angry.  Cecil whispered something and Lily took a long, deep breath.  She turned back to James and smiled rigidly. "Where did you find that out?" she hissed.  Most people turned back to their own breakfast hearing no further outbreaks and Cecil sighed thankfully. James looked at Lily, shrugged, and answered simply, "Laura." 

Lily tried her hardest not to jump up and yell at Laura. Her effort was in vain though, as Cecil did it for her.

"Laura, just because you want to impress James does NOT give you the right to blab Lily's secrets." Cecil glared at Laura, it had the same affect as Lily's glare had last night. All those who had turned back to their breakfast now watched raptly, intent on not missing anything else.  

James looked extremely uncomfortable, so much if Lily hadn't been pissed as hell, she might have laughed. Lily didn't _mind_ necessarily that James knew, but she was really mad that Laura would tell something she had asked her not too. "When someone asks you not to tell something, you don't," Cecil pressed.  "Understand?"

Laura hung her head and her blonde hair fell over her shoulder and across her face.  _Damn her hair, Lily thought.  "Of course. It just slipped," Laura said quietly.  Lily would have given Laura a piece of her mind, but Cecil was already doing so well already._

"Friends don't tell other friend's secrets, Laura." Cecil said this quite a lot softer than she was talking before. They had drawn a fair-sized audience. Laura, noticing how many disapproving looks were directed at her, lost most of her courage. Lily felt a bit badly, she wouldn't wish Cecil's wrath on anybody, not even after what Laura did.

"The first time was an accident." She looked very meek now, embarrassment showed on her cheeks. For a moment she looked like a doll. Laura had fair skin, blond hair and blue eyes, the comical rose cheeks were all she needed to look like a tiny Muggle girl had purchased her.

"Oh and the sec—"

"What 'first time'?" Lily had been going along with the argument until now. She thought slipping about her parents letter was Laura's first offense, but if it was her second… "What is she talking about Cecil?" Lily whispered, and her voice caught in her throat.  _I will not cry_. Cecil glared at Laura as she whispered, "She told James about our joke about him and the whole argument..." 

Lily swore her blood was boiling. _Why_ _can't she keep her mouth shut!_ thought Lily vehemently. She clutched her hands and closed her eyes and let out a deep breath. When she opened her eyes she noticed a surprising number of eyes were focused directly at her. Lily needed to get away, no need for a repeat performance of last night. 

To the amazement of everyone in the Great Hall, Lily got up very slowly and calmly walked out of the Great Hall. Questioning glances were thrown at Laura and Cecil, but after a few minutes, no one could tell anything significant had even taken place that morning.

***

Lily acted totally cordial to Laura the whole day. In response, Laura avoided Lily like she had a disease. Not that Lily minded. To her, Laura had just secured her status as the most idiotic person in the universe. _And just to flirt with James, too. Lily was definitely bitter that she had been passed aside for a guy.  __Really._

Laura wasn't the only one avoiding someone, however. Lily was trying her best to stay away from James. She wasn't sure if she could be comfortable around him right away. She probably would have told him, but she would have liked to do it on her own terms. Plus, it really did seem like all her fights with her friends were about James, she just wanted to distance herself from him for awhile. 

Lily entered the Common Room and began to work. With no preoccupations she finished her work relatively quickly. It was dark outside, but Lily wanted to go visit the lake. The lake, though inhabited by a giant squid, was really quite peaceful. She grabbed her cloak and wand and exited.

After only five minutes of winding and twisted corridors (a shifting staircase had sidetracked her) the door to outside was in sight. Suddenly, it opened by itself. _Get with it Lily_, she reassured herself, _someone has to open the door_.  Then she realized, _James! she thought excitedly, remembering his cloak, and then grimaced. She didn't really want to talk to him that much. But where could they be going? She wanted to follow them, but thought that would be like an invasion of his privacy._

_I was going for a walk anyway, right?_ Lily began to debate with herself. _If he caught me I could say I didn't know he was there, considering he is currently invisibl_e. She crept after him slowly. As soon as she got outside she performed the Listening Charm. Being much better at it then Sirius, the charm was much more powerful.

Thousands of sounds rushed at her all at once. The sound of a cricket chirping scared her out of her wits. Then, from somewhere that must have been from deep in the Forbidden Forest, a growl magnified into a terrifying roar rendered her helpless on the ground. She screamed, and clamped her hands over her ears. She quickly toned down the charm.

Recovering from the dissonance, Lily slowly sat up. The charm was still relatively powerful, and as Lily listened, she had never felt more attuned to the night. Sounds of owl hoots, leaves rustling, and the clopping of hooves that made Lily wonder about the presence of centaurs in the woods. Among these natural sounds, something stood out.

"Didya hear that, Sirius? Didya? Didya?" A voice broke into Lily's spell very excitedly yet urgently. Lily knew that eager-to-please voice.

"Shut up, Peter!" That was Sirius. "You are making way too much noise. Someone might hear us." That was odd. Sirius acting…seriously? He certainly was going through a character change lately.

"What are you talking about? You are making so much more noise than I am."

"Be quiet, Peter."

"You can't just order me around you—" 

"Both of you just shut up. Now! This cloak is too small to have a fight in." So that was why they were all together. Lily turned her charm almost completely off, she could track them easily now. She started to walk to walk in their direction, pretending to be taking a slightly roundabout path to the lake. Maybe she would get to visit it after all. 

She listened to them chatter, then they said nothing for awhile. She followed them by the sounds of their footsteps when they didn't talk. She wondered what they were up to every other minute. Finally, she decided her efforts were fruitless and continued to the lake, she still wanted to think.

The full moon reflected beautifully on the crystal lake. It was humid that night even though it wasn't spring yet. She took off her shoes to dip her feet in the cool water. She walked back out to the field adjacent the lake and sat down. She was glad she had come here, it was the most peaceful place on the grounds, especially at night. Her mind was as clear as the night sky as dozens of thoughts tumbled through her head. Suddenly, someone tapped on her shoulder and her eyes fluttered open.

"James! What are you doing here?" she exclaimed. She might have wondered why he was here alone when he had been with Sirius and Peter only fifteen minutes ago, but she was too surprised by seeing him.

"I could ask you the same thing," he said, chuckling.  He seemed surprisingly out-of-breath.

"I was taking a walk."

"Well, so was I." 

"What was so important you had to take a walk in your invisibility cloak?" Lily grinned. James looked disappointed.

"I knew Sirius and Peter's arguing would blow our cover. Were they that loud?"

"Actually, I used a Listening Charm on you guys," she admitted, ashamed. James looked worried for a moment, then his grin returned.

"Lily Evans, model Prefect, went spying late at night? What would that do to your record."

"Absolutely nothing," she replied confidently. "I don't need an Invisibility Cloak in order to not get caught." James didn't react to her slight joke on him, instead he looked a little nervous.

"Well, nobody is perfect. And Filch is probably lurking around. You should probably go back now, you know." Lily knew there was an ulterior motive behind this, he probably just wanted her out of the way.

"I can take care of myself. I'm a big girl now." Lily replied as she would to an overprotective mother, and she grinned for good measure.

"Well, some things… You shouldn't be near the Forbidden Forest at night. It's dangerous." His eyes darted back and forth.  As she moved closer towards him and looked at him directly, she noticed tiny beads of sweat forming on his brow.  His smile shuddered and his hands were antsy.  He was not telling her the truth, she decided, and considering the trouble that untruthfulness had recently caused her, she was a little upset. 

"James, it's not as if I'm standing less than a foot next to the edge of the lake, teetering over. What's the matter with you? I'm perfectly safe." Lily said this really calmly, it seemed as though she finally learned to keep her temper under control.

"Lily, you have to go back to the castle now!" He suddenly shouted, gripping her arm with his hand.  Underneath his loud tone there was an urgency that frightened her.

"I'm staying here, James," she said quickly in response, her heart suddenly racing.  "Don't think you can just order me around."

"It's for your own good," he said, quietly and yet forcefully, pressing every word into her.  He was so close to her, and she could tell he was nervous.

"Why, exactly, must I go back up to the castle? If you give me a reason I'll leave."

"It's not safe." Lily was exasperated at James' roundabout talking.

"I am so sick of people lying to me, James.  If you want to give me an honest answer—fine.  But I am sitting right here until you do." She sat back down and moments later something scrambled over her still bare feet. She shrieked and prepared herself for a comment from James on how he was right about it being dangerous or something about how Lily just couldn't take it. But he was sitting on the ground almost thirty feet away, deep in thought. 

Lily saw whatever had run over her feet shuffle towards James. It stopped right beside him. Then the oddest thing began to happen. The shadowy blob actually began to grow. Lily rubbed her eyes and blinked a few times. When they refocused Peter was standing right next to James. Lily gulped, grabbed her shoes, and began to run as fast as she could from the abnormality she had just seen. She heard James cursing Peter.

"You idiot, you transformed right in front of her!"

"It's not my fault," he whined back.

"Don't give me that, of course it is." Then he yelled, "LILY!!!! Lily come back. We have to talk about this!" Lily heard this and continued running, then slowed, maybe James deserved a chance. She found her voice that had been buried underneath all the screams she had wanted to let out, "Ok."

James came running up to her, "Lily, it's not what you think!"

"I think I just saw human transfiguration, what's wrong about that?"

"Are you sure, Lily? How could Peter have transfigured?" This was the second time in twenty-four hours that someone had tried to convince her she was seeing things and she wasn't about to put up with it.

"I don't know, I only know what I saw!" 

"How much sleep did you get last night beca—"

"James!" Lily was indignant. "Don't try to convince me nothing happened. I don't know how, but something happened." At that moment Peter came walking up and Lily involuntarily took a step away from him. Peter whispered something to James and his eyes widened.

"Lily, get out of here." Seeing Lily's hesitation he added, "Right this instant." Lily, however, was firm in her stance. 

"I refuse to leave until you tell me the truth!" James would have insisted again but somewhere from the darkness that was the extensive Quidditch fields a loud howl emitted. James looked terrified now.

"Lily, you have to leave, that sound you just heard, it's why you have to go, okay?" Lily froze, whether it was in fear, or in surprise, or in general wonder she couldn't tell.

"But, how?" she uttered. She saw it then, it emerged from the darkness with a huge black dog in tow. Not that the beast wasn't large itself. Hairy hide, long snout, and extremely sharp teeth combined on one animal was not a pretty picture. She saw the dog cut off the wolf, but it headed towards her. She took a few cautious steps backwards, be it that she was trying not to draw attention to herself or that her brain had frozen, she hardly moved. The wolf, however, clambered forwards at a surprisingly rapid pace.

"Lily, go now!" James yelled at her. Lily was snapped out of her fear and sprinted towards the castle. Her mind was too jammed full of panic to even consider a spell to move her to the castle. She just needed to concentrate on what was important—not collapsing from horror. 

She cursed herself for even coming outside so late at night. She cursed herself for following James. She cursed herself for random things that didn't apply to her current situation at all. She rambled inside her own head. Suddenly she realized, _What about James?_ she thought in apprehension. _How can he be safe? She looked back, and saw James, but in a flash he was gone. _His invisibility cloak,_ she remembered, and quickly faced forward again. She looked again a minute later, and a majestic-looking stag had joined in the race.  She gasped.  _James…_she realized.__ And there was that dog again, racing along after the wolf. It seemed as though she had a whole menagerie chasing after her. She yelled out to James, but the effort left her winded. And she soon regretted it, for the wolf gained. _

The castle was so close, yet Lily knew her fate was sealed. This wolf could catch her before she got to the doors. It was probably only thirty paces away. More fright engulfed her, but through her horrid thoughts, a plan floated to the top.

Lily had been called eccentric, weird, and odd due to her somewhat strange personality. However, nobody would have thought she was crazy enough to fight a charging wolf head-on. 

Though people may have found faults with her character nobody could make fun of her mental capacity, Lily was smart. She wasn't sacrificing herself, she was simply giving the wolf a fight. She fingered her wand, Mr. Ollivander said it was good for powerful Charms when she bought it, he had better be right. _Please, let this work_. She cleared her throat, pointed her wand then yelled, "_Effracterum!"_

The ground broke open in a gorge about twenty feet across and maybe seven feet deep, and as she turned to run she felt the ground rumble underneath her, as if something was not pleased. Lily's brow furrowed, confused, and when she glanced backwards she realized that the canyon was not really a canyon at all. It was much too small. The break did slow the animal down though, the wolf had to go around, not wanting to make the effort to jump.  _He could have made it across_, Lily knew, _he could have jumped it_. Lily ran and ran as fast as she could, arms pumping, hair flying.  She didn't even think to unhook her large, bulky cloak. One good charm and she might make it to the castle. _One good charm._ That was easier said than done.

She searched through her mental catalog of charms, discarding possibilities left and right. The wolf closed in and Lily was still without an idea. When he was only ten feet away Lily suddenly turned and bellowed, "_Claudeorutilis!" _

A flash of red-gold light sparked out of her wand as she fumbled to the ground. The beam hit the wolf on its left foreleg while it was mid-stride. When its colossal paw hit the ground it wavered. Then next moment it turned a brilliant shade of red. Lily didn't wait to see how the wolf was doing; she got up and made a breakaway. The wolf's progress should be severely slowed now; she had just hit him with an old hunting charm. It hobbled the animal so it could be tracked easily. The red color was so that the animal was easier to spot out in dark backgrounds, the common lurking places for such animals. The color should last for almost a week afterwards.  _Maybe they will be able to catch it and do away with if for good.  _The wolf howled behind her, his appetite whetted.  _If it doesn't do away with me first_.

She turned to look, but the wolf still ambled on. She had no more ideas and she added an extra burst of speed to her gait. She heard the animal grumble behind her, _Only__ thirty feet to go, come on Lily, you can do it! But, she was running a losing race, because the wolf was right behind her. She prayed to every animate an inanimate thing she knew that she would live. _

If Lily hadn't of been praying she might have noticed that there was a small rock right in front of her, buried halfway into the ground. If she had been paying attention she might not have fallen over, skidding painfully on her side, her head and arm crashing painfully against the ground.  If she had been paying attention, the beast might not have caught and claimed her, standing over her proudly, revering in its prey. 

Its throbbing red leg was on her stomach, declaring her his property. Lily felt the hot breath of a snort come from his snout. And as if Lily hadn't learned her lesson, she closed her eyes and prayed some more. Once again Lily missed an important event because of her prayers. She missed it as the mysterious stag charged up to the wolf. She heard a loud yelp and her eyes shot open.  The weight from her stomach was lifted and she inhaled a deep breath.  She seemed to be able to feel each single rib, the dozen throbbing in unison.  She made a vain effort to stand up, and ended up dragging herself across the grass to the door that was so close. 

The stag she had seen before was having a large and showy tussle with the wolf, and winning. Then the dog came to join in, and she almost lost hope.  But then… the dog started to help, and not the wolf, but the stag.  _Are they fighting over me?  Are they deciding who will get to finish me off.  The dog growled, the stag stamped it front hoof, and while the wolf looked so utterly defeated, it still glanced at her with a hungry look in its eyes.  She only dragged herself across the ground all the more faster.  _

These animals seemed to be entrenched in a deep battle, but it appeared to be a battle of wits now, not brawn.  The stag and dog placed themselves with their backs towards her, cutting off the wolf's path to her.  She scrambled towards the door, realizing that a pair of hooves and a set of teeth comparable to the wolf's would not be a pleasant match either.  As she fought to raise herself to the door, hands grappling with the handle, the wolf let out a ferocious howl, glared at her, and trotted away.  _That is not a normal wolf, she knew, _These___ are not normal animals. _

The dog barked loudly after it, displaying its bravado, and skipped around like it had all been one jovial walk in the park.  Lily thought she might be sick, and indeed she did stop by the bathrooms on the way back to her dorm.  But the dog seemed too smart, they had all seemed too smart to be real.  She wondered why the stag and dog were taking their time with her.  She jammed herself against the door with her small frame, a sob escaping in her despair.  The stag stamped his hoof and the dog walked up to it.  There they stood, snout to snout, as Lily sunk to the ground in forfeit.  She opened her glazed eyes to look at the animals, and the dog trotted away.  The stag looked her directly in the eyes and hung its head.  _Its going to charge me, she thought fearfully.  _The stag has won_.  But it merely turned and trotted away.  Lily knew a miracle had taken place.  _

Painfully, she raised herself to the door and pulled her wand out from under her cloak, where she had stashed it.  "_Alohomora," she said quietly, and walked inside, her body ready to purge itself of the emotions she had absorbed that night.  _

* * *


	9. Evidence

Chapter 9 ~ Evidence

Lily woke up early the next morning, before the dawn. Too many thoughts plagued her to be able to get an adequate amount of sleep. Though waking up didn't help, she was in a daze as got dressed that morning, taking time to think over what had happened last night. She had seen two people turn into animals. Well, she hadn't exactly seen them, but any other explanation didn't make sense. One minute there they had stood, the next, there was an animal in their stead. 

Even though Lily had been out late last night, she was still the first up from her dorm. She wanted to get breakfast over with quickly, and hopefully avoid James and Peter. Then she thought of something, hadn't Sirius been with them last night? And if Peter and James were the stag and the rat, then was Sirius… 

She dismissed it; Sirius was not the wolf. But that dog, that black dog, he had helped the stag. He had helped James. That made sense, well, as much sense as the whole idea made, anyway. _You can't just turn into an animal whenever you feel like it,_ thought Lily ruefully. How nice that would be, to be able to turn into any animal you wanted. Something in that thought, however, tingled the dark recesses of her mind, perhaps tugging on a piece of knowledge she had forgotten was there, but she paid it no attention.

She walked down into the common room, and there sat James, Peter, and Sirius. Peter looked upset, probably because he had to get up so early, but James and surprisingly Sirius too, were looking very nervous. They hadn't noticed her yet, though. She gasped and backed up into the stairwell. She pressed herself up against the wall of the stairs to hide herself from view.  

"I still don't understand why we had to get up so early for this guys," Peter grumbled. Lily laughed inside, Peter was so predictable. He was a good friend but he had his faults. 

"Because," started James, "Lily saw us transform. We have to talk to her about it, so she doesn't tell anyone." Lily was caught in surprise; they _had_ turned into animals. And James had actually tried to convince her otherwise. Normally, she would have rushed into the common room and confronted him about lying to her, but with her new sense of self-control she kept herself hidden. _Having control on your temper certainly does have its benefits_, she thought with a smirk. 

"Yeah, Wormtail, do you want to get expelled?" Sirius said. She had heard these nicknames before, and yet she felt as though she should be putting all these pieces together.  But her head was so full of worries that she dismissed it. She also wondered how expulsion fit into this little predicament, but decided that there were more important things to worry about. 

"We just have to wait for her to come downstairs, then we can explain to her. Okay?" Peter nodded, he would agree to almost anything. You didn't need an Imperious Curse to get him to do something for you. Especially when he worshipped James, Sirius, and Remus as much as he did. She felt bad for him, he was always a little behind the rest of his friends. 

"Sure Prongs, I know. Wake me when she comes downstairs." Sirius proceeded to lie down on the couch. Lily thought, There _it is again. Those weird names! And I'm sure I've heard them been called that before. She thought for a moment, __The__ name Prongs makes sense, that must be because James is a stag. And Wormtail, well, I guess that is like a rat. I still can't believe that they are animals! I mean, not that they are animals, just some of the time. Or only when they want to maybe. But how can they do that in the first place? Obviously, Lily was still having trouble digesting the fact that some of her closest friends could transform into other animals. She was rambling in her own mind again, another annoying habit she intended to get rid of._

Soon James and Peter were lying down too. Lily quietly slipped across the common room. She whispered the password, "Jupiter" and was about to step through. It might seem like an odd password, but Professor Trelawney had said that Gryffindor was in for hard times if they didn't acknowledge the planet. She had even thought that redoing the password was not an adequate homage. Professor Trelawney was a new teacher and Lily didn't know her very well. She didn't really want to either. Lily wasn't one for Divination, but the thought of the whole of Gryffindor at stake was NOT a pleasant thought. The Fat Lady snorted very loudly at the password and reluctantly opened up—she hadn't wanted the password changed either. Someone coughed behind her and Lily cursed under her breath, didn't the Fat Lady understand she was trying to sneak out? She heard the person say, "Lily? Is that you?" She turned around, it was James. 

"Oh, hi James." Lily tried to act as if nothing had happened. She didn't understand what had happened last night, and that scared her more then she let on.

"Lily, about last night I—" Lily saw the direction of this conversation and she had no desire to go there.

"Sorry James. Gotta go, bye!" She dashed out of the still open portrait hole and rushed down the hallway. James called after her, but she continued. She didn't want to have to talk about last night.

* * *

When Lily got down to breakfast there were hardly any people there. She suddenly realized a fault in her plan. Coming down to breakfast before anyone else means that Peter and James would be able to corner her yet again. Sirius seemed to be in on it too, and if three of them were in on it then that almost certainly meant the fourth one was too. But Remus was gone visiting some sick family member or something. She found a seat and pretty soon James, Peter and Sirius had come down too. Peter and James found seats while Sirius sauntered over.

"Hey Lily," he offered as a greeting.

"Hey Sirius. What's up?" Lily didn't really trust him, he was in league with those shape-shifters over there. Lily looked at them, Peter was eating and James watched her conversation with apprehension. Her eyes lingered on him, _those lying_shape-shifters_, she corrected herself mentally._

"Lily, I know you think it's weird what you saw us all doing, but—"

"Hold on, hold on. 'Us'? All three of you? That means…" she paused while her brain worked it out. She gasped, "Padfoot! You _were_ the dog, weren't you? That's what I thought! Now all the names make sense!" she declared triumphantly. Sirius looked alarmed.  She wondered, did the boys do this every time Remus went out of town?  Or was Remus a part of this little joke, just absent for the previous night's installment.

"Lily be quiet! Someone might hear!"  Sirius looked worried.

"There's hardly anybody else down here, _Padfoot__,_" she said drawing his name out, trying to annoy him. It did.

"We figured you had already guessed that." Lily took this comment very offensively, as if he was making a comment on how smart she was.

"My brain doesn't work at full speed when I'm still scared out of my mind, you know," she said in her defense. For the first time Sirius was aggravated by Lily acting childishly, instead of the other way around.

"Lily, come on. We helped you!"

"Please go away Sirius."

"Lily, you can't just forget about it."

"Yes, I can." Sirius just stared at her for a moment and walked away. Lily saw him recount the whole story to James, Peter wasn't really paying attention. James stood up, and Lily prepared herself for a lecture. Then his confidant face faulted, and he sat back down, dejected.

"Hey, Lily!" Cecil greeted her and sat down. No wonder James hadn't walked over, he couldn't talk about it in front of Cecil. "Why did you get up earlier than you had to? I never thought I would have seen the day! And on a Saturday too!" Lily had forgotten it was Saturday, the week had passed so quickly.

"Very funny, Cecil." Evelyn and Laura walked over, and the table turned very quiet. Lily wasn't scared enough of the guys to forget she was still seething mad at Laura. That reminded her, she really did want to set things straight with James about that letter. But no doubt if she tried to talk to him about it he would go on about last night. She could forget it, but she doubted he would. _Kind of like the whole problem with last night_, her conscience told her. "Shush!" she said quietly to herself. The other girls looked her oddly, nobody was even talking at the table. Lily pretended it didn't happen, encouraging them to follow her example. 

And for the next two days that's all Lily did, pretend it didn't happen. She avoided conflict of any sort. The words Laura, Sirius, James and Peter weren't even a part of her vocabulary. She wouldn't even talk about them, let alone to them. She constantly tried not to think about the night she was attacked, but she couldn't help it. She knew that James and Sirius wanted to talk about it too. Well, tough, they wouldn't get to.

She stayed mostly to herself, observing people. After the boys had decided that their efforts were fruitless, Sirius had started hanging out a lot with Evelyn. They were remarkably close and even disappeared for a lengthy time on Sunday—probably to Hogsmeade. It wouldn't be long before they were a couple! 

Finding humor in her friends' romantic escapades brought only so much amusement to her weekend. Lily would never admit to herself that she was scared about what had happened. She knew it was possible for people to transform, McGonagall had done it on their first class of fourth year. But something about having her friends do it frightened her to no end. It scared her, thinking about that night. And she fully intended to let it just go away.

* * *

Monday's classes passed quickly until Potions, but she was thankful that she was working with Remus, who had just returned the middle of yesterday. She had worried she'd be paired with one of the other Marauders, and she didn't think she could handle it.  They were supposed to make the Omedicor Potion.  Lily had been a bit preoccupied with her relief that the Professor had been prompted to warn, "I expect you all to do it perfectly, for this is a very precious and valuable potion. Mess it up and I will be very upset, this is a potion that you never waste."  It had the most extensive ingredient list she had ever seen, and she didn't even know what it was! From the name she guessed it had to do with healing but she wasn't sure. 

She was currently grinding a piece of bark into a fine powder. But the piece was so small she didn't see why it was even necessary. She was getting very aggravated at the lengthy tasks that were obligatory for the success of this potion. While she ground her bark she asked Remus, "I don't get it, why is this potion so important?" He only laughed.

"This potion has the capability of healing any sort of wound, internal or external. It can even heal physiological problems. The second you take it you are in perfect health. It cures anything." He had said this with a great deal of awe and excitement, but then his spirit dampened. "Well, almost anything."

"Wow." She was surprised at the extent of his knowledge. All the Professor had told them to do was add the ingredients on the list. If anyone had done it right, _then_ he would explain what it did. "Wow," she said again, "that's amazing." 

"Yeah, that was my first reaction too. It's a relatively new discovery, too." One thing confused Lily, though.

"This potion is so valuable, how come people don't use it all the time? I mean, it can't be that hard to get hold of."

"I'm surprised you didn't know. Usually you're so good at potions. What happened?" He didn't say this maliciously, he was just joking around.

"Thanks Remus," she began, sarcastically. Her conscience reminded her, _What__ happened on giving up sarcasm? Lily ignored it and continued. "I just love it when people point out my faults." Remus laughed again, and held up his hands in a signal of defeat._

"That bit of bark you ground? It's from the Tree of Life. It's so hard to obtain most people can't make this potion. I'm surprised they let us use up some just to do it in class. Buying it is terribly expensive; I doubt this is from Professor's private stores." He paused a moment, obviously considering something. "There's one of these trees in the Forbidden Forest, but it's guarded by centaurs, and of course, by its own special means of protection. There's no way this bark could be from that tree." She wondered why Remus knew about the Forbidden Forest, but declined the thought. 

"I thought the Tree of Life was imaginary, like from a fairy-tale or something." Remus laughed again, which earned him a glare from the Professor. He had to take time out from complimenting his favorite student, Severus Snape, to reprimand Remus.

"That is the second outburst I've had from you today. I expect nothing but silence from you for the rest of the day. Do I make myself clear?"

"Yes, Professor." Lily looked away from the Professor, she didn't want to get caught laughing at him. His eyes were practically bulging out of his head. He was so unfair though, no Gryffindor could hope to do well in his class when they had it double with the Slytherins. He walked back to Snape and continued singing his praises.

Lily looked at Remus, "Why were you laughing anyway?" He grinned.

"I was just thinking, I bet you thought that magic belonged in fairy-tales before you came to Hogwarts. I bet a lot of the things you do now you used to think were make-believe." Lily remembered her games when she was small, she had played a lot of games having to do with magic. 

"You're right." A large bubble in their potion popped drawing their attention to it. "So, what do we have to do next?" Remus answered straightaway.

"Add the remaining ingredients, the order doesn't matter, except the bark goes last. But put on your gloves, because before you add the bark the potion is toxic." He added, "Oh, and make sure your sleeves are rolled up because they'll dissolve if you touch the potion, okay?" That bit of knowledge surprised her, Lily knew that the Professor hadn't told them that_. Remus certainly does know a lot about this potion, he must've read ahead. And it's a good thing too, otherwise I'd be lost!_ she thought emphatically. The liquid in their cauldron was a poisonous looking orange, but the steam it let off was green. 

"I see another reason why they don't use this potion so often, it's dangerous!" she exclaimed. She looked through her bag for her gloves, but to her dismay, they were missing from her bag. She looked up at Remus. "Remus, I don't have my gloves with me! What'll I do?"

"Don't worry Lily, I'll add the ingredients. You can just watch, if that's okay."

"What else can I do?" she replied ruefully. 

"Okay." Remus put his gloves on and picked up some green sludge to add to the cauldron. He rolled his sleeves back and started to explain what it was, revealing even more of his expertise on this potion. But Lily didn't pay attention, he had revealed something else beside his knowledge. His arm glowed a bright red.

* * *


	10. Never the Same

Chapter 10 ~ Never the Same 

She didn't know how she got there, but she made it—behind the bed-curtains in her own room. She didn't even care that she had run straight out of the middle of class, and an important class at that. One single train of thought flowed through her mind, "Remus tried to kill me, Remus wanted to kill me. No, Remus wouldn't want to kill me. Would Remus want to kill me? Why would Remus want to kill me?" It all came back to one thing—Remus is a werewolf. Suddenly, a whole lot of things started to make sense. Why Remus was always leaving. Why he was called Moony. Why he knew so much about that darned potion; Lily had already concluded that someone had actually tried it on Remus once.  It explained that pained look on his face when he had admitted that the Omedicor Potion can't quite heal _everything_.  Lily at once reached out to him and recoiled—that pained face was one of a werewolf.

_I could be a werewolf too_, she thought. _If James and Sirius hadn't saved me.__ I could be like him, leaving every month, having to go through all that suffering. That could have been me!_ A loud knocking on her door interrupted her sobering thoughts. 

"Lily, let us in!" That was Sirius, but she knew that Remus must be there with him. Probably James too. _Stall, stall, stall, stall. Her mind told her. _

"Who is it?"  She knew exactly who was behind the door.

"It Sirius, James, and Remus. We need to talk to you!" Her hopes diminished. She couldn't look Remus in the face…

"About what?" She tried to sound innocent, but it was hard when she was mid-sob.

"Don't be difficult, we know you know!"

"I don't know what you're talking about!" Lily was still sobbing, and she didn't really have the faintest clue why. Fright, anger, confusion? She didn't know what it was, but it stirred up her emotions.

"Lily, please?" That was Remus, how could she say no? He had always been so kind to her. _But then he tried to kill you—nice guy, really_, a voice inside her head told her. "I know you're scared, but we have to talk about this." The voice of Remus still held that compassion that had always been special to it, even though she doubted she could still look at him. And though she didn't want to, she answered.__

"Okay," she mumbled and undid the locking spell on the door. It swung open. They still couldn't see her though; she was behind her curtains. Lily's face was buried in her pillows while she tried to get a hold of herself. Someone pulled back her curtains and she tilted her head to see who it was.

"Remus." She gasped, and her brain practically froze—along with the rest of her body. Whether she was paralyzed in fear or surprise she wasn't sure. She just sat there for a few seconds, and then she had to remind herself to let the air back out. She started to hiccup from the sobbing and lack of air, very loudly. 

"Lily, I think I gave you a shock." She could only nod. She did it in just the way to make the hair fall over her face so that she wouldn't have to look at him. It seemed very silly, but it helped. After all, she was fighting back the urge to scream. James walked over and sat on the side of her bed. _I should probably comfort her,_ he thought. _But that's really more of a girl thing, isn't it? I still feel bad though…_ James contemplated the thought. He slowly reached a hand towards Lily and brushed away the hair that was clinging to her moist face. He rested his hand on her shoulder and Lily tensed, he was acted just like her Dad, doing some little thing that would just make her feel better. She looked right into his face and smiled, forgetting that she had_ wanted_ her hair that way.

"Lily, you probably want an explanation."

"Yeah," Sirius agreed. "We haven't been very honest with you, now have we?" Lily began to laugh at his major understatement, but the sound came out as more of a gurgle from mixing with her silent sobs. She turned on her back and sat partially up.

"I'll say you haven't," she said, looking pointedly at James. "All these lying and secrets, how have you been able to keep them a secret for all these years?" Sirius laughed.

"Remus really isn't that great at keeping secrets. Peter found out first, in our second year, we weren't friends then, he had a lot of free time. He asked James and I about it, we confronted Remus, and the Marauders were born."

"But how…the animals…" Lily was lost for words, this revelation was too much.

"HA!!!" James said triumphantly. "Now I have proof that you really didn't pay attention to my lessons, Lily. I taught you this awhile ago…" James was grinning, and Lily wondered how he could be so jovial at a time like this.

"James, this is no time to prove you're superior to me in Transfiguration. Will someone tell me what is going on?"

"Well, we're Animagi Lil." Sirius said it simply, and Lily tried to remember what they were. She blushed, and realized she hadn't paid much attention to anything he had said at all. Maybe her recent success in Transfiguration really was a fluke. 

"Don't call me Lil," she absently reprimanded. She hated nicknames. She racked her brains for information on Animagi. Why did she feel like she had heard of them before? Her brow furrowed, and the corners of her mouth twitched down a bit. She looked so odd that Sirius laughed.

"Don't tax yourself Lil-Y," he emphasized the last syllable and she groaned. "It means you can transform into an animal. It's actually a sort of potion you take along with a special incantation, and, obviously, a lot of power and concentration." He said this, pompously, implying that he was completely capable of doing it.

"So how'd _you_ manage it?"

"James is the Transfiguration King, and I'll admit, the potion was really hard, we got really hung up on that."

"I'm sure you helped with the power and concentration a whole lot, Siri." Lily smiled sweetly, and Sirius' face twitched.

"I was the one who finally got the potion right," he declared.

"After your tenth try," James said under his breath. Sirius turned to him.

"Lots of people took a lot longer to do it than I did. The potion is what takes the longest, and getting there at exactly the right time to put the next part of the spell on was complicated." Sirius was obviously tying to defend himself.

"Maybe if you weren't always snogging in a back corridor you could have given us more warning time to get to the potion," James countered.

"We studied the potion for a year to find the easiest way to do it, the potion only had to simmer for eighteen weeks, if you have done it right we might have been finished before fifth year."

"It took McGonagall almost that long you know." 

"She was working by herself, we had four people." James was having too much fun annoying Sirius like this, and Sirius' taunts weren't really affecting James in the least. "And it took you forever to find your animal, too. 'Oh, wouldn't it be great I could get the hair of a Grim?' And we had to look forever, and wait until they completely materialized. Not to mention that Grims are supposed to be a death warrant, it's not safe to go chasing after one, you great dolt."

Remus finally intervened, even though their conversation was extremely entertaining.

"Hey guys, we came up here for a reason, remember? Not to attack each other!" Sirius threw a slightly malicious look at James, but then focused back to Lily. By now she was back to normal, save for some very red eyes.

"How did you guys get up here? I mean, the Professor probably didn't just let you go just because you wanted to." The Potions master was strict, especially with those troublemakers.

"Well," started James, "we told the Professor we had to leave, and he let us go."

"You can't fool me, James. I know the Professor wouldn't just let you leave," Lily accused. James quavered slightly under her vindictiveness.

"We told him we had to visit you."

"And he just let you go?" Lily was doubtful, at the least.

"Yeah, easy as that." 

"Ok," she agreed reluctantly. If she knew them, they had some sort of secret. But she let it go anyway.

Lily _did_ know them well because, as is turns out, they were hiding something from her. What Lily didn't know was that they had told the Professor that Lily had spilled some of the Omedicor potion on her and had rushed to the hospital wing. Lily might be getting some unwanted visitors pretty soon. 

"Lily, you can't tell anyone about us," said Sirius.

"Why not? You almost killed me, sorry Remus," she added with an apologetic nod in his direction. "It isn't safe for all of you to be running around." Sirius mouthed _prefect disapprovingly._

"But we saved you Lily," interjected James. "You'd be a werewolf too, if it weren't for me and Sirius."

"I bet it was you two's idea in the first place, rampaging the grounds at night. It just something you would do." She stumped them there. So, instead of trying to convince her she was wrong they tried another angle.

"We'll get expelled if you tell, Lily." Remus said quietly. "All the Marauders. Animagi are illegal if you are unregistered, and especially if you're underage." 

Lily puffed herself up, pretending she didn't give a damn. "Why should I care about you?" The violent words escaped her mouth before she could tell herself not to say them. The boys took it in stride, remarkably.

"Admit it, you miss us if we left," James said with a wry grin that made Lily's stomach lurch. _Now is not the time to fawn over James_, she reprimanded herself. _NEVER is the time to fawn over him, she corrected. Yet she knew she would miss him, she would miss all of them: Sirius, with his jovial personality; James, with his faithful reassurance; Peter, with his willingness to please; even Remus, with his quiet dependable disposition. Yes, she would miss them; she'd miss them terribly._

"I suppose so…" Lily said. They really had gotten to her. She could never tell now, they were just too good to loose. "Just promise me you won't run around again, it was much too close."

"Sure, anything to make up for it." And with Remus' sincere promise, it was sealed. Lily still respected him, but she knew it would be a long time until she was completely comfortable around him. She looked into his serene hazel eyes in which she had always seen such wisdom and forced a smile. Yet now she saw them as she had the night before—bloodthirsty, savage. No, things would never be the same again.

* * *

The next day, Lily rushed into the great hall for lunch, completely livid. She scanned the faces, looking for the guilty party. Those idiots would pay dearly.  She considered herself unbelievably dependable that she had not spilled their secret when she realized what they had done to her, and she also knew that James, Sirius, and Remus were in _unbelievably_ big trouble.

She had been poked, prodded, checked, re-checked, questioned, forced to sleep, slept, been rudely awoken, and had slept again three times over by Madam Lorquette, the eccentric nurse, since the boys had left her room yesterday. Madam Lorquette had rushed over to her room and spelled her to the infirmary. Lily was forced to take a potion that did more damage than help, because nothing was wrong with her. 

She had been asked detailed questions that she didn't know the answer to, because nothing had happened. Madam Lorquette had decided that the Omedicor had affected her mind and Lily was losing her memory. Lily hadn't been sure what the potion she had made yesterday had to do with it, and when she asked the nurse as much she just gasped. And Lily was given another potion. 

She was checked for where the potion had gotten on her, and Madam Lorquette decided that it must have soaked in and was eating away at her from the inside. Lily convinced her otherwise, but when she complained of stomach pains that were probably from the other potions she had gotten, she was fed some weird pills.

She was told to sleep, but she couldn't. She was given some sleep-inducing medicine 'to help.' Then the infirmary had been flooded with people wanting to see her. By then, Lily was so sick from all the medicine she really did want to be left alone.  

Three young 'gentleman' were noticeably absent from the group of visitors.

That afternoon she was prescribed more medicine for all her new pains from the medicine she had taken before. The same routine was gone through later that night also. After she had slept for over twelve hours from those cursed drugs, Lily was released.

And she left the infirmary and headed to the Great Hall as a lion would from a cage, or perhaps a wolf from a den, even, with her prey in mind.


	11. The Last Letter

Chapter 11 ~ The Last Letter

A month later people were still talking about the verbal beating Lily had given James and Sirius at lunch.  (Looking Remus in the face to yell at him was not an option).  The two boys pouted about having to hold up their reputation and Lily going and ruining it. Otherwise, the last month had passed rather well, except for the uncomfortable silence that seemed to center around Remus, and Lily's daunting feeling that a month had passed.  Sure enough, Remus had left to go 'visit a relative' and Lily couldn't even bring herself to say goodbye. 

Another saddening development was that Gryffindor had lost to Slytherin in the last Quidditch match, much to the disappointment of James. It was widely guessed that the Slytherins had cheated, but Professor Trelawney reminded Gryffindors of the warning she had given them, about the warning of hard times to befall Gryffindor unless sufficient homage was paid to Jupiter.  This merely provoked a widespread loathing of Divination and an outburst of jokes centered on its crazy teacher.

Something else developed over the last month also, Sirius and Cecil. Lily, and anyone else with eyes, she thought vehemently, thought that Sirius liked Evelyn. Evelyn took it remarkably calmly, less so than Lily had anyway. She had insisted Sirius was only afraid of commitment, the big coward. Sirius and Cecil were inseparable, or rather, Cecil sort of clung to him, rendering them inseparable. And Cecil took any free moment away from him to gush about how wonderful he is. Luckily, Lily and Laura had both made the effort to get over their fight, and Lily had a great time just goofing off with Laura and relieving all the stress of sixth-year studies.  Considering that she _really did need to do her work, and Evelyn and James were just boring the hell out of her, Lily began to think she needed friends out of her original circle._

It was one breakfast when Lily was mulling over her drab social life when a letter appeared for her. It was a stuffy owl, not nearly as affectionate as her owl (which she had named Apollo). Although he often left for a few days and was sometimes disoriented, Lily loved her owl very much, it reminded her of her family. In fact, her owl had taken off just last night for one of his 'vacations' as she and her friends called it. Only James insisted that something was seriously wrong with her owl, aggravating her to no end by asking about Apollo's symptoms. 

Right now, however, the regal-looking owl in front of her caught her attention. Attached to its foot was a letter addressed to her, well to a Ms. Lily Evans, anyway. But _nobody_ called her that, except for maybe McGonagall when she was upset, but those instances were becoming fewer and far between; Lily had finally gotten the hang of Transfiguration. When she opened the letter, she was caught by surprise.

_Dear Lily Evans,_

_After an extensive search we believe we have found an acceptable house at which you will spend your summer. The Delann family is one of the most well respected wizarding families in England, and we know you will enjoy your time there._

_On another note, we also promised to inform you of your sister's whereabouts. Your great-aunt Varice has agreed to take her in considering she has no children of her own. If you wish to send a letter to her the Ministry owl will deliver it for you, you will be able to keep in touch with her from there._

_Sincerely,_

_ Mrs. Fratilda Atwurst_

_Head of Department of Underage Relocation_

Lily laughed out loud, she still remembered great-aunt Varice from when she had visited Lily's house once. What a fusspot. Lily sighed.  _Too much of a witch-hater to take me in as well, I guess_, she thought miserably.  _Or she might not even know about the magical world at all.  _

Against her better judgment, Lily decided to write a letter to Petunia to see how she was doing. She smiled as the owl took off, rustling its feathers at the certain indignity of delivering to a Muggle house.  Lily didn't even know if she was allowed to do that, but it made her feel decent that she had made the effort.

Rereading the letter she received, Lily wondered exactly who the Delann family was. _They better not be the kind of people who are obsessed with being a pureblood_, Lily thought. Severus Snape, had taken to trying to annoy Lily with taunts of 'mudblood' but Lily honestly didn't care. People who she held in such low respect didn't matter to her that much. She just stared at the letter, and a small sort of shadow fell over it. She turned around to the overly wide smile of Sirius, who was grinning down at her.

"Sirius, up a little early, are you? Never thought you'd voluntarily get down here quickly," she said sharply, though playfully. She had been giving Sirius and James some attitude ever since their little excuse and her incident with Madam Lorquette. 

"Yes, well, you know how it is," he said vaguely. He wasn't really making eye contact, looking over her at something. _Or someone, she thought. Then, to her surprise, he actually sat down next to her. "So, what's that?" He looked at the letter in her hand._

"Oh, noth-" Sirius had the letter out of her hand before she could finish her sentence. She grabbed for it, but realized her efforts were futile. "You're staying with the _Delann_ family?" he questioned, stressing the name as if it had some weird connotation. 

"Yeah, sure."

"As in Robyn Delann?" Sirius talked slowly, like Lily was some tiny child who couldn't comprehend anything. 

"How am I supposed to know?"

"You don't know who the Delanns are?" Sirius regarded Lily incredulously, how could she not know the Delanns?

"No, Sirius, I don't." Lily was getting annoyed, couldn't he just get to the point?

"They've been all over the newspaper, hadn't you heard?" Lily recalled something she might have heard about them, something to do with…Voldemort, perhaps? She didn't bring it up, though.

"My, Sirius, you have been following the news too? Do we have a reformation on our hands? Maybe you should go see the nurse, though she would probably do more harm than help." He ignored the implication Lily had brought forth.

"This Fratildy woman had got it right, the Delanns are pretty important people." Lily laughed, _I'm sure the Head of the Department of Underage Relocation would love _to hear her name pronounced that way_. _

"Well, for heavens name Sirius, can't you just tell me why?"

"I still can't believe you haven't heard about it, its been filtering all through the school for the past two weeks, I just don't¾"

"Sirius! Get to the point!"

"Mr. Delann, Robyn's dad, is—was—the Minister of Magic. He retired a couple of weeks ago. Dumbledore almost went to replace him; instead they got someone, Fludge or something like that, to replace him. It was a huge issue. The Ministry didn't have a Minister for the last week. It was mayhem, and Mr. Delann just said he had to stop, just like that." Sirius emphasized with a snap of his fingers.

"Wow, I wonder how I missed that, that's, that's HUGE! Dumbledore almost left and I didn't know? Wow!" Lily kind of stared at the letter, how would she react towards these people? It might have been easier if Sirius hadn't told her about them, but that couldn't be fixed now. 

"She's sitting over at the Ravenclaw table."

"Thanks for being descriptive, Sirius. Could you possibly tell me where, or what she looks like?" She had no doubt that Sirius knew each and every girl at Hogwarts that was within a two-year radius of him.

"Well, she's a fifth year. Um, sort of skinny, dark brown curly hair, and uh…dark blue eyes. She's probably sitting at the far end of the table, the Ravenclaw prefects always sit down there." He said this all while serving himself breakfast, never once glancing up. If only he applied himself that much to memorizing charms!

"Yeah, thanks." Sirius was fully absorbed with eating his food now, there was no hope of holding conversation. 

Lily walked down the aisle between tables, surveying every head at the Ravenclaw table. Red, blonde, blonde, black, brown… the row of people went on. But she had to be downstairs, every seat at Ravenclaw table was filled, which meant everyone was there. But she couldn't find dark brown curly hair anywhere!

Lily, taking some initiative, walked up to the end of the table where Sirius said she'd be sitting. Lily tapped a girl on her shoulder, and she turned around.  When she saw Lily, she smiled widely.

"You're Lily, right? I'm so excited about this summer!"

"You're Robyn?" This girl wasn't exactly how Lily had pictured her. This girl didn't fit the description Sirius had given at all. _Maybe his problem is that he does__ try to apply himself to Charms, she thought wryly. Robyn's hair was dark brown, she'd give him that much, but it was in no way curly, and not in the least way long. She did have dark blue eyes, though. Trust Sirius to remember the insignificant things. _

"Yes! I'm so excited to have you stay this summer. Being an only child in my house gets lonely when I go home." She sad this all rather fast, for all that it was only about 8 o' clock in the morning. She turned around and called to her friends, "Everyone, this is Lily. She's staying with me this summer!" They were all very cheerful and said hello, and Lily wondered how they had ever gotten a reputation to be quiet and studious. After the greeted her they returned to their conversation, and Lily found they had actually been debating an old wizarding law. She suddenly saw where their reputation came from.

They were all very nice, and Lily ended up finishing breakfast with them. It was all very refreshing for her to have a new scope of friends, and she started her classes that day with a new vigor.

* * *

Lily was working in Charms that day when Sirius walked up to her. "Hey, Lily. So, I've been talking to Robyn." Lily looked at him a little strangely; Sirius usually didn't just go up to girls to _talk_ with them. He noticed her look, "No, really, just to talk. And I found out something. From my thinking, you live, or, are going to be living about a half-hour away from me."

Lily's eyes practically popped out of her head.

"And I think James and Peter are staying with me this summer, or at least part of it."  This was not good news, she could tell.  

"Not Remus?" She asked instinctively.  She couldn't imagine the three of them without Remus.

Sirius looked nervously around, and whispered out of the corner of his mouth: "Well, we don't have anywhere to keep him when, you know. And he lives too far away just to be going back and forth, I suppose. Anyway, his parents didn't want him to, it's too bad."   

Lily couldn't help but feel bad for him. _Poor Remus, all alone while his friends have fun together._ He has it really rough_.  Sirius went back to his desk, and for the rest of the class Lily was thoroughly depressed. The thought of Remus all alone and having to put up with a whole summer of the other Marauders was giving her a stomachache.  A chilly feeling of isolation began to seep in around her.  _It could have been me…__

* * * 

The calendar that always hung on the wall of Gryffindor common room was missing all afternoon until dinner. All the disorganized students were rushing around asking for when things were scheduled for. If Lily had known taking the calendar up to her room would have caused such a frenzy she never would have done it. 

Today was the 28th of February, Lily had about three and a half months until the end of the year, and then three months of summer after that. Looking at the calendar, Lily realized something: the year had passed so quickly. _Only seventh year after that, then I'm gone_. It was a very sobering thought. 

On her way to dinner Lily replaced the calendar in the wall in the common room. After dinner, she was spacing out from her homework, and she noticed the calendar wasn't there.

"Hey, Evelyn, have you seen the calendar?" 

"Last I saw, two second years were fighting over it. Don't know why, just a plain calendar." Evelyn buried herself back in her books. Lily tried to do the same.

Suddenly, she heard a faint knock coming from the dormitories. "Evelyn, did you hear that?"

Evelyn looked up again, perturbed. "No, I didn't. You probably didn't either." She considered that, _Evelyn must be right. Just hearing things, that's all_. She continued to work, but she heard it again, only louder. 

"Evelyn, I heard it again!"

"Be quiet, Lily! I need to work." She looked at the other people sitting around her: Cecil, Laura, Sirius, Peter, and James. "We _all_ need to work, including you." Lily turned to protest towards the others.

"Everybody, listen to me. I know I heard something." She looked hopefully at them. Remus, Cecil, and James looked up.

"Is Lily finally going crazy? I knew it would happen, what with her weird habits, crazy talk, and that strange owl, I don't know how—"

"Sirius, you do more good with your mouth shut!" She mentally defended herself, _So__ my owl is a little odd, Apollo never did anything wrong, except for run onto a couple of people, and so he disappears every once in awhile, but that's not anything bad! Lily turned back to her parchment and began writing furiously. When she realized she didn't have anything to write, she stopped. She knew there had been something knocking, but when she didn't hear anything for about another half-hour she scolded herself for acting like an idiot. She just returned to her books._

She actually became absorbed in her work. The little things like Peter's sneezes (he had allergies, the poor guy), and Laura leaving to go the bathroom didn't really affect her at all. She did notice, however, when a loud scream rang out from down the hall.

"Ha!" She jumped up triumphantly, spilling her books. "Who heard that?" They all stood up, but didn't have time to answer, for Laura came tearing in the room, yelling and crying. She was blubbering, and Lily had a hard time not laughing at her. Laura's mascara had just started to run, despite her attempts to wipe it away, and her hair was disheveled (a very orderly, pretty sort of disheveled, though). 

Noticing James, Laura ran over to him, swung her arms around him, and cried into his shoulder. James shot a pleading look over to Sirius, who was having less luck than Lily at restraining from laughing.  Cecil, at Sirius' immediate side, gently elbowed him in the ribs in an attempt to stop him.

James was trying to calm Laura down so she would remove herself from him, but she only clung tighter. When he finally asked her what happened she repelled from him like he was covered in slime. James sat down to catch his breath, she had him on a death-grip! Laura turned to Lily, face tinted black, and accused in a screechy voice, "Your owl attacked me. That filthy, wild thing doesn't even know how to deliver letters."

Ignoring the slur on her owl Lily asked her a question: "Where is Apollo?" Laura huffed.

"How would I know, I ran from that silly thing." Lily began a fervent search of the common room. Apollo was finally found on the back of a chair, preening. Lily picked him up so he would stop scratching up the chair. When he was lifted his claws retracted, and something semi-silvery fell from them, and into the crack between the pillows of the chair.

Lily quickly forced her owl off of her, and Apollo fluttered over to perch on a different chair. Lily flung the pillow off the chair, and earned many confused stares from her friends, and the others who happened to be in the common room. 

Rooting around in the back of the chair was less vile than she had predicted, the house-elves did a very good job. She felt something rather cold and immediately exclaimed, "Aha!" She continued rummaging behind the cushion while James walked over.

"Lily, what exactly are you doing, may I ask?" 

The back of the chair was muffling Lily's voice, so her answer was incomprehensible, but her excited squeak was audible to the whole common room. Her head popped up, "Evelyn, Cecil, LOOK!" Her friends immediately rushed over. Even Laura wanted a look. Lily held a grubby little locket in her hand, nothing special. Though her friends wondered what it was about the small necklace that could have inspired such happiness, they didn't voice their questions. 

Lily broke through the crowd of people that had encircled her and went over to her owl. Lily crooned at Apollo talking like he could actually understand. The owl, much to the amazement of James, acted as though it really did understand. He _knew_ there was something wrong with that thing, whatever it was. It did not behave like a normal owl.

Lily's praises could be heard from all over the room. "You're such a smart owl, yes you are. You went to go look for it, and you found it. Oh, and you've been away forever. Do you want to go back to the Owlery?" The owl turned its head back and forth, and James goggled. "No? Well, then, let's go to the kitchen and see if they can make up something special for you? Would you like that, would you?" Then Apollo nipped her fingers and began to flap his wings a little, as if in a sign to go. "I thought so, let's go." And with the eyes of all the people in the common room on her, Lily ventured to the kitchens. In a split-second James went after her.

When Lily noticed James was next to her she beamed him a smile that almost knocked him off his feet. The smile, however, was for he owl. Choruses of her owl's praises were almost all she was capable of. "Isn't he smart, James? Isn't he great?" he answered yes, and attempted several times to break into her reverie. He finally succeeded.

"What exactly did he bring back Lily?" She handed Apollo to him and reached underneath her robes for the necklace that she had already put on. She popped it open, pictures of her mom and dad were inside. She shut it quickly, as if having it open was releasing some of their essence. 

"They're the only ones I have left. I didn't bring pictures to Hogwarts." James immediately felt a badly about ruining her happy mood and they walked the rest of the way to the kitchens in silence. Lily placed her request with a house-elf and waited with James. He turned to her.

"Don't you think it's, well, wrong that Apollo actually knew what to look for?" Instead of being angry, she actually took it as a joke. With a laugh she replied: "Don't be stupid, James. Apollo is just smart. He may have some odd habits, but everyone has faults." Apollo bristled, and Lily reassured him with a pat on the back.

"It's not odd Lily, it's abnormal. No owl acts like that!"

"So how do you explain that it found this necklace?" Lily was still in rather good temperament, she treated everything James said as unimportant and utterly ridiculous.

"I can't explain it Lily, that's the problem," James answered, desperate. "Nothing about your owl can be explained, he's just one big mystery. Where does he go? Why does he attack people? Something is just wrong. You're being blinded with your happiness Lily. Just look at him, you'll see something's wrong too!" Something in that last part struck a chord with Lily, she practically hissed at him.

"You know what, James? You just can't be happy for me. You have to try and ruin everything." She stated it as if it were a well-known fact.

"Since when do I ruin everything, Lily. When haven't I tried to help?" Suddenly distraught, and without any sort of real answer she simply ordered him away.

"Just get away, James," she seethed. "Leave me alone. If you can't talk sensibly then don't talk to me at all." James faulted at the ultimatum.  He shrugged his shoulders and walked away.  Apollo squawked loudly and rustled his feathers, glaring intently at James' back.  After James had turned the corner, Lily looked down at Apollo.  "You stupid, stupid owl."


	12. How Bizarre

Chapter 12 ~ How Bizzare 

Lily held a righteous resignation not to talk to James, let alone look him in the face.  However, she felt so guilty about her temper tantrum that she often looked at him out of the corner of her eye, more than once finding him looking at her sadly.  To anyone who questioned their fight, Lily stood firm in saying that James was overreacting.  Laura's debacle with the owl and Lily's quick temper only made her feel less welcome in the Gryffindor circle, and so she hung out more and more with Robyn and her friends from Ravenclaw. 

Robyn turned out to be very nice, and very talkative. Lily was invited into the Ravenclaw common room right away. Though Lily had insisted that common rooms were meant only for people in their houses, Robyn said it didn't matter. Surprisingly, it hadn't. The Ravenclaws had welcomed her when Lily had come in. She guessed it was because they didn't get out a lot, and were happy to meet someone else, and while Lily told herself that it was good to get out and socialize, especially with the daughter of her host family, she knew deep down that she was just avoiding her friends, and more importantly, James.

But, talking with the Ravenclaws gave Lily a new perspective on all the Houses, not just the Ravenclaws. Gryffindors had always thought that Ravenclaws were a bunch of stuck-up snobs who always kept their head buried in the books, never having a bit of fun. In turn, a seventh-year named Robert admitted he always thought of Gryffindors as "the people who were to bull-headed to listen to advice and charged into things without thinking." 

Lily realized that every house was a bit full of themselves, holding their own in the highest regard, and generally bad-mouthing the others. Lily began to realize the other Houses really weren't as bad as they seemed… except maybe the Slytherins, she really couldn't find anything good to say about that lot.

Robert's perception seemed to be a staple character in the Ravenclaws. They weren't outgoing, but that didn't reflect their ability to make friends. Lily had known Robyn for only three weeks and since then had become good friends with all the Ravenclaw sixth and seventh years. Besides Robyn, Lily's good friends included Robert, with whom she loved to sit and talk to because he listened well; Sheila, a seventh-year who was uncharacteristically cheery was a great friend too, and Sofia, the exact opposite, was a quiet, meek girl, who usually was reading a book. There was also Brett, an extremely good-looking and athletic sixth year; and John, the best student in every subject besides Charms and Transfiguration—Lily and James' fortes.

She seemed to get along better with the Ravenclaw boys, she didn't feel she had to compete with them, as she often did with the girls.  Sheila, without noticing it, would often one-up Lily in a conversation, stopping Lily's point dead in her tracks.  Plus, Lily felt relieved to have a purely platonic relationship with some guys.  She wasn't the prettiest girl in school (that one went to Laura, by far) but she had her own certain attractiveness.  Petite frame, large green eyes, and what she considered a good figure. It was comforting not to have to find excuses to get away from guys, and she liked that. 

So as not to promote any rumors about her loyalty to her house, Lily decided to study in her own common room for the first time in close to a month. She missed the Ravenclaws, she was having trouble with DADA and she knew that if John was there he would help her in a minute. For some reason, the professor wanted the homework handed in by dinnertime tomorrow, despite the fact that today was Friday.  

Lily scanned the room; Remus was studying too, and was rather good at DADA. _But he wouldn't want to help me, Lily lied to herself. She was contradicted immediately by her conscience, __Of course he would, you're just avoiding him. You know it. She stood up, not wanting to debate any further. John would help, she'd go get John._

Suddenly, Apollo zoomed down from the ceiling, screeching. People looked up, shocked. Apollo took the room in a circle, almost herding everyone out the door. Remus was startled, and the three lowerclassmen quickly departed to their rooms. "APOLLO!!!" Lily screamed, desperate to return him to the Owlery. Apollo shuddered midair, thankfully slowing himself down. He landed on Lily's outstretched calmly and peacefully and nipped her affectionately. She walked outside the common room to get away from the panicking little kids. Stopping outside the portrait hole she inspected her hand. It was throbbing and bleeding pretty badly, Apollo had dug his claws in. Trained owls weren't supposed to do _that_. 

"Looks like you'll need to take another trip to Madam Lorquette." Lily looked up, already knowing who had said it. Who else but James Potter could hit on such a sore spot. Yet one would think he lad learned his lesson from the calamity he had produced last time. "And maybe bring that owl down to the gamekeeper, Hagrid."

"Apollo doesn't need to see anyone about anything," she said defiantly, partially to defend her owl, partially just to be contrary to James.

"Don't say what he did wasn't weird just then," James said disbelievingly.

"He was obviously scared," she defended.

"Well then we should go see Hagrid about it to see if Apollo is okay. Hagrid could fix him." Lily considered this for a moment, then asked, "I heard he had gotten expelled from Hogwarts."

"Sure, that doesn't mean he doesn't know what he's doing," he stated airily.

"How would you know?" That startled him, he glanced around quickly.

"Well, you see, I've, uh…observed him in the forest quite a few times. He's competent with _every_ type of animal—and you'd be surprised with what roams the Forbidden Forest." Satisfied that he had answered and not revealed anything important, he stopped.

Ignoring James' implications Lily asked, "Well, where does he stay?"

"On a little shack near the Quidditch fields." Seeing that his explanation hadn't helped her at all he made another offer, "I can take you, if you like." She was about to refuse, but found she didn't want to. Having a guide would make it so much easier, even if it was James, and it would be dark soon, she told herself.

With an exaggerated sweep of her hands and a boatful of sarcasm she replied, "Lead the way." James took off down the corridor and Lily followed somewhat dubiously. Once they had made it outside the grounds Apollo had calmed down, but Lily's hand hurt terribly.

"James," she said, "maybe we should just go back to Madam Lorquette, Apollo is fine but I'm not. I think I need the nurse." James took her hand, studying it in the dim glow of the dusk surrounding the grounds.

"Hagrid should be able to fix it. He can check Apollo, too. Come on, we'll be there in five minutes." James quickened his pace. Across the ground the setting sun broke through the trees most splendidly. She loved this time of year, when it seemed just on the brink of springtime.  'April means spring,' her mother had always said.  They would plant flowers together, and then watch as a garden bed full of lilies and petunias blossomed beautifully.  

Lily had to remind herself to keep walking. When she tore herself away from her memory she noticed Hagrid emerging from his shack, and gasped. She hadn't ever really seen him, and she wondered how it was possible that she ever missed him. He was huge! Never had that shack seemed so small. Intimidation crept up on her, though she knew it shouldn't have. James quickened pace even more anticipating meeting his friend, while Lily slowed to a stroll.

"Oi! Hagrid!" James called to him. Hagrid smiled cheekily and grinned, suddenly Lily wasn't so nervous and jogged to catch up.

"'Ello, James. What can I do fer yeh? Need some 'elp wit' somethin'? Or are yeh jus comin' fer a visit?" When he noticed Lily he added, "An' whose yer pal, there?" Hagrid ushered them inside his hut as James answered.

"She's actually the reason why we came. Could you take a look at her owl, and her hand after that?"

"O' course. Lemme jus take a peep at her hand firs', then we'll take a look a' th'owl." His large hands, so callused and oversized, were gentle. She could see with the tender eyes he regarded her cut with that he was treating her like one of his animal friends. He fixed her efficiently, and Lily was glad she hadn't been driven to put up with the nonsense of Madam Lorquette.

As soon as he finished with her Apollo flew from his perch and onto one of Hagrid's large hands. Hagrid inspected it keenly and Apollo stared back, though quite nonchalantly. He cooed a little, threw him up in the air, and checked Apollo's bone structure or something of the like. He stopped, and looked to Lily and James. "I'd like to take 'im out fer a bit. You can stay in 'ere, I'll be right back." He walked outside, leaving James and Lily silent in his hut.

"Well," James started.

"Yeah," Lily said, trying to fill in the silence.  It was becoming harder to stay mad at him.  _But_ _he was the one who walked away from you_, she thought, sighing.  _But who was the one who drove him away....  She shook the thought from her mind, then realized that James was actually talking._

"So… what do you think of Hagrid?"

"He's certainly much gentler than I had expected. Not brusque at all." James' eyebrows raised slightly, then Hagrid returned. When he walked in the door Apollo wasn't with him. Seeing a note of concern Hagrid said, "I sen' yer Apollo off to the Owlery, he should be able to find it by 'imself. Other than tha', I can't find nothin' wrong wit' 'im. Seems jus' fine te me. The only reason I can think of is tha' somethin' scared 'im. An' pretty badly too." James looked slightly put out, while Lily was quite happy. Happy that she was right, not that her owl had been scared. Excitedly she jumped up and thanked him. James lagged behind, stopping to say something to Hagrid. Nodding, James' large friend sent him on his way.

As they walked back Lily exclaimed triumphantly, "I knew nothing was wrong. And if anyone could tell it would be Hagrid." James mumbled something, and when Lily questioned him as to what he replied without thinking. "I still think you should get rid of that crazy owl." He realized right after he said that how sentimental she still was about her owl. He apologized, "Oh, sorry Lily." James continued to flounder for an appropriate reconciliation looking very comical.

Lily grinned, "It's okay, James. I just hope you will realize that Apollo is just a good owl. Everybody and everything has their quirks." She paused, then grinned again. "You should know, you have more than you're fair share."

"Hey, I resent that, you know," James replied, indignant.

"And I resent that you can't like my owl, but I'm letting it go." James feigned shock.

"Letting it go! Well, well, well, I'm very impressed. Certainly seemed to get a hand on that abominable temper of yours, haven't you?"

"I've never had an abominable temper," Lily said quickly and decisively, daring him with her eyes to argue. James, however, not one to caught up in the spell of her magnificent eyes, accepted. "Maybe from _your_ point of view, but let me tell you, being on the receiving end of your temper is no picnic!" He laughed, and Lily tried to laugh too.

"I guess you're right," she said weakly, then tried to laugh again. She wasn't happy though, it hurt, it hurt to have her faults thrown so blatantly in her face—especially by one of her good friends (for she had already determined that James was, in fact, her good friend again). Sure, she had been mad at him for close to a month, a month that she had barely even spoken to him, but that didn't mean she hadn't lost respect for him. 

She remained pleasant until she got back to her dorm, then collapsed onto her bed. She deserved a comment like that, after she deserted her friends for nearly a month. It was almost the end of March, where had the year gone? Her new resolution was to spend more time with the Gryffindors, her roommates, the Marauders—everyone that she used to think mattered most. _Well, don't they still matter the most? she asked herself. She didn't know. Her mind tossed and turned as much as she did in her bed that night. Filled with nightmares, nightmares of spending her life alone, dying in a small corner and having nobody notice, or even care. Subconsciously, she promised herself never, _ever_ to let that happen. _

When she woke up the next morning, true, she was tired, and with a sigh remembered she forgot to finish her DADA homework. The Professor wasn't going to be happy…

Although, maybe she could ask Remus! That would be a good follow-up to her resolution. She dressed happily and went down to the Great Hall for breakfast. There was hardly anybody there. What was going on? There were absolutely no Gryffindors at their table, no Ravenclaws or Hufflepuffs either. Only a few slimy Slytherins over at their table, sniggering loudly. She supposed she would have to ask them where everybody was.

She walked over, Snape was sitting at the end of the table, some perverse seat of honor, she supposed. Well, the slimiest rule supreme…

"Excuse me Severus," she said with a smile. "Um, do you know where everyone is?" He looked thoroughly amused by this.

"Forgot about your boyfriend's game? Well, that's not very nice, now is it." The Slytherins sniggered again, God, were they annoying.

"Come off it, Snape. Just tell me, where is everyone?"

"Why, down at the Quidditch pitch, watching your hubby get pummeled by those Huffle-duffers." The Slytherins sniggered again at this comment. Honestly, the brain capacity of some people rivaled a guinea pig's.  The people sitting around her, however, weren't even close.

She was well on her way to mentally trouncing Snape when she realized what he had meant. James was playing Hufflepuff, and it probably wasn't going to well. She got down to the Quidditch pitch in time to hear the announcer's voice say, "And, yet another point by the Hufflepuff chasers, Reilly, Abbott, and Smith, what a trio. They really are doing great out there today. Score: Gryffindor—50, Hufflepuff—120." She winced, they really were doing horribly. She stared at the stands, there were no seats left, and she wasn't going to stand around forever.

She finally spied one, off in the back. A horrible seat, but a seat nonetheless. When she got there she realized who was next to her, Professor Trelawney. Lily didn't know she even ventured out of her classroom, she had been beginning to think those vile fumes were necessary to her health. But here she was, watching the Quidditch game. As Lily sat down the Professor said ominously. "They will lose, it is fated. Jupiter shall strike Gryffindor where it most hurts, this is just the start." She kept repeating such nonsense over and over as Hufflepuff continued to rack up points. It ended in a score of 110—290, and James walked sulkily off the field.

Trelawney looked to the sky. "Jupiter shall have revenge, whether it be through stealth or cunning, it shall have its revenge. You are a target, my dear. Fear those not familiar with you, trust no one. Jupiter will strike at the heart of Gryffindor. Many deaths are sure to follow." She stood up and walked silkily away.

Lily stared after her in shock. _She's nutters, positively nutters…_

* * *

James lay on his bed, dejected. "It's just not fair!!"

Sirius rolled over from his position on his bed. "You're right, Prongs. I say the legal magic age should be lowered too, but don't talk to me, talk to Fludge." James got up and hit Sirius upside the head.

"No, you twit! The game, the game was unfair!"

"Oh, stuff it, James. They beat us fair and square. You're just mad because you completely underestimated them. You thought with the Ravenclaw win and how we slipped by Slytherin, we would beat Hufflepuff and take the Cup easy as pie." Well, there really was no arguing that. But, James had taken the initiative to look in on some Hufflepuff practices, under concealment of his cloak, of course, and they really never were this good. And he wasn't joking, they really had stunk. But, on game day they played superbly. There was no accounting for it. "Oh, don't let your beaten pride get the better of you, James. There is always next year."

James returned to his bed. "Right," he said gloomily. "Next year."

* * *

Thomas Reilly stood deep in the Forbidden Forest with only his wand and a small envelope. He wasn't there for Detention, he was a model student, and sixth-year prefect. He had just helped carry Hufflepuff to the Quidditch Cup for the first time in a long, long time. 

He really didn't understand why the Professor had insisted that they meet here either. Professor Malchite had asked for a very specific list of ingredients, but hadn't said why he needed them. Or, maybe he had, and Thomas just couldn't remember…

Well, for whatever purpose, Thomas was standing deep within the Forest, not a safe place to be in the dark of night, and was missing out on a spectacular party the Hufflepuff House was throwing. A thought struck him, Wouldn't the Professor have to be at Hufflepuff to supervise the party? He was head of Hufflepuff House, after all.

A breeze blew quickly by and he shivered. Looking skyward he saw a few particularly bright stars that twinkled profusely. _I wonder, he thought, _what if—__

"Thomas." The Professor's voice greeted him. 

"Hey, umm, I mean, good morning, no, uh, good evening Professor." He was unstable, there was no etiquette concerning what to do when your teacher asked you to meet him at midnight on forbidden grounds. Could he really be blamed for being nervous? The Professor at least found his antics halfway amusing.

"I am so glad you could make it, Thomas." He smiled, but then looked as if he had trouble putting the muscles back into a frown. "Glad you realized you could never miss a meeting with me." Professor Malchite had very gray eyes, Thomas decided, piercing gray eyes. Though, now they looked sort of hazel, then a dark blue that seemed to lighten with every passing second. He didn't realize he was blatantly staring. "BOY!!! What is the matter?!?" Thomas rubbed his eyes for a few moments, and looked at the Professor's eyes again. They were a normal gray, nothing special. "Do you have what I need?"

"Yeah, sure. I don't understand how it's for the good of Hufflepuff though. And considering you are a teacher, it should have been much easier for you to get them then me." Professor Malchite almost chuckled at his ramblings.

"Ah, no. When your hard work at completing these tasks pays off, you will receive the glory." Thomas was still unsure, the circumstances were just so…odd.

"Are you sure?" Professor Malchite could tell he was losing him.

"Of course, boy. And don't you like the feel of glory. All those people cheering for you today, congratulating you because you led Hufflepuff to glory. Does Hufflepuff get glory often enough? Aren't the Ravenclaws stealing it with their brains, the Gryffindors with their bravery, and the Slytherins with their cunning?" Thomas was getting into it now.

"Yes, yes they do. They steal our glory. _We_ deserve some. Thank you Professor, thank you very much. I'll do my best, I'll make Hufflepuff proud." He turned to walk away, but turned back, bashful. He handed a little packet into the Professors already outstretched hand. He tucked it into an empty bottle and pocketed it. Thomas turned to leave once more. 

"Oh, and Reilly." The boy turned around again. "Not a word." Thomas swallowed and smiled rigidly.

"Yes, yes of course Professor, sir. Of course." He saluted then looked at his hand oddly, wondering why on earth he had even had the impulse to do it. He stumbled backwards for a bit then turned to a walking jog to exit the forest. His Professor watched him leave. 

_Poor boy_, Malchite thought. _He'll never know what hit him._


	13. Awkward Questions

On Monday, Thomas Reilly walked the halls of Hogwarts like he was king of the world. People treated him that way too. Girls were absolutely crazy over him, he was gorgeous, strong, brilliant, and courteous. Of course, he was never really any of these things before, but that is what comes with every passing fad. Poor Thomas didn't realize that sooner or later his popularity would end, but he still milked it for all it was worth. He had girls asking him out, many of them. But through the crowd of overambitious Hufflepuffs Thomas cut through to one girl walking solitarily down the hall.

"Lily, I've wanted to talk to you." Caught off guard she turned to see Thomas' bright smile, and the other girls' jealous looks.

"Hello, Thomas, haven't seen you since last week in Herbology." They had been partners the week before, he had been a nervous wreck; he hadn't even mentioned the game.

"Is that where you are headed now?" He was cautious, and Lily saw straightaway right where this conversation was headed. There was no avoiding it now, she supposed.

She answered yes, suppressing a sigh. Some boys… _I guess I  can't blame him. He is just so terribly shy and nervous_.

"Can I walk you there?" Something about the way he said it was so comical, she just had to laugh.

"I assure, I can walk for myself"—he frowned—"you are, however, welcome to walk _with_ me down to Herbology." He looked so utterly relieved, Lily laughed again. And on the long walk down to Herbology she ended up laughing quite a bit more. Thomas wasn't really such a bad fellow, once you get to know him.

* * *

"Thank goodness!" Lily fell flat onto her bed as her roommates laughed. Thomas had finally stopped pursuing Lily, and she was never more content to _not_ have a boyfriend. It had seemed like he lost interest just like that, but she could really care less. And to venture to actually understand him would only cause confusion. She repeated, as she had numerous other times since Monday, "Some boys…" She really felt no need to continue, everyone knew what she was talking about, it was just one of those universally understood things.

"Tell me about it!" Cecil said in agreement from over on her bed. Lily thought she could see a bit of an envious look on Evelyn's face in her reflection in the mirror. Of course, to Lily, Evelyn and Sirius were still meant for each other.

Laura giggled from her resting-place on the floor against her bed. "Yes, but only _some_ boys. Others are just…" again, silence. Everyone knew who _she_ was thinking about.

"Laura, it isn't healthy to be picturing James Potter in his underwear." Laura's eyes that had been closed now opened at Lily's remark.

"As if you'd know!"

"Well, what's that supposed to mean!" She stared at Laura, temper uncharacteristically staying normal. It was too silly to get mad about the thought of James in underwear. 

"That you wouldn't even know what a guy would look like in his underwear!" Laura was in quite good humor, Lily was wondering where the hell she came up with this stuff. It was kind of amusing, in its own, weird, way.

She started to laugh, "And I suppose you've been off snogging him in the broom closet!"

No reply. Cecil and Evelyn stared at Laura.

"Or only in your little dreams?" Lily added, smirking.

War was declared, Laura came at her with a pillow, and Lily retaliated. It was all in good fun, they actually had fun arguing sometimes. Just sometimes though. Cecil and Evelyn looked on while Laura got walloped by Lily's pillow, which was distributing feathers all over the room.

Soon they had collapsed on Lily's bed, the stitches in their sides to strong from laughing to move at all. It was silly really, getting worked up about underwear. They were sixteen after all. Maybe it was just the fact that it was James Potter, Lily had no clue. Once they had quite subsided Laura turned to Lily.

"You know," she giggled, "I still don't think you could picture him in his underwear." She grinned, and so did Lily, she was _not _going to be outdone by Laura!

"You wanna bet!" Lily eyes sparkled with mirth.

"Yeah, and don't cheat. I could tell."

"Yeah, I suppose that comes from experience." *POOF* went the pillow on Lily's head, just making her laugh harder. "Ok, here goes."

At first her thought were broken up by random fits of giggles. She sat there trying to imagine. It didn't exactly work.

More like not at all.

Damn Laura for being right.

_Well, I'll just have to try harder_.  She concentrated and about a minute later began to giggle madly. Laura shrieked and sat up as did Lily almost simultaneously. By now Cecil and Evelyn had gathered on Lily's bed too. _I guess it took me longer than I thought. She was practically consumed with laughter yet again. _

The other girls looked at her questioningly and Lily nodded, silently proving Laura wrong. Laura, however, didn't care, Lily's nod only provoking more laughter. Laura finally calmed herself long enough to ask,

"So, Lily. Boxers… or briefs?"

* * *

Lily couldn't look at James without withholding giggles, and Laura was always soon to follow in their laughing spree. Not only did the joke help them to become friends again, it helped lighten the depressed mood that had fallen over Gryffindor since the last Quidditch match. And since Lily and Laura did have almost all their classes together, and they usually all sat near each other the laughter was irrepressible.

Needless to say, James noticed.

"I'd really like to know what is getting the girls all jittery," he asked his roommates later that day in the dorm. Remus and Sirius grinned.

"Isn't it a bit obvious Prongs?" Remus asked teasingly.

"Prongs, my boy, you really are dense." Sirius added, sighing. He had his _own_ girl troubles.

"Any clue what they are talking about, Wormtail?"

Peter shrugged, "Well, James, it _is_ quite obvious."

James sighed exasperatedly. "Does the whole world know something I don't?" 

Sirius laughed, "Pretty much."

James groaned, "Well, enlighten me," he said sarcastically.

"My dear boy," Remus said, doing a very good impression of a professor, "I'd say that a certain fellow Gryffindor sixth-year has a crush." Remus then added, just to make it clear, "On _you_."

James said nothing. He just sat there, gaping like a goldfish. As he sat there he considered something. He went to bed soon after, smiling. 

* * *

"Moony," Sirius whispered. "Would you just take a look at James."

Remus shook his head, "Everything just seems to go to his head."

"No you idiot, I think he really likes her!"

Indeed, James was staring intently at the girls across the table from him. Remus, Peter, and James sat in a row on one side of the table.  Sirius sat across from Remus, whispering conspiratorially across the table, and next to him sat Cecil, Evelyn, Lily, and Laura.  James looked as though he was staring blindly into space; but, if you looked closely, as Sirius and Remus were, you could see he was directing his gaze to the girls across the table on his left.  Lily and Laura were whispering and giggling like crazy, so it might have made sense to look at them once in awhile, but Remus and Sirius knew what was going on.

He stared rather intently as he munched on his toast, spilling crumbs all over himself. He was snapped out of his reverie, and Lily and Laura out of their conversation as they heard calls from the Head Table.

"Attention! Attention, everyone." Professor Dumbledore could quiet the Great Hall quicker than a teacher could their classroom. "I have an announcement that will no doubt make you all very happy. I'm sure 7th years remember the dance that took place in your first year. It was mayhem, and the Spring Party and dance was discontinued. I know you will be happy to hear that you will be receiving a dance again this year."

Cheers echoed through the great hall for a moment, but everyone soon quieted, Dumbledore obviously had more that he wanted to say. "I cannot stress enough that this is on a trial basis. Also, only fourth years and above will be allowed to attend, in order to cut down on any problems we might be facing. You control whether or not you get to have a dance or not. Remember, three weeks, April 23rd! Dates are optional!"

That last sentence didn't sit too well with the rest of the staff as all over the Great Hall girls were primping themselves and self-consciously smoothing their hair.

Laura turned to Lily, "As if suddenly changing your appearance would make any difference now. Anybody who gets who they want will probably be taken by the end of the day." Lily nodded in silent agreement, not that she particularly cared. Laura might have been boy-crazy, but Lily had learned recently that her shameless flirting was mostly unintentional. Dates would come to her, Laura thought, she had no need to go seeking them out. 

Lily, Laura, Evelyn, and Cecil picked up their stuff and headed towards Potions with Ravenclaw, their first class. Today was sure to be interesting.

John was her partner in Potions, she had asked to be with him once they had started the really difficult things. Her grades had really improved since she started being his partner. They had just started concocting the potion and Lily was measuring out bubotuber pus. 

That was when he sprung the question. She was so startled that she spilled about four times the extra pus into the cauldron. It was about to bubble over and explode when John threw something in it that settled it down to normal.

Lily was settling back down when John looked back at her hopefully. "Well?" He prompted.

"I'll have to think about it," she managed to stutter out. Not even 15 minutes into the day and she already had an invite. Sirius and James had watched the entire thing from two tables over. Sirius snickered and James looked at Lily thoughtfully, then returned to his potion.

The day continued like this for Lily, invitations popping up all over. She didn't get particularly many, they just came at awkward times. She was glad to see that at least Thomas had found someone and wouldn't be hounding her, he was walking down the hall with his arm around the Ravenclaw prefect, Sofia.

She didn't know why exactly she had been turning down people, but she didn't want to lead them on. And she certainly wasn't going to say yes just because they asked. But as she rested in front of the common room fire that night she heard Laura's words.  _Anybody who gets who they want will probably be taken by the end of the day_.

_Ugh…How inspiring…_

Sirius and Cecil were going together, they had entered the common room awhile ago along with Remus, who had found a Hufflepuff to go with. She was a prefect, so she had to have at least some sense. Peter had asked a fifth-year and Evelyn was going with John, Lily was surprised to note. He must have been a little impatient, too impatient to wait for her answer. And she had actually considered going with him.

She was interested to see who Laura was going with, and started to space out when someone plopped down next to her, bouncing her up slightly on the springy couch.

"James, don't you know how to be polite?"

"Nope," he grinned, "never learned." Lily just smiled and went back to reading. "So," James continued talking. "Got a date for the dance yet?" He looked a little anxious, she noted.

"No, lots of invites, but no date." She sighed, it was just a little depressing. __

"Waiting for the right person, I suppose, eh?"

"Not really, I guess. I'm not sure if there is a 'right person.'" There was silence for about a minute until Lily's curiosity got the better of her. "So, James. Who are you going with?"

"Well," he began loftily, "I had ever so many choices."

"Yeah right, bet you don't have a date yet James."

"You insult me."

"Sadly, the truth about you is an insult in itself." Lily opened her book back up and commented lazily. "But don't give up hope yet, people can change."

They just sat there for awhile until James spoke up. "You know, I wasn't lying."

"Get out. You have a date? Who?" James looked a bit sheepish, and in a soft voice he answered, "Laura."  


	14. Pumpkin Juice

Chapter 14 ~ Pumpkin Juice

"Laura? Gryffindor Laura? My room mate Laura?" Lily spoke in fragments, shock cutting off all appropriate brainwaves. James just laughed.

"Do you know any other Lauras?"

"No."

"Well, there you have it. I'm going with Laura." Frantically, incomplete thoughts rushed through her head. _She's got to his brain…poisoned his drink…brainwashed him…subjected him to cruel and unusual punishment and bribed him with a broom—hmm, sounds likely. More likely than James actually asking her._

"Did you ask her, or did she just pounce on you the first chance she got?" She could literally picture it, Laura tackling James from behind. Lily imagined Laura could pack the punch of a football player if she so desired, a rather fat football player at that.

"What do you have against Laura?" And now he was defending her, the horror. And maybe the fact that James was actually defending Laura irked Lily just the _tiniest_ bit, as if she would admit it though.

"Nothing, just she always said how much she just _knew_ how much you liked her, if you actually asked her I will have to prepare for some major gloating." 

"You are jealous." With a trademark smirk and a mischievous grin James reclined in his chair. In apparent satisfaction he repeated, "You are jealous." James saw Lily falter for one moment, one hopeful moment before she regained composure.

"I am in no way jealous," Lily replied huffily, he was taking this far too humorously.

"Oh?"

"Yes, I just fear for your life."

"Good to know you care."

"Laura will suffocate you before the night is over." This actually produced a laugh from James.

"What do you mean by that?"

"I appreciate personal space, she doesn't."

"Jealousy again." Again, the smirk.

"Pity."

"Jealousy."

"Pity."

"You are just upset because you don't have a date."

"And you are upset because you have to go with Laura."

"I asked her to go with me." Never in a million years would she have guessed James had actually asked her of his own free will, never.

"Ha! You brought this upon yourself?" Something about Lily's attitude made James want to explain.

"We are just going as friends."

"James, Laura is practically in love with you, she doesn't care if you are going as friends or not, you asked her out on a date."

"Just to the Spring Dance."

"It won't make a difference to her."

"I did say it was just platonic."

"Well, there's your problem, platonic probably isn't in her vocabulary." It was a little harsh, but James just didn't seem to be getting the point, neither apparently, did Laura.

"I thought you guys were friends."

"Of course Laura and I are friends, we are good friends.  So we fight sometimes, we are still friends.  And that is exactly why I am telling you this, you are going to hurt her." It seemed as though Lily had finally struck a chord in James, he didn't grin so much anymore.

"Aw, come on Lil," she normally hated nicknames, but it seemed rather, well, affectionate. She let it go. "You don't think she'd really take it so seriously, do you?" Lily just sighed.

"James, exactly what did you say to her?"

"Well, I said, 'Laura, do you want to go to the ball with me?'"

"James! What is platonic about that?"

"Well, I didn't think she would take it any other way!"

"Couldn't you tell she liked you?" James actually faltered a bit at this, and redirected his gaze from the floor to Lily.

"Actually, I thought that," he stopped, stumbled, then tried to pick up again. "You know, people have said some things about," he stopped again. Lily was confused, but James obviously had something important to say. "I thought that, that maybe you—"

"James! There you are, I was looking all over for you!" Laura came over and wasted no time in seating herself in James' lap. James shot a pleading glance at Lily, trying to make eye contact. Lily wasn't paying attention, had James Potter been about to tell her that…no…he must not…

"Lily, come on," Laura had removed herself from James and was standing in front of Lily. "Come with me up to our room," she whispered, "I have to tell you something!" She was so happy, too happy.

"No, I had better go to dinner." She had snacked before, but she didn't want to talk to Laura, knowing that she would be ecstatic, Lily couldn't put herself through that.

"Oh, well, I'll tell you later then, okay?" She was grinning wide, Laura was always bubbly, but now her happiness was about tripled, all because of a misunderstanding, one that would hurt when she found out the truth.

"Yeah," Lily answered almost sorrowfully. "Later." 

She walked out of the Common Room, head hanging, the foreboding feeling of the Dance heavy upon her shoulders. Laura bounded up to her room, leaving James alone on the couch, thinking. He ran his hands through his messy dark hair, wondering how he could ever have made such a mistake, and how in the world he was ever going to get out of it.

* * *

Lily sat at dinner thinking about what had just happened, playing with her food and creating designs in it with her fork. She just needed to spend an adequate amount of time at Dinner for Laura to think Lily had actually eaten. _How does everything seem to be going wrong? My date to the dance, the nonexistent one, and James' supposed 'date'? Where did it all get so confusing?_

Laura was going to be desolate when she found out the truth. All hopes of telling her before she got too excited were gone, Laura thought James liked her. For awhile Lily had thought James had liked Laura too, but then, then he had almost said something that probably would have made Lily's head reel. It already was, in fact, and James hadn't even said it.

_He as good as said it_, she reminded herself. _He thinks_—

"Lily, why are you sitting all alone?" A familiar voice had just asked from behind her, it was Brett. She hadn't seen him in awhile, her trips to the Ravenclaw common room weren't as frequent as before.

_And why do things keep getting interrupted?_ She was a little grumpy, she just needed some time to herself.

"Oh, I don't know." Brett just stood there awkwardly for a moment, not knowing how to respond to Lily's rather rude answer. He was saved when Lily realized how rude she had been. "Care to join me?" 

"Actually, I have already eaten."

"Oh," Lily said, dejected. First she was upset because he had interrupted her, but now she was upset because he had to go; she had no idea what was going on.

"I was wondering, though, would you care to go to the Spring Dance with me?" Lily looked up at him in appraisal. What had he ever done to make her say no? He was sweet, smart, kind, not to mention _very_ good-looking. And she wasn't about to go to the dance alone.

"I'd love to go with you." And she smiled, and it wasn't fake, some things _do_ turn out right after all.

However, that really depends on your point of view. To the person standing unnoticed in the corner of the room, this was very, very bad indeed.

* * *

The days until the dance passed quickly, Lily spent time with all of her friends, finally managing to have it all be equal. Brett was helpful, courteous, and attentive to Lily; he was a wonderful friend.  That was just the problem.  She wanted to like him, she wished she had that attraction to him, but she just didn't.  He was gorgeous, and she wanted to be able to just throw herself at him and not feel slutty about it, but she just really didn't think that was an option, not unless someone spiked the pumpkin juice.  

She sat in her room, flanked by Cecil and Evelyn and looked at herself in the mirror. Lily had spent most of the afternoon getting ready at her own leisurely pace, her simple style was classic but nothing special. She felt just a bit outdone by Evelyn on her left.

Evelyn, who never really needed to do anything to make herself look good, was gorgeous with the extra preparation. Her long black hair was loose and straight, light reflecting off every strand. Her blue dress robes looked great on her, they were a new contemporary style that was really flattering.

Lily had ended up wearing some green robes, it was really the only color that matched very well. It was a dark green, true, anything lighter would have made her look like she had sallow skin, but it was a floaty material, much more proper for the spring. 

All Cecil needed was a smile to make her pretty, but she had gotten some light pink robes that suited her perfectly. They all three looked good, but Laura surpassed them all.

She had been ready for about half an hour because she had been so excited to get ready. Her robes, Laura had confided in Lily that they had cost a fortune, were a sort of deep lavender, very suited for spring. They were sleeveless making them resemble a formal Muggle dress that would be worn to a prom. Laura had taken the time to have her hair be straightened then curled at the ends and had meticulously applied her makeup. She looked gorgeous, accompanied by her smile and her straight white teeth Laura would blow everyone else away.

Lily could barely stand to look at her. 

Knowing that James really had no romantic interest in her, and that James was the only reason why Laura had expended so much extra time and money on preparing for this dance made her feel terrible. And if James dropped her Laura would feel worthless, and if he didn't he would be leading her on. As they descended the stairs Lily couldn't manage to smile along with her friends. 

Lily and Evelyn joined Remus, they were all meeting their dates at the entrance. James and Sirius, however, were waiting right at the bottom of the staircase for Laura and Cecil. Cecil went right over and gave Sirius a small kiss while Evelyn suppressed a small wince.

Laura however, was still at the bottom of the stairs, looking shyly at James. And for once Lily realized that maybe all the 'acts' Laura played with boys really weren't acts at all. Laura was probably scared out of her mind at what James would say about her. Lily watched apprehensively. Unfortunately, there was no need.

James walked over to her, staring intently at her all the while. "You look amazing." 

_That was not platonic_, she thought critically.

"Thanks. You look good too." Laura looked at him and smiled, James grinned back.

_What are you doing you idiot!_

"Shall we go?" He inquired, grinning some more.

_Platonic, **Platonic**, **PLATONIC!!!**_

He offered her his arm, she took it. They walked out the portrait hole gazing at each other, Lily gaping after them.

_Platonic…_

* * *

Lily found Brett at the entrance, he greeted her with a polite hello and told her that she looked nice. Lily had sort of wished that Brett was as enraptured with her as James was with Laura. Conversation between them was rather strained, Lily had been prepared to be upset because of Laura's fate but was now upset that Laura was probably going to be having a wonderful night.

"Do you want me to get you something to drink?" Brett already seemed like he wanted to ditch her, could the night get any worse?

"Oh, yes please." At least she could get some time to herself. She looked around the dance floor, a slow song was playing. She saw James and Laura, looking as though they were the only people in the world. Maybe time to herself wasn't such a great idea after all.

"Here you go, one pumpkin juice." Brett smiled widely, _Maybe he isn't completely disinterested after all_. Lily drank the juice quickly, finishing as a new song came on.

"Want to dance, Brett?" He seemed surprised by her sudden interest.

"Of course." They made their way onto the floor and kept dancing until another slow song came on. Brett, who was actually a very good dancer, looked as though he didn't know what to do. _Maybe he's just shy. So Lily walked over and put her arms loosely around his neck and Brett cautiously put his hands on her waist._

"You know Lily, I was really worried that you weren't having a good time at all." So he had noticed she was in a bad mood, it wasn't surprising, she had barely talked to him.

"Oh, I was thinking about something, I was a little upset." Ha, little didn't describe it, it wouldn't describe how Laura would feel when she found out the truth either.

"Anything I can do to help?" He was so sincere, it made her feel good to have friends like him.

"No, just caring is enough. Thanks." Brett closed the distance between them a little, putting Lily on edge for a bit_. No need to worry, Lily. Its just Brett_. But, his hands weren't exactly around her waist anymore, and they were close, very close. In the moment before his lips pressed to hers she realized that in all the fuss of worrying over whether James told his date their relationship was only friendly, she had never even considered making sure that her date knew the same thing.

Lily tried to pull away, but Brett just held her to him. She tried to push him without making a scene but that didn't work either. She was wondering what the hell she was going to do when someone cut in.

"Excuse me, Brett, but I think Lily wants you to go away." She knew that voice, thank God someone noticed.

"What business is it of yours, Remus." He stalked up to Brett, who was a good three inches taller than Remus, and much stronger as well.

"Lily is my friend, and I watch out for my friends." She felt guilty, she had avoided Remus ever since that night…

"We were having a fine time until you came along. Leave us alone." Lily tried to pull away again, but he still held her.

"Brett, what is the matter with you?"

"What is the matter with you, Lily? Don't you want this?" Did she? Brett was an awesome guy, and he was interested in her when there were girls like Laura around. Did she really want to turn him away?  She wished she had felt something in that kiss besides shock and disturbance, but she hadn't.

"No, not like this, and not with you. Sorry Brett." His arms fell limp and he stalked away. In about three seconds Lily found herself crying into Remus' shoulder.

"Remus, I'm so sorry."

"You don't have to apologize, it's his fault." 

"No, for treating you unfairly, for not being there like you have been there for me. I feel horrible." Her weighted conscious was enough to make her stop crying. In a steady stream all her friends came over, reassuring her about what a slimeball Brett really was.

Lily could hardly believe that he would do something like that. Her mother had always said don't give people stereotypes, don't put them in a box that was supposed to determine their personality, they will just struggle to get out. Lily had done that with Brett, she had thought that because he was her friend he wouldn't have any romantic interest in her. Guess she was wrong…

Robyn even came over. "Lily, I'm so sorry I ever introduced you to that creep."

"Don't feel bad, it's not your fault," _it's mine_, her mind finished for her. All those little things she had said and done, meaningless from her perspective, would have been taken as hints from someone who was searching for them. She could hardly look her friends in their eyes.

She stared up at the ceiling, the stars glimmering brightly, thinking about how romantic an evening this would have been for two people to enjoy. With a thud in her heart she realized two absent faces in her crowd of friends—James and Laura. They were probably having the time of their life. She found them on the dance floor, Laura's head nestled under James' chin as he looked straight at Lily. For a moment they both stared at each other, but then James broke away. _He's too absorbed with her to break away for just one second, one second to see if I'm alright_.

Clearly, the dance floor was too painful to observe. As her friends returned to the dance Lily searched the room some more. She looked at all the teachers up at the Head Table. Most of the teachers were having a great time, especially Professor Dumbledore. Hagrid was there, looking rather bored and a bit red in the face next to an empty seat, probably reserved for the loopy Divination teacher Professor Trelawney. McGonagall looked happy and Professor Malchite was grinning and having a good time as well. There was another man up there too, however, a man that looked strangely familiar.

"Robyn," Lily asked to the only one who was still there. "Who is that man at the Head Table?" Robyn couldn't really see that well.

"Where?"

"The one talking with Dumbledore, he looks familiar." She had seen his picture before somewhere, she couldn't remember when though.

Robyn's jaw dropped. "Oh my goodness, Lily, that's my Dad!" That's where she had seen it, probably in one of the newspapers, but Robyn had shown her lots of pictures of her house and stuff, she might have seen Mr. Delann in one of those too.

Robyn rushed off, Lily losing sight of her in the crowd. _I might as well go back up to my room_, she thought. _There's no use staying down here_.

She got back to her room, changed and removed her make-up sullenly. Her night had been a bust. She crawled into her bed, recounting every moment from the dance. She remembered how she had thought Brett was so nice, how Remus had saved her, and how James and Laura had been completely inseparable.

What had happened? Was being pretty all that mattered? One moment James had been assuring Lily that he thought of Laura as nothing more than a friend, but as soon as Laura got all dolled up he couldn't stay away. At that moment, Lily sort of wished she was pretty, at least prettier than she was now. Maybe, if she didn't have such red hair, or her eyes weren't such a deep green…

_Maybe James is right, maybe I am jealous that Laura got to go with him_. James had looked at Laura like she was the most beautiful thing he had ever laid eyes on, Lily wanted someone to look at her that way. But, what if Brett had done that to some other girl? _ I don't think I would have cared one bit, even if he was_ my date.__

Then it hit her.

She wanted James to look at her that way, to think that she was wonderful. And hadn't James been about to tell her he thought she liked him? How had he known before she had even figured it out?

_I like James. I can't believe it, I like James._

She had gone so far off into the subject, never once stopping to think about the full effects of what she was actually saying. It took her a second for that realization to sink in. There was only one explanation.

"Ugh, someone _did spike the pumpkin juice."_


	15. Smiling and Crying

Chapter 15 ~ Smiling and Crying

She sat there staring at the back of his head. If Professor McGonagall got this sort of attention her students would all be much better off, but she sat there content to stare at the back of James Potter's head.

He had gorgeous hair, and you could tell he had broad shoulders underneath those robes. Pesky robes…

On a whim she took out a piece of parchment, not really sure of what she was doing. James hadn't talked to her since the Ball, and so for the past couple of weeks she had been worrying over what was going on. Well she was going to put a stop to it right now.

She scribbled his name on the front of her note and passed it forward. When Sirius threatened to read it she threatened to curse him. She saw James get the note, regarding it curiously. He opened it and read

                James,

                I think that we really need to talk. I'm so confused, what was going on at the Ball? You weren't acting like yourself. It really hurt. You must have figured out, or if you didn't someone must have told you that I really like you. And I just don't understand what's going on. Please meet me after class.

- L

She wished for all the world that she weren't sitting behind him for once, so that she could actually see his expression. She would have seen a slow smile creep on his face only to turn into a full-fledged grin. After the ball he hadn't been sure…but then Sirius had told him…and when he was dancing… _Oh well, it seems I haven't screwed things up too much, he thought happily.  He continued to grin._

* * *

Lily Evans waited outside the classroom impatiently, waiting for people was so annoying. Someone from the stream of people exiting the classroom stopped in front of her.

"Hey James." James hardly noticed that she didn't even look nervous. _I'll_ _always be amazed at how she has managed to learn how to keep her cool._

James spoke excitedly, staring straight into her eyes in a way that made her shiver. "Listen, Lily. I got the—"

"James!" From down the hall a high voice screeched. "I though you had walked away without me, and after I asked you to wait." James turned to see Laura trying to cut through the throng of people moving against her. He just stared at her, confused. "Laura," he whispered. "L." A slow glance from Lily to Laura as he realized the mistake he had made. He had thought Lily was the one who had sent the note, but we don't always get what we want. Before he knew it Laura had swooped in hooked arms with him and was dragging him down the hall, leaving Lily abandoned on the wall; leaving behind something that he had just realized he had lost. Lily just stared into the ground, missing James' frantic and longing look he cast over his shoulder for her.

Lily just stood there, bewildered. James was inexplicable. She wouldn't ever understand the way the thought, the way he worked, or the way he made her feel when he looked at her the way he had a few moments ago. 

Evelyn, the person who she had been waiting for finally exited the classroom, the professor had wanted to talk to her. "Sorry it took so long, Lily."

"Hey, no problem." She took one last look down the hallway to see Laura and James round the corner and go out of sight.

"Ok, then. Let's go, Lunch is next and I am starving!" Evelyn accented her exclamation with a roll of her eyes and they both walked quickly down the Hall towards the Great Hall, Lily's thoughts on James temporarily forgotten. 

* * *

They didn't stay forgotten for long though. When Lily made it down to lunch Laura and James were already there, sitting beside each other. Laura continued to talk to him and Lily only had to see his eyes glaze over and hear him sigh once to see that he was completely infatuated with her. Honestly, he seemed like he was on another planet, as if he wasn't thinking of Laura at all, yet he wouldn't stop staring at her. From Lily's view on Laura's other side she could tell quite plainly that Laura seemed to be the only thing on his mind.

And Laura giggled, and she smiled, and Lily had never seen her this happy. All Lily seemed to see was Laura's happy face. 

Lily had the sudden urge to punch it.

Then maybe she wouldn't be so damn beautiful and James wouldn't be so damn obsessed. _And then_, the voice in her head chimed in, _you__ wouldn't be so jealous._

Lunch turned out to be not so pleasant a break after all.

* * *

All through the next week she only saw Laura hanging all over James, in fact, it seemed as though everywhere she turned they were there, together. And the days until summer break rolled by and soon enough Lily was off to the Delann's house.

It was odd going to the train station and being picked up by people who were not her parents. She didn't even have a clue to what these people were like except that they were worthy of the Ministry because, well, Mr. Delann had essentially been the Ministry. And from the small amount of research she had done on him she had found that his retirement came as somewhat of a shock and that he had been a very good Minister indeed.

And so when she met him she wasn't surprised at her greeting.

"So great to finally meet you, Lily. I've heard lots of great things about you from Dumbledore." He offered her hand to shake, and unless her eyes were playing tricks on her she saw him give her a small wink. A wink? What was that supposed to mean? What had Dumbledore been saying to Mr. Delann?

She hadn't much time to brew over it as she was bombarded with questions from Mr. and Mrs. Delann. They asked her about her favorite subjects (Charms had been a favorite of Mrs. Delann as well) and what she did in her free time. Lily hadn't exactly realized that they knew almost nothing about her, well, except for whatever Dumbledore had mentioned.

When she popped into the Delann's living room through the fireplace she could hardly believe her eyes. The Delanns were filthy rich. You wouldn't have noticed it from the way Robyn acted, but looking up into the four-story atrium there was no doubt about it. 

"Come on, Lily, I'll show you around." And so Lily set off, venturing through all the massive hallways and around the impressive dining room. When Lily got to her own room she was amazed. Her bags were already sitting on a large four-poster. Next to her bed was a large bureau and on the opposite wall a bookcase. Walking to the window Lily looked over the grounds—the _extensive_ grounds_. You didn't expect the former Minister of Magic to be poor, did you? she asked herself. Robyn quickly hurried her off through the library (immense), the parlor (gargantuan), and the exquisite foyer (need I say more?)_

Robyn's house was gorgeous; it was anything Lily had ever dreamed of living in. There were house elves ready to take her orders, facilities beyond her wildest dream, and kind caring people to live with.

But it wasn't her home. And they weren't her family. After dinner Lily rushed upstairs and flung herself into her bed. 

She didn't stop crying for a long, long time.

* * *

Robyn was home for a week before she had to begin a summer job she had signed up for before it had been arranged for Lily to stay over the summer. On the morning of her first day Lily sat in her room watching Robyn get ready.

"Are you sure you don't want me to stay? I could, you know." Lily really wished Robyn would stay.

"No, really, I'm fine. I wouldn't want you to rearrange your summer just because of me." Robyn eyed Lily skeptically.

"Well, only if you're sure." Robyn continued talking as she walked to her fireplace, Lily retreating to her own little world. _Alone again…_ And before she knew it Robyn was throwing Floo Powder in the fireplace and yelling back, "Bye Lily!"

And all of a sudden Lily found herself alone in a room in a strange house. The massive, twisting hallways didn't have the same grandeur when she wandered them aimlessly. Without realizing where she was going she found herself in the parlor. 

She looked over the trinkets that adorned the room, pausing at a grand certificate above the fireplace.

_Order of Merlin, First Class_

_Presented to Robert S. Delann for his astounding use of magic_

_in__ the face of terror._

_We honor him on this day of __June 5th, 1961___

_with__ this certificate for his deed._

"Wow," she muttered aloud.  _I wonder what he did to deserve that_. He must have deserved the Minister position for some reason or another, she finally decided. And that must have been it. _I can't believe Robyn has never mentioned anything about it though_.

Lily continued walking around, finally asking one of the timid house-elves for directions back to her room. She got there, pulled out her Diary and began to write, a habit she had abandoned since, well, since that stupid Spring Dance. And thinking of the Dance she couldn't help but fling the Diary down again, advancing to the mirror.

She looked at herself. She wasn't ugly or anything, but she wasn't exactly gorgeous either. "At least not like _Laura_," she reminded herself. _I'm not jealous, but a girl can't help but want to be pretty_. A sneaky little thought of James crept in her mind. "I'm not jealous that James likes her. _I_ don't like James, and I am not jealous." 

"Dearie," the mirror chastised her, "Give it a rest." Lily just humphed and started at the contrary mirror. "Though you could use a new hairstyle, you know."  
  
"Well, I don't care what you have to say." Lily took two steps back to her bed before stopping. She turned slowly and returned to the mirror, sweeping her hair off her neck and pinning it there.

"See there, that makes your neck look as graceful as a swan's." Lily wasn't sure if she was supposed to thank the mirror or not. "I'm sure James will like it." 

_Wrong_, she mentally commented.

"James won't ever see it, so it won't be a problem." She turned back to her bed, moving to undo her hair.

_Yikes!_ her mind screamed. _Wrong again! For there he was, James Potter, hovering outside her window on his broomstick with the oddest look on his face._

And Lily, well, she was rooted to the ground, eyes bulged, jaw hanging. She quite resembled a squeeze toy that was about to pop. And, understandably, when she saw James let out a small laugh she was pushed to the breaking point.

In other words, she popped.

* * *

"Don't just stand there!" he pleaded through the window.

"I don't see why I shouldn't!"

"Aw, come on. It's not like I did anything wrong."

"So spying is part of your everyday life, then?" She paused on her tirade to look at James. "Never mind." James just grinned.

"Please, Lily? I promise I won't spy again, if that helps." As she unlatched the window she muttered, "You'd better not." He jumped down off his broom and dusted himself off, not paying any attention to the scrutinizing look she was giving him.

"Got any food around here?"

"I'm sure there's food. I just haven't got a clue where it would be."

"Well then, lets go exploring, my stomach calls!"

Not surprisingly, James got them lost. "Brilliant! Lost in a huge house without a clue to where we are. Next time, James, when your stomach calls, don't answer."

"Aw, give it up, Lil. Come on, this room looks good." Lily stared at the door, the only one in the house that she had seen that appeared rather rustic and worn. She approached the door slowly, for some reason very wary. "Doors don't bite, just open it." She felt silly, but then just decided she might as well, exactly at the moment James reached out to open the door for her.

They both got rather stuck in the doorway and fell through was a loud thud that echoed. When Lily finally pushed herself off James she got a good look around the room. It was dusty, cluttered, and nothing like any other room in the house. She and James went silently to explore the room, each understanding the others curiosity. 

Brushing away some webs Lily found a whole other section of the room, walled off to make it look as though it weren't there. A large single pane window overlooked the grounds and she saw Sirius jumping off his broom in the middle of the grounds. "Neither of them have respect for anyone else, do they?" she muttered to herself ruefully. She turned back to go find James and tell him Sirius had got there but James was already calling for her.

"Lily, Lily where on earth are you?" She popped out from behind the wall, pouncing on him from behind.

"Right behind you!" she screamed gleefully as he wailed like a small child. "So what is it?"

"Oh, nothing. I just thought we should go."

"Yeah, Sirius is waiting outside, I saw him through the window."

"Lily, Sirius is away. He won't be back for another two weeks." 

"Oh, I swear I thought it was him. Oh well." James stared at her, her forehead wrinkled in confusion. He couldn't help but give a little laugh.

"And what is so funny?"

"Um," he started innocently, "you?" He flashed that grin of his and backed away slowly as Lily advanced. 

"You are going to regret saying that!" She took off down the corridor after him. James yelled back good-naturedly, "I already do." James was jogging backwards as he watched Lily half-chase him, stumbling while he impeded her with jokes, imitating anyone he could think of as he went down the hall.

Right in the middle of a fake spastic leap (he was Sirius) James fell over, right into Robyn, of all people. Lily quickly ran over and helped James up, noticing he was wearing cologne. _Did James ever wear cologne before? she wondered. She must have been spacing because Robyn's hand was waving in front of her face._

"Oh, yeah, hello to you too, Lily." From someone else it would have been sarcastic, from Robyn it was just a joke. "I guess I forgot to tell you the first day on the job was just a half-day."

"Sorry," Lily apologized impishly and James looked on.

"No problem," Robyn assured them as they walked down the hall. She held Lily back as James walked ahead and whispered, "I should be apologizing with you for interrupting your secret little rendezvous with James." And with a promiscuous waggle of her eyebrows she went up to bridge the gap between themselves and James, leaving Lily in the dust for a few seconds until James came back to drag her along.

Robyn just smirked.

* * *

And it was that very smirk, _That__ god-damn smirk, Lily told herself, that had her in this position right now. Robyn didn't have to go and broadcast it to the world._

_AHH!!_ she thought, screaming at herself. _There_ _is no it__! There is no_ it!_ Lily hadn't seen James for almost two weeks after the visit. Lunch was too uncomfortable, at least she felt that way. _Why_ __are Ravenclaws so observant?' she thought with vehemence, _so _assuming._

But really, she couldn't stay mad at Robyn. She could just sit there, sending letters to her friends when Apollo dropped by, and just sit.

Sit and contemplate.

Contemplate if, perhaps, chance beyond chance, that Robyn was _right_.

* * *

Right…

Wrong…

Right…

Wrong…

Laura…

Oh, yes, how could she forget? Laura, Laura, Laura? Laura seemed to be ruining everything between the James and Lily. And James couldn't even see her, or if he did he certainly didn't act on it.

Evelyn sat by her desk, contemplating what exactly she was going to write to Lily after all. _I can't mention James, she thought tactfully. Apollo had arrived only the other day with a very fragmented letter from Lily. Something she was obviously embarrassed about. Evelyn sighed and wished she wasn't stuck in Paris all summer, she missed her best friend._

Back at the mansion, Lily sighed as well.

_You'd never imagine yourself wishing for summer holidays to be shorter_, Lily thought, repeating a phrase she had written in her letter to Evelyn_. I suppose I never thought about a lot of things_, she continued to muse. She was soon interrupted by a loud crash. 

"You know, you wouldn't think so, Lily, but this is some harsh carpet you've got here."

She knew that voice. She _really_ didn't want to turn around. How could he back already? Two weeks wasn't what is used to be…

"What, Lily? Too secluded even to come visit your pal Sirius when he gets back from his vacation?" Lily made a face, reference to yourself in the third person was a bit of a pet peeve of hers. "I know you're making a face hoping I can't see, Lily," he finished in a singsong voice, taunting her until she just had to laugh.

"Sirius! You are incorrigible!" Sirius seemed to take it as a compliment.

"When I find out what it means I'll thank you."

"No, you wont," she added with a small laugh. "How did you get in here anyway?"

"Well, I just landed in the yard, but you weren't there and I tried to get your attention but I couldn't, so I just flew in your window. It was open."

"If I didn't know better I'd think you would make it a habit of breaking into people's rooms." 

"Of course not. I only reserve the privilege for you."

"And Snape."

"Yes of course, and Snape. Well anyway, off to business, we have got to go." He grabbed her by the hand and dragged her to the fireplace, Lily not even having the drive to protest.

"Sirius, where are we going?" She had a sinking feeling she already knew exactly where they were headed… with _whom_ they were going to meet.

"Just thought that we could take a drop by Florean's for some ice-cream." 

'Maybe I underestimated him,' she thought. As he threw some Floo Powder in the fireplace he added, "Oh yeah, and we're meeting James."

Before she could even stop herself from muttering 'Daigon Alley' Lily was out the fireplace, Sirius close behind. As soon as he landed she turned on him, "Come off it, Sirius, I'm going back. Hand over the Floo Powder."

Sirius smirked and said, "I'm out." And to prove it he turned out his pockets, and Lily watched a whole pile of the glittery dust fall to the floor, unsalvageable. Sirius plastered a look of innocence on his face, a good attempt ruined by his next comment. "I know that James will have some, if it makes you feel any better."

It didn't.

"Sirius!" she shrieked, wondering how she would ever get out of this contrived, evil plan of his. _It _figures that Sirius is only clever on holidays, not when we are actually in school_, she thought to herself._

"Lily, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that you are a tad nervous to see James. Now why would that be, hmm?" Lily just scowled. "Are you _sure_ there isn't something that you'd like to share with the class?" And he had Lily beat.

"Oh, stuff it Sirius. Let's get to Florean's and get back as quick as possible." And they made their way through the twisty alleys to the ice-cream parlor, where James was waiting. Lily and Sirius sat themselves down and were greeted by a somewhat awkward silence.

"Hey Sirius, hey Lil." 

"Hey James," responded Sirius. Lily was silent, Sirius nudged her under the table.

"Oh, fine!" she said a bit loudly, exasperated. "Hello to you too, James." The waitress came over then, thankfully.

"Well, what can I get for you all today?"

"Chocolate," both Lily and James answered at the same time, glancing at each other. Sirius grinned, "I'll take vanilla," he answered. "So anyway, Paris was great fun." Lily did a double take.

"Paris? You went to Paris? That's where Evelyn is, did you see her?" James noticed a bit of a tremor in her voice, and wariness in Sirius' when he answered back.

"Um, we might have run into each other a couple of times, you know, on accident." Lily raised one eyebrow. "I understand perfectly—on accident—of course." Sirius just looked up innocently, and Lily stopped dead in her tracks. No doubt Sirius had been filled in to some extent on the happenings that day, otherwise how would he have known to tease her back there? He could embarrass her royally, so she decided to just shut up.

She hadn't really noticed that James and Sirius had been talking. "Yeah, so Remus and Peter are supposed to meet us back at the house." Lily's head perked up, "Whose house?"

James answered, "Mine," and seeing the somewhat upset gaze he got in return he added, somewhat upset himself, "It's close to yours, you could walk from my house." 

"Close to Robyn's, you mean," she absently corrected, playing with her chocolate ice cream that she hadn't even noticed receiving. James and Sirius exchanged looks, ones of compassion and sorrow. 

"Lil," James offered, "We can go now, if you like." Lily pushed away from the table, not even looking at him and muttered a quick "Sure," and left to dispense of her uneaten ice cream. They went to James' house, he did indeed have some Floo Powder handy, and Lily was surprised by the size of his house. _I should have guessed, he _is_ in Robyn's neighborhood_.

"Come on, I told them to meet us outside." Lily couldn't help but notice that James' house was quite as grand as the Delann's, and the grounds were rather small, but gorgeous nonetheless. Remus and Peter were waiting, leaning on an old willow tree. Remus didn't notice them approaching until they were standing right next to him.

"James, Sirius, Lily! Good to see you!" He jumped up, giving Lily a reassuring hug. Why couldn't _all_ boys be so considerate? Lily sat down next to him, and right away the got off talking. During the time after the ball the had come to be very close friends, often staying up late in the common room just talking, discussing the current events, their lives, just anything. Lily had missed him more than she had known in his absence from her circle of friends after that night last school year.

They didn't even notice a certain person regarding Remus with a tinge of animosity, or see a tawny, petite owl stop off to drop off a letter in James' lap. He read it, slightly cringing. "Look at this one Sirius! They just keep getting worse. What am I supposed to do?" he hissed. When he saw he had caught the attention of the other two he quieted himself.

Remus smirked at James, "Another 'Laura Letter' James? How many has it been this week, five?" Lily looked down, and James answered, "Nope, seven."

"How many have you written back, James?" she asked quietly. She felt guilty about how she was acting around James, but friends came first. And although Laura and Lily didn't have the cleanest track record, they were still friends.

"What? Oh well, I haven't exactly had the time… you know, its summer! Time to relax, have fun—"

"Dump your girlfriend," she continued. "I understand." James walked over to her, and the other guys took the opportunity to exit the scene rather tactfully, though Peter wanted to know why on earth they were leaving since there wasn't anything going on. Remus had just rolled his eyes and whispered to explain later.

"Lily, she is not my girlfriend."

And all of a sudden all of Lily's emotions were unleashed onto James. "Like she wasn't your date, right? But you didn't really mean that, because as soon as she got all dressed up you acted like there wasn't another girl on the planet. Such a typical guy, just because a girl is pretty nothing else matters."

James looked bewildered, lost. "Lily, a lot of other things matter beside how a girl looks."

She practically hissed back at him, "Then act like it."

But James wasn't about to sit a round and be bullied by her. "What do you mean, 'act like it?' How have I been acting any differently."

Lily looked at him, defeated. She couldn't talk if he wouldn't listen. She just had to try one more time. "Let me just ask this, do you actually like her James? Or did you just get caught up into this without even meaning to?" He didn't answer. "James, just tell me, do you actually like her?" He stared at her guiltily, causing Lily to have to reign her temper in.

"Listen, James. _When_ you hurt her, there is no _if_ anymore, when you hurt her, do it gently. Don't hurt her more than you have to. And do it soon, or you'll just be leading her on, okay?"

"Sure." Lily gave a small sigh of relief. The problem was dealt with, well, _a _problem was dealt with. She still had that nagging voice in the back of her head, telling her, and pleading with her to just say something to him…

"Lily?" James asked. "Why do you care so much about her?"

"We went through this before. James, Laura and I are friends. I wouldn't want to see her hurt like that. And as meaningless as she is to you," James tried to protest, but Lily held her hand up for silence, "she cares about you, for whatever insane reason," she added with a sly smile, but sobered again quickly. "She will be hurt, you know that."

"Yeah, I know." James was regretful, it seemed. Perhaps because he hadn't fixed things with Laura like he should have.

Lily answered simply, "Then do something about it." 

"Lily, it's not that easy. It's hard for me to tell her that I don't care for her when she tells me things like she does in these letters." James sat down wearily against the tree trunk, Lily sat down next to him. He unfolded Laura's letter, pointing to a phrase written right before the end.

_I love you,_

_Laura_

Lily gasped. "Oh," she exclaimed sorrowfully. "Oh no…" Lily couldn't even look at the paper. _Laura will be heartbroken, I cant believe it. This is terrible…_

"I don't think I know what love is! I mean, I'm just barely seventeen." Lily replayed those words 'just barely seventeen' in her head. Suddenly she remembered James birthday had been last week. _Way to go Lily, go and forget your friend's birthday because you are too embarrassed to talk to him._

She stood up, slowly followed by James. "Just let her down easy. I'd better go now, okay?"

"Yeah, I guess." Lily started to walk away in the vague direction of Robyn's house, head full of thoughts.

"Oh yeah, and Lily?" She paused to look at him. "Thanks. You care more than you have to. I think that's really… good of you." Hearing him say that made her feel really great for some reason, adding a spring to her step as she continued on her way to the Delann's. "Hey Lil!" James called from back by the willow. She slowly turned. "See you tomorrow?" 

Lily considered the question, then smiled broadly. "I'll be here at twelve!"

Lily walked back to the Delann's, and James went to meet Sirius, Remus and Peter.

They were both smiling.


	16. Owls, The Bearers of the Good and the Ba...

Chapter 16 ~ Owls, Bearers of the Good and the Bad

Lily woke up the next morning refreshed.  She had had a good day yesterday altogether.  _Soon James will actually tell Laura how he really feels.  And then they won't be together anymore.  She tried to keep her mind from swaying in __that direction. She corrected herself sensibly, "And so they won't be together, so what?  They will just be… not together," she finished unconvincingly._

"Oh Lily, give it up," came a voice from behind her—Robyn.

_Damn those Ravenclaws_, Lily thought to herself.  _They are far too clever for their own good, she thought rather crossly.  "Give what up?" she asked out loud innocently while picking up her brush to de-snarl her long hair._

"Umm…wait, hold on for a second. Oh right—James!" Robyn said, being completely sarcastic the whole time.  Lily turned to scowl at her, trying to prepare a decent comeback.  She found Robyn standing there, blithely smirking.  Lily just continued to scowl, not being able to deny anything without breaking into laughter and Robyn's expression.  Escape was easiest.

"I'm going to go get some breakfast."  Lily slumped and walked out of the door still scowling to Robyn's bursting laughter.  She managed to make her way down to the kitchen without too much difficulty and seated herself at the kitchen table; the Delanns had a separate table for breakfast.  She sort of felt like a guest star on Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous. 

"Good morning, Lily, how did you sleep dear?" Mrs. Delann asked politely.

"Just fine, thanks."

"Would you like some of the paper, Lily?" Mr. Delann offered.  And right about then Lily felt like she really was just a guest.  _I suppose I'll never really be in a family again. The thought depressed her, but she still accepted the paper with a smile.  She had grown accustomed to reading _The Daily Prophet_ each morning and catching up on the news of the wizarding world.  She was eating her breakfast quite peacefully until she came to the very last page._

"Oh my goodness!" she exclaimed quietly, not realizing that she had captured the full attention of both Mr. and Mrs. Delann.

Mrs. Delann, who had sat up in attention, was looking at Lily concernedly, asked her, "What's the matter Lily?  What's wrong?"

Lily spluttered, still regarding the article in the paper with awe, "Well, this, this says that there is a new Dark wizard.  But, it talks of it like it's not even a big deal!"  Mr. Delann looked at Lily rather gruffly then bit off a piece of his toast.  After swallowing it he answered, "Really, Lily, this Dark wizard has been trying to rise to power for quite some time, but the Ministry _obviously believes that they can deal with this hot shot with no problem."  Mrs. Delann stiffened and if Lily hadn't been hearing things she had heard a small amount of malice in Mr. Delann's voice._

"Now, Robert, I'm sure that the Ministry has it completely under control.  Don't tax yourself by worrying about their problems," Mrs. Delann told her husband, trying to hide a frown that Lily recognized anyway.  Lily had tried to do the same thing many, many times before, Mrs. Delann wasn't fooling her.

"Ha, Mr. Fudge can hardly keep anything under control now that I'm gone.  How the board elected such a submarginal man to replace me is utterly beyond my comprehension.  Their first security leak within six months, six months!" He said this all, laced with venom, while reading up on the sports section. Mrs. Delann was extremely uncomfortable, and to tell the truth, Lily was as well.  _It seems as though he almost didn't want to leave the Ministry, Lily thought to herself._

"Oh, quit griping dear," Mrs. Delann tried to play it off, smiling.

Mr. Delann seemed about ready to say something else about the Ministry but then his face suddenly calmed.  "I'm not griping. I love being at home with my family.  Speaking of which, Lily do you know where Robyn is?  I didn't see her at the breakfast table this morning."  Lily convinced herself that maybe Mr. Delann just wasn't feeling himself this morning, not that anything was going on.  After all, he was smiling.  She answered him, telling him that Robyn was upstairs changing for work.  She went up to fetch her down after quickly gulping down her orange juice and picking up her toast to eat it on the way upstairs.

"Robyn?" Lily called out. "Robyn where are you?" Her voice practically echoed in the hallways.

"I'm in my room!" was the quick reply and Lily hurried to her voice.  When Lily knocked and was allowed in Robyn quickly asked, "Why are you back so soon?  Didn't you want breakfast?"  Lily just held up the last bit of her toast before stuffing it in her mouth.  "No," she answered.  "Your dad just wanted me to check and see if you had eaten breakfast, he hasn't seen you this morning."  Robyn just groaned in response.

"Ugh, my dad had been so overprotective of me ever since he retired.  He would kill me if he knew that I was actually working a _Muggle job!"  Robyn just grinned as she looked in the mirror.  Lily, however, hadn't known that she was working a Muggle job either and was sort of surprised.  "Well, when were you going to tell me that?" Lily asked indignantly, yet jokingly._

"I already did.  On the first day I had to go I told you right before I left.  I believed that I stressed the 'Don't tell my father' part of it, but I suppose your mind was just on something else," Robyn said, finishing with an undeserved air of innocence, one that Lily chose to ignore.  

"But you don't wear robes to work, do you?"

"No, I wear these robes over my clothes and then change before I get there.  It's safer if I just wear my robes out of the house unless my parents or the house-elves see me," she answered, trying to fix her skirt through her robes, it was obviously itching at her.

"Do you have many Muggle clothes?" Lily asked.  The Delanns had just about everything you could imagine—from the wizard world.  Maybe she could finally offer Robyn something that she didn't already have.

"Not too many, enough though I suppose.  I just hate using my wages to buy new clothes, and I swear that they are all overpriced.  But that's life!" she finished with a smile.  _I wish I could be so optimistic, she thought__._

"You could always borrow some of mine," Lily offered cautiously.  Lily guessed that Robyn had never borrowed—or even had the need to borrow—anything from anyone ever before.  And she was rightfully unaware of how to act. "It'll be fine," Lily assured her.  "I have too many clothes to know what to do with them.  You can wear them anytime you want."

"Really?"

"Of course you twit!  Why wouldn't I let you borrow my clothes after, after you have given me so much?"  Lily had brought up a sore point without even meaning to.  But that's the way it was with her parents, they were always there.  And before she knew it a reassuring hand was on her shoulder.  "Thanks, Lily," Robyn said quietly.  She didn't attempt to talk anymore.  Lily didn't want her to.  But Robyn was there, with her support and her everlasting smile.  Lily engulfed her in a hug.

"Thank you too."  And when she pulled away Robyn didn't mention how Lily's eyes were glazed over, either.  "Come on," Lily said, "and I'll help you pick out what to wear.

* * *

Robyn left that morning without a hitch, her dad didn't notice a thing when she finally got downstairs to kiss him goodbye.  She was in a good mood, and she was soon to be in a better one.  She was going to be complimented on how good she looked five times that day, one that would come with a phone number, but she didn't know that yet.  Lily, however, just stayed upstairs and took her time getting ready.  She had woken up around ten and only had to be at James' by twelve, she had plenty of time to get ready.

After taking a leisurely shower she took the time that she normally never had to actually dry her hair.  She had actually been attempting to grow out her hair and it had finally made it past her shoulders, growing at a snail's pace.  She dressed as she normally would have over the summer, in a pair of shorts and a muscle shirt with a sweater to wear over it just in case.  She still had plenty of time left so she settled down to read a book, _The Nuances of Necromancy, which she had picked up awhile ago.  Before leaving for James' house she grabbed a bite to eat, not really sure what to expect in the way of food once getting there._

He had just exited her house when she saw a dark blur flying in the sky.  She stopped to watch it, wondering what on earth it could be.  It was acting strangely.  It was…it was doing…loop-de-loops?  _What?_ Lily thought.  Then it all made sense and she cursed herself for being so dense.

Sirius.

He came to a halting stop in front of her from a _very_ fast dive and it took all she could muster not to flinch, but she could tell she impressed him.  "James thought that you might like a ride to his house" Sirius offered.  "And he didn't want to leave me there without his supervision so I decided to be your chauffer today, Madam." 

"Well that's good.  I hope that you weren't expecting a tip, though," she added lightheartedly.  

"And I hope that you really weren't expecting me to be your chauffer," he added as they started to walk, trying not to snigger very obviously.  "Actually, I was just wondering what exactly you and James were talking about yesterday afternoon."

"Don't get your heart set on knowing, Sirius, because you never will.  Anyway, I liked you better as my chauffer," she added, laughing.  Sirius joined in and let Lily hop on his broom before riding back to James', a quick flight that Lily kept her eyes mostly closed on.  She wasn't scared of heights, or the speed, she was just scared of Sirius.  And who could blame her?  This is Sirius Black we are talking about here, not exactly Mr. Responsibility.  Truth was, she would have preferred it if James were the one giving her the ride…

Sirius, surprisingly, made a very smooth landing and as he hopped off he transformed, making Lily do a double take.  She wasn't quite used to seeing them transform.  She hadn't actually seen them since the night she had found Remus outside on the grounds.  She tried to avoid actually saying 'the night he attacked her' for that really wasn't Remus at all.  She knew that it hadn't really been Remus that night, it was somewhat of an alter-ego, so she just tried to glaze over the topic any way that she could.  Nonetheless, Sirius' sloppy attitude was magnified in his dog form as he immediately jumped all over Lily, making her fall over and laugh.  She crooned at petted him behind the ears as Sirius tried to get in the best position to slobber all over her.  She picked up a stick from nearby and threw it making Sirius run after it with some sort of odd, doggish joy.

She got up and brushed off to find James, Remus, and Peter all looking at her oddly.  Remus was trying to hide his amusement, at what, she didn't know; Peter was just gaping back and for the between Lily and Sirius, looking like a Gerber baby who got his blankie taken away; and James gave her this half-glare and a weak smile, making her very self-conscious for a moment before she brightened up and said hi.

"Hey, Lily," James said.  "You look like you had fun." She couldn't tell, was he making fun of her?  Was he mad?  Was he…jealous?  And it was wrong to hope so, but she sort of did, in a way.

"Yes, I did have fun, though for a moment I thought Sirius would drop me.  But, I got lucky; he just clobbered me as soon as I returned to ground."  Peter chuckled, Remus laughed, but again James just gave her another weak smile.  "Well, how are you guys?" she asked, trying to focus on something other than James.

"I'm great, summer vacation is so much nicer than school, don't you think?" Peter replied, toying with a piece of grass, leaning against the willow they had been near yesterday, a large tree with big weeping branches that almost completely enveloped them from sight.  It seemed like some sort of meeting place for these guys.

"I for one am happy to be on vacation.  It's so much less stress than classes every day," Remus added.  Lily nodded and added, "As much as I love Hogwarts, nothing can compare to sleeping in."  She took a seat by Remus against the tree and moments later Sirius came rushing up, stick in mouth.  He dropped it at her feet and she conked him on the head with it softly.  Seconds later he transformed back, still rubbing his head.  "Ouch," he said, "that hurt."

"You big baby, I hardly hit you."

"I guess you don't know your own strength, but somehow I think I'll survive."

"Well, that's reassuring," James added, laughing at his best friend.  Maybe Lily had just imagined James' bitterness.  Maybe.

Sirius took a seat next to James on the grass, resting his head on his elbow.  "What are we going to do all summer you guys?  It seems boring all of a sudden."

"I don't care if it's boring, I'm still just happy to be off school," Peter said, repeating his earlier statement.  But Sirius made sense, and Lily had to agree with him partially, "I'll agree, school gives us something to do, but I don't think that I would ever give up my summer vacation, not ever."

"Yeah, I agree with you," James said, and Lily peered at him.  He didn't make eye contact.  Sirius changed back into a dog all of a sudden, and Lily had a spur of the moment thought.  "You know, I kind of wish that I could be an Animagus.  It would at least keep me from getting bored all the time."

"What animal would you want to be?" Remus asked.  Lily thought a moment, coming up with the best answer that she could.  "A unicorn, perhaps?"  Peter laughed.  "What a typical girl answer!"  James, Sirius, and Remus all shot him looks, but Lily just brushed it aside.  There were guys that could be friends with girls, and there were guys that couldn't. Peter couldn't.  She just decided to loft the slobbery stick in Peter's direction, and he, having no other choice, caught it and got dog spit all over his hands and clothes.  He at least had the good humor to laugh at himself.  "I suppose that I deserved that," he said, chuckling.  

"Yes," said Lily decisively, "you did."  That earned a small laugh from James, but he didn't make eye contact yet again.  She decided to try and forget about it.  "I bet it took you all awfully long to decide what animal you wanted to be.  Aren't they supposed to represent you in some way?"  She gave a small glance at Peter who was frowning.  "Don't sulk, Peter, I know it's important for you to be small," she said, though she really had wanted to see if he was discontented with his Animagus form. Sirius understood what she had done and gave her a wink, masking its blatancy by transforming back into a human again.

"Padfoot, can't you just make up your mind?  Besides, what if my Mum saw?  She'd think there was a Grim in our backyard!" James said good-naturedly, laughing at the pure idea of it while trying to reprimand Sirius.

"Come on, you know you can't see anything through these branches, James!" He defended himself.

"Fine, fine. You win, just don't transform again."

"Deal, Prongs."  Lily, Remus, and Peter had watched on in amusement, and Remus turned back to Lily to continue the conversation.

"Anyway," he started, quieting the other two. "It took Sirius the longest, both to decide and to find his animal sample." James could be heard muttering 'the hair from a Grim, honestly,' and Lily was trying hard not to laugh.  Remus continued, "It wouldn't be very hard for you to become an Animagus now, unless you still wanted to become a unicorn, that is, because I think we still have the ingredients left over and we should be able to get it right on our first try this time because we would know what were doing."

"Really?"  Lily head burst with the possibilities.  I _could be an Animagus.  Me, Lily Evans, an Animagus! An illegal one true, but still, an Animagus all the same_.  "That would be awesome."

"I don't think that's a good idea," James commented.

"Well why not?"  Lily was about ready to wring his contrary little tongue.  _What is up with him today? she wondered.  __He just keeps changing on me._

"We had three peoples power to do the potion and the transfiguration.  I know that you're brilliant at Potions but the transfiguration will undoubtedly be hard for you.  It was hard for _me and I had Sirius and Peter to back me up."  It took a little while for this all to register in her head.  Brilliant_ at Potions?___  Brilliant_?_ she thought, blushing at the praise.  It took her awhile to consider what he had said._

"I could handle it, I think.  And you could help."  James gave her a bit of a blank look back, shaking his head slightly before answering. 

"I would try, but it could backfire on you, and you might get hurt."  James looked so sincerely cautious. _He can be so sweet sometimes_, she thought, sighing inwardly.  Lily absently wondered if James had broken up with Laura yet.

"Well, whatever you two decide, it could be a possibility," Remus said, holding back a grin.  James fidgeted and Lily's mouth shaped into a small 'o' at the mention of them as 'you two.'  Both were staring at the ground while their friends looked on, amused.

"Yes," Lily said shakily.  "We can all talk about this later."

An owl swooped down at that moment to deposit something on James lap.  It was a Hogwarts letter. "James!" Sirius exclaimed.  "You don't think we got in trouble for the Filibuster Fireworks incident from last week, do you?"

"What?" Lily asked.  "Last week?  But didn't you just get home?"  James and Sirius shared identical grins.

"No time to waste when there are pranks to be done, Lily.  We Marauders have to get down to business."  Sirius seemed awfully proud when the prospect of getting in trouble was before him.  Then again, Sirius almost reveled in getting into trouble.  Detentions were a nuisance, true, but he was _always_ game for trouble.  James sat warily before his letter and Lily scooted beside him so she could read it after he was done.  Instead of making her wait he motioned everyone over, though nobody came, and let her read it with him.

**_                                                              From the desk of Albus Dumbledore_**

                        _Dear Mr. James Potter,_

_                                    Something has come to my attention recently and I must discuss it with you._

_                        Your performance in school last year has been kept on very close watch as a cause of_

_                        the disturbances that you caused in school.  In light of more recent events, however, _

_                        the state of your schoolwork and grades has been taken into account.  _

"Oh my goodness," James said, closing the letter. "I can't read any more of it!  He's just dragging it out, waiting to say 'We don't want you anymore.' I know it.  I can't believe it."  James hung his head and Lily put a reassuring hand on his shoulder, making him snap up.

"Just read the letter, I'm sure everything will be fine."

"Okay," he answered, and then unfolded the letter again, gingerly continuing reading what he was sure to be a death warrant.

                        _And your grades reflect that although you must take considerable time to inflict the _

_                        amount of damage that you do you are still maintaining excellence in all your courses._

_                        I do warn you to not take lightly on the idea of playing a prank however harmless it_

_                        may seem.  Yet, for your seventh year the school has elected you to be Head Boy._

_                                    Congratulations,_

_                                    Headmaster Albus Dumbledore_

"I can't believe it, I can't believe it. Woohoo!"  With that he flung his papers into the air, gave a frantic hug to Lily and then his friends and ran a few feet before cupping his hands and yelling towards the nearest window, "Mum, Mum, you won't believe it!"  His mum Apparated to right in front of him less than a minute later and he exclaimed, "I made Head Boy!"

She gasped for breath for a moment, covering her mouth with her hand.  "Oh, James," Lily could just make out what her mother was saying.  "I'm so proud of you, Head Boy just like your father, James."  They held each other in a long hug.  "You know, he would have been proud too."

_Would_? she thought to herself. Seeing her confused look Sirius whispered over to her. "He died in third year from a heart attack.  He doesn't tell anyone.  I think he liked to think of him as still being here."

"Oh, dear," she whispered to herself.  "But you still have your mum, James.  You don't know how special that is, you really don't."  Remus looked at her, having heard her talk, but didn't say anything. James mum finally let him go to ask, "Can I see the letter, does it have the badge in it?"

"Oh, I dropped the letter, sorry."

"Oh it's fine."  They walked back over to where he had dropped it and looked at it, Lily wishing badly that maybe she would have gotten a letter of her own.  No sooner thought, an owl dropped a letter from Hogwarts in front of her feet.  Squealing, she picked it up.

                                                             **_From the Desk of Albus Dumbledore_**

                                    _Dear Ms. Lily Evans,_

_                                                I am very pleased indeed to tell you of your new position as Head Girl_

_                                    for this coming term.  You have always had superb overall academic standing_

_                                    and I believe that you are the perfect student for the job.  Enclosed is the Head _

_                                    Girl badge.  Congratulations._

_                                                Until September First,_

_                                                Headmaster Albus Dumbledore_

 Lily couldn't help but laugh in the comparison to James' letter.  _Dumbledore certainly knew what he was doing, she thought.  All of a sudden James mum screeched out a loud "James!"  James tried to laugh whatever it was off and his friends rushed over to see the letter and what had caused Mrs. Potter to be so upset._

                                    _P.S. ~ In no way am I amending your pranks.  This responsibility should be taken_

_                                              very seriously.  I would not advise you to set anther neighbors garage on _

_                                              fire with Filibuster Fireworks.  I heard your neighbors were extremely_

_                                              upset and had no idea of the culprits.  I have taken the trouble of _

_                                              informing them.  Have a pleasant vacation._

"Oh yes," Lily said, her stomach hurting from the laughter, "Dumbledore _definitely_ knows what he's doing."

* * *

Lily left James' home that day, almost wishing that she didn't have to go.  The Delanns house was starting to depress her.  Next summer, though, she wouldn't have to worry.  She would be eighteen then.  Her seventeenth birthday had passed rather uneventfully in the very end of May.  She hadn't really looked forward to it especially, but next year would be different.  At eighteen she would be free from her childhood; at graduation she would be free from her past.

But for now, she just walked down the road back to the Delanns.  She was greeted by a cheerful house-elf.  She had an animated conversation at dinner discussing the finer points of Charms with Mrs. Delann.  With Mr. Delann she thoughtfully questioned of where he was departing to that night.  Somewhere tropical, she couldn't remember exactly where by the time she had gotten into what was surely the most comfortable bed she had ever slept in.  But she wasn't happy, and she wasn't home.  She resolved, however, to make the best of it, as it seemed her new foster parents were catching on to her unhappiness.  She resolved to wake up with a smile on her face even if it killed her.

And she did, though wearily.  The next morning she bounded down the stairs to breakfast, offering an exuberant "Good Morning, everyone!" to the Robyn and Mrs. Delann.  Lily realized she might have been a tad more depressed than she had realized when even one of the house–elves turned around in shock.  _Well, she thought, __then__ this is my chance to prove that I'm not._

"Robyn honey," Mrs. Delann questioned.  "Have you seen the _Daily Prophet yet today?"_

"No Mum," she replied, wolfing down her chocolate chip pancakes. "Dad always gets it."

"Doesn't the owl deliver to your door?" Lily asked.

"Oh no, Lily.  It's a delivery owl so coming all the way up to our front door would take it too far off of its neighborhood route.  It gets dropped off at the front of the driveway, near the mailbox."  The Delanns neighborhood wasn't entirely wizarding, so the Delanns had many of the things that Muggles do in order to make their house fit in.

"Well, I could go and get it for you," Lily said, determined to prove her good mood.

"Oh no, that's not necessary, it's a long walk and you just woke." Mrs. Delann was right, it was a long walk.  Their house was set very far back off the road.  It was the last thing that Lily wanted to do right after she had woken up.

"I'll do it."

"Well, okay then.  But only if you really want to," Mrs. Delann seemed to be unusually perceptive this morning.  Lily just cracked a smile for insurance.

"Really, it's no problem.  I'll go now." And she slipped on some shoes and walked on onto the long driveway.  _Its great to just get out of that cavernous house every once in awhile, she thought, breathing deep. It was true, the Delanns' house didn't feel homey the way Lily's had.  After about two or three more minutes of walking she had come to the end of the driveway and had picked up the paper.  She decided just to skim the front section so she could let the other two have the rest when she got back._

She flipped the paper open, and read the headline, eyes already skimming to read the article.  Her eyes widened in horror, then closed in shock.  She turned, stumbled, and fell, completely knocked out, her breath still ragged.

The paper fluttered down behind her, the paged scattered.  The headline flashed, **Another Killing by Dark Wizard!**

Below it showed a wizard picture of the victim.  But the victim didn't move—he never would.

For however it had been managed, Robert Delann was dead. 


	17. Chaos, Chaos Everywhere

Chapter 17 ~ Chaos, Chaos Everywhere

****

**_Another Killing by Dark Wizard_**

LONDON, England—_The__ former Minister of Magic, Mr. Robert Delann, was found dead early this morning, victim to the most horrible murder staged yet.  The location of his cadaver is not to be released, and it is rumored that not even the Dark Mark hovered above his body.  This signature mark has been seen hovering  over every other body found, all believed to have been committed by the same culprit in charge._

_Until now the name of this culprit has not been revealed, but I bring you the information from the first-hand witness.  Burned into the forehead of Mr. Delann was the name Lord Voldemort.  One other inscription was burned upon Delann's face, a blurred image of a snake and a skull.  Lord Voldemort is a newly arrived Dark Wizard who first appeared on the scene just a couple of years ago.  He then staged only minor attacks, and it is only very recently that his attacks have become more vicious, as seen in this case._

_Curiously, otherwise the body was undamaged save for the knife lodged in his back.  This murder goes against the norm set by the others.  What is so special about Robert Delann?  What made him deserve such odd and disturbing treatment?  It might never be discovered, but currently a specialized team of hit wizards is after the culprit and is expected to be reprehended very quickly.  _

The description, not particularly vivid, gave Mrs. Delann convulsions. She dropped on the floor, much in the same fashion as Lily had earlier.  And when she awoke she screamed, and she trembled, and she prayed that it wasn't true.  She lashed out at reporters who were too insensitive and forward for their own good, banishing them from her house.  Literally banishing them.  The reporters were sent flying, and for one unlucky woman who forgot to cushion herself it was a _very painful landing._

Robyn walked the house, mute.  She stared at the walls, the floors, and one particular coffee mug stain on the kitchen table for hours on end.  _She has the trivialities to remind her,_ Lily thought resentfully. _She can look around and be reminded.  I have nothing. Her thoughts went far to depress her.  Lily was jealous of all things, jealous because she still had someone.  For weeks they all moped about the house.  Nerves were short and Lily was on the worst terms with the Delanns that she had ever been._

Mrs. Delann pulled herself together, obviously trying to be strong for Robyn. _About time,_ Lily thought, compassion drained.

"I thought we might go away to our summer home for awhile," she offered, smiling.  Robyn made no response so she made another attempt.  "We haven't used it in so long that I thought—"

"Fine," she said shortly, jamming her spoon sharply into her bowl of oatmeal.  Mrs. Delann gave a grateful smile.

"Well then, that's settled," she said, still smiling, spooning some oatmeal in her mouth.

"I wasn't aware that I didn't have a say in this," Lily said, acidly sweet.  Mrs. Delann stared fixedly at her, then gulped her porridge down.

"I'm sorry Lily, what do you want to do?"

"That's not the point."  Lily knew she was being horrible, but she just couldn't stop herself.  "I'm not in this family to you, am I? I don't matter," she challenged Mrs. Delann.  She could tell that Mrs. Delann was at the breaking point.

"Lily, I'm sorry.  With—with everything going on—"

"You couldn't be bothered to think of me," she finished.  "I understand, you know. I can kind of see the place you're at right now.  Except for my entire family is dead, well, except for my sister, you know," she added, laughing while tears gathered at the edges of her eyes. "But she just does me the favor of not talking to me. You know, considering—" she sobbed, her chest heaving, "considering my parents are dead.  She seems to blame it on me."  She stood up warily from the table, faltering. "But I'll go to the summer home.  Wouldn't want to ruin your holidays."  She stood up and left the table at a run.  

Robyn fingered the coffee mug stain.  A tear dropped on it and she rubbed it in to the grain of the coffee table, not even watching Lily leave.  But Mrs. Delann watched.  She saw Lily go and her lower lip began to tremble.  Her head slowly hit the table as the trembles reverberated through her body.  And they both continued to cry.

Who knows how long those two stayed sitting there.  Robyn rubbing her finger into the coffee stain, many more tears to make up for the original that had dried; her mother still sitting there, crying, shaking.  They sat there, sinking into their own sadness, their own tears.  But soon they embraced each other in a hug thanks for the other's simple existence.  For Lily had been right about one thing, they had each other.

Lily was just alone.

* * *

Staying at the summer house did good to mend Lily's frazzled nerves and pained heart.  She and the Delanns made a silent pact never to talk about that day of the argument in the kitchen, but they were reminded of it when she wept.  This house wasn't as big as their other, it was more of a cozy home than a majestic show-off and they could hear her at night.

Now she was just trying to survive, to survive the summer and then be free from these people.  It was a horrible thought, especially after they had taken her in, and she knew it.  It didn't make her want it any less.

They just hadn't been used to any other people and functioned as a family, she could understand that.  She was a guest, an outsider.  She just wished that she didn't have to be treated accordingly.  And she knew she was acting like a selfish spoiled brat, for they had just lost someone important as well, but she couldn't help it.

And this new behavior worried Robyn and her mother, for they really did care for her.  They talked about that day in the kitchen, even if Lily didn't.

"I can't believe that her sister doesn't talk to her!" Robyn exclaimed, viciously chopping up vegetables for the dinner that night.  They didn't have house-elves in their summer house, it was a Muggle place.  But Mr. and Mrs. Delann had loved it and bought in anyway.  

"I know honey, but not all people get along," her mother rationalized.

"Well, I know that.  But they should be together, helping each other through it instead of being separated," Robyn said. This was a bit of a sore point for her.  She had always wanted a sister and didn't see any reason for Petunia to simply try and pretend like Lily didn't exist. 

"We can't change that, though.  All we can do is try and be supportive."  Robyn nodded and another thought came to her.

"You told me awhile ago, if I'm remembering this right, that Petunia is staying with some aunt or another of hers, right?"

"Yes."

"Well then, how come Lily is with us?  Couldn't they both go?" Mrs. Delann cringed slightly at her daughter's question and tried to block the harsh reality from her.

"But don't you like having her here?" she asked, trying to change the subject.  But her daughter wasn't a Ravenclaw for nothing, tricks like that hadn't really worked in years.

"Of course.  But under Muggle standards doesn't the child have to go to family first?  I remember learning about it in Muggle Studies." 

"Well, this was a special case," she said.

"But Mum!  It's required by law," Robyn exclaimed indignantly.

"Well, the law of Lily's Great Aunt Varice is that no child like her was ever setting foot in her house.  She didn't want her, so the Ministry stepped in and brainwashed a few social workers to take matters into their own hands.  Your father, he heard about it and asked to be her caretaker.  That's all there is," her mother explained.

"Does Lily know?" Robyn asked.

"No, no dear.  And don't tell her, it will be easier on her not to know."  Robyn nodded and they continued with making dinner.

But the walls of this house aren't particularly thick.  Lily, around the corner from the kitchen, heard every single word they said.  And without another thought she grabbed her jacket, left a note by the door and took off.

No one in this town noticed the red-headed girl striding furiously down the street crying.  She didn't know how long she walked, but before long the street lights popped on.  _That's good_, Lily thought about her apparent invisibility. _I don't want anyone to notice me.  No one should care, she reassured.  But more than anything she wished for someone's shoulder to cry into and a patient, attentive ear to tell her saddening thoughts._

She got something much different.

"Lily?" came a high screechy voice.  "What are _you_ doing here?"  Lily looked up in astonishment.  It was Petunia.

"I could ask you the same thing," she sneered back.

"Great Aunt Varice lives around the corner," she said smugly and Lily's heart jumped.  The Great Aunt who didn't want her lay just around the corner.  How she longed to run rampaging through the house and touch as many things as she could just to set that woman's nerves ablaze.

"Well, currently, I live here too," Lily said.  "So I have a right to be here as well."

"Oh no," Petunia shuddered, "You, and your kind, they—they can't be here Lily!  You have to go!"  Petunia was scornful and fearful at the same time, Lily noticed.  She wondered briefly why before answering back.

"No!  I'm doing fine where I am right now, thank you very much," Lily said, temporarily forgetting that she had wanted to get as far away from here as she possibly could just a few hours ago for the purposes of this argument.

"You don't belong here, you'll just cause trouble," Petunia said, deathly quiet.

"Oh!" Lily said, on the verge of tears.  "So now merely my presence causes trouble, does it?"   her emotions soared, she was triumphant and sarcastic, wanting one last victory over her sister, just to prove to herself that she wasn't worthless, that it was Petunia's loss to not be speaking.

"You didn't even have to be home to kill our parents, Lily. Just being who you are was enough," Petunia sobbed.

"What—the—HELL are you talking about, you—you—" She couldn't think of anything to describe the devil spawn in front of her.  "How can you… how can you say that?" she whispered, breath flushed out of her lungs.  Pure venom seemed to replace that air, and Lily advanced towards Petunia, but before she could touch her sister there was a great flash of light and a huge crevice opened in the road.

"See," Petunia said, gloating.  "Look what you did already!"  Lily just ignored her last comment.

"I did not kill my parents."

"_Your_ parents? Suddenly their not mine anymore?" she asked, still dreadfully upset.  "I had to watch them die, Lily!  Nothing is more painful than that!"  Lily shook her head; she thought Petunia had been visiting a friend or something…

"How do you think it felt to have robed men—people like you!—come in our house and hold our parents.  The men wanted to know about you, Lily.  But they wouldn't tell, and they were killed."  Petunia sobbed.  "Then how do you think it felt when they came to me, still whimpering in a corner and asked, 'Should we kill her too?'"  Lily was crying so hard she could hardly stand.  Her lungs hurt, her body hurt, her heart hurt.  

"Bu—but the man just said, 'Oh no, leave her.  _She _doesn't care for her!'" Petunia was racked with sobs.  "I had to watch my parents die because you hate me."  Petunia collapsed on the ground. "How do you thin that feels, huh?"

It was long moments and still Lily didn't answer.  In a rage Petunia flared and jumped up. "HOW DO YOU THINK THAT FEELS!!!!!"  She was breathing heavy, all tears expended.

"I don't know," Lily replied, the guilt crushing all air from her lungs.

"That's right.  You don't know, do you?  But you were happy to go off and practice your magic.  And you didn't even send me apologies.  You killed my parents.  You and your magic." Petunia spit grossly in front of Lily, but she felt deserving.  _I'm lower than filth. I'm horrible, evil even_.

"I will never speak to you again," she said crossly.  "And I hope you get what you deserve.  I hope someone hauls you out of the rubble from a broken house like they did to my parents.  I hope—I hope…" Petunia stopped, gathering her wits that had scattered.  Forgetting about her earlier thought, she added one more thing before leaving. 

"May you never have another happy day in your life."

Lily collapsed, sobbing.  "I don't think I ever will…"

* * *

That was how she was found.  Still crying, sitting in the middle of a deserted road with a tremendous crack running across it, two feet deep at points.  Lily hadn't even had her wand.  But the deed was done all the same.

Mrs. Delann approached her cautiously, not wanting to upset her. She stood there, next to the helped child.  _She is still so small, so weak,_ Mrs. Delann thought piteously.  Lily slowly rose.  Mrs. Delann stepped in and brushed the tear-soaked hair from her face.  Lily staggered in her place.  _Dad always did that…_ and she broke out in another burst of violent sobs, flinging her arms around Mrs. Delann in a consuming hug.  Mrs. Delann was terribly confused, but she just reassuringly patted the girls back, rocking her gently underneath the pale of the street light.  Slowly Lily's sobs died down to soft hiccups, then eventually disappeared.  Lily released from the hug, looking embarrassed, but Mrs. Delann just brought her back in and hugged her tightly again.

"It always helps to have someone, Lily.  You can have me," she whispered.  Lily was confused, _I'm not replacing my Mum, am I? she thought. And she almost backed away.  But she didn't._

"Thanks, Mrs. Delann.  I needed that."  Lily smiled, cautiously yet gratefully.

"There is a time when we all need it.  Robyn and I needed each other and became too involved."  Lily could tell she really was sorry she felt it in her voice.

"I'm sorry, too.  I was being horrible," she sniffled.

"No, you were being hurt. We were all hurt and too blind to see it."  One last pat on the back and Lily was released from the hug.  "Come on, then. Let's go home."

"Yes," Lily replied, thinking of the cozy summer house, and nodded.

* * *

Waiting there, however, Robyn, extremely upset.  "Lily!" she cried, flinging her arms around the other girl's neck.  "I was so worried!"  Lily laughed slightly.

"Thanks," she said softly.

"No matter.  But dinner is ready," Robyn said cheerfully.  

"I don't deserve friends like you."

"Lily, you are a great person, you deserve twenty friends like me," Robyn said, laughing.  Lily ate dinner, oddly content.  But Petunia's words lurked at the back of her mind and part of her spark was smothered by it.  Petunia had had to watch, sitting in the corner.  And she had survived, but only because Lily didn't really love her.  _But I did love her, she was my sister_, Lily thought, depressed.  _But I suppose it's for the better now, she's still alive, at least._

Lily slept fitfully and when she awoke two owls were waiting patiently by her bedside.  One cooed and stepped in front of the other so Lily obligingly took that letter first.  She gasped when she saw who the letter was from.  "The Ministry…" she said softly.  It hadn't even occurred to her that she had done magic and was going to get in trouble for it.

                        _Dear Ms. Lily Evans,_

_Yesterday evening you were reported to have used a ground-breaking charm last night in Muggle precincts.  Magic is strictly forbidden for minors when not in school and the punishments are harsh.  However, as no wand magic was reported at the site and there were no potion residues we have determined that it was accidental.  The matter of control has been taken up with your Headmaster.  Until then, consider this a warning, and a strict one.  No more magic will be tolerated when unsupervised until you reach the legal age.  _

_The Ministry_

Lily gasped, she didn't think she had ever really been in such serious trouble in her life.  _I bet that other owl is Dumbledore's,_ she thought warily.  _He's probably more upset that the Ministry was.  We are supposed to have learned control._  She carefully opened the letter, surprised at a glance that it was so brief.  She read:

                                    **From the Desk of Albus Dumbledore**

                        _Dear Lily,_

_I was very disturbed to learn of what happened last night.  I can't fully explain it now, I will meet with you on the evening of the first day back  to explain.  Until then know that any more outbursts may seriously endanger your Head Girl position, you are to be an example for the students._

_                                                Sincerely,_

_                                                Albus Dumbledore_

Lily flung herself back on her bed.  "My Head Girl spot?" she quailed.  "James is the one who was supposed to get in trouble and lose it, not me!"  This was the most horrible thing that had ever happened to her.  She didn't care what some stupid ministry worker thought of her but she wanted Dumbledore's respect.  _And it's not like I could have helped it!_ she thought, quite helpless herself.

This was horrible, terrible, rotten!  _I'll lock myself in the house for the rest of break if it means not getting in trouble_, she resolved, knowing she would do no such thing.  She looked forward to seeing James, Sirius, Remus and Peter when she returned.  _Maybe they could come to my house, she thought, then took it back.  Invite the Marauders over and not expect to get in trouble? __Don't hold your breath, Lily, she told herself, thoroughly discouraged._

She thought of Petunia again.  She could see her parents getting killed now, she could picture their every move.  She could see Petunia hiding around the couch, trembling and holding back tears.  Soon she was doing the same herself.  She wondered how they had died.  She thought of the newspaper article on Mr. Delann, it mentioned a name—Lord Voldemort if she remembered correctly.

Dumbledore had told her that name tat day so long ago, she strained to remember.  It came back clearly, he _had_ told her that name, she remembered now.  He who had killed with so little dignity, he had killed her parents.

Lily ran into her bathroom and hurled.

"May you never have another good day in your life."  Petunia's words came to her head as she thought of them.

At this rate, it didn't seem as though she ever would.


	18. The Gray that Settles

Chapter 18 ~ The Gray that Settles

Lily's sickness continued.  She never quite did get rid of that foul feeling in her mouth, the feeling that she had killed her parents.  She never could quite tear the image from her mind, from underneath her eyelids where they lurked, waiting for her to lapse and be tormented by them once again.

She immersed herself in her fourth-year schoolbooks, for what reason Lily wasn't even sure of.  But deep down she knew she was clinging to the past, to the place that she could never go back to.  The days passed, she and the Delanns returned to the mansion.  Lily forgot about the thoughts of seeing her friends before school started again.  She remembered the last time she had broken down so hard over her parents, that one late night in the common room.  James had been there for her.  _He always makes me feel better, she thought sullenly, for he didn't seem to be the least interested in speaking to her.  He hadn't even owled. __You haven't owled either, she told herself.  Apollo screeched awkwardly in the corner and flapped his wings in earnest.  _You haven't owled anybody recently_, she reprimanded again. __They probably don't want to intrude, she thought before turning to the page on size and topographical changing, an odd combination of charms and transfiguration, the only subject she had ever tested in excellence on in Transfiguration, until James had begun to help her, that is._

He just wouldn't stay out of her thoughts.  Lily didn't mind particularly, but this was James.  Just James.  

"Lily?" Robyn called while knocking on her door.  "Are you in there?"  Lily quickly put her book down and jumped out of bed, rushing to her dresser to pretend that she was doing something other than moping.

"Yeah, you can come in," she answered back.  Robyn entered, "Lily, my mom wanted to know if you were interested in going to Diagon Alley today for supplies."  It was the 20th of August, 

"That would be great.  Just give me a bit to get ready and then we can leave."

"Okay, how about we leave in an hour.  I still have to eat lunch."

"Sure, an hour is fine."  And in exactly one hour she was standing at the fireplace ready to head off to Diagon Alley.

"Okay girls, here is enough money for all your books, perhaps a little extra for something for each of you.  Now, off we go."  Mrs. Delann was the first to pop through the fireplace and Lily and Robyn were soon to follow.  They picked up all her new books and potion refills and headed off to Madam Malkin's for robes.  Lily hadn't grown much, but Mrs. Delann was convinced that she should get new robes because she was Head Girl.  "And don't forget dress robes, dear.  There is the Graduation Dance for you at the end of the year, remember."  Lily groaned.  "Oh, you'll warm up to it.  The whole night isn't boring formalities and getting your diplomas."

"It's not even a dance, they just call it that to make it sound nicer," Lily complained good-naturedly.  

"Yes, well, you might warm up to the idea dear.  Besides, aren't you excited you get to speak as Head Girl?  It will be fun, and it is your Graduation.  Don't be upset, just buy some robes and stash them away until the spring, you're not growing anymore."

"You're right."  Lily and Robyn immediately went looking through all the formal robes.  

"Look at this gorgeous green robe Lily, it would look great on you."  Lily looked at the robes, they would look good, she knew.

"I'm sick of wearing green.  Red hair is more trouble than its worth," she complained.  "I want to try something different."

"Well, whatever you try, don't try red," she added with a laugh.  "And remember, that it's held at night, so you probably want something dark."

"Yeah, I know."  She fingered her hair.  She really did love it, it just made buying clothes a little complicated.

"Okay, well keep looking, I have to get new school robes.  Good luck finding some dress robes."

Lily laughed.  "I'll need it."  It took awhile before she found some robes that might work.  They ended up fitting perfectly as well.  They were of a silvery gray that glinted slightly as she moved.  She felt sophisticated when she wore them, and it was perfect for the nighttime ceremony.  And she already had shoes to match; so as far as she was concerned they were perfect.  She took them to the counter to pay.

"That'll be 62 galleons, 4 sickles, and 22 knuts, miss."  _Yikes, thought Lily as she paid.  _Maybe not that perfect_._

"_Sixty-two?_  You are paying sixty-two galleons for dress robes?" Lily whirled around to see James right in front of her, looking rather bemused.

"You are forgetting the 4 sickles and 22 knuts.  Besides, I don't spend all my money on stink bombs, so I am using it to buy dress robes."

"Hey, those stink bombs and all the other stuff we buy go towards a good cause."

"Ambushing Mrs. Norris hardly counts as a good cause, James," she countered.  "I think it comes closer to animal abuse." 

"Ha!  You should see the damage she does with those claws of hers.  I'd say we're even." She grinned, she had missed him. "You know Lil, I missed you while you were gone.  I was—we were all worried about you," he said, making Lily turn to grab her bag to hide her blush.  They started to walk out of the store.  "And I was wondering," he leaned in close to whisper, making her shiver, "have you decided on an animal yet?"  She turned towards him, catching her breath at the close proximity between them.  She smelled a familiar scent.  _I suppose that he really does__ wear cologne all the time._

"Just leave it to me, I'll handle it," she said, putting back the distance between them.  They continued walking, talking, and catching up with each other before Lily realized she had left the store without even telling Robyn and Mrs. Delann where she was going.

"James!  I have to go back, I can't believe I forgot to tell them!"

"Ok, then.  I'll see you on the train," he said, not able to hide the regret from his face.  Lily wasn't looking.

"Bye, James!" she yelled before running back down the street she had come from.  She didn't hear the forlorn 'bye' James muttered back.  She simply continued down the streets, trying to retrace her dawdling steps.  _I should have brought James with me, he could have remembered the way back_, she thought.  And it didn't ever occur to ask someone for directions, she just continued walking and turning back.  

She was positively lost.  The street she was walking down was dim, made eerie and even dimmer by the cloud-shrouded sun. This road didn't resemble the others, its cobbles were torn up, the windows were dark, the people waling past had sly grins on their faces.  Dangling on a hinge from the corner was a sign with 'Knockturn Alley' stamped in fading letters upon it.  She finally resolved to ask for directions, wanting to be back at Madam Malkin's without hesitating a moment more. 

"Excuse me?" she asked to a man walking just behind her.  "Could you please tell me how to get back to Madam Malkin's, the robe shop?"  The man, who was hunched over, straightened up.  He had the palest blue eyes she had ever seen, and skin as white as could be.  The brim of his hat cast a deathly shadow over his pallid face, his eyes momentarily flickering gray, making her entranced by the face she never wanted to see again. His gaze simply held her. He grinned a sickening, toothless grin.

"Now, why would you want to go back there?  Stay here, relax awhile."  He reached for his pocket, drawing her attention away from his eyes and scaring her out of her wits. _What am I supposed to do? she wailed to herself.  _Get yourself the hell out of here seems to be the main priority, I should think_, her immanent sharp-voiced self retorted_

"I—I have to meet someone," she answered shakily.  "Quickly."

"Ah… Meet someone?  Just stay here, I'll show you all the company you'll ever need."  He grinned again, and Lily wanted to throw up.  _Not only a creepy man, but a perverted creepy old man._  How lucky can I get?__

"Really, I must be going.  If you don't know the way then just say so, I'll be leaving anyway."

"Don't sass me, young lady.  I'm more than I appear."

"More of a nut head?  I wouldn't have guessed."  If the man didn't want sass, then she fully planned on giving it to him.  But quick as a flash she was hurled into a cranny between two stores, her back hit hard and soundlessly against a stack of boxes.  He pulled a long, glinting knife from his coat pocket.

"I warned you not to sass, girl."  Slowly he began to descend on her with the knife. She wasted no time.

"Oh, pardon me," she answered sarcastically.  The next second, she landed a painful kick to where her mother had always instructed her to in this sort of situation.  She felt no mercy.  Quickly she jumped over him and started to run.  On an impulse, though, she turned around and took the knife with her.  She ran, and ran, and ran, leaving the filthy Knockturn Alley behind.

Before heading back into Diagon Alley she stopped in front of a tree to inspect the knife.  It had a long blade, polished to a high shine with a curving tip.  The handle was studded with tiny emeralds and small stars of gold and ebony.  It was magnificent, even if she had almost died by it.  It was still magnificent.  _How will I explain all this? she wondered, sitting against the tree trunk.  She looked up through the sparse leaves on the tree, it was obviously dying.  She saw a sparkle shine through the branches, one that immediately vanished.  _Odd for stars to be out so early in the summer,_ she thought.  She looked at the dagger once more, deciding to just keep it to herself, stashing it away in her bag.  __Then I can simply forget about it.  It was just some old pedophile.  She thought of him again, and those deep mysterious eyes he had.  They seemed so familiar, though she was sure she had never seen them before.  _

But that flicker of gray, it still seemed so hauntingly familiar.  She brushed it off, paranoia caused her overreact so much, she rationalized.  But, if this was paranoia, then she certainly didn't like the feeling of chills it gave up and down her spine.  A flash of gray—Lily looked to the tree behind her.  But no gray, just the fear, just the chills that vibrated within her, making her step erratically.  And she continued, finally making it back to the robe store where Robyn and Mrs. Delann were frantically waiting.  No chides were waiting, they were simply scared that a nasty fate awaited her.  Lily assured them she was well and they continued home.

And a pair of gray eyes flickered, following her.  They watched and they waited.  And the mysterious eyes seemed to laugh with a fire inside them, sensing her fear, feeding evilly off of it.

Only the darkest creatures feed off fear.  The drain it from you when they have nothing left.  And only from a creature of pure evil.  But now the eyes, they sparked with the intrigue of hidden treasure, one that has been lost for a long, long time.  He would have that treasure.  He would have that treasure, and with any luck, he would have Lily Evans as well.


	19. Intermission, Act Two

Chapter 19 ~ Intermission, Act Two

Lily had decided not to dwell on the man in Knockturn Alley.  No lasting damage was done to her, though she still took out the knife from its hiding place to look at it every once in awhile.  The green, gold, and black of the handle was entrancing.  She stared at her trunk; she knew it was packed safely away in there, where no one could be suspicious of why she was carrying a knife.  Her trunk bounced in the air; there was obviously some sort of bump on the Hogwarts Express track.  She was on her way to Hogwarts now, her seventh, and last, year about to get underway.  After she had visited Diagon Alley the rest of the holidays had passed relatively quickly.  She had owled James, too.  His reply had seemed awkward, though, and she was eager, yet nervous, to discuss it with him.  _He is just so… confusing_, she thought, looking at him sitting across from her.  

Laura gazed at him with no apparent pain in her eyes, looking upon him with simple adoration while Lily would have expected a least some bitterness after a break-up.  This was something Lily hadn't expected, and made her think the worst for a second, but then discarded the idea like an old dishrag.  _Maybe she's just stronger than I thought she was, maybe I was wrong to get so mad at James.  I should apologize for being so harsh,_ she realized.  She had given James a terrible time about his eventual break-up with Laura, she herself would have been horribly guilt-ridden had she been in James' shoes. 

"James?" she asked, getting his attention.  "Could I speak with you outside?"  All the boys perked their eyebrows, as well did Laura.

"Don't get any funny ideas," Laura said while laughing softly, earning a queer look from Lily.  But James obliged and Lily quickly shut the compartment door once they were in the hallway.

"Listen, James, I don't think I was fair to you about the whole 'breaking up with Laura' problem.  I didn't think she would take it so well and I was pretty horrible to you about it."  There, she had said it.  _Now that wasn't so hard_, she told herself.

"Wha—What? Oh—oh yes, of course, she—um—she… she didn't take it badly at all," James blustered.

"You didn't do it," she said with conviction.  "I can't believe you didn't do it!  I thought she wasn't acting right on the train, gazing at you like that."  Her voice rose.  "We talked about it; you said it was over between you two!  Didn't the talk we had mean anything to you?"  James was shamefaced.

"Lily, I'm sorry, I just couldn't do it.  As much as you tell me to"—he grinned lopsidedly—"I just couldn't bring myself to do it."

"I fully expect you to do this," she said grinning as well.  "But," she added seriously, "it really is important James.  If you don't do this, I… I don't think I could ever look at you the same."  She barely whispered the last phrase, _What__ am I saying? she asked herself _I don't think I could ever look at you the same_… _I must sound like a complete loser, an idiot, a_—_

"You're right." Lily let out a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding in.

"Of course I am," she added with a wry smile.

"Right, of course."

Lily entered the compartment and sat back down, not noticing the piercing glare she was receiving from Laura.

"When I said 'Don't get any funny ideas' I was joking, but maybe you need a little reminder that James is _my boyfriend," Laura hissed, gathering the attention of the entire compartment._

"What are you talking about?" Lily exchanged a worried glance with James; he raised his eyebrows in a signal of his mutual cluelessness. 

"I heard what you said out there," Laura said.

"You—you listened in on our conversation?" Lily spluttered.

"Yes, and it's a good thing I did, you filthy slut.  I bet you spent the whole summer all over him, telling him to break up with me!  I thought you were my friend."  At this point, Laura wouldn't have done any better at spitting venom than if she was a snake.

"Don't tell me what I did and _did not do."  Lily was quiet, deadly quiet, a snake in her own right.  Laura just ignored her though._

"I love him and he loves me! Don't you James."  It wasn't a question.  

"I—I…" James couldn't meet her eyes, eyes that were brimming with tears, the full realization hitting her with the force of a twenty ton anvil.  

"You… you… you don't deserve to live, you SCUM!!!" Whether or not this was directed at Lily or James the others couldn't tell.  James felt like scum right about now, the mucky pond scum at the bottom of a lake, the kind that people step all over.  Sort of like how he was being verbally trounced right now. "Any you, you slut, don't think you'll get him now, you could _never_ have him."

"And just what makes you so sure?" Lily hissed.  "What makes you think you know anything except for you overheard a discussion that you don't even understand?"  Lily was the snake now, constricting around Laura, making her heart near numb with frightened pain.  "Absolutely nothing," Lily answered for her, her own heart wrenching.  "Next time you call your friend who tried to help a slut without any sort of conviction you might want to think of me.  I'm leaving; you can ask your little 'lover boy' here what the hell is going on."  Lily breathed deeply and turned to James.  "And you better explain, and you had better say it right, or else I will never _ever_ speak to you again."  The compartment door slammed behind her with tremendous force, just as much as Lily's flashback-to-five-years-old threat.  Then, coincidentally, something did just happen to slam into him.  Laura's hand left a mark that didn't seem to have any sign of fading before she left the compartment as well, heading pointedly in the opposite direction that _the slut_ had left in.

* * *

Lily sat, fuming, in the Great Hall while Dumbledore made his yearly pre-Sorting speech.  She tried to smile, but as she was sitting next to James (for the purposes of her Head Girl spot alone) she had to often remind herself not to grimace.  

"Now, I'm sure you are all excited to be back at Hogwarts, and to those of you who are new, I wish you luck.  Without further ado—the Sorting."  Lily's smile genuinely brightened as she saw the Sorting Hat awaken, its crisp fabric and large smile coming to life.  The songs it created always brought a smile to her face, even as a terrified first-year, now it was no different.  Lily listened in excitement as the Sorting Hat cleared its throat, or whatever it was that its voice happened to come out of.

_Each new year around this time,_

_I'm reawakened to sing a rhyme,_

_To determine their place, without a doubt,_

_Into each new student's respective house.___

_Four choices from which I have to choose,_

_Though none of you have much to lose,_

_Hufflepuff, Ravenclaw, Slytherin, Gryffindor:_

_Your place is chosen from among these four._

_Hufflepuff, with the colors yellow and black,_

_To a friend they'd never turn their back,_

_A kind ear is always theirs to lend,_

_Never would they abandon a friend._

_Ravenclaws, they don bronze and blue,_

_Their intelligence levels are through the roof,_

_Clever and witty, wise and smart,_

_With perfect aim they hit their mark._

_Slytherins are bold in silver and green,_

_Achieving their goals by any means,_

_As cool and cunning as Salazar himself,_

_Slytherins embody power and stealth._

_Gryffindors, lastly, in scarlet and gold,_

_On dishonor and scheming they would never be sold,_

_For true to their hearts and as brave as a lion,_

_Gryffindors are determined to reach the horizon._

_Each house has qualities for which they search,_

_And through hist'ry I've never been one to besmirch,_

_So don't be scared, put me on your head,_

_Sit down on my stool and I'll go right ahead._

She clapped politely, nudging James when he didn't do the same.  He simply looked at her oddly, making Lily frown back.  "You told her, didn't you?" she whispered.

"Just look."  He pointed to the Gryffindor table.  There was Laura, sniffling still, although quietly and much subdued as Evelyn belatedly patted her back.  "I had to hunt her down on the train just to find her."  

"Well, it's good you did," she answered, trying to keep the conversation formal by being as stiff as possible.  James noticed.

"Come on, Lil, don't stay mad at me forever.  Please."  Lily didn't look at him—that would have been a mistake.  She answered with a simple "I have no intention of staying mad at you forever."

"That's great!" he exclaimed, though still keeping their conversation at a low pitch as McGonagall got up to read the list of first-years and give them their instructions.

"I only intend to stay mad at you as long as Laura stays mad at me." 

James' face fell. "She's going to hate me until the ends of the earth.  She will never forgive you unless she forgives me, otherwise who would explain it to her? She certainly isn't speaking to you."  Belatedly Lily heard the Hat call out "GRYFFINDOR!!" but she didn't even turn to look.

"Oh, well spotted, James.  No wonder they made you Head Boy."  James looked hurt.  "Sorry James," she added quickly.  "But it hurt, what she said.  And it hurt that she was the one saying it."  The argument hadn't created animosity on only one side, however.  Lily's thoughts on her firend were not exactly… friendly. _And who does she think she is to say I don't have a chance with James Potter?_ she added to herself.  _She isn't perfect, then again, neither am I.  But at least I don't act like I am, that little— She stopped, sighing, then turned to James.  "And now I act like don't like her, either.  I was doing this all for her, and now I can't get one nice thought in my head about her."_

"I'm _sorry_ Lily.  But I have to tell you—"

"WRONG! A DUD!  GET THIS ONE OUT OF HERE HEADMASTER—SHE DOESNT BELONG HERE!!!" James and Lily's heads swiveled to the stool from which the Hat was shouting frantically atop a young girl's head.  McGonagall tried to calm the crying child while Dumbledore prodded with the Hat, taking it away immediately.  Just as quickly loud murmur went through the Great Hall.  Just who was this girl that had gotten turned away?  Certainly nothing like this had ever happened before, judging by the look on McGonagall's face.

The staff table was in a flurry, each teacher off to do something or another to aid the situation.  In all the fuss the students were left unattended.  It seemed as though all of the first-years were still unsorted judging by the large group of students that were left standing at the front of the Great Hall.  James and Lily simply regarded each other with a knowing look.

"I'll take the first-years," Lily said, "and you take the rest of the school."  James just grinned, accepting this as part of his punishment as Lily went off to the first-years.  They were all terrified.  From behind her she heard James yelling threats of pranks to be pulled on those who didn't keep quiet.  A remarkable amount of people shut up.

"He's not really gonna tie us up to the ceiling by our shoelaces, is he?" one small boy asked her.  Lily suppressed a giggle.

"No!" Lily replied incredulously.  "Not if you're good, that is," she added, smiling horribly.  Most of them were quiet now, James had mostly done her work for her, and the rest of the Great Hall was in order as well.  The little girl was gone too.  _What a horrible thing to happen: a first-year's nightmare come true.  Everyone always thought in the back of their mind they wouldn't be good enough, but this girl, apparently, really wasn't.  In the flash that Lily had seen the girl she had looked familiar, though she had no idea why.  James interrupted her thoughts by tapping her on the shoulder._

"Lily, what should we do with the kids?  Just seat them any old place?" he asked.  Lily thought a minute.

"We should get the Prefects; each table could take a quarter of the children left.  Then we could all eat," she offered as a plan.  "Does that work for you?"

"Yeah, I'll split up the kids. You can go fetch the Prefects."

"Okay."  Lily left and headed over to the Hufflepuff table first.  There was Thomas Reilly, Lily had forgotten about him, and it certainly seemed that he had gotten over his apparent infatuation with her.  After that one week of him following her, she had hardly ever seen him afterwards.  He was nice though, cordial.

"Thomas, I need some help managing the first-years who haven't been sorted."

"Of course.  I would be happy to help."  He smiled; his teeth were straighter than she had remembered.  Something about him was… just, different.  She ignored it.

"Thanks, Thomas.  Can you go over to James, please?  He will give you some of the kids to seat."  Lily walked off, conferring with one Prefect from the other three houses.  She looked for Cecil at the Gryffindor table, she was another Prefect, but she was nowhere to be found.  Instead she just asked Remus to do it.  But when she asked him if he had seen Cecil he was just as bewildered as she.  Nobody had seen Cecil since the Sorting Hat had flipped out.  Lily was starting to get worried.  'Where could she be?  What could have happened?'  She asked, but nobody knew a thing.  It was dragged from her mind as Dumbledore reappeared and made an announcement.

"Everyone, thank you for calming down.  I see that you all have found seats." He winked at Lily and James who were both standing in the back.  "Your cooperation is important.  The rest of the Sorting will be suspended until we determine the answer to the current problem.  Unsorted first-years will stay in rooms that will be set up temporarily for this purpose.  Your Head Boy and Girl will direct you to your rooms after dinner.  You will take classes with your temporary house until this is sorted out, no reason to get behind in our studies, is there?" he said amidst a few disappointed groans.  "Until then, let's eat."  Dumbledore sat as food appeared.  Lily was awed by how calm he stayed.  She nudged James and they both went up to talk to him at the Head Table. But Lily didn't know exactly what to say as Dumbledore simply looked at them evenly.

"Excuse us, Dumbledore, but we were just wondering…"

"Where the rooms are?  Yes, of course.  Mr. Potter, I'm sure you are familiar with the secret passage on the fourth floor behind the painting of Zeus, and, of course, the way to get in.  Temporary Hufflepuffs may go behind the statue of Pan, the Gryffindors behind Hercules, the Slytherins behind Ekhidna, and the Ravenclaws can go behind the painting of Aquila.  It is simple enough, and passwords won't be needed.  Just get them to their beds please."  They both knew each of the mythical people he was talking about, Lily and James were both in the elective Mythological Creatures that became available in their 5th year.  

"We'll be sure to do it," Lily said, then added quietly, "Should I meet with you afterwards?"

"Yes.  Mr. Potter can help you to my office as well, he knows where it is very well."  Dumbledore had an amused look on his face.

"Years of practice, Dumbledore, sir!" James said, laughing.  

"Or, if you look at it differently, years of mistakes." James stopped laughing, he didn't understand.  Lily did, and just laughed at him.  "Whatever the case, the password hasn't changed," he said, making James smile.  "See you both later."  Lily was encouraged by Dumbledore's good mood, and that he still considered her Head Girl.  She had been dreading him taking her badge away.  But now things didn't seem too bad.  _The Sorting Hat will be fixed soon_, she hoped, _and I will stay Head Girl.  Everything will be just fine._

If Lily had remembered Cecil's disappearance, she might not have been quite so happy.

* * *

After dinner she and James gathered all the unsorted students and led them to the fourth floor.  She let James lead while she explained.  "These are just temporary rooms for you until Dumbledore figures out what is wrong.  The House you are in right now doesn't mean you will be in that House, necessarily," a girl in Slytherin sighed loudly, "but it might," Lily finished and the girl gulped.  "Just do your best where you are and before you know it you'll be Sorted."

"We're here," James announced, the painted door swinging open.  Now it looked like a door, but it never had before.  As Lily filed through at the end of the line James whispered "Good job calming them down.  They all listened to you."  She stopped briefly.

"They all listened to you, too."

"I threatened them."

"It worked."

"But you were better."  Lily blushed, not having an adequate answer.

"Well, I suppose I can't argue with that." She entered the room, trying to hide her reddening face, and the fact that sometimes words just failed her when she talked to James.  She had sort of forgotten she was supposed to hate him right now. 

James followed her in.  "Once you get inside, boys through the left door, girls through the right.  We'll be coming in to check soon." James and Lily directed the students to their makeshift dorms.  Once they had all gotten through she voiced something she had been wondering about.  

"James, how exactly do you know all this about the castle? This room?"  He turned quickly, secretively, but Lily walked up right behind him.

"I don't know. From… around." 

"That's not an answer."

"Listen, Lil," he turned around, he hadn't heard her walking up behind him and hadn't realized they would be so close together if he turned around.  Or maybe he had.

But, nonetheless, there was his face, right in front of hers.  And there were his eyes, sparkling deep blue.  And his hair, a little tuft that flipped over his forehead that she had to keep herself from touching.

"I'd better go check on the girls," she said quickly, breathlessly.  She left just as fast, leaving James somber in the middle of the room.  Sullenly he went to go check on the kids as well.

Lily rushed into the girls' bedroom, not noticing their conversation at first.

"What if she's a servant for Voldemort and the Hat realized just in time before she killed us?"

"DON'T say that, Clarice! Genna is really nice, I sat with her on the train.  She was going to be in Gryffindor."

"Well_ I _don't see what's so nice about Gryffindor anyway."  This was the Gryffindor room.  "I heard from my brother that they are all a bunch of hot-heads.  He's in Hufflepuff.  He says that all the Gryffindors ever do is get into trouble."

"Katie, why don't you just be quiet?  Shut up about your brother, for once.  We don't care." 

"Well, you keep defending Genna.  It's the same thing," Clarice (or at least Lily thought it was Clarice) said gently.

"It is _not_ the same thing.  Genna is important.  Thomas sounds like a boring piece of dung."  Lily stifled a laugh.  _She sounds like a Gryffindor_, Lily thought with amusement. 

"Alexis!  You are the piece of dung!  And Thomas is great."  Lily knew it was wrong to let the argument continue, but she was curious_. And isn't it odd to see a little sister who likes their older brother so much, who likes Thomas so much,_ she added, cringing. Now, all of a sudden, Thomas Reilly gave her the creeps.

"Katie, Alexis, BOTH of you can just shut up now, okay?  I don't want to hear it.  You are too loud and you are driving me crazy."  Clarice intervened and the other two actually became silent.  _She has done all my work for me, Lily thought gratefully. "But Thomas does sound like a piece of dung," she added quietly._

Two things happened at once.  Alexis jumped from her bed and screamed a loud "Yes!!!" and Katie jumped up and hit her with a pillow.  Clarice, the instigator and, ironically, the pacifier, sat and watched from her bed for a few moments before picking up a book.  _Ravenclaw, Lily thought.  __Always behind a book.  As she picked up Katie from behind she thought of this small girl's fierce loyalty.  __Definitely a Hufflepuff, just like her brother Thomas.  _

"Who are you?!?" Katie said indignantly, for Lily was holding her back by her robes.

"I'm the Head Girl. I could give you all detentions for fighting but I won't.  Just calm down and get to bed.  I'm turning off the lights."  And she did.  But a voice came through the darkness.

"Um… Head Girl?" It was Clarice

"Lily," she supplied.

"Yes, then, Lily?  Genna wasn't really a servant for the Dark Lord, was she?"  Lily had gathered by now that Genna was the girl who hadn't been able to be Sorted.

"Of course not.  The Hat got confused," she answered lamely.

"Then could it get confused for us too?" Alexis asked.  "Could it put us in the wrong houses?"

"Of course not, Dumbledore will fix it."  They seemed satisfied.  "Now go to bed." Lily got up and walked out praising the fact that these girls were all too different to ever be Sorted together.  _They would be quite a rowdy bunch, all in one dorm, she thought._

As she closed the door she heard a faint whisper, "Thomas _still seems like a piece of dung."  _

* * *

Lily felt nervous as she waited outside by the painting for James.  After the 'Gryffindors' she had had an easy time getting the others to bed.  She guessed James wasn't so lucky.

"Hey Lil." He popped through the painting unexpectedly, making her yelp.

"James!" she screeched.  "Don't do that!"

"Okay," he agreed.  "I'll remember to do it the next time I see you."  He grinned, making Lily do the same.

"Can you just show me the way to Dumbledore's office?  Then you can go."  James started walking and Lily followed.

"I think I'll stay and wait.  I know a shortcut back."

"How do you know so much about the castle?" she asked again. James stopped walking and Lily kept going.  Once again she found herself dace to face with him.

"You mean like the room?" he said, inviting her to remember when they were alone before, exactly like they were alone now.

"Yes, like the room," she said, making her knees work to move shakily past him.  James' heart sunk, but he continued walking.  

"Left."

"What?" she asked, confused.

"Make a left," he said.

"Oh, okay."  She didn't ask him about the castle again.  It just seemed to leave her in…. uncomfortable situations.  _Admit it, you like it_, her devilish inner voice told her.  "Do not," she whispered to herself without realizing it.

"Do not what?" James said, chuckling.

Lily cursed herself.  _Idiot.__  You blithering idiot.  She stalled, "Do not… um… _do_n't we __not take a left here?"  She tried to emphasize the words but it didn't work too well.  James laughed, celebrating his own sort of private victory._

"Wasn't I showing you the way?"

"Yes, yes of course.  Let's just go."  She walked down the hall, trying to get away from him.  He just stood there.

"Lily!" he called. 

"What?"

"You were supposed to make a left."  She cringed at her own stupidity.

"Right, a left."

"Left a right?"

"Shut up James," Lily said, giggling, her embarrassment forgotten.  She loved how he could make her act like an idiot then make it feel like the most natural thing in the world to be that way.  "Are we almost there?" she questioned to break the thoughtful silence.

In reply he tickled the gargoyle in the hallway, making it jump out of the way.  "It's not supposed to do that, is it?" Lily wondered in amazement.

"Oh, no. I just figured it out."

"How—" she stopped.  _At least I didn't make the same mistake again, she thought.  "You don't have to wait, you know."_

"Of course I have to wait.  Who else would be there to tell you to make a right?"

"I thought it was a left," Lily said, becoming completely mixed up.

"No, we took a left, so this time it's a right," James corrected.  Lily had gotten so confused she couldn't even understand what he was saying.  "I know you need me, I'll just wait."

"Suit yourself."  She walked in, wondering if he really would stay or not.  _Probably not, he has the attention span of a five-year-old_, she thought while grimacing.  _With girls, too, she added, the painful memory of Laura surfacing.  _

"Ms. Evans, why the sour look?  Certainly you can't be that worried about the subject of our little chat tonight," Dumbledore said as she entered the room, he slightly teasing.  _Dad did that, she remembered, her smile completely wiped away now._

"Ah, Ms. Evans, you will be soon to learn that it is not best to dwell on the past.  To learn from it—yes, to dwell on it—never."

"Of course, I understand." She was wondering if he was a mind-reader or something. _Does he know what I'm thinking?  Albus Dumbledore is an old fool,_ she tried for effect.  He paid no attention.  She hadn't really thought it would work. 

"Now, speaking of learning from the past, Ms. Evans, I have made an unusual discovery," he said while reading over a letter of some sort.  "About you."  Lily wondered briefly if he found her painfully dense for some reason.  _'About you,' honestly, I'm not a five-year-old.  He shuffled the papers away, focusing intently on her now._

"I was obviously very upset when I had learned that you did magic over the summer."

"I really am sorry about that, but I didn't mean to, I promise," she said hurriedly.

"I know.  I was even more surprised when I learned that it was wandless magic, Ms. Evans.  Do you know the limitations of wandless magic?"  The look on Lily's face was answer enough.  "I see not.  Well, there are rules, shall we say, to using wandless magic.  Certain limitations are imposed on us by the properties of magic.  At first, I thought you had defied all laws Ms. Evans."

"Me?" she uttered.

"At first," he repeated.  "Do you recall what spell it is you used that you received the warning for?"

"Well, the ground just split open, I wasn't really paying attention," she confessed.

"Think, Lily."  She tried to recall what about it was nudging at her mind.  _I know I recognize it…_ she tried to stifle a gasp as it came to her.

"Effracterum.  It's the spell effracterum," she said.

"Yes, it was.  And that's what makes this so important.  This is why it couldn't be explained in a letter."  She met his gaze firmly.  "Wandless magic can only be accomplished when certain feelings reappear so strongly that they trigger a spell done previously in that state.  Do you understand?"

"Yes," she said slowly, wondering exactly how much she knew.  She had used that spell when Remus had chased her.  Did he know?

"There are other circumstances, but they are beyond your competency, or even your comprehension."  It wasn't an insult, but Lily sat speechless.  "Last year, I was curious to find a fracture in the ground not far from the lake, or the school.  It was a puzzle, but I filled it.  So many missing pieces, Lily, there were so many.  This summer supplied a few.  I'm sure we don't need to confer on the rest," he said.  "I'm not sure why it happened," he said, though Lily was sure he really was.  "But this is very serious, you have to work on controlling your emotions.  Just imagine what could happen if you let this happen again."

"I'll work on it, I promise."

"Your behavior shows an enormous lack of control.  It surprised me, it worried me."  Lily tried to keep her lip for trembling.  "But it intrigued me.  It shows you have enormous power, Lily.  Not any wizard could perform wandless magic whenever they have a breakdown, whenever something becomes too much.  You had an overflow of emotion. When that emotion, whether it be sadness, extreme joy, triumph—when it returns so strongly that you can't handle it the excess emotion comes out in the form of the spell done when you were feeling that way before."

"I understand." She wanted to say nothing that would jeopardize herself. "I wont put anyone else in danger again, I really wont."

"Lily, dear, this is about you.  I don't think you understand.  This could harm you, it could kill you, drain out so much life you wont have enough to let your heart beat.  Do you understand?"  She was meek, awed, and simply nodded.  

She finally found her voice.  "Dumbledore?  What was wrong with the girl today?"  He looked down.

"Not the girl, I'm afraid.  But the Sorting Hat."  She knew she might be pushing her luck with her next question, but she asked it anyway.

"What was wrong with the Hat?"  Dumbledore just sighed.

"Fetch James from outside, he should hear too," he said with resignation.  She wondered how he knew James was outside.  Only with the small prompt of a questioning glance he said, "James is the only one that tickles my gargoyle.  Everyone else needs a password, but that changes every week."  As she got him she realized why James had smiled when Dumbledore had told him the password was the same.  She found James still waiting outside when she got there.  He stood up immediately when Lily got outside.

"Done already?" he asked nervously.  _Nervous about what? she wondered._

"No, Dumbledore wants to speak to us both."  He followed her back inside and they both seated themselves.

"Both of you should be wondering about the events that happened at the Sorting today.  Nothing like this has ever happened in the history of Hogwarts."

"What was wrong?" James asked making Dumbledore's eyes sparkled with mirth.

"Patience is a virtue, James," he said.

"I know," he said with a sigh.  Lily's eyes met his momentarily.

"There was a strong Confundus Charm put in the Sorting Hat.  So strong, I'm afraid, that it hasn't been able to be removed yet.  It was placed in layers, layers for deceit and deception, layers enough to overlay the Hat's strong powers."

"At least the girl wasn't, well, at least there wasn't something really wrong with her," Lily said, remembering what the girls in the makeshift Gryffindor dorm had said.

"No, but someone had to be there to put on the spell, right Dumbledore?" James said.  "There's an inside man at Hogwarts," he continued gloomily.

"I'm afraid that is the only thing left to conclude."  She hadn't ever seen Dumbledore look so upset.

"What do we do?" 

"Increase security, make examinations, stay alert.  What more is there to do?  I expect you two to both be on alert.  Tell me anything you find suspicious, please.  We need all the help we can get," he said seriously.

"How much will everyone else know?" James asked.

"I am still discussing that with Professor McGonagall.  We will make an announcement tomorrow at dinner.  My office is always open."  They both knew that was their signal to leave.  After exchanging goodbyes Lily and James left his office, both silent with worry.

Lily took a left.

James laughed.

"You're so nervous, what did he talk to you about anyway?"

"Oh, nothing."  He looked sort of hurt.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to."

"James, it's complicated."  It was a pathetic excuse, she knew.

"Fine, I have time."

"Listen James, when I actually have it all sorted out I'll tell you, I promise.  It's just too much right now."

This idea seemed to appeal to him, or at least h figured out it was the best offer he was going to get.  "I understand."

"Thanks."  They reached the Common Room with no problems.  Lily took no more wrong turns, James didn't show any more of his knowledge of the layout of the castle.  Lily was safe.

Or so she thought.

* * *

She also thought that the night would become easier after she returned to the Common Room.  She would have been able to go to sleep and rest.  She could have let the troubles of the day drain away while she relaxed in her bed

But she wasn't that lucky.

Remus came rushing at her as soon as she entered.  "Lily, have you seen Cecil?"

"You mean you haven't seen her yet?"  Lily said, worry lines appearing in her forehead.

"No.  I never found her after dinner. I looked, I needed to talk with her, but I couldn't find her anywhere."

"Not _anywhere_?" James said oddly, as if there was some underlying meaning. Remus nodded gravely and James was immediately upset. "Something is seriously wrong!" he said, not at all his usual calm self.  

"Do you want me to check the girls' dorm?" Lily asked.

"She's not there," Remus answered simply.

"Maybe she just didn't answer, I'll go check."

"Listen, she's not there.  I…er… had Evelyn check for me.  She's not there."

"Okay, then, so what do we do?"  James and Remus shared a look.

"Um, Lily?" Remus began slowly.  "Maybe you should go in your dorm and make sure Cecil isn't there.  She could have gotten in when I was checking the Great Hall again."  Lily raised her eyebrows in doubt but went to check anyway, catching a bit of James and Remus' frantic whispers as she went to her dorm.  She opened the door to find Evelyn unpacking silently.

"Ev, has Cecil been in here since Remus checked?"

"Huh?" Evelyn looked confused.  

"Have you seen Cecil at all since the Sorting?"

"Oh, no," she said, hanging her dress robes up.  "I thought there was a Prefect meeting or something." '_Or something' meaning comforting Laura_, Evelyn thought, though she didn't say that to Lily. "I didn't pay much attention."

"Well if she comes back up tell me please.  No one can find her." Evelyn jerked up.

"What?  Do you need me to help?  I can get someone, do… something.  I don't know, I'll help though," Evelyn said full of worry.

"I think it'll be okay.  I'm going to go back with Remus and James and check up.  I'll tell you when we find her."

"Okay," Evelyn said with resignation.  Lily left Evelyn in solitude and went back down to the Common Room.

"James?  Remus?" she called.  No one was there.  _Everyone must be settling in their dorms_, she thought.  _It's creepy in here with no one around_.  She went up to the boys dorm to check if Remus and James were there.  When she went in, though, they weren't there.  So instead she just asked Sirius about them.

"Oh, they ran in here and left straight away," Sirius said.  Lily didn't think she could rely on him for truthfulness.  He noticed.  "I swear by the fact that I'm a Marauder that I don't know anything else."  He held up his left hand, Lily giggled.

"Sirius, the Marauder swear is 'I solemnly swear I am up to no good.'  Find something else to swear on.  Or better yet, tell me the truth," she said sweetly.

"Okay, okay.  You got me. They came in here and grabbed the invisibility cloak.  They mentioned Cecil, but that's all I know," he said.  Lily believed him this time.

"They didn't say where they were going?" she probed.

"No, they just left in a hurry.  That's all I know."

"Thanks Sirius."  She left his dorm and went to wait in the Common Room.  It was very, very late before James and Remus came back.  The fire was dying, and they obviously still had the cloak on but Lily still managed to sneak up behind them.  "You boys really are too full of yourselves for your own good." She whipped the cloak off, revealing two very shamefaced teenaged boys.  Lily smirked happily, not noticing as James shoved something into Remus hands behind his back.  "Now, tell me why you would make up a fake excuse to get me out of the Common Room and then leave me here?"  

"I'll leave this one to you Prongs.  See you later Lily."  In a rush he left, leaving Lily and James alone on the Common Room.

"Care to explain yourself?" she asked, mildly upset.

"Um… Out for a midnight stroll?" he offered, making Lily smile.

"With Remus?  I didn't think you swung that way, James," she said, grinning.

"Oh, I tried to convince Remus that I really wanted to go with you, but he wouldn't hear of it."  Now James was the one smirking and Lily was speechless.

"What were you two doing?" she said, a desperate attempt to change the flow of the conversation.

"Next time you could come."

"James," she warned.

"Then we could ditch him."

"_James_."

"He wouldn't mind…much."

"James!"

"And then we could do whatever we want," he waggled his eyebrows.

"James!!!" she screeched, laughing, trying to hide the blush.  _Thank goodness the fire is low, she thought.  "I'm sorry I brought it up.  Now, back to my question."_

"What question?"

"You know very well what question.  Stop stalling!"

"You accuse me of lying!  I am deeply hurt, you cut across my heart," he said drastically.  She ignored it.

"Fine, I'll ask again.  What were you doing, and why did you need to do it without me?"

"Oh, that?  Cant tell."  Quickly he grabbed the cloak back.  "See you tomorrow."  He grinned again and left.  Lily stomped her foot in frustration.

_Damn that James Potter!_ she thought angrily as she watched him leave.

But he left her as he often left her, with a great big smile across her face.

* * *

Lily woke early the next morning and looked directly to Cecil's bed.  It was empty.  Laura's was empty too.  She groaned in desperation.

"Lily, what is it?" Evelyn asked sleepily.

"Both our roommates are gone, that's what.  Nobody's seen them since dinner."

"I saw Laura," Evelyn said, more to her pillow than anything else.

"You did?  When?"

"Right after dinner.  She ran in, ran out, and I haven't seen her since."  Evelyn was really in no mood to mince words for Lily's sake at this point.  _She should just get used to the fact that Laura despises her right about now, she thought._

"Um… Did she say anything?"  Lily asked apprehensively.

"She was crying.  But she blubbered about James a bit more," Evelyn said with a yawn.  While Lily had been seated at her Head Girl spot Evelyn had endured the Sorting fiasco sitting right next to Laura.  Her patience only stretched so far.  Lily noticed and backed off.  She didn't blame Laura for disliking her, she blamed James.  But just thinking about him, he seemed so… un-blamable.  She quickly got dressed and headed downstairs, checking bathrooms and classrooms as she went, stopping at the Owlery on the way to write a short letter to Mrs. Delann letting her know she had arrived at Hogwarts safely.  Mrs. Delann had been oddly cautious of Lily ever since the visit to Diagon Alley.  Lily couldn't help but guess that Mrs. Delann had guessed that something had happened during her absence.  Lily was just taking precautions to prevent any awkward questions.  And on the way back she saw no sign of her two friends either.  She was almost completely discouraged when she returned to the Common Room.

Lily could hear her before she could see her.  She had semi-choked breath, her tears were probably all dried up.  Laura's normally perfect hair was somewhat mussed, Lily wondered where she had slept.  It would have been easy for Lily to walk up to her dorm without Laura noticing.  It would have been easy to ignore the problem entirely.

But she didn't.  She walked tentatively up to her.  "Laura," she said softly, "could I talk to you please."

No answer.

"I know you don't want to, but I have to explain something to you." She wrung her hands nervously.

Still silence.  Lily continued anyways.

"This might not seem to help, but I just have to say it.  I knew that James didn't really, well, fully reciprocate your feelings.  I tried to tell him that what he was doing was wrong, that he was leading you on."  Tears streamed down Laura's face.  She wasn't completely dried up after all.  "James promised he would end it with you, to stop it before it went any further."  Tears stung at the corners of Lily's eyes too, for some reason.  "He couldn't seem to understand why I cared about you so much," she added with a wry smile.  "He had this twisted thought that you and I weren't friends."  Laura looked up at Lily.

"Why did you care so much?  You didn't have to."  Her voice cracked, making Lily fully aware of the tumult passing through her.

"When it comes down to my friends, nothing is more important.  You are all I have left," Lily answered simply.

"You still didn't have to."

"And what if I hadn't?  James would have put it off, you would have been hurt more.  I didn't want to see another person hurt.  I didn't want to see someone hurt when I could have done something about it."  The realization of what she had just said hit her.  _I didn't kill them_, she thought shakily.  _It wasn't me…_  Lily gulped audibly, trying to control the rush of emotions that was flooding her, she didn't want a small canyon to split through the Common Room.  Laura could tell Lily was upset, though.

"You know that your parents' deaths weren't your fault," she said softly, the first real sentence she had managed without spluttering because of her tears.  "Or at least you should know," she added.  Lily beamed.  She had never felt so grateful to have Laura as a friend.

"Thanks."

"You too." They both smiled, tears still sliding down their cheeks.  Each was aware of what had just passed.  And in just the same way both understood that they would never speak of it again.  

* * *

Still happy from her reconciliation with Laura, Lily didn't notice Cecil's absence until dinner that night.  _Some friend I am_, she thought.  But truly, Lily didn't see Cecil that many times during the day, they each took different elective classes, and the required ones were large, working with assigned partners.  But still, guilt nagged at her, driving Lily almost up the wall with frustration.  Her other friends hadn't taken much notice to her absence either, they all sat rather contentedly around her at the table.

"Still no sign?" Remus asked her worriedly, though quietly. 

"No, nothing!  I just don't know where she is," Lily said just as sadly.

"Who?" Sirius wanted to know.  "It isn't Laura is it?  She isn't still moping around after James, is she?" he said as if disgusted with the thought of anyone wanting to mope around after James.  Lily laughed.

"Oh no, she's fine.  She just had to talk with a teacher, I think.  Something like that. It was Malchite, I think," she said, naming the Charms teacher.

"Its Cecil," Remus said, still distressed.

"Cecil?" Sirius exclaimed with a tremor in his voice. Lily realized Sirius really must have been telling the truth last night, he really had no idea that Cecil had been missing.

"Yes," said Evelyn from beside Lily.  "She never came back after dinner last night."

"But this is serious, we should do something," James added.

"I've checked everywhere," Lily said in exasperation. "And I'm guessing your little midnight stroll with Remus didn't get any information, either," she added, trying to make him squirm.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he answered, stuffing a piece of bread in his mouth to prevent having to answer further and explain himself to the others, Remus especially, who had a queer, sick, look on his face.

"Couldn't you ask Dumbledore?" Peter added thoughtfully, breaking the silence.  "You are Head Girl, Lily, and this certainly does qualify as a problem, I should think.  People just don't disappear."

"Maybe we should, Lil.  He's bound to tell us where she is," James said, agreeing with Peter.

"We don't even know if she isn't just somewhere else on the grounds.  You have gone missing before, though it was mostly for pranking, I know, but we shouldn't just go running to him with the smallest problem."

"I know you want to seem capable, but Cecil _is not on the grounds.  How many times do I have to tell you!"_

"And how many times do I have to ask you how you know?!"

"You never stay around long enough to hear the answer."

"Do to."

"Do not."

"Last night."

"The night before."

"Fine.  I'm staying now.  Tell me," she ordered, quite mad at the whole discussion.  Her friends, however, found this amusing.  

"Can't."

"What?  James, stop it right now.  You said you would tell me," Lily growled.

"But now I don't want to," he said with a self-satisfied smirk.  Sirius laughed and whispered something to James, who immediately raised his eyebrows and sent his friend a questioning glance.  "Maybe I'll tell you later," James added slowly.

"You'll tell me now, or I'll just ask Dumbledore."  Her ultimatum didn't even make him flinch.

"Okay, I'll go with you."  He got up from the table while Lily still sat there open-mouthed.  _I'll never understand how he manages to get the better of me_, she thought.  He offered her a hand up and she took it.  As soon as she was up they both started walking towards the Head Table.

"So, James, should I ask Dumbledore why you seem to know so much?" she asked, trying to unnerve him.  If it was working, though, she certainly wasn't aware of it.

"He wouldn't know either.  He'd just think you were a little tipsy, probably," he said thoughtfully.

"James," she said reproachfully.  "I just don't understand why you can't trust me."

"Why don't _you_ trust _me_?" he countered.

"I do, though!" she said, because she really did.

"Then trust me that I know what I'm doing and I'm not making it up."  Lily knew that James wasn't about to tell, not now, anyway.  It irked her, knowing he had a secret.  "Should we ask Dumbledore about Cecil anyway? Just to see if there is anything we can do?" he continued.

"Well, were almost there as it is," Lily answered half-heartedly.  It was hard to make your way up to the front of the Great Hall from all the way in the back where the seventh years usually sat.  They now had just made it up to the foot of the Head Table.  "We might as well."  With her consent they both walked up behind Dumbledore's seat.  Before they got to him, however, he turned to look at them.

"Ah, yes, Lily and James, I've been wondering when you would come and see me," he said knowingly.

"You—you did?" Lily stuttered.

"Of course.  I understand you are worried for your friend, but Cecil is in safe hands, I assure you."

"Is there a way we can see her?" James asked, knowing Lily wouldn't remember to ask.

"Sadly, no.  She is off the grounds currently.  I'm afraid there isn't any way for you to contact her either," he answered, the faintest hint of distress showing on his face.

"When will she be back?" Lily questioned.

"Again, I'm afraid there is no way for me to tell you that, Ms. Aveneere will be back soon, however," he added, though it was odd to hear Cecil referred to by her last name, Aveneere.  Cecil really detested that name, it was Old French or something, and Cecil couldn't speak a word of the language which always lead to annoying questioning. Lily was just glad to be stuck with normal old Evans.  "Cecil will be back with you soon, I promise."

Lily and James both nodded, relieved.  "Maybe you should tell everyone else that, I know that they are all as worried are," Lily cautiously advised.

"And maybe an update on the situation with Genna, too.  Squashing the rumors about her might be a good thing to do," James added.

"Both are wise opinions.  Perhaps I could write out something to post in each house, or maybe I will make an announcement tomorrow at dinner if they aren't back yet," Dumbledore agreed.  "I will think about it.  Until then, I thank you for bringing this to my attention," he said, making Lily smile. "Maybe next time you have something important to tell me, though, you could wait until after dinner," he finished with a twinkle in his eye.

"We'll remember next time," James assured him.

"Of course, I can't expect you both to know everything right off the bat," Dumbledore replied.

"I would hope not!" Lily said. 

"Knowing everything off the start would defeat the purpose of learning, of life.  What would be the point then, if one knew all, and was never given the chance to learn or grow?"  Dumbledore was a bit too philosophical a bit too quickly for either James or Lily to come up with an appropriate response.  "I see we are done here, then.  I will inform you of anything as it happens."  He stood up, folded his napkin, and left.

"Well, that was interesting," Lily commented.

"Strange, you mean," James said.

"The last part, yes, but the part about Cecil, that was useful."

"I just wish he had told us more, that's all," James said.

"I know, I feel like something is just missing," Lily agreed.  "We should tell everyone what's happened.  Let's go," she said, and they walked back to their table, where everyone was getting up to leave and head back up to the library for studying.  The professors had started off straight away with a lot of new material and all the seventh years had many, many things to look up.  It was warily foreboding for the year to come, but everyone set to work.  Sitting down at one of the library tables Lily realized she had forgotten her DADA book and quickly headed back up to her dorm room to get it, not wanting to waste any time.  She was jogging through the corridor in the girls half of Gryffindor when she heard a sniffle coming from one of the rooms, the first-year dorm, oddly enough.  Lily paused, contemplating whether to continue or look inside.  _You are the Head Girl, that makes others your responsibility_, she told herself, slowly opening the door to the dark dorm.  Lily remembered this dorm, it had seemed larger as a first year, then again, she was smaller then.  On one of the beds lay a small girl, sniffling, all alone.  For one moment Lily had hoped it was Cecil before recalling her talk with Dumbledore.

Then she realized, this was the one first-year who had been Sorted, the one child that had gotten through before the Hat had to be taken away for fixing.  Lily did remember hearing one child be Sorted, and now this girl was all alone. _She must have been in here all afternoon_, Lily thought sadly.  _And all last night, too_. As much as the 'Gryffindor' girls didn't seem to get along, Lily knew that they were probably comforted just being with each other.  Slowly she approached the small child who had her head buried in a pillow.  Without saying a word she patted the girl's back softly and brushed the hair from her wet eyes.  She remembered how, not too long ago, James had done the same for her.  The girl's crying soon subsided and she pulled herself up, immediately embarrassed at the situation.

"Feeling better?" she asked, and the girl nodded.  She had curly, dirty blond ringlets that she was trying to hold back up with her headband that had fallen out. 

"Thanks," she mumbled.  

"It's no problem, everyone is nervous or scared when they start.  I'm not sure I would have been happy to be in a dorm all alone at the beginning of the year."

"Its not that bad, I guess.  The others will come back soon though, wont they?" she asked hopefully.

"They should, at least Dumbledore thinks so," Lily reassured her.  "But if you want to talk, or need help, I'm right next door, seventh year dorm, ask for Lily."  The girl's smile brightened.

"Thanks.  And I'm Emily," she added.

"Well, I have a lot of studying to do, I have got to get back to the Library.  But is there anything else you want to talk about?  Or something you need?" she asked.

"No, I'm okay, really.  I just don't like to be alone, is all," she said, making Lily's heart ache.  _I'd be a monster to leave her here alone, she thought, wondering what she could do._

"I could see if you could stay with the temporary Gryffindors until they are Sorted if you want," she offered.  Emily's eyes widened.

"Oh, no.  You don't have to do that.  I've survived one night, a few more won't matter," she said, trying to be strong.  Lily recognized this and grinned.

"Okay, but only if you're sure."

"I'm sure, I promise," Emily replied eagerly.

"Okay, then.  I'll see you tomorrow, Emily."

"Bye, Lily!"

"Goodnight, Emily," she answered, shutting the door again.  She didn't know how odd it was for Emily to hear those words, or how normal it was for her to be alone.  But at that moment Emily was happy, happier than she had been in awhile, and Lily just continued down the corridor to fetch her DADA book.  It was going to be a long night.

And it was.  And so was the next night, and the next.  By dinner the day after that Lily was on the edge of doing a face-plant in her soup, she could barely manage to hold her head up off the table.

"Teachers are bloody boggarts," Sirius complained, vexed at being forced to work so hard.

"What do you mean by that?" Evelyn asked tiredly.

"They epitomize everything I am afraid of: work, work, and more work."  Lily laughed, Sirius wasn't making sense.  But then again, if Lily tried to venture a comment she would probably end up sounding just as stupid.  Her brain was fried, and she decidedly closed her mouth tightly as her friends all started to chatter.  They didn't notice Dumbledore and McGonagall (who was holding a much more tattered version of the Sorting Hat, Lily guessed taking off the spells hadn't been easy) walk to the front of the Great Hall.

"Attention, attention everyone!" he called, silencing everyone extremely quickly.  "Four days ago, when the Sorting Hat malfunctioned a girl was declared not worthy of Hogwarts.  But that has all been fixed, and now the Sorting Ceremony will recommence.  Before we start, however, I would like to stress that what happened before will not happen again, and in no way will you be assigned to the wrong house, do you understand?" he asked to the first-years.

"As I read your name from the list please come to the front of the room and put on the hat.  Then please go to the table of your house and assume your place there for the rest of the year.  Thank you."  She rustled the stack of papers she held, searching for the list of names.  "Aveneere, Genna," she called, and Lily gasped, her jaw that had been closed so tightly very nearly dropped to the floor.  Her friends were soon to follow.

"Cecil's sister?" James asked, whispering.  Lily nodded, though still intently watching the girl walk up to the Hat.  She was practically shaking.  As she moved one trembling hand to pick up the Sorting Hat the tattered flap of a mouth opened.

"_A thousand long years it's been since my making,_

_When thoughtful construction of me was taken._

_Since then I've never made one mistake,_

_If I lie, then I swear my brain you may take._

_Four days ago folly was in my stead, _

_For someone had strongly confounded my head._

_So never fear now, be not afraid,_

_Try me on and see of what you are made."_

No clapping followed, just a solemn silence.  McGonagall had pursed lips, probably at the hint at the Confundus Charm that had been placed on the Hat. Genna looked even more terrified than before, Lily could only guess what was going through her head.  With a new conviction the girl reached out for the hat and plunked it on her head.  Lily crossed her fingers and began to shut her eyes, but the moment they were closed the Hat bellowed "GRYFFINDOR!!!"

The whole Gryffindor table jumped up in cheers, and Cecil, who Lily hadn't even noticed standing in the corner near the back of the room, obviously waiting to see if her sister's sorting was successful, ran over to the Gryffindor table where she met her sister and they exchanged a large hug.  Lily and her friends almost had to form a line, for they all nearly pounced on her when they saw her.  Evelyn, for one, let out a loud shriek of Cecil's name and flung her arms around her neck.  

"Cecil Aveneere!" Laura called.  "Don't you scare me by disappearing like that ever again!"  Another pair of arms was around Cecil's neck. Lily, on the opposite side of the table, jumped up and walked over the table to get to her friend.

"I missed you," Lily said tearfully.  "I couldn't believe that you had left!" She was attempting to quiet down, McGonagall could only tolerate so much, but it was hard.

"You know Genna needed me," Cecil answered.  "I'll tell you all about it later, I promise."

"You better," Evelyn threatened playfully.  They all sat back down, squishing into a spot much too small for all four of them, Genna on Cecil's lap.  The girls, who had been perhaps a bit excessive in their 'welcome back' made up for the boys' lack of emotion in the area.  They were boys, boys don't do that.  At least not in front of large crowds. 

They whispered, or attempted to, all through the Sorting, not paying a whit of attention.  They clapped when other Gryffindors did and at the end when the Sorting was finally over.

Lily quickly led the new first years up to the portrait of the Fat Lady with Remus, hardly stopping to look at them.  Lily was glad that Emily would finally have some company.  For now, however, Lily just wanted to be with _her_ friends.  When she had given them the password and led them up the girls dormitory, passing her friends waiting in the Common Room, she finally took the time to actually look at the girls.  There was Genna, of course, and Emily tagging along with them, but there were more familiar faces than just that.  Clarice, Katie, and Alexis were all there as well.  For a moment Lily looked abashed at not recognizing them earlier, but they had looked different in the half-dark with nightgowns on, and she mostly knew them by their voices.  She wasn't surprised to see Alexis, Lily had thought her to be a Gryffindor.  But she had also thought Katie a Hufflepuff, and Clarice a Ravenclaw.  Belatedly Lily realized the Sorting Hat must have a tougher job than she had thought.

"Well, everyone, here is your room," she said as she opened the door, ushering them in.  Katie was the last one in, walking with a sour look on her face.  Lily stopped her with a hand to the girls shoulder.  "Gryffindor really isn't that bad, Katie. Each house has their good and bad points.  I'm sorry that you didn't get into Huffelpuff, though," she added.

"Its okay, I guess," Katie sighed.  "It's just that Thomas wanted me to be a Hufflepuff so badly.  I don't really mind.  Besides, I like Clarice and Alexis. Emily, too."  Lily dubiously raised her eyebrows.

"Yeah," said Alexis suddenly, jumping in front of the door and making Lily flinch.  "She isn't that bad either."

Lily said goodbye and left, grinning.  _That's sure to be one lively dorm, Lily though as she hurried to the Common Room where everyone else was waiting.  Cecil had everyone's attention as she explained her story._

"As soon as it happened I ran straight to Genna as fast as I could.  She was ever so nervous about Hogwarts this year and my heart just broke when the Hat yelled at her.  Dumbledore led both of us away, I think he guessed that I was the only one who could keep Genna calm.  Dumbledore seemed to know exactly what happened.  You all figured out about the Confundus Charm, right?  Well, Dumbledore immediately assigned Professor Malchite to trying to break it.  There was no luck at first.  Three days Genna and I waited for the Hat to be fixed, and finally Dumbledore went to the Hat personally.  That night he fixed it, and now we're back," Cecil finished as if it were a simple story.  Lily knew it wasn't though.

"Where were you all that time when you had left?" Peter asked despite the glares the other boys were sending.

"We went home.  Genna really needed us all there, I think.  And that's why it took so long to get back here.  We went through an… odd… passage," she finished, and Remus looked away.

"Well, I'm just glad you're back," Sirius said, and everyone clamored in their agreement.  Cecil had to go check with her professors to get caught up in all her classes, but for everyone else it was a wonderful break from all the homework they had been doing all week.  They had all weekend to finish it now, and they all appreciated the break.  For the first time in what seemed like an eternity Lily settled down early for a long night of rest.

It seemed like only moments after her head had hit the pillow before she heard a scream, a terrified shriek reverberating against the walls.  She jumped up and rushed out of her room.  She knew where it was coming from: the first-year dorm, and she knew that something was terribly, terribly wrong.


	20. First-Year Drama

Chapter 20 ~ First-Year Drama

She heard another scream from next door, louder, and together with the other girls.  Lily jumped up out of bed, pulling Cecil with her.  It was her sister's room, after all.  Cecil rubbed her eyes as they both stumbled out the door and down the hall.  "What's wrong?" she grumbled.  "Please tell me there is a reason you just dragged me out of bed in the middle of the night."

"There is.  I heard a scream from your sister's dorm.  I thought you should come." Cecil's eyes widened.

"Genna? Oh no… Oh no, oh no, oh no…" She hurried off down the hall and ran in through the open door.  "Oh my goodness," she breathed, standing stock-still in the doorway.

"Cecil, Cecil I cant see, what is it?" The screams had stopped, yet that didn't make Lily any less nervous.  Cecil moved and Lily finally got a look inside.  "Oh my goodness."

The walls were slashed; the curtains on one of the beds ripped from the brass rungs, the mirror trespassed by a thousand tiny cracks that meandered across its surface.  And on one of the beds were all five girls, huddled together in one big group, hands latched tightly together, all whimpering.

"Is everyone okay?" Cecil called cautiously, as if simply speaking was a crime.  It seemed that way, the eerie night leaking in through the open window.  

"Cecil, is that you?" Genna said and poked her head out of the first-year mass and ran over to her sister, jumping on her.  As Genna was comforted the rest of the girls looked sullen with piteous jealousy.  Lily went over and sat on the bed.   

"You all are okay, aren't you?" she asked gently.

"Yeah I'm fine," Emily replied bravely.  Lily knew the girl was scared, and she admired that.

"Me too," Clarice said. 

"And me three," Alexis added.  Katie was silent.

"Do any of you know what happened?" Lily asked simply to get them talking.  

"This is Genna's bed," Clarice said.  "This is where he came."

"Who came?" Lily questioned nervously.  She heard Genna start to cry from behind her.  'I guess he didn't come to wish her a happy stay,' she thought.

"The man," Emily said.  "The man who broke in."

"I think he came in through the window," Alexis speculated. "It's open," she added, pointing. 'But the door was too,' Lily thought.

"No, he definitely came in through the door, and went out the window," Clarice said.  "You can tell because someone mussed up everything underneath the window, as if they were trying to reach the window to get out."

"That could have happened coming in, too.  He could have dropped and fell on the stuff and messed it up that way," Alexis pointed out.  Lily was a little surprised by their educated banter.  She didn't think she was this smart as a first-year.  She _knew she wasn't that smart as a first-year, or at least not as self-assured.  'Maybe this is what the Ravenclaws were like,' she wondered._

"Wait," Emily said loudly, regaining Lily's full attention.  "How would he have gotten up to the window to get in?" The other two girls were silent at this, and as Katie stayed quiet the only sound for a second was Genna's muffled sobs.

"Hello?" someone called from the doorway.  "I heard screams…"  Lily craned to see who it was but her back was turned to the door and the four girls had cradled around her as if to form a tiny box.  She couldn't really move, let alone see.

"It's a boy!" Alexis exclaimed.

"Ooohh, he's cute," Emily giggled.  "Do you know him Lily?" 

"I can't see much right now," she answered, then, in a louder voice, asked, "Who is it?"

"Cant recognize my voice? I'm hurt," the voice, obviously male, said.  Lily grinned, she might not have recognized the voice at first, but she knew that tone anywhere.

"Hello, James," she said with a sing-song voice, mocking him.  She managed to disentangle herself from the other girls and stand up.  Genna returned to them with Cecil, who took over Lily's comforting duties as she talked with James.  They moved to the other side of the room.

"What happened in here?" he asked.

"All I have got so far is that someone broke in and then obviously trashed the room.  I don't know what else, except for he trashed Genna's bed over everyone else's, though it might have been a coincidence."   James sighed.

"Nothing seems to be normal this year.  First the Sorting Hat, now this.  We chose a good year to be Head Boy and Girl, don't you think?" he said sarcastically.  "None of the other guys were convinced that the screams were anything more than a slumber party or something."

"Well, I can't really blame them," Lily said.  "It is late, and we're all tired."

"Sirius's exact words were, 'Well, get on your little Dudley Do-Right Head Boy way or shut the hell up, because I am tired and will knock you senseless as soon as I can focus enough to see you.'"  Lily laughed softly.

"Sirius is remarkably verbal for so early in the morning."

"No, it was combined with a lot more grunting and expletives."

"Cecil's clone, minus the curse words," she said with a smile.  James smiled back and she shivered.  "Cold in here with the window open isn't it?" she asked, rubbing her arms uncomfortably.

"You're not wearing much," James commented.

"Well, thanks for noticing.  I was sleeping, you know," she added with a scowl.  "You're not dressed up like an Eskimo yourself."

"I thought enough to put on a shirt before I came over." An image of James without a shirt on flitted across her mind.  She shook her head.

"What does that have to do with anything?  I am already wearing a shirt." This conversation was getting uncomfortable.  James didn't have anything to say back to that, so he just moved away and examined the floor.  Seconds later, he reappeared holding something in his hand.  

"Take a look at this," he said, opening his hand.  There lay a dagger, her dagger.  Well, not hers, exactly, but the one that should have been lying in her trunk, safely packed away as it had been when she came on the train to Hogwarts.  James's eyes were full of worry; Lily had gone pale in just a few seconds.  "Lily, what's wrong?  What's the matter?" Her eyes stayed transfixed on the knife in his hands, the gold stars on the handle twinkling.  He held her shoulders and shook her gently, his contact immediately breaking her transfixion.  She breathed in deeply.

"Nothing, nothing's wrong," she assured him.  "Can I just look at the dagger for a moment?"  James was apprehensive, but Lily adamantly held out her hand.  James handed it over.  She turned away from him a little and examined the short blade.  She ran her finger across the flat edge.  As she pulled her finger away it started to bleed, but she made no reaction.  No blood remained on the surface of the knife, no blemish left to taint the perfect sheen of metal.

"What's that?" James said quietly, over her shoulder.  He tilted the knife slightly, his hand overlapping hers, and lit his wand.  The glare showed an inscription.  'How come I never noticed that before?' she wondered.  

"You and me, dark and light,

Together reveal the hidden fright,

Trapped so long, bounded there,

Forever in the night-chilled air.

Unleash, unlock, divine a way,

To meet with thee on said day,

For bound to me are you, my dear,

Sewn together with the threads of fear."

Lily was silent.  James's eerie reading of the inscription gave her the chills.  "What does it mean?" she questioned to the air, rather night-chilled at the moment, she noted with apprehension.  

"It's talking to you, isn't it Lily?" Katie, who had seemed to appear from thin air, accused.  "The knife, it's talking to you!"  Lily, panicked and afraid of exactly how much truth was in her assumption, was rendered speechless.

"More likely, Katie," James aid, "is that the inscription on the knife refers to the man who was here tonight.  He is almost definitely the one the poem spoke of."  Lily sighed with relief, Katie looked disappointed.

"I still think that you are wrong, even if you are Head Boy," Katie muttered spitefully.  James straightened and chuckled.

"Everyone is entitled to their opinion, I suppose," he mumbled under his breath.  Lily smiled.

"She'll come around," she answered back quietly.

"If you two are quite done whispering about me I'd like to know just what you all are going to do about this mess," Katie said with bitter resentment.  Lily took a quick peek to see how the other girls were doing.  Cecil and Genna had joined them on the bed and then became audience to the conversation that Lily, James, and Katie were having across the room.  Lily hid the knife behind her back and nudged James slightly to make him aware of their spectators.  They then both moved where everyone could see them.

"McGonagall should be here soon, she always knows what's going on in Gryffindor Tower.  If she doesn't get here soon I'll go for someone, though," James volunteered.  "Until then we will just wait it out and see what we can do about cleaning this place up a bit."

"How do we know that he won't come back?" Alexis asked.  

"He won't come again, not when we have our guard up," Lily assured her.  She first moved to the mirror.  "_Reparo!" she said forcefully.  From the outside in every little crack filled itself in, returning the mirror to its original luster.  Behind her Emily said "Wow," very softly, making Lily smile.  She was good at that charm._

Just then, though, McGonagall and Dumbledore, both still fully robed, appeared at the doorway, both looking a bit ruffled.

"What happened here?" McGonagall demanded huffily.  "And why are all you students up?  And this dormitory! It's a mess!" she continued.  "Explain yourselves!"

"Minerva," Dumbledore intervened, "I'm sure there is a very logical explanation," he said soflty, turning to face Lily and James.  Then, with a bit of force he added,   "And we would both very much like to hear it."

"Someone attacked our room!" Clarice said hastily, a comment that was followed by a stifled gasp from McGonagall and a concentrated frown fm Dumbledore.

"Why, this requires some immediate action.  "Professor, stay here, assist the children.  Cecil, please help.  James, Lily – follow me."  McGonagall didn't even protest.  Lily and James, after a moment's hesitation, followed.  Dumbledore paused and turned around.  "Lily, James, please, go fetch your cloaks.  You will be chilled without them."  Without a second thought she rushed into her dorm, stopping briefly to realize that she had only been wearing a rather, well, _scanty pajamas. 'They aren't really that bad,' Lily tried to convince herself as she fastened her cloak.  'It's just such a drastic difference from my everyday robes that it seems like it.  I dress in shorts and a tank top in the summer sometimes.  This isn't __all that different," she reaffirmed as she caught up to James and Dumbledore, sliding into some shoes she had grabbed while in her room._

As they walked down the corridors Dumbledore explained.  "Judging from the scene the attacker most definitely came in through the door and left out the window.  That means that he had to have had some means of escape.  We will go outside in an attempt to track him," Dumbledore said quickly.  Lily marveled at his quick judgment of the situation.  

"There was a knife that was left behind, if you think it will help you track him, or anything of the sort," James said.  "Lily has it."  She took out the knife and handed it to the older man.  His eyes widened.

"Ancient magic.  Alpha magic," He muttered as he continued to walk.  "This will help immensely.  Where exactly was this found?" He took a sharp right and Lily found herself outside the Hogwarts walls.  James looked excited, probably at finding out something new about the castle.

"Oh, um, it was on the floor in the dorm.  It was right in plain view.  I am pretty sure that's what was used to slash the walls."  

"Quite right, quite right," Dumbledore said.  Lily was torn on whether or not to mention what had happened in Knockturn Alley the other week.    It just didn't seem… right.  She couldn't explain it.  "Anything else, Lily?"  She shook her head, not trusting herself to speak.  Dumbledore stopped and looked up.  "Well, there's the first-year girls's window."

"Yes, I can see the light coming through the window," James said.  Lily looked upwards.

"Oh, me too," Lily said as she spotted the open window.  "Headmaster Dumbledore?" Lily asked to get his attention, "How are you going to track him?  I mean, I know you have the knife, but how much help can a knife be?"

"It's a relatively simple spell.  There are bonds connecting a magical artifact of this caliber to whoever has wielded it.  There should be a bright, concentrated black light that should show the bonds between the knife and the person and the person who wielded it."  Lily was a little clueless about how a light could be black but she kept her mouth shut.  "You'll have to move back, unless you want to suffer a bit of backlash.  Without a word Lily and James did what they were told.

Dumbledore raised his arms, wand in one hand, and knife in the other.  Lily could feel the power surge around her.  Vision was blurred, as if she was watching everything through a fire that created heat ripples.  Except for Dumbledore was nothing like a heat source, he seemed to draw energy from her, not pleasantly supply it like the Gryffindor fireplace.  His wand was like a black hole that shimmered—Lily suddenly knew what he meant by black light.  She realized he hadn't been talking about those weird Muggle lights that Petunia had awhile ago.  Dumbledore yelled a word that made her cover her ears and shut her eyes.  When she opened them she saw the light explode from Dumbledore's wand, traveling quickly up to the window of the girls dorm.  It hovered there, and then split in two.  One beam stayed and twirled a little, but the other had a more direct course.

It happened to be hurtling straight at Lily.

* * *

When she woke up Dumbledore was kneeling a few feet away, but James was right in front of her.  Well, there was two of him, but she guessed that was just a side effect.  James's faces were full of worry, but when he realized she was awake his face showed relief. "Dumbledore, she's awake!" Dumbledore bustled over quickly.

"Oh good, at least you are awake.  I was starting to get a little worried about you, Lily.  You must have been out for at least a minute."  Lily sat halfway up.  Now there was three of James.  She reached out for the nearest one and fell over.

"Whoa, over here Lily," came James's voice distinctly from the left.  Lily flew her hand out to that side cautiously.  James caught it.  "Closer to this side actually," he corrected.  When Lily looked in the complete opposite direction entirely he made her lay back down.

"What happened to me anyway?" she finally managed to sputter out.

"The tracking light malfunctioned, as near as I can tell.  You wouldn't happen to know why, would you?" Dumbledore was worried, but Lily could honestly say that she didn't mean to lie when she replied groggily, "No."

"Well then. Just rest for a tad.  You should be up and about in no time.  Until then I'll try and figure out what happened here.  I might just have to resort to the spell I had in mind before you showed me this dagger here," he said with disappointment.  Lily just laid on the ground and groaned.  Her head ached.  She didn't feel right, as if something was missing.

"Feeling alright?" James asked.  Lily could tell he was concerned, but pointless questions like that just bugged her.

"Oh, I'm just peachy James, really I am.  If you want I can stun _you_ and see how you like it," she replied grumpily.  'Maybe that will teach him to talk sense,' she thought.  James just laughed.

"Ok, I deserved that."

"Yes you did."

"I know."

"Because you are smarter than you just sounded," Lily said, blinking rapidly to restore her vision.  James looked liked he had bright pixies dancing across his face.  With that thought she began to giggle madly.

"Lily, are you alright?" he said, raising his eyebrows dubiously.  "You seem… odd."

"We've been through this, no, I am not alright. And yes, I probably do seem odd considering I can't see and these blasted lights wont go away!" she burst out, closing her eyes tightly in frustration. "And I want to know just what about that spell made it 'relatively simple,'" she finished, echoing Dumbledore's words.  There was a chuckle.  Dumbledore had walked over silently, and was now standing at her side.

"Here, this will help," he said softly, whispering another spell.  When Lily opened her eyes her sight was refreshingly devoid of all whirling colors.  She was still a little faint though, managing only a weak "Thank you," before Dumbledore had to return to his work.

"What happened?" Lily questioned James in a whisper.

"Well, the light just split in two.  One of the beams came straight at you.  It didn't really hit you, exactly, you just absorbed it.  Your eyes turned black for a little bit, actually.  I've never seen anything that scared me more," James admitted.  Lily didn't even want to think about it.  "Then you just fell.  You didn't move or respond to anything we did.  But Dumbledore wasn't worried, so I guess I shouldn't have been.  I couldn't really help it, I suppose," he said with a shrug.  "At least you're okay."

"My eyes were _black?" she half-shrieked.  "All of them?  The whites and everything?" she said a little bit quieter. _

"_You're scared!" James said, laughing.  "Imagine me, having to watch it."  He shuddered._

"I wonder what it was," she said to herself. James was, however, a scant few feet away from her and heard.  And, being James, he obviously needed to reply.

"It was the spell, we know that.  But it was supposed to be a tracking spell.  Dumbledore thinks that you absorbed it because it sort of malfunctioned."

"Sort of?" she asked.

"Well, yeah.  The other half worked," James said, not at all showing that he consciously knew he had made a mistake, that he had said the wrong thing.

"You mean the other part of the spell, the second beam, right?" she muscled herself up so her upper torso was off the ground.

"Yes," he said slowly.

"So it worked, right?  We know where the attacker is?" she asked hopefully.  'But that's not right,' she thought.  'If we knew where he was Dumbledore would be off following him, not puttering around in the corner.'

"Yes and no," he said half-heartedly.

"Oh, just come out with it James," she said heatedly.

"The spell worked all right, just not the way that we expected it to."

"But it worked," Lily said, confused.  "That means it shows us where the attacker is.  How can there be a problem?" James finally looked wary.  'Serves him right,' she thought.

"Well, we know where the body should be, but… well, I'll just show you." He stood up and offered a hand.  She got up and wavered, James put his arm around her waist and her arm over his shoulder so she could manage walking.  Lily couldn't help thinking how cozy it felt.

She looked in Dumbledore's direction.   There, on the ground, was the shimmering black outline of a body, plain and simple. Lily was dazzled by the light as well as the perplexity of the situation.  "I don't understand," she whispered.  But, as she approached she realized what was wrong.  Where the body should have lain was nothing, just empty space. Dumbledore turned to face them.

"This is where the attacker fell.  Obviously though, he managed to escape the power of this spell somehow and escape.  You can see this is exactly where he fell, there is an imprint in the grass."  Lily kneeled and reached through the black light, pausing before she made contact to gain silent permission from the Headmaster.  She felt the compact, hard ground and the flattened grass.  'It's not possible, no one could survive a fall like this,' she knew.  'No one.'

Unless, of course, it wasn't a person.  Less than a human could escape, and escape he had.

* * *

I hope you appreciate the _darling little cliffie I left you. Also, you are probably all wondering why I haven't updated this.  You are probably waiting for my excellent, wonderful excuse.  Um… yeah… I'm waiting for it too :) _

All I can say is I was given a wonderful opportunity by my swim club and my parents to go on an overseas swim meet in Europe for a week.  It is in Spring Break for public school but I will be missing a week so I have been working extra hard to get ahead work wise.  I have my history term paper (anyone happen to be an expert on the East India Company and their role in gaining power in India? Just kidding…) to do as well which takes up a lot of my time. Also, last weekend, when I honestly planed on finishing this chapter I had another swim meet.  Unfortunately I split my toe open on the edge of the pool (*ouch*) and did much worse than I was expected, so basically I spent the entire weekend depressed and moping :( But I'm better now! And this chapter is finished, which makes me feel good.  I cannot promise when I will update, but know that I love you all and it will be posted just as soon as I can manage!

**The thankyou section will be postponed until tomorrow, when I will replace this chapter with one with thankyous, if all goes according to plan!**

**And thanks for the support everyone, I know this took SOOOOOOO long :)**


	21. In the Forest

Chapter 21 ~ In the Forest

The image of the shimmering black corpse outline, much like that the Muggles used on murder scenes, except for being decidedly magical, was drilled into her brain.  She couldn't forget it; she couldn't stop thinking about it.

Not that there was much to distract her attention.  Professor Binns was _still going on about the ancient Greeks.  Double History was not exactly an energizing class.  James didn't seem to be having any trouble with what had happened last Monday night.  He looked content as ever, sitting just as he did in every History class she ever remembered him in, angled away from the teacher and passing notes with Sirius.  This was the Marauders most valuable planning time for their pranks.  She couldn't imagine them __not being up to something huge, this being their last year and all._

"Now class," Professor Binns began, his voice uncharacteristically loud, though not the least bit exasperated, considering nobody was paying attention.  "The Greeks were a strong base for magic as it is today.  The Romans too, of course, but much more the Greeks.  They did it through math, mostly.  Some of those in Arithmancy should know that.  What is curious, though, is just exactly how they did all this magic." The Professor actually looked excited for once and a few people's gazes were perking up.  "You should all know Pythagoras, Euxodus, Archimedes, and Euclid, or you should know them, anyways.  It is basic first-year material." He sent a small warning look to the class.  Nobody seemed to notice or care very much at all.  Lily simply laid her head on her desk.

"Well, they were instrumental to the progression and evolvement of magic.  Returning to the Arithmancy for a moment, for those of you _ignorant of the subject," he stressed that rather rudely, "it's a rather simple form of divination.  For all the Muggles know, the Greeks only used Arithmancy for petty things like who would win a battle.  The more advanced form of Arithmancy can actually be used to foretell or find out how certain magical spells work.  From the work of the ancient Greeks the very basis of organized magic was first made._

"Before the Greeks the magicks of prophesy through flames or bird entrails were obviously widely used.  Shamans in Africa were already prominent by the time of these great Greek thinkers.  But none rivaled this.  This was _founding magic, __ancient magic.  It is with this very magic that this castle is built.  Nothing that is meant to withhold time can be made without founding magic," he stated simply.  "If you want to live, of course," he added rather moodily.  _

Lily found her desk a warm alternative to Professor Binns, who seemed very testy today.  Many others had already done the same.  She slumped in her desk and performed a small pillow charm on the wall behind her.  She leaned back and rested comfortably.  There were some advantages to being a witch; she had never been able to doze in school before Hogwarts.

… A man with a knife chased her.  He seemed to hover after her, gliding across the smoky ground.  The very tip of the knife was one of two bright spots in the dreary landscape.  The other was a wavering lantern up ahead.  She ran towards it for all she was worth.  Lily felt the presence of the man behind her falter, then vanish completely.  She turned around and gray mist encircled her, the knife now suspended in midair, pointed directly at her forehead.  It moved, tracing a design in the air, and Lily reached for the hilt.  But the knife vanished…

Her eyes opened slowly, and she felt as if she had never had the dream at all.  She rubbed her eyes to wake herself.  'Stupid dream,' was all she thought to herself.  All she thought was to just ignore it, ignore it and it will go away.  It reminded her of what her mum had always told her about bullies when she had been younger.  To just leave them alone.

It never had worked.

But Lily sort of wished that it would work now.  The dreams didn't even scare her, really.  She regarded them as a nuisance.  She even went so far as to wonder if she wasn't becoming accustomed to being frightened or threatened.  'I've just got the bad luck, is all,' she commented to herself.  

With a forced sigh she turned to her bag and actually forced herself to do some of her Defense Against the Dark Arts homework.  She was determined to keep her grades up until the end of the term.  It didn't seem all that far away anymore.  'Well, June is really still quite far away, but everything has been going by so quickly lately,' she rationalized.  Except for this stupid class of course.  A year passed by every time she walked into this stupid, stupid classroom.

And boring History of Magic classes weren't the worst of it.  Binns, who didn't seem to notice the difference between first and seventh years, least of all sixth and seventh years, was a minority.  Well, actually, he was all by himself.  Ghosts are natural loners, though.  

But every other teacher made classes harder and harder until Lily could barely manage to finish all her work every day.  And it was only the end of the second week in the term! It reminded her of that time last year when she had broken down.  'Even that seems so far away,' she mused in a rare, relaxed moment.  She had become obsessed with the end of the year, of Graduation Night, the dinner, the so-called Ball.  She felt like a caged bird.  Realizing this she began to let Apollo out more and more often.  She felt empathy for the poor bird.  He had been so quiet and unenergetic lately.  She always hoped that a little exercise would perk him up, but she was never around when he returned.  He was nocturnal, after all. 

But now she had to turn back to her homework.  Her teachers had been getting increasingly upset with her.  Her Potions Master, who had always been more indifferent to her than anything else, was losing his temper with her.  And Professor Malchite, who had always favored Lily, seemed annoyed with her every second of the day. 'I'll just work harder,' she promised herself.  

Lily left class as soon as it was over.

"Hey Lily," Evelyn called.  "Want to come out by the lake before dinner?  We're all going," she added, motioning to Cecil and Laura. Lily shook her head.

"Sorry guys, I, uh, have to study now," she answered lamely. Cecil and Laura exchanged a look a shrugged.

"Whatever. You really shouldn't be so stressed you know," Cecil offered.

"Yeah, you should just relax about the work," Laura agreed.  Lily just forced a smile.

"I can't help it!  But I better be getting to the Library now.  See you guys later," she said with a wave as she walked down the hallway.  As soon as she got around the corner she stopped.  After about a minute she followed her friends down the hallway they had just walked to get outside.  Up a floor and two classrooms down on the left and Lily had made it.  

Not to the Library of course.  She wasn't an idiot.  Nobody studies Friday after classes.  Not without a series warrant for a social death wish anyway.  She had been asked to meet here.  

She stopped in front of a door hidden behind an illusionary wall that only disappeared when you hummed the first two bars of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star".  The door was composed of diamond shaped windows.  She had to tap them in exactly the right order to enter.  

"Okay, third on the left, second from the bottom right, fourth from the fifth row down on the left, and diagonally up three from the bottom right," she murmured, touching each one.

A face popped out of the door.  "Sorry dear, but you aren't about to get in _that way," it muttered disdainfully.  "Surely you can procure a better solution." _

"I really am sorry for disturbing you, but I need to get in," she said politely.  The door frowned, and Lily smiled cautiously in return.  Hopefully it wouldn't start screaming at her or anything.

"Well, all you really had to do is ask.  All that poking it quite unnecessary and rather uncomfortable as well," he added bitterly.

"Why, thank you very much.  That's very courteous of you," she added, pure sweetness.  'Maybe if I get on his good side,' she thought, 'I won't have to bother with all this difficulty again.' The mirror smiled crookedly.

"Those boys are never this nice.  Thank you very much, miss," he said thankfully, and swung open for her.  Lily walked in proudly where the Marauders stood, dumbfounded.

"No fair!" Remus exclaimed, laughing.  The other Marauders flanked him, mouths wide open.  "We were planning on letting you wait out there for at least another ten minutes before we came and got you."

"How kind," she said sarcastically, and scowled.  "I wondered why you wanted to meet in such a random place for the Animagus meeting."  They still needed to discuss a few things about their plan.  As loosely as they had talked about it over the summer, the boys actually thought it would be fun to go through with it.  Or 'something to take our minds of the boring soon to come,' as Sirius so eloquently put it.

"You have to admit," Sirius said.  "It was a pretty good plan."

Peter snorted.  "Yeah, if the door didn't have a sore spot for _girls," he said gruffly._

"Well, I got in, didn't I?" she said.  James was still standing silent, arms crossed over his chest.  Looking at him made her feel awkward, and she rubbed the back of her calf with her other foot nervously.

Remus sort of noticed.  "So at least we get to start early, right guys?"  Lily kept her eyes on the floor, James kept his arm crossed.  "Well, we don't have much to talk about this week in any event.  We just need a few things from the Potions stores and your animal part and we'll be ready to go."

"And we worked the timing out.  We'll give four weeks to grab the new ingredients we need, then you have the eighteen weeks brewing time to find your animal hair, or nail, or whatever.  Then two more weeks for the final brewing" Sirius explained.  "So," he started slowly, working the calculations out in his head.  Twenty-four weeks – six months – that puts you as an Animagus around the middle of March, if there are no problems, that is." Lily smiled.  'March just seems so far away,' she thought, upset.  But she soon brightened.  'But I will be an Animagus!'  Her excitement was visible.

The illegal aspect of this project never really affected her.  'I'm getting as bad as the Marauders!' she thought with amusement.  Just then Sirius pounced on Peter and pinned him to the ground.

"Ha! Beat you that time, buddy!  That's for this morning," he declared triumphantly.  Remus and James were both laughing hysterically.  Lily felt a little lost.

"Peter enchanted the toilet to keep flushing this morning while Sirius was in the shower and jammed the door shut," Remus muttered gleefully.  "You should have heard the screams!"  Lily laughed along with them.

"You boys are insane."  Sirius, hearing her, bounded up off Peter.

"It only seems that way to a simpleton such as yourself who doesn't have the perception to judge the depth of our three-dimensional personalities.  You and your girls are all really quite shallow, you know." He sighed theatrically.  "It's a shame."

"A shame! I should think that if all you were saying was true you would be quite lucky.  Girls wouldn't be able to see how annoying and immature you are." She smirked.

"You wouldn't happen to be implying that they flock around be for others reasons, now would you? Such as my dashing good looks?" He laughed.

Lily laughed too.  "That's just ridiculous, Sirius.  You should really get a grip."  Sirius frowned.  Watching the scene were James, Peter, and Remus.  James was just about frothing in jealousy, Remus was happy to note, and Peter was simply delighted that Sirius was getting what was coming to him.

To prevent homicide attempts on the part of Lily, Sirius, or James (though he didn't really think he had to worry much about the first two) he decided to break up their little conversation.  "Honestly Sirius," he said in a higher, breathy voice, "_Get a grip! Cant you tell that Lily is just like, so totally __not shallow?"  Lily smacked him gently on the shoulder.  _

"Fine, fine," she conceded.  "I get your point."

"Okay then," Peter declared diplomatically.  "Let's get down to work."

"Yes," James affirmed strongly.  "Let's."  Remus noted in hindsight that perhaps his comeback hadn't been the best thing in the world to calm James down.

It had been rather fun, though, so it hadn't been a complete waste.  He saw why Sirius got his kicks from flirting with Lily to piss James off.  The outcome was rather amusing.

They all sat down at a table in the corner and discussed the ingredients that needed to be gathered.  Peter took charge.

"Okay, we have a list of eight ingredients here.  One can be found in the forest—that's the spiny poison oak leaves, easy enough—" Lily gagged, "and one can be bought in Hogsmeade, though it's pretty pricey.  The other six," he said devilishly.  "We get to steal.

"So, Sirius I trust you are capable of getting the leaves on your own, that can be your job.  James, you can buy the Kneazle eyelash, it's pricey, but you can handle it, and—"

"NO!!" she broke in quickly.  They all stared at her, and her cheeks burned momentarily.  "What I mean is, I can get that by myself.  I—I appreciate everything you are doing, putting yourself at risk and all that, but if it's something as simple as some money I will pay."  She looked at James who stared right back.  'She doesn't even want me to do her a favor,' he thought bitterly.

"Well, then," Peter said, "I don't object to that.  You and James work it out.  Now—for the stealing," he said wickedly.  'This boy is a klepto,' she thought with a smile.  'A klepto plain and simple.'

"I assume that we follow the usual plan?" Remus asked.

"Of course.  It is, after all, fool proof after our dozens and dozens of trials.  What is the need for the change?" he said with an air of importance.

"Well, if Lily wanted to come we would have to rearrange some things, that's all."

A few things happened at once.  Peter and Lily screamed "What?!?" and James and Sirius yelled "No!"  Then they all continued to blabber until the door told them to stop.

"Please, dear," the door addressed Lily.  "Would you mind hushing your rowdy little friends up?  I wouldn't want for you to get caught along with them.  They certainly deserve it, but seeing as this is your first offense in this little war council chamber, I am willing to forgive you."

"Oh, of course.  I am very sorry, we won't bother you again.  Please, eh, get back to what you were doing," she finished lamely, realizing how _truly lame that last statement was.  How many things did a door have to do all day?_

"There it is again! A door that fancies a girl!" Peter exclaimed.  "I daresay that you are the first person to be able to claim that right, Lily."  She sighed sarcastically.

"Oh yes, and I am so excited, I must go run off and tell all my friends!"

"Shallow friends," Sirius corrected.

"Oh shut up."

"What's a synonym for shallow? If I am going to keep this up I must vary it a little bit.  Wouldn't want to bore myself with it, otherwise it would be no fun."

"NO!" she said forcefully before the others could answer.  "If you do, I will be forced to severely hurt you.  Got it? Good."  She calmed down and readjusted herself in her seat.  "Now, back to the stealing," she said peacefully.

"Right," James started.  "I just don't think that Lily should come along.  We are the Marauders after all."  Lily faltered.  'I didn't do anything to deserve that,' she thought.  

"If she wants to help then I think she should have a go at it," Remus said.

"It's okay, as long as she is willing to take the blame if she gets us caught," Peter said.  Lily smiled thankfully.

"Thanks Peter.  Fair's fair.  But I don't know if I even want to go.  I don't see the point, if I'm not welcome, that is…" She was going for the pity play, hopefully it would work.

"Its not that we don't want you there, Lil," Sirius started (James's ears perked at the use of her nickname that he considered solely _his) "but, let's face it, you don't have nearly as much experience in pilfering as we do.  It would be harder with you there."  Lily sighed, he did make sense._

"I don't know if you will understand this, but I guess that this is why I sort of want to help: I'm sick of having other people do things for me.  And when we are doing something as important as this, it's basically a matter of self-pride that I do at least _some of it by myself.  Part of the fun of this is getting away with doing it," she explained.  "I'm sure you could have saved and bought your own potion of the wizarding Black market, or something, but it wouldn't have been as much of a thrill, don't you think?" she said.  They didn't exactly respond, making her immediately self-conscious._

"I guess I didn't expect that to make sense of any sort, but at least I tried.  Just tell me what you guys decide, okay?" she said in a rush, preparing her things to stand up and leave.  She got to the door before a hand on her shoulder stopped her. James.

"Listen, Lil, its fine by me, okay?  We'll work something out.  You can come along," he said quietly.  Lily broke into a grin.  She grabbed James's hand and squeezed it in thanks.

"Thanks James!" She looked at her watch.  An hour had passed since classes let out!  "Hey guys, I better get going," she said, thinking of her friends.  "Got a date by the lake."  She opened the door and waved.  "Bye!" she said happily.

James's shoulders sunk.  He, of course, as well as the other Marauders, didn't know that Lily meant only a meeting with her roommates.  "Aw, it's okay James.  Don't let it get you down," Sirius said in a sympathetic voice, tinged with whimpering sarcasm.  James stalked over to a couch and fell into it.

"I don't know what you are talking about," he said dejectedly.

* * *

Sirius met Lily in the hallway later that evening.  He could sort of tell that she felt a bit slighted that she wasn't included in the plans for the Animagus potion.  He could understand why she wanted to be a part; the reason why _he played pranks was for the thrill of the accomplishment.  So he had worked out a way to get her more involved, and, as an added bonus, for him to get out of some pesky busy-work._

He crept up quietly behind her and nudged her in the back.  She squeaked, her books dropped, and he laughed.

Some things just never got boring.

"Sirius!" she whined slowly.  "Have you come by for some purpose or was this simply a visit to grace me with your abominable presence?" she said sarcastically.

"My presence is _always a grace, Lily.  You simply cannot comprehend it."_

"Right, right, we have been through this already.  Third dimension and whatever else you rambled on about," she muttered.  "You certainly do have a lot of sense!"  Sirius ignored the blatant cynicism.

"And charm.  You can't forget the charm," he added with laugh.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, falsely acting surprised.  "Grace _and charm! You certainly are accomplished, now aren't you? Though you haven't got a bit of manners, have you?" she added superciliously.  "The least you could do is pick up my bag like a gentleman."  He stared at her blankly._

"Gentleman? I'm not familiar with that term," he said, scratching his head in apparent thought.  He was good at pretending to think, though, seven years of mundane classes and teachers had taught him that much.  And Lily could sense the façade.  

"Oh, grow up!" she answered, finally giving in and picking up her bag.  She started waking down the hall.  He followed, "You know, I actually came to talk to you for a reason."

"Really Sirius?  I was beginning to think you just liked ambushing people in the hallway," she replied, smirking.

"Oh, cut it.  I came to offer you a chance to help with the, well… the project," he whispered.  Lily stopped, looking quickly for anyone who might be near.

"What do I have to do?"

* * *

A bush whacked her in the face.  A thorn had already ripped her robes.  She was sure there were rocks in both of her shoes and at least three different rashes forming on her arms.  And she wasn't usually one to complain, but this was getting to be too much.

This _sucked._

This wasn't her idea of helping out.  The Forbidden Forest was not only dangerous, but completely uncomfortable and uninhabitable as well.  Sirius pranced through the bushes happily, obviously at home with the bugs and flies of his brain level, Lily thought vindictively.  He simply wanted her to come with her and find some of his little oak leaves.  'Oak leaves!' she thought desperately.  'I will never look at an oak without vengeance ever again.'

"Are you all right back there Lily?" Sirius called back.  

Lily growled.  "Oh yes, Sirius! I'm just PEACHY!!!" she yelled, her voice hoarse.  Suddenly, though Lily couldn't understand how, Sirius was right behind her with his hand over her mouth.

"Keep it down, Lily, or else we'll get caught."  He fished through his robe pocket.  "Here," he said, pulling out a piece of paper, "this is what we are looking for.  See, it should be reddish, with a bunch of pointy things.  Not too difficult, right?"

"Right, sure.  Not difficult at all.  What kind of tree is this exactly?"

"Oh, a northern red oak, _Quercus rubra_," he added with a horrible accent.

"I thought it was a spiny poison oak tree we were looking for?" she asked, confused.

"Oh, Peter just calls ot that to keep it interesting.  He finds the name northern red oak rather boring."  Lily stared at him oddly before deciding to brush that aside.

"Well, we are in the north.  This shouldn't be too hard to find, right?"  Sirius was silent.  "Right?" she tried again.  "Right?!"

"Sort of.  It is in the north, commonly found there, actually.  It's just, well, in the north of the United States," he finished lamely.

"Are we ever actually going to find it!!!?  Did you just lead me out into this unpleasant forest for no purpose whatsoever?" she said with exasperation.

"Calm down, we'll find it.  The Forbidden Forest has everything in it, especially trees.  I would say that there is at least one tree of every species in this forest," he said.

"One tree.  _ONE_ tree.  Do you honestly expect us to find perhaps the only one northern red oak in the entire forest? This thing is huge!"

"Fine.  Turn around and walk back to the school then.  Don't help.  Just sit around like a helpless girl while we do everything," he said airily.  She glared.

"Just give me the damn piece of paper."  She grabbed it and stalked ahead, not even waiting for him.  'Seems she forgot she didn't like the forest,' he though with amusement.  A head popped out from the bushed behind him.

"Hey Sirius."

"Hey Remus," he answered, "James, Peter," he added, knowing that they too must be behind the bushes.  Where one Marauder goes, they all go.  Eventually, that is.

"That was a pretty good show, Padfoot," Peter added, disengaging a whining thorn from his sleeve.  Those stupid things never did shut up.  "Boy, did you ever get her riled!"

"It's a gift," he answered, grinning.

"Are you just going to let her wander off by herself in the forest?" James asked huffily, making Sirius want to laugh.

"She can't have gone far, Prongsie.  I wouldn't worry your pretty little head over it," Sirius said, adding some cooing baby noises as he pinched James's cheek.  James swung Sirius's hand away.

"I'm not kidding! She could get hurt."

"Then go run after her, James.  No one is stopping you," Remus said coolly.

"Fine.  I'll go.  Not because I want to, but because you all are too lazy to do it yourself." And he was gone through the bushes.  A few seconds later, James's friends were all laughing their heads off at their friend's plight.

* * *

"Stupid oak leaves," Lily grumbled.  "Sirius is such an ass."  She mucked her way through some grasping tendrils of an unhappy looking vine.

"I would go the other way," James said from behind her, making her turn around.  "Those vines can get pretty temperamental."  Lily, after absorbing the fact that James had simply appeared from nowhere, thanked him.

"I wouldn't be in such a mess, but Sirius just got me so angry."  Grabbing his offered hand, Lily jumped over the vines.  They shot out to grab her foot, but missed.  "My temper still gets away from me sometimes," she added a little forlornly.  James, not knowing what to say, didn't say anything.  "I still have to find those leaves though," she added.  "One tree," she muttered under her breath.

"What?"

"Never mind."  In silence James joined Lilt in her search for the leaves.  Remus, Peter, and Sirius were all but a few steps behind.  They were entirely audible, though Lily guessed they thought themselves completely silent.  Sighing as they whooped in laughter, she suddenly spotted a familiar-looking reddish leaf on the ground.  "I found it! James, I found some!" She reached down to gather the leaf she had seen, realizing there were many already lying there.  

Before she picked them up, though, she took a long, critical look at them.  These leaves were already dark red any dieing, a little early for northern red oak, she considered.  And the leaves didn't look quite right.  She fished the paper she had stolen from Sirius earlier and read it.

Northern Red Oak

_Quercus rubra_

**Bark: Steel-gray with ridges and furrows, often mingled with flattened gray areas on the larger branches and main trunk. **

**Foliage: Alternate, simple, 4"-8" long, 7-11 pointed lobes, leaves emerge reddish, become dark-green in summer, and turn variable reds in fall.**

'Well, its fall now, I guess.  Maybe the leaves just fall early in autumn.'  She scooped down to pick them up, but her finger was immediately buzzed, as if a child's (or the Marauders's) prank toy had just gone off in her hand in the middle of a handshake.  "Stupid bugs," she grumbled after yelping her pain.  Her finger was red and sore.  She quickly turned over the leaves to reveal the bug, but again she was painfully buzzed.  "OW!!" She waved her finger to halt the burning feeling.

The boys all came walking up and Lily immediately stopped waving her hand—she didn't want to seem dumb—even if it did still sting horribly.  "Did you find it?" Remus questioned.

"Mm-hmm," Lily mumbled incoherently her agreement, biting her tongue to arrest the pain on her fingers.  She pointed to the pile of leaves with her elbow and Remus peered down at it, James not far behind.  The leaves rustled briefly, Lily wondered if the bug was still underneath.

"Remus is that…" James whispered.  Remus gulped.  "Yes.

"Oh no… not again… not _again…"  Sirius and Peter began whispering conspiratorially and Lily watched them all with confusion.  What was going on?_

"Listen guys, it's just a little bug bite, I'll be fine, I'm sure."  Peter's eyes widened.

"You—you touched it?"  Lily frowned.

"Well, I didn't just sit there and let it bite me!" she said angrily.  "Please, tell me what is going on." She looked at them all, but they were all trying to avoid looking back at her.

"Lily," James said, "we have to leave."  Lily rose slowly, but James just grabbed her arm and pulled her along.  "Now."

"We'll take care of it," Sirius assured him.  "Just like before, right?  Simple enough," he said, pulling out his wand.  Lily wondered absently why they hadn't just done a tracking or locating spell on the oak tree.  James started walking, but Lily planted her feet.

"Now wait a second," she said loudly, drawing four pairs of eyes to her.  "I don't understand what is happening, but I think you'd all better tell me.  I deserve to know.  It's my finger after all." Shed looked at her fingers; the first had already started scabbing over.  She gasped, and looked up slowly.

"Just trust me, Lily," James said.  "I need to get you up to the castle right now.  Unless you aren't particularly fond of your fingers, that is," he added jokingly, though she had the sinking feeling that he really wasn't kidding at all.

"Okay, I'll follow you, but I demand a full explanation tomorrow.  A good one," she added for emphasis.

"Of course," he replied mechanically and dragged her along. They ran, quickly, desperately, through the forest and up to the castle.  He never did let go of her hand.

* * *

Okay, there you go; FINALLY I got out chapter 21.  Hopefully you like it and can understand why it took so long.  I am starting chapter 22 right as soon as I post this so that t can be up as quickly as I can manage.  Thank you!


	22. The Door, The Tree, The Kiss

Upon request, I have added a little reminder from the last chapter before this chapter to jog your memory (it's the italicized bit)  I hope this helps, and of course, sorry, sorry, sorry that this took so long! Longer explanation at the bottom.

* * *

_ "Lily," James said, "we have to leave."  Lily rose slowly, but James just grabbed her arm and pulled her along.  "Now."_

_"We'll take care of it," Sirius assured him.  "Just like before, right?  Simple enough," he said, pulling out his wand.  Lily wondered absently why they hadn't just done a tracking or locating spell on the oak tree.  James started walking, but Lily planted her feet._

_"Now wait a second," she said loudly, drawing four pairs of eyes to her. "I don't understand what is happening, but I think you'd all better tell me. I deserve to know. It's my finger after all." She'd looked at her fingers; the first had already started scabbing over. She gasped, and looked up slowly._

_"Just trust me, Lily," James said. "I need to get you up to the castle right now. Unless you aren't particularly fond of your fingers, that is," he added jokingly, though she had the sinking feeling that he really wasn't kidding at all._

_"Okay, I'll follow you, but I demand a full explanation tomorrow. A good one," she added for emphasis._

_"Of course," he replied mechanically and dragged her along. They ran, quickly, desperately, through the forest and up to the castle. He never did let go of her hand._

* * *__

Chapter Twenty-Two: The Door, The Tree, The Kiss

(_and__ now I KNOW you are excited!)_

They ran, James pulling Lily along by her hand, into the school and back to the room where Lily had met with the Marauders the other day.  James hummed the bars to Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star, and was about to start tapping the door when Lily interrupted.

"Excuse me, uh, Mr. Door," she started, not sure how to address it.  "Would you mind letting us in?"  The door's face popped out, glanced reprovingly and James and Lily's interlocked hands, and slowly opened.  Mutters of "riff-raff" and "vagabond" were heard as they both rushed through the door.  Lily started to smile, but was tugged away by James as he dragged her to the corner of the room, and began one-handedly flinging open several cupboard doors.

"Be _careful, young man!" The door wailed.  "That is my uncle you are banging apart."  James rolled his eyes._

"The door never bothered us this much before," he commented, making Lily feel a little guilty.  He reached up high to open another door, and attempted to grab a large jar with his one free hand.  It wobbled, but finally righted itself.  "I need you to help," he said, turning to her.  Lily just held up their connected hands.

"You could just let go of me and do it yourself, you know," she said.

"I could," he answered, "but you would still have to hold onto my arm, and promise not to let go, no matter what."  Lily raised an eyebrow.

"James, I don't understand."

"And I will have to explain later, because right now I am trying to save your hand," he finalized.  Lily sucked in a quick breath apprehensively.  She slowly looked at her hand.  Her whole finger was scabbed over, and the tips of her others were beginning to turn black.  Shaking, she slid her hand up James's arm a few inches, leaving behind a patch of bare white skin where her hand had touched.  James deftly grabbed the jar and, moving quickly; he managed to concoct a smelly balm and immediately dumped it on her hand.

"Ouch!" she cried, as the salve hit her hand, for it stung her terribly.  'This hurts even more than the bug bite!' she thought sourly, before a numbing blaze set in over her hand, making it violently shake.  "I need—" she croaked, "I think I need to lie down."  She tumbled to the couch and lay there, watching the ceiling spin.  James's face appeared above her, looking worried, and then it vanished.  A roar filled her ears, but she knew it was coming from inside her head.

She heard whispers in the background and she could tell that they were the Marauders, arguing.  Over her, presumably.

"I knew something would happen, I _knew it."_

"She shouldn't have gone, she's—"

"Yes, she _should have gone!"_

"Look at her though! I mean, she's not responding to anything we do!"

"Well, duh, she's asleep."

"Haven't you _ever paid attention in Magical Healing?  She's unconscious!"_

"Does he ever pay attention in _any class?  No, he doesn't."_

'I'm not unconscious,' she thought as the voices faded away.  'Or at least I don't think I am.  I wonder if a person knows they are unconscious when they really are unconscious.'  Clearly, even if her state of consciousness was debatable, she was obviously becoming quite delirious.  She couldn't feel her hand, it was as if was detached, somehow, from her body, and the hazy apparition of an arm in front of her could not possibly be her own, for she had no memory of moving it there.  Lazily, before her eyes finally closed, she had the oddest sensation of a snake shedding skin as the scab, which by now had consumed her entire hand, dropped cleanly away.

* * *

She awoke at the same time as the nerves in her hand, for they were causing quite a bit of pain.  She whimpered at her own stupidity and bit her lip, and then made the best attempt possible at forgetting about it, reducing the pain to a small buzz.  She did this with not once looking at her hand, and so she didn't realize that she had been bandaged overnight.  Some of the feeling in her hand had obviously kicked in, but not all.  She then realized she must have spent all night in this room, and that her friends were going to be very curious about what exactly she had done all night when she met them for breakfast.  Sirius popped through the door.

"I brought you breakfast!  You missed it."  He set down a plate with some bacon and pancakes on it, as well as some cantaloupe.  'Okay then,' Lily corrected herself, 'When I meet them for _lunch.'_

"Sirius, what happened last night?" she cried with annoyance.

"Well," he said, dragging it out.  "You did find some leaves."  He smiled stupidly, and Lily laughed softly.

"At least that's taken care of then.  One down, seven to go, right?" she said, speaking of the ingredients.  Sirius turned away.

"Not necessarily the _right leaves," he said carefully, and Lily looked about to burst.  "But some very nice ones all the same!" he finished quickly._

Lily blurted out "You mean to tell me that all that was for nothing!" at the very same time Sirius reconsidered with "Well, they turned out to be not so very nice after all, really, but that doesn't take away the adventure of finding them, does it?"  She just glared.  "Oh, I was afraid you were going to think so," he added solemnly, and Lily felt the desire to shake him and actually answer her question.

"Sirius—"

"Oh! And I hear James coming so I am just going to leave this to him.  Enjoy the breakfast!" he said, grabbing a piece of her bacon.

"Sirius! Sirius, come back!"  But he was out the door and gone, leaving Lily to _not enjoy her breakfast alone.  To her surprise, as she was finishing her last bite of cantaloupe, James really did walk through the door. Lily considered, though, that Sirius had time to go fetch James and send him here running, and that's exactly what he had done._

"Good morning, Lily," he said cheerfully, and plopped down on the couch next to her, making her bounce up, and then break into a smile.

"That was really the first time I've felt good all morning, actually," she answered truthfully, then looked down at her plate in embarrassment.  Sneaking a peek at James, Lily noticed he had colored as well, and was about to say something in response.

"Young people these days!!! You can't be bothered to say good morning to ME, now can you?  It's simply 'Pay no heed to the Door, he doesn't object, he has no feelings, he's just made of wood,' by golly!" the door screeched, ruining whatever moment had just transpired.  "Lily, dear, I really don't approve of your socializing with such a blackguard. Full of chicanery and mischief he is! You really are quite above him."

"Please, Mr. Door," she pleaded, and then halted, being rather too startled to think of anything else to say.

"Mr. Woodsworth, if you please," he corrected haughtily, and then continued.  "And after all his egregious behavior!  He is nefarious—truly picaresque!  I hope my disapprobation means something to you, Ms. Lily, for I will be in great woe if you attend any more of his clandestine gatherings, I have the mind not to admit them to this room anymore!"  Lily and James exchanged glances, full of both amusement and worry. 

"Mr. Woodsworth, James truly isn't anything of the sort.  He's really very kind and generous, and a great friend."  She tried hard not to blush, for she didn't want to anger the door—or rather, Mr. Woodsworth—any further.  James, however, was not so aware of the consequences, as he gazed at Lily to such a degree that the door let out an extremely loud "Humph!"—shaking James from any further reverie.

"I hope you don't hold any of his doings against him," she continued, "for they really are only a bit of fun."

"Since when is opposing the law simply a 'bit of fun?'" Mr. Woodsworth sighed, for he could not hold against Lily, as he had a certain soft spot for her.  "Please, if you will, hold no more of this conversation here in the future, for I don't believe myself to be of such a grain to handle it.  Dear Uncle Woodsworth is still healing after his harsh, brutal, inexcusably insidious treatment last night"—said with a pointed glare at James with a raising voice—"that we both wish to hear nothing more on the topic.  So, I beg you leave imminently, and not return for at least a fortnight, or perhaps one and twenty days.  Until much later, Lily," he ended with, and Lily and James quickly exited after grabbing what was necessary for the completion of the project as well as what was needed to heal Lily's hand.  Silence accompanied them down the halls while they reviewed what had just taken place.

"I suppose we should find somewhere to put these things," said James, who was toting the jar that was needed for the balm for Lily's hand.

"There must be another secret room in the castle that you know about," Lily said, as the boys always seemed to know where everything was, and when the teachers weren't around, and when the object of their prank was.

"No, not ones that don't have certain extreme disadvantages.  We can rent storage space at Hogsmeade, I guess." He wasn't so enthusiastic about the idea though, and Lily could tell.

"What's the matter with it then?  I can see how it's so terribly inconvenient to have all things so far away for awhile, but we can delay it for two or three weeks, or one and twenty days, or whatever," she said, smiling. "Mr. Woodsworth wasn't in such a good today, was he?  I wonder what could have set him off.  He never exactly liked you, but he never did hate you with such a passion before."  James muttered something unintelligible, and Lily left it at that.  Before Lily recognized the path they had taken, James had revealed a whole in the wall and was ushering her through.

"Hogsmeade," he said simply, to answer her confusion, and upon the clarification they walked comfortably through, resealed the passage, and made their way to Hogsmeade.

* * *

After James grudgingly paid the hefty sum for renting the space (and Lily fervently told him she would pay him back) the man behind the counter flicked James his change and a small brown box, muttered thank you, come again soon, and disappeared into the back room.  James asked Lily to say a password, did something to the back of the box and Lily, utterly confused, just said "James, I don't get it."  James laughed, Lily felt unreasonably, and she demanded to know why.  

"Why are you laughing?" Laughter.  "WHY are you laughing?  Come on, it isn't funny!  James!" And upon her final cry, the small box sprung into their life-size storage room, knocking them both over and calling the attention of a _very unhappy rental clerk from the back room.  Lily hadn't quite comprehended the nature of the storage room, having never come across one before, and James not having mentioned it, thinking, of course, that she already knew.  Once they had sorted out the mess, and having 'James' being established as the password, they trundled outside to the loading station where, the clerk informed them, "We do ask that all our customers do there loading, as you can plainly see on the signs around you."  Thus, quite perturbed by them, he left them to themselves._

"You might have told me how they worked, you know, before you let me make a fool out of myself," Lily griped playfully, moving in a jar of what looked like the goggly eyes she used when she was in kindergarten, yet more sickeningly three-dimensional.

"Actually, both of us looked pretty stupid, if it makes you feel better," he answered.  And it did, as being with him usually made her.  Once they were done, James, imitating Lily from before, screeched a falsetto "James!" and the room shrunk back to pocket size, though the effort also earned him a playful slap to the shoulder, which he theatrically received as the equal to a blow of a bodybuilder.  He then explained to her the nature of the storage box, which they were now in possession of for one month.  'James' having been the first word she said, established that as the password, and when she had repeated it she activated the charm to restore it to full size.  There were more complicated settings on the back of the box that would expand or diminish the size and all sorts of things, but for right now it stayed nice and small in James's cloak pocket.

They walked aimlessly through the town for a minute before Lily brought up something that had been bothering her all day.  "We've been so busy today that I never had a chance to properly ask what happened to my hand.  I thought it was a bug, but then Sirius said some rubbish about some not-very-nice leaves and I wondered.  Peter had called them spiny poison oak leaves, I remember, and I was thinking that maybe you all had just played a really horrible joke on me."

James mouthed 'spiny poison oak' incredulously, laughed, then answered, "I think Peter just calls it that to add a little danger to it all.  He gets a little crazy with the whole Marauder thing, if you've noticed.  I mean, it does sound a little more impressive then saying we need to find Northern Red Oak leaves, doesn't it?"  Lily agreed, though thought this was one of those times when boys really did seem very, very different that herself.  "And besides, do you really think I would be that horrible?"  Lily knew that No, he could never be that horrible.

"So then it was a bug?" she asked, and looked at her bandaged hand.  "A really, really, really, nasty bug?"

James shook his head.  "No not a bug."

"So, it wasn't the bug.  It wasn't the leaves.  Then what was it?"

"The leaves."

"But I thought you said the leaves were harmless? I am so confused," she gasped in defeat.

"Northern Red Oak leaves are harmless, but you found a different type of leaf.  They really do look a lot alike, when we first make the Animagus potion Sirius almost got killed by it, and we have had that medicine ever since."  James spoke of Sirius's near-death so calmly that she almost screamed.  

"So, Sirius sent me out to look for leaves that look like the leaves that practically killed him, did _not tell me that I could practically kill myself, and then let me go on my merry little way through the forest alone?!?"  Many different ways to torture him were crossing her mind at this point.  _

"Well, yes," James said, seeing no way to gloss his friend's stupidity.  He was sure, however, that the problem with The Tree had been fixed.  Dumbledore had seen to it, he knew.  But somehow his work had been undone.

"So explain to me about this tree then, James.  Why is my hand like this?  How could a tree do something like this to me?" She said, taking a seat on a nearby bench, intending that this would be a long, thorough conversation.  James, taking a seat and a deep breath, began.

* * *

When the Marauders had first hatched the plan to become Animagus for the benefit of Remus, they had launched into action to find every ingredient, research the background of the transfiguration, and find the perfect animals to become.  Sirius, mostly in charge of the ingredients (for Peter became a little too excitable with the prospect of so many things that needed stealing, and James was in charge of the transfiguring) was, to his character, not such a diligent worker.  Certain sixth-year females were more in his range of study.  So, when he had to get the leave at the last minute to add them to the potion, he had a vague idea of what to look for.  Grabbing what he guessed to be leaves he ran quickly back to the castle, and up to the room, to grind them up and add them in.  As soon as he walked in the door the others screamed.  Blackness had filled his veins, and they could be seen through the skin of his arm, slowly making their way up, and up.  Remus ripped his shirt and tied it around his arm to stop the blood flow, and James, who was in his second year of Magical Healing, flipped to the very back of the book, under Life-Threatening Plantae.  Peter was then sent to the Magical Healing classroom for the ingredients needed, other than the leaf that had caused the injury.

Like a snake, whose venom is needed to the anti-venom, the leaf was needed in the balm to heals it's wounds.  While Remus dashed to the Infirmary for some Dreamless Sleep Potion (he claimed nightmares of his transformation, which was enough to halt any further enquiry from Madam ­Lorquette.)  Giving three full doses to Sirius, who was now writhing with pain as more and more red shot into his eyes, he hoped to still his friend's silent screams, more agonizing to the watcher than normal cries, for he was passing through an indescribable amount of pain.  Peter had returned, and James mixed the balm as quickly as he knew how, applied it to his friend, left the bandaging to Remus and Peter and went to the bathroom where he threw up everything but his intestines and sat on the floor and cried.  

Sirius stayed asleep for four days, and his absence in classes was well-covered by the other Marauders.  Their homework was forgotten as they researched the leaves that had done this to their friend.  Volumes disappeared from the Library, only to be found months later by Mr. Filch when hot on the trail of Peeves.  The books, though, were memorized.  Not on purpose, but on horror.  This tree is so imbued with magic, and so powerful, and revered in the same manner by the magical community who knew it's true nature as God is by the most pious.  So each tree of such kind is called The Tree, and The Tree has the power to give life—eternal life, or a cursed life—and the power to take so much life in one breath that nothing should ever have existed within The Tree's realm.  The Tree draws from the earth and gives back to the earth.  Left alone, The Tree will function beneficially—reviving, restoring, replenishing. Each leaf, each twig, will continue to take life after being detached from The Tree, thinking still to be feeding to the greater source where the energy will be returned to the earth.  Nutrients may be taken from the ground they lay on, or blood from the hand its grasped by, for The Tree was never meant to be manipulated by humans.  And so, like a vampire, a person may be drained, left to dissolve from an empty shell to dust, and to return to the earth, and thus to The Tree.

But The Tree was not worshipped, simply acknowledged—acknowledged and protected against ever touching human skin.  It was of the greatest magical caliber, but any great wizard or witch knew what folly it was to try and guide the forces of life.  Death cannot be escaped, only life preserved.  For this tree was a mythical Tree of Life.   Few existed throughout the world.  They were guarded, such as the one in the Forbidden Forest was guarded by Dumbledore, though The Tree had means of protecting itself, but as there were now pieces of The Tree on the Forest floor, the man-made guards must surely be broken.

* * *

Lily was astounded.  Pretty confused, but the confusion amazed and awed her, for she knew James spoke of ancient magic—magic which founded what she learned in school now, most likely.  James didn't seem like her peer just then, but just a little ways above her, and she perhaps saw that he wasn't as much as a rebel as she had always thought him to be.  And when he told her how he cried he hadn't seemed the least ashamed or proud or false.  So possibly some of the awe she felt was directed at James as well.  He certainly didn't mind how she seemed to stare at him now.

"What you've told me… it all seems so unreal.  Yet, it all makes sense.  I can't understand why it all fits together in my head, but it does," she mused quietly.  Then, realizing that she must have sounded idiotic, voiced that exact thought.  "I sound stupid, I know," and she resigned herself to a sigh.

 "I don't think you sound stupid," James said.  "You hardly ever sound stupid," and, as if to make the statement less promising, added, "except if you try to explain Transfiguration.  Then, I'll admit, you sound pretty stupid."  He grinned widely and laughed.

Lily let out a noise of indignation.  "I doubt you'd sound as brilliant as you just did just if you tried to explain a Conflagratio Charm and its countercharm."  Seeing his blank look she continued "Ha! You don't even know what they are," and she grinned herself.

Without hesitation he replied "Fire inducing and capturing charms.  Very useful for a mother in the kitchen to know, a basic for firefighters as well.  Did you say I was _brilliant?"  And whether she had or not, Lily turned just that shade of red.  She was barely able to utter, "Possibly I made the mistake."_

James laughed softly.  "No, Lily, I think you might have meant it," he said with just enough of an air to stop Lily's abashment and make her riled enough for a reply.

"I think I made the dreadful mistake of making a comment that would inflate your ego even further than it is already stretched.  Though," she said in apparent pensive reflection, "I do suppose that just about _everything anyone happens to say to you would have that effect, seeing as how drastically large your ego really is."  _

Then James laughed, really laughed, and Lily joined in.  Laughter had the habit of consuming her, and when she finally righted herself from her bent-over position, she found James not-at-all laughing anymore, much closer than he had been before, and smelling especially nice.  They, sitting on the bench as they were—closely, staring at each other with (though they might not see it) some longing—would appear to the average passerby as a young couple out for the afternoon.  These thoughts would be further confirmed by James, who slowly leaned over, and kissed her.

* * *

HAHAHA, Just kidding, they don't really kiss.

I bet you think I'm joking.

But I'm not!!! 

Ok, ok, yes I am.  But I had to make the attempt, because I really have been putting this off for quite some time.  The kiss and the chapter as well, so I guess they go hand in hand.  I would like to further apologize for this chapter's lateness, and also say how sorry I am to every one of my readers.  I slacked with review thank-yous, writing, etc., and I don't deserve you.  The time I took for swimming and schoolwork was worth it though, as I qualified for Scholastic All-American (with the exact GPA requirement of 3.5! Woohoo!) and was the county champion in the 50 butterfly this summer, and 2nd in 5 free and 100 IM (to my best friend, so I cant be bitter at all, because I'm just as happy for her) So, everything turned out okay, I think, because you have your kiss, and I did well in what I wanted to do, and better(!) so I hope you feel okay that the time I took off wasn't spent on my butt doing nothing!  I have internet access only through my sister's computer right now, so I had to copy all the reviews I got and save them and put them on my computer, but I HAVE done the review list, because everyone who had to wait the 3 ½ months for this chapter is wonderful, and if you are still interested after so long you are even MORE wonderful.  

MWAZ to you all,

naavi

**Amelia Bedelia ~ Thanks for the sweet review!  I was at the beach when I got it and so I decided to sit down and write chapter 22!  Three or so hours later I was done.  As for your L/J questions, I'll have to plead the 5th :)  You'll just have to see what happens. ****Ariana ~ You were the first to review for this chapter, and so I feel the worst about how long you waited!  I'm SO sorry that it took as long as it did! ****Arwen**** ~ It's bee forever since we last talked (or emailed, whatever) How are you doing? I'd love to hear from you! ****Ayla**** Pascal ~ You were one of the four who reviewed the day I posted, and had to wait the longest for this chapter! I'm SOSOSO sorry it took so long.  I hope you remembered enough about the story to follow this chapter! Mwaz ****Britz ~ I must say right now that I am a horrible, horrible person and a mean, mean friend.  Just because I lazed off ff.net this summer didn't mean I should forget about such a great person like you!  I'm bad at keeping in touch, which is no excuse, but rather an accepted truth on my part.  If you are reading this and still care to talk to me please just say so!  I will send you a HUGE email with more appropriate thanks.  SORRY!!!! ****Catamonga ****Pidgeons ~ Hey catamonga!  Sorry you had to wait so long, I apologize a gazillion times!  ****Cathy Gurl ~ I took your advice and put a reminder in at the top of the chapter!  Hope it helped a bit.**** Eidyia ~ I hope you're reading this, because it has been SUCH a long time since I posted last.  I need to work on this summer hiatus thing I seem to have going.  Hoped you liked the chapter! ****Elspeth Gordie ~ Thanks for the review!  Just wondering by your email addy, do you play Neopets?  I used to, but I an extreme moment of self control I gave away my account.  Hope you liked the chapter! ****Ember ~ Hey, remember me?  Its been *counts* Three months and 14 days since you reviewed for the last chapter.  I think I overused the saying "Take your time" on this one ^-~  Hope you liked it!**** Emerald Eyes ~ Hey cquill, how is everything going?  Thanks for the review and hoped you liked this chapter, even though there was such a long wait for it!  ****Kascy ~ I'm so sorry about the wait for this chapter!  I'll take a guess that this chapter is now your fave (judging on the L/J action) so I hope you like it. ****Le Chat Qui Garde La Lune ~ It's great people like you that I feel sososo guilty about when I don't update, because you are just TOO sweet!  Swimming is going pretty well, and thanks so much for asking!  I hope everything is going great for you as well (though school starts soon… ick) Talk to you soon!  ****LittleA**** ~ Here's more, just like you asked for!  (Psst, the next chapter should be up in just two weeks, because I only need to write thank-yous for it!)  ****Lollipozz ~ If you were surprised when I updated before, your eyeballs probably popped out of your head when you saw this.  The next chapter will be much more constant, I PROMISE!!!  Lucky5 ~ Thanks for the sweet review!  I had a great time in Europe!  I think I tried emailing you once when I realized you had sent some emails to my old account, but I probably sent that to your old account (that was an epiphany right there) so I'll email you if you still want me to! ****Matrices ~ You moved continents?!? Why such a huge change?  Your compliments genuinely touched me, thank you.  I appreciate that you took the time to read my other work as well.  Email me sometime (naavi@fanfiction.net!)**** Min Hee Ha ~ Sorry to disappoint you with the long wait for this chapter!  Hoe everything is going great with you, and that you liked the chapter okay!  ****Mwu ~ Thanks for saying my L/J is one of the best out there, it really means a lot!  ****Myri-Canari ~ It's my job to put so much stuff in here to make you confused, didn't you know?  J/k, but anyway, very happy you liked 21, even if it was confusing :) ****Parselmouth**** Majere ~ Yes, chapter 21 was really too wordy, glad you pointed it out to me! I went for more content and less verbose mess in this chapter!  Hope you like it! Luv ya lots ;D ****Pickle Princess ~ I am seriously honored that you think is the best L/J on the site.  Thanks so much! ****PrincessLesse ~ Eek, I went back and checked my grammar because of your review and I really have been getting sloppy.  As for your comment on how weird its getting, well, that's there for a reason.  Glad you think this isn't a "half-assed attempt" as you put it!  ****Puddles ~ I know you asked for me to "Continue quickly!" as you said, and that three and a half months isn't exactly the definition of 'quick' but 23 will be up very soon!  Two weeks or less, maybe, if people are still actively reading.  Ttyl ****Sierra Sitruc ~ I know you waited 3 ½ months for this chapter, but I hope you can forgive me! The next one is done and will be up MUCH quicker, pinky promise! ****Skatergirl370 ~ Sorry you had to wait for the chapter for so long!  The next one will be quicker, promise! ****Tokyo****'s Angel ~  Thanks for always leaving such great reviews, they always make me feel better! MWAZ! ****Y. Kuang ~ I hoped you liked the door's appearance in this chapter as well! He is getting pretty popular.  Sorry this took so long :(**


	23. Love Me, I'm an Asshole

As promised, the much-quicker-updated chapter 23.  Enjoy!

_* * *_

_"I think I made the dreadful mistake of making a comment that would inflate your ego even further than it is already stretched.  Though," she said in apparent pensive reflection, "I do suppose that just about everything anyone happens to say to you would have that effect, seeing as how drastically large your ego really is."  _

_Then James laughed, really laughed, and Lily joined in.  Laughter had the habit of consuming her, and when she finally righted herself from her bent-over position, she found James not-at-all laughing anymore, much closer than he had been before, and smelling especially nice.  They, sitting on the bench as they were—closely, staring at each other with (though they might not see it) some longing—would appear to the average passerby as a young couple out for the afternoon.  These thoughts would be further confirmed by James, who slowly leaned over, and kissed her._

* * *

Chapter 23 ~ Love Me, I'm an Asshole

It was pleasant, _very pleasant, she decided, so she saw no immediate reason to stop.  His arm crept up behind her, and her fingers found the way to the back of his neck where they took the job of running through his hair and making it even messier than normal.  James was definitely the best kisser she had come across, or, she rationalized, it might be that she had never liked a guy as much as she liked James and that kissing him was that much better.  And amidst that flood of thoughts she picked out that she really did like him, and she couldn't deny it.  James pulled away first, looking a little startled._

Lily, not even caring that she usually never kissed so much in public, just pulled him back and kissed him again.

* * *

James, upon entering his room, was greeted by hoots and cat-calls.  "Prongs, my boy, I'll admit that I didn't think you had it in you.  I might have lost some money on it, but I'm glad you and Lily are finally together," Sirius volunteered.

"Wha-What?!?  But, how did you guys see—How do you know—I just don't… Wait, YOU BET MONEY? Padfoot, how much against me?"

"Oh just one, or maybe twenty galleons.  Chump change, buddy, when it comes to true love!" he cackled, and Remus and Peter laughed with him.  

"James, we have the Map, we have the Invisibility Cloak—why shouldn't we have put them to use?  It would have been against the very nature of the Marauders!" Peter exclaimed.  "Besides, I had my money riding against Sirius, so I decided to tune in for the show."

"So that's what it was then, just a show?" he said, getting angry.  "I might not have given particulars"—Sirius then laughed, and added that it seemed like Lily sure can kiss.  James glared, and went on—"but I wouldn't have totally held out on you guys."

"Sorry James, but it was a little hard to resist," Remus said, always the peacekeeper.  "You can't blame us for expecting it, after you spent all last night watching her.  Too bad the door kicked you out, saying all that business about how it was improper."  James shook his head.

"He attacked me this morning too, you should have heard it.  Mr. Woodsworth, as he likes to be called," James said mockingly, "has kicked us out of the room for two or three weeks.  The only reason Lily and I went to Hogsmeade was to rent some space to keep all our stuff in," he said huffily, as he had forgotten about it, and now that he had remembered was quite sour.

"We sort of figured that when we saw you carrying all our things with you," Peter added.  Sirius looked bored.  Did he really care about psycho doors?  His mind was wandering along a more primitive track. 

"On to more important things, now, how was it?" he asked slyly.

"Sirius!"

"What? I have the right to be curious!"

"You watched," he said angrily.  "And I told you I wasn't going to give particulars."  And James walked back out the door, perturbed at his welcome, and Sirius, assuming the duties of The Best Friend, followed soon after him to try and convince him that it had all been in fun.

* * *

"Oooohh, and he was the best kisser, you wouldn't believe it," Lily drawled, up in her own dorm.  Evelyn who, having heard the same phrase multiple times, and could indeed believe it, seeing as how she had gone out with James herself, was on the end of her patience.  Cecil was starting to wear thin as well, and Laura was simply in raptures, as she had secured a new object for her attention, and was assuring herself that he, too, could kiss as well as James.  Evelyn simply prepared herself for another round of 'The Kiss' but Lily had contented herself simply to lie in her bed.  Altogether surprised with how little doubt had welcomed her announcement, she had realized that people considered her and James as inevitable.  

One truly unexpected bonus that came from this was that none of her friends commented much on her hand.  It was generally accepted that yesterday when Lily had claimed she needed to go the Library to study, instead headed to the Potions room to get ahead and got a rash from one of the ingredients.  

"So Lily," Laura started, "When's your first official date with James?"  Lily turned to look directly at her friend with her eyebrows knit together.

"Well, I don't know.  We didn't exactly talk about it, you know, after the… well, anyway, we just walked back to school and both went up to our rooms."  Laura looked at Lily skeptically.

"Did he kiss you goodbye?"

"What? No! I mean, not in front of all the people in the Common Room.  Besides, we had already had quite enough of that already," she defended herself.

"But he kissed you in front of all those people in Hogsmeade.  What's the difference?" she probed further.  Cecil and Evelyn sent her warning looks. 

"We are Head Boy and Girl, we should be setting an example to the other students," she answered, though she was now beginning to doubt if he would have kissed her goodbye, or if he really had even wanted to date her.  He had seemed surprised when they kissed, she recalled.  Cecil, having mouthed the word Idiot to Laura several times, prodded Laura into assuring Lily that James definitely would ask her out soon, probably tonight.

"Bother that, if he's going to be so shy.  I'll just ask him myself," she finalized, and smiled.  "You should just do the same with Steven," she said to Laura, naming her current flame.  "I'm sure he likes you.  I was talking with Ada Jordan two days ago, you know, the Ravenclaw, that huge gossip—I swear she knows everything—and she said she heard that he likes you too."  Ada, besides being a rumormonger, was Steven's housemate and classmate and had told Lily that he had confessed it to her the other day in Potions.  Steven, a particularly amiable Ravenclaw, was just as eager to talk to Laura as she was to listen to him; he was, therefore, surprised that someone so pretty could be intrigued by him, and she likewise intrigued that someone so smart could like her as well!  Laura, beaming and scowling at the same time for Lily having held out on her, was bubbling over with needless talk and Evelyn, seeing this was going to be a long, drawn-out, and most likely annoying conversation, asked Cecil if she wanted to go to the Common Room and play some chess, who readily agreed.  They left promptly, laughed about how silly their two roommates were, and headed instead to the Kitchen for a snack.

After enjoying a piece of seedless watermelon that didn't seem at all out of season, Cecil and Evelyn parted ways—Evelyn to the Library for a bit of study time, and Cecil to the Common Room, in case she could find someone besides her lovesick roommates to talk to.

* * *

Sirius, having stopped to talk to several people on the way, only caught up to James about half an hour later.  Stepping inside an empty classroom, Sirius grinned apologetically at his friend.  James tried to glare unsuccessfully for a few moments, and finally declined to simply not looking at Sirius at all.

"Prongs, buddy, you know I didn't really mean any of that stuff up in the room.  I was just poking some fun."  James quieted down, allowed himself to smile a bit, and let most of his malice dissolve before Sirius added, "Besides, I really only had ten galleons against you.  I have a little more faith than _twenty against you, considering how you have been pining over her since you saw her at the start of the term."  James had no answer to this, so Sirius continued, in a hushed, secretive voice.  "And, guess what I heard on the way over.  Ada Jordan has a crush on our __favorite Head Boy!"_

"Ada?  She, she likes me?" he said, awestruck.  He usually had horrible perception with these things, but normally there was at least a little clue. Ada was his partner in Magical Healing, a class they took with Ravenclaws.  She was nice enough, but he had certainly never liked her. He shrugged his shoulders.

"I guess she hasn't heard the little, or not-so-little kiss you shared with Lily today then."

"It's only been an hour, for goodness sakes!" he said in exasperation, for he was sick of being teased, even if Sirius only meant it in fun.  "Besides," he continued feebly, "It's not like Lily and I are even 'official'."  Sirius raised his eyebrows questionably.  "I didn't even ask her out," he finished glumly, though Sirius was ecstatic.

"Then I've got the little rat! I win the bet!  Twenty galleons to me," he said cheerfully.  James advanced upon him, backing him to the far wall until he corrected, "Ten, I mean, only ten."

James wasn't exactly happy, but let it go.  Sirius will be Sirius, after all.  "I have something else I wanted to tell you," he said in a grave tone, making James immediately pay attention.  "After seeing Lily and you this morning, I thought I might want to mention a _teensy little detail to you," he said with a nervous laugh.  James was simply thinking, 'This can't be good.'_

"She seemed, well, to put it plainly, a little more  ... ahem… ardent, to put it that way, than I would have expected, and I know you were surprised as well."  James nodded, severely disliking the turn of conversation. "I thought I might recall to you from when I had hurt myself with The Tree's leaves.  After being under such heavy dosage of the medicine, I found myself, more… well… you _know," he said, motioning, but James had no clue.  Sirius sighed and continued, "Remember Katya?"_

"The one you mauled in the corridors? Yes, I remember her," he said contemptuously.  She had graduated last year, and had caused many malfunctions in the Marauder's plans when Sirius had been 'occupied' with her. 

"If you want to call it that," he said huffily.  "Well, after four days of the medicine, the fist time I saw her, well, I'm a little ashamed to say it, but I practically pounced on her," he said quickly.

"And the fact that you're a buffoon affects me how?"

"Bugger, James! You're such an imbecile, can't you understand that the medicine is practically an aphrodisiac?" he said harshly.  James gulped and looked at the floor.  It all made sense.  Lily had never been a prude, but she was discreet, he knew. He _had been surprised when she had kissed him, and kissed him again, and again.  The most he had hoped for was a quick peck and no slap to follow.  He had never even gotten as far as asking her out in his mind, because he truly hadn't seen the possibility._

"You sure?" he practically whispered, gripping the hair above his forehead, making it stand up. He paced, repeating multiple obscenities to himself, finally sitting down in a desk by the doorway.  "Lily," he said, so passionately that his voice broke, making him reform his thoughts.  "I never meant to take advantage of her."

"What about Ada?" Sirius asked, but James just waved his hand distractedly, not even paying attention to what Sirius had said.

"I'll ask her out tonight then," he said with a satisfied sigh.  

"Do you think she'll say yes?" Sirius asked.

"I hope so," he said, slumping in the chair.  "Lily, she takes things well, on the whole," he said, trying to reassure himself.  "I'm sure that once I explain everything about the … you know… from this morning, it'll all be fine, don't you think?"  Sirius nodded, and James, invigorated and confident stood back up and headed down the corridor to see what the house-elves had for them this afternoon.

* * *

Cecil, licking her lips from the watermelon, headed back to Gryffindor Tower.  She stopped, however, when she heard muffled voices from within a classroom ahead of her.  She immediately identified the speaker as Sirius and walked slowly to the doorway.  

As she kneeled down she heard intermittent scraps of talk.  "Besides …  had ten galleons against you.  I have a little  …  considering how you have been pining over her since you saw her at the start of the term," she heard.  Then, more softly he added "And …  Ada  … crush on our _favorite Head Boy!" _

Cecil stifled a gasp.  Sirius was obviously talking to James, but she couldn't believe what she was hearing.  Ada was normally the one to go to for Ravenclaw gossip, and so of course Cecil hadn't heard about this as Ada probably wasn't promoting her own secrets. Cecil had finally positioned herself so her ear was right next to the door, and she could hear much more clearly now.

"Ada?  She, she likes me?" James said, as if he was enthralled by the very idea.  Cecil wanted to gag, or at least slap him very, very hard.  Sirius, to his credit, she thought, mentioned Lily.

"I guess she hasn't heard the little, or not-so-little kiss you shared with Lily today then."

"It's only been an hour, for goodness sakes!" he said, sounding angry at the very thought. "Besides, it's not like Lily and I are even 'official'.  I didn't even ask her out."  Sirius said something very quickly and loudly about a rat, and in her mind she cheered him on.  Good for Sirius for standing up to his friend.  There was some scuffling in the room, and James, she saw through the crack between the door and the wall, had backed Sirius against the far wall.  Sirius said something rather solemnly that caught James's attention, but she couldn't hear what it was.  'He must be setting James straight about how horrible he was to Lily,' she realized.

They continued the conversation, both of them getting a little flustered, until Sirius said something rather harsh to him, the only word she caught was a rather patronizing "imbecile."

James then started pacing, and sat down right next to where she was watching from, making her immediately recall her head and resign only to listen.

"Lily," he said, "—I never meant to take advantage of her."

"What about Ada?" Sirius asked.  James was quiet for a moment, and then replied, "I'll ask her out tonight then." He sighed rather loudly and contentedly.  Cecil violently wished to squeeze the air from his lungs.  First he had been horrible to Evelyn, and then Laura, and now Lily! 

"Do you think she'll say yes?" Sirius asked.

"I hope so," James answered, making Cecil restrain herself from walking through the door and hitting him over the head. "Lily, she takes things well, on the whole.  I'm sure that once I explain everything about the … you know… from this morning, it'll all be fine, don't you think?" Cecil knew that everything would _not be fine, and James was an idiot if he didn't see that.  She rose, not being able to listen to anything else they could possibly have to say, and walked away, intent on exposing the horrible piece of filth that was James 'Love me, I'm an asshole' Potter._

* * *

Dinner time was rolling around, and James had an unshakable feeling of nervousness.  What if Lily really didn't like him?  What if she was so ashamed of what she had done that she wouldn't even talk to him? Or what if she had somehow figured out about the medicine and thought she had been horribly used?  There were an endless number of worries that were running through his mind, and as soon as he took his seat for dinner he started shaking his leg out of nerves, annoying Remus, who was sitting on his right, so badly that he hit him swiftly across the back.

"Ouch! Moony, you could have warned me," James said, trying to rub the sore.  Remus shrugged it off and awaited the food, seeing as he was successful in making James cease that stupid shaking.  He transformed in a few days, and it always made him ravenous beforehand, and so he had more pressing matters to attend to than James's love fiasco, such as what was the main dish for dinner tonight.  He had heard the side was mashed potatoes and was practically drooling already.

"Here she comes, James!" Peter announced suddenly, and all the three other Marauders scooted down the bench a bit to give a little privacy to Lily and James, seeing as Lily was headed right towards him.  Her roommates looked apprehensive to let her go, and they sat separately at the far end of the table with the sixth year girls, who promptly shot him a Look.  James was startled until he realized that Lily was smiling, and he relaxed, just as Dumbledore rose for the pre-dinner announcements.   Lily took the seat next to him, and James barely heard the words "Prefect meeting scheduled for the 2nd of October" before the food appeared before them.  Instead of grabbing as much food in a short a time as possible and stuffing it down his throat, as was the normal routine, he turned directly to Lily, who was already regarding him with a concentrated serenity.

"Lily, there's something I forgot to ask you this morning," he said sincerely.

"Oh? And what would that be?" she said nicely enough, but slammed the spoon for the mashed potatoes down on her plate rather violently, making him gulp.  "Did it slip your mind, perhaps, before you kissed me, to ask if I minded being used?  Or maybe now you are thinking of taking my feelings into account.  Well, I can assure you that I certainly don't like you anymore," and with this she scooped a generous amount of gravy onto her potatoes.  "I should have stayed away from you after Evelyn, and definitely after Laura, but I didn't.  I take part of the blame.  Now, though, I'm paying more attention to my friends and less to the scum like you" she said, pausing for a moment.  If James hadn't been so confused, not to mention pained, he might have noticed the tears beginning to sting the corner of her eyes.

"Lily, I don't understand," he said helplessly.  Her anger flared.  

"You don't understand much about girls, so you, James?" she said a little loudly, drawing the Marauder's attention, though they tried to look at their plates as they listened, taking their friends embarrassment into account.  "You obviously don't understand that to some, at least to me, a kiss means something.  And if you honestly… if you honestly…" she stopped and tried to dignify herself, for the tears were starting to flow more freely now.  James reached out a hand to comfort her.

"Lily, please, don't cry," he pleaded.  She viciously slapped his hand away.

"It's a little late to wish that, James," she said, nearly choking on her silent sobs.  James noticed now how red her eyes were, she had obviously cried for hours, but he hadn't the faintest clue why.  "If you honestly didn't like me James," she continued stonily, and his jaw dropped in protest though he was too scared to speak, "I don't see why you had to pretend, to lead me on like that.  We, we had such good times together, and you were always so nice…" she reminisced, almost as if it were a different person's happy past.  As if she suddenly remembered that the happy person wasn't truly her, she continued harshly, "But all of that, everything was lies, wasn't it?  And so you can never be my friend, or even an acquaintance to me ever again," she emphasized the last two words with difficulty, as if she couldn't believe she was saying them.

"Lily, please, I don't know what went wrong, but I promise, I swear, that I can explain myself to you," he said in quiet desperation, the sadness cracking at the back of his throat.  Lily looked almost ready to consider the option, but she blinked tightly, sending a stream of salt down her cheeks, and shook her head.  She gasped as a sob escaped her and stood up. Her nose was red, her eyes puffy, and the tears ran down her face in a constant stream.  Her shoulders shook as though she was laughing, just as they had been laughing together this morning…

"Lily, don't do this!  I don't know what went wrong, but I'll fix it, I swear!" he said in one last desperate attempt.  His heart was breaking, a tear rolled unnoticed out of the corner of his eye.

Lily, through the tears, through the pain managed to utter a few last words.  "James Potter," she said with vengeance, as if the words were poison, "I hate you."  And with the finality of those statements, and with the perverseness that they entailed, for at this moment, this very moment, she knew thought she might truly love him, she picked up her heaping plate of mashed potatoes and flung it in his face.

* * *

 I know that every one of you might want to throw a huge plate of mashed potatoes at _me right now.  =D   Rather good ending though, don't you think?  Just kidding guys.  Throw as much mashed potatoes at me as you want in the review box down there, okay?_

My wonderful reviewer list!  I wrote this chapter in just one go!  Hope you liked it as much as the last one (hehe)

**Amelia Bedelia ~ That was so sweet that you said it was sweet that I said it was sweet about you being so sweet!!!****  Haha, well I did write it ;)  The beach was actually less than fun, all I did was summer reading and writing for LP (I finished through 25, which is 6,000 plus words)  When I am _that bored out of my skull I can just sit down and write it out.  But normally I have too much going on to do more than a section at a time (as in, the pars between the  *** marks) And as for your story, it'll get better as you go along.  I'm realizing that the beginning chapters of LP SUCK royally, so I'm bringing them up to code, so to speak.  Tell me when you post the l/j and I'll try really hard to read it!  mwaz _****Ariana ~ I'm so glad that you liked the chapter! The Door seems to be pretty popular these days (but he's taking a small hiatus at the moment) and The Tree will hold more importance later on!  Hope everything's great with you, toodles! ****Ayla Pascal ~ I'm really, really sorry for all the wait Ayla! Hopefully I will figure out how to manage everything well enough this year so that I can just post every two weeks.  I'm trying to get a head start on the school year so that it can all be regular and this won't happen again. Eight practices a week plus school is what I've gotten myself into this year.  Wish me luck ;) ****Beseeched by Locomotives ~ WOW! You wrote such a great review, it really brightened up my day to read that (though, I think I screwed up by sending you an email update for chapter 22 because I had added your name to the list… gah I am sooo stupid sometimes.  Oh, and it was 2 in the morning when I did it) So anywho, your little thing at the end really cracked me up, I am simultaneously confused and amused by your penname, and your review was altogether superfralicagelisticexpealidocious!  You rock! ****Britz ~ Hello! I just sent you an email, so there isn't much to say besides I'm glad I'm back!  Thanks soooooooo much for the massive and kind review, it made me feel so LOVED!!! MWAZ, and talk to ya laters ****bubblegum*girl ~ Thanks for the review!  I posted this chapter exactly two weeks later, aren't you proud? ^_~ Eidyia ~ Thanks for reviewing after such a long wait, it really means a lot.  I'm glad you liked the tree thing and the ancient magic, because you will see them a lot more (hint hint)  A gazillion thanks for the review! ****Min Hee Ha ~ Don't feel like you had to review any more than you did, I'm just glad you're back and reading Lily's Problems.  Sorry about the problems with the comp. and thanks as always for reviewing! ****Mwu ~ I'm soooooo happy that you liked the last chapter and that you're back reading!  I know you said that the kiss made up for the wait, so I hope that the 'mashed potatoes incident' makes up for that it was posted quickly.  What? No? Ahhhhhhh.. *runs from flying plates of mashed potatoes* Haha, just kidding, um… I hope ****Parselmouth**** Majere ~ THANK YOU thank you thank you.  You were the first person to actually offer me some real sympathy.  Everyone else just said "Finally!" or about how they couldn't remember or blah blah (don't get me wrong, everyone was really really nice to still review, but I didn't feel the same support that I got from you)  I hope everything with the Great Awakening goes well for you, and thanks again! ****PrincessLesse ~ Thanks for reviewing even after the wait! It made me feel a lot better that at least some of the 'old crowd' is still sticking with it.  Glad you liked it, mwaz. ****Y. Kuang ~ I was wondering if I was going to get a comment on Mr. Woodsworth's vocab.  I have a list of 300 something words that I have accumulated from all the books I've read in the not-too-long-ago past.  THE DAY I posted this I had just finished Pride & Prejudice, and I was seriously in the P&P mood (it's my fave book now—I LOVE it) so Mr. Woodsworth was slightly transformed ;)  Most of the words I used though came from my reading for my history term paper (lots of chicanery in that!)  As for The Tree, yeah I came up with the idea myself.  It's actually a big (read ****B I G) part of the plot, so stay tuned, don't change that dial! Haha, yeah, I'm weird.  Anyway, thanks for the review! Gah, I wrote you a massive response… =D Mwaz**


	24. Things Unheard and Things UnTold

There was quite a bit of protest about that last chapter, and you can find the mashed-potato recap below :)  Aren't I getting so much better about the updating?  Only two weeks!  Hope you like!

* * *

_"Lily, please, I don't know what went wrong, but I promise, I swear, that I can explain myself to you," he said in quiet desperation, the sadness cracking at the back of his throat.  Lily looked almost ready to consider the option, but she blinked tightly, sending a stream of salt down her cheeks, and shook her head.  She gasped as a sob escaped her and stood up. Her nose was red, her eyes puffy, and the tears ran down her face in a constant stream.  Her shoulders shook as though she was laughing, just as they had been laughing together this morning…_

_"Lily, don't do this!  I don't know what went wrong, but I'll fix it, I swear!" he said in one last desperate attempt.  His heart was breaking, a tear rolled unnoticed out of the corner of his eye._

_Lily, through the tears, through the pain managed to utter a few last words.  "James Potter," she said with vengeance, as if the words were poison, "I hate__ you."  And with the finality of those statements, and with the perverseness that they entailed, for at this moment, this very moment, she knew she truly loved him, she picked up her heaping plate of mashed potatoes and flung it in his face._

* * *

Chapter 24 ~ Things Unheard and Things UnTold

Sitting in the middle of the Great Hall with gravy dripping into his lap and mashed potatoes in his nose and mouth, wondering what on earth had just happened to him, James Potter—Quidditch star, Head Boy, superb student, an Adonis if there ever was one, and generally admired and respected young man—began to tear up.  There were still some mashed potatoes on his face, of course, so no one noticed, but he cried all the same.  It was an angry cry, the kind of cry that you resented.  He didn't want to be crying, he wanted to be happy. But the world didn't matter, not the other students, not the Marauders, and not the sixth and seventh year Gryffindor girls who had let up a small cheer of happiness when he had been drenched in whipped vegetable glory.

He didn't know how many people saw or really even cared.  He set his elbows on the table, hung his head, and then viciously wiped the mashed potatoes off his face with his napkin in one full swipe.  He was silent, then, for a good solid minute.  Even Remus, next to him, had ceased eating, wondering if James was going to do something drastic.  Tears fell onto the plate in front of him, though only Remus was close enough to see.  To everyone else who cared to look, it would only seem like James was trying to save face.

"Prongs, buddy," Remus offered helpfully, though there was nothing much else for him to say.  It would be unfair to encourage him because it really did seem like there was no hope.  Lily had walked out of the Great Hall with as much dignity as she could manage, and, from the look of it, had headed in the opposite direction than the Gryffindor dormitories.  James went rigid as soon as Remus had spoken, and jerkily he sat up and stalked out of the Great Hall.  His eyes reflected like headlights belonging to a lost car on an unfamiliar road, and as he walked past, as the other girls whispered, Cecil Aveneere wondered if she had made some sort of dreadful mistake.

* * *

Back from the Kitchen earlier that afternoon, Cecil had walked determinedly up to the Gryffindor Tower and into her dorm, where Lily and Laura were lying down on their beds in the midst of a burst of giggles.  Seeing the anger boiling in her face, they had both immediately straightened and worriedly enquired if anything was wrong.  Their peckish questions were a little too much for Cecil to handle as she tried to settle her nerves.

"I almost committed a murder, does that count?" she had said rudely, fuming, not at them, but at James, who, as she had violently envisioned, was falling down a long, long, staircase that didn't really exist anywhere in the school.  Laura and Lily shut up immediately, though their mouths were by no means closed.  They exchanged a glance and Laura issued a tiny, weak, nervous laugh.

"Ha ha," she forced out.  "Cecil, you're kidding, right?"  Cecil sighed loudly.

"Of _course I'm kidding.  I just meant that I'm really, really, pissed off."  Lily had instantly thought to do a Cheering Charm, but was then rather afraid that Cecil would do something extreme like break her wand in half.  Lily was fond of her wand, a swishy 10 ¼ inch** willow work of beauty, and so she decided to leave it in her dresser drawer and try a more primitive attempt at calming her friend.**_

"Cecil, whatever it is, I'm sure you'll feel better if you just take a couple seconds to calm down," she said with a reassuring smile, rubbing her friends back slowly as she joined Lily on her bed.  Laura joined them both.

"Yes," she added, "It's best if you just wait it out."  Cecil, then, waiting possibly a millisecond, blurted out loudly, "It's about James."

* * *

James walked away, not to look for Lily, because he was positive that she didn't want to see him, but up to the Head Boy/Girl Bathroom Suite.  He knew she wouldn't be up there, if she truly wanted to avoid him she would go somewhere where she was completely out of bounds to him.  Nevertheless, he had rather hoped that he would find the small sign read "OCCUPIED" in large red letters on the bathroom door down the main passage, but he didn't.  The word "FREE" blasted him in the eye like a dart, scorning him.  Passing by, he instead headed to the study further down that passage that was provided for their use.  They had each separately used the room once or twice since the term had started, but never at the same time.  James had had quite a few fantasies and he, Lily, and this room before, but as horribly impossible as they had seemed before, the odds were now ten times worse.

His heart weighed him down as he walked.  Ponderously he made his way across the room, walking for no purpose except for to walk.  Every step he took to the large couch seemed to echo with another theory of what he had done wrong.

She found out about the medicine. _Step._

She thinks that I was just using her. _Step. _

She hated me all along and was so disgusted with herself for kissing me that she just couldn't handle it.  **_Stomp._**

He didn't particularly like the sound of that one.

* * *

Lily's eyes had widened.  As she sat on the bed in the late afternoon her back went rigid, her neck muscles went tight, and her jaw opened and closed many times, as if she was an infant and was just learning how to speak.

"What about James?" she had said queasily, her voiced trembling.  Instantly she had known it was bad.  Cecil was so good-natured, so playful, and so jubilant that it was hard to make her so angry.  But at that moment Cecil had been livid, positively livid, and Lily's heart dropped to the bottom of her stomach.  With each passing heartbeat, each loud, painful beat, a new horrible thought had passed through her mind.

Maybe he doesn't really want to go out with me. _Thump-bump._

Or maybe he thinks I was just having a bit of fun. _Thump-bump._

Or worse, what if he doesn't really like me?  _Thump-bump._

"Oh, Lily!" Cecil had cried emphatically, "He doesn't really like you!"

* * *

The painful details of what she had said wouldn't leave his mind.  Every moment was replayed.  Every instant when she paused and he was given a chance to intercede, to object, was recalled and stretched callously across his memory.  Each second was elongated into a mile of time, a long, painful mile that he ran across painfully with rapidly shortening breath.  Every word, every twitch of the eyebrow, every tear was remembered, analyzed, and remembered fruitlessly again.  He was flooded, flooded with thoughts of Lily, and he was drowning miserably.

There were the words that made him cringe, and cry, and want to slap himself at their irony.  

_Did it slip your mind, perhaps, before you kissed me, to ask if I minded being used?_

There were the ones that made him wonder what he had done to make him worse than the Devil, the ones that made him question the interpretation of every movement he had ever made in her presence, of every word he had ever uttered that could have possibly made it to her ear.

_I should have stayed away from you after Evelyn, and definitely after Laura, but I didn't.  I take part of the blame._

And then there were the ones he loathed, then ones he wished he could sweep away with a broom and dump into the trashcan in his mind, mingling with the forgotten mistakes of the past.  Those were the ones that made him understand the pain that made someone want to take a razor to their wrist.

_Now, though, I'm paying more attention to my friends and less to the scum like you._

There were the words that made his lungs swell with regret…

_I can assure you that I certainly don't like you anymore._

… anymore—the word haunted him, unconsciously filling him up with hope, hope that he knew he didn't deserve to have, and yet treasured it all the same… 

_We, we had such good times together, and you were always so nice…_

The words that made him feel that if he had only acted sooner, just one or two moments sooner, everything would have been alright, and filled him still with so much hope that he could float.  But the guilt of it all weighed him down, the feeling that if he could just take everything back and start over the world would be perfectly blissful. And then he was punctured with the realization of what she thought now…__

_James Potter, I hate __you._

She had sat there, all the while crying, as if she didn't really want to believe what she was saying, telling him the lies of his heart, that he had used her, lead her on, and disposed her.  She had said that, _Everything was lies, wasn't it? And yet none of it truly was, except how he had incessantly drilled into his mind that he thought of her as nothing more than a friend.  That was his mistake, and now it was too late.  And while she spoke of his horrid thoughts, his scandalous acts, he had sat there dumbly, so disbelieving that he couldn't manage to utter the one savior word._

_No._

* * *

Cecil had then recounted to Lily all she had heard in the empty classroom.  Enraged by the offence, the places of silence when perhaps one or two more words had been uttered, and the blindness when her cover was in danger weren't mentioned.  The entire two or three minutes of dialogue, too, that she had missed, was expurgated—whittled down to no more than a handful of seconds of complete silence.  Cecil hadn't even realized what she had done, let alone its consequences.

Lily, impressionable in her self-doubt, didn't question it for a second.  It had seemed so much more believable that James wouldn't like her than that he actually would.  Why hadn't he asked her out? Why had he looked so surprised when she kissed him back?  It all made more sense this way, and she had slowly convinced herself that it was true.  She had lain on her bed and cried, imagining what she would do when she saw him at dinner.  She saw him not being able to say anything, to beg for forgiveness for being so horrible to her, to gently try and let her down as he explained how much he liked Ada.  All of these scenarios, and dozens and dozens more she had imagined.  Some had ended with her becoming so enraged with him that she kissed him passionately to shut him up, while others ended in her running away in tears as he told her quite plainly that he really didn't like her a bit.

She hadn't planned what to do upon entering the Great Hall, but she had strode bravely over to James, attempting to look as happy as possible so that she would seem perfectly content while she told him how much she hated him.  She couldn't handle the stress of telling so many great lies, and after only a few moments she had begun to cry.  She had been so, so intent on making him feel positively horrible that she didn't realize she was doing the same thing to herself.

_If you honestly… If you honestly… If you honestly didn't like me James, I don't see why you had to pretend, to lead me on like that._

Those words, they had hurt for her to say them, as if she was accepting that she had been strung along mercilessly and then broken to pieces. What killed her though, what made her want to scream, was how he had looked at her.  He could find no words, or very few, anyway, but he had looked at her in a way that almost made her forget everything she was going to say. And she had broken a little bit; she had let him slip him.

_We, we had such good times together, and you were always so nice…_

And he had begged, saying the same thing again and again, pleading with her. _I don't understand, I don't know what went wrong, please don't cry.  How could he have been so convincing that he loved her when she knew he didn't?  He was horrible—utterly, utterly horrible._

She knew she couldn't bear to see him.  That's why instead of to Gryffindor, she headed to Ravenclaw, where soon after dinner she was comforted by Robyn's rational thoughts, given a bed to sleep in, and left peacefully alone.  While she lay there James still laid on the couch in the study, convinced that he was utterly, utterly horrible as well.

* * *

Late that night—much, much later than even Lily or James had gone to bed, even tormented by their thoughts of each other—two girls walked to the Headmaster's office.  No teachers were met on the way there.  Mrs. Norris and Mr. Filch were avoided as well, evading the nighttime student prowlers.

"Do we really have to do this?" the smaller girl asked, clasping her hands tight around a tiny, clear sphere.

The other girl, didn't answer, tears in her eyes.  She merely nodded her head in assent.

The two girls headed to Dumbledore's office, not once doubting whether or not he would be in his office at such a late time as to almost be considered early.  They knew the password, though it had just been changed the night previous, and walked in to find Dumbledore sitting quietly at his desk, just as they had known he would be.

"Hello, girls.  I knew you would be coming tonight, in a much different way that you knew I was going to be here, though.  And I do know what you came for, and you really can't have it," he said simply, picking up his quill to sign a letter.  He sealed it and held it out to the older girl.  When she did not take it he sat back down, regarded the letter again, and disposed of it.

"The blessed and cursed kin you are," he said wearily.  "Aveneere," he said quietly.  "Tellers of the future.  One of the last, preserved by odd means, I daresay.  Not quite Seers, and yet…" he wandered off dreamily.  "And yet," he reaffirmed, as if he had never intended to finish the thought at all.

"You came for your Stone, Cecil, and you cannot have it.  I am sorry.  And Genna, I will have to take yours, too, just as I took your sister's in her first year," he said sternly.  "I had not realized you would both be so imprudent."  He gazed at them deeply through his spectacles.  

"Dumbledore, I have made a horrible mistake," Cecil said.  "I—"

"I know what has passed, Cecil," Dumbledore assured her.  "There isn't much I know of that takes place within these walls, but your friends are of a different sort.  You, as every Teller before you, must pass the Rite before assuming privilege of your Stone again."  Cecil sunk in her chair.

"I just can't bear it! I can't bear knowing that I _could have known, and that I might have avoided the mess altogether," Cecil said, tears stinging her eyes.  "I'm ready for whatever test I have to pass.  Give the Rite to me this instant and I will pass," she said desperately.  Dumbledore shook his head sadly.  Genna looked frightened and continued to watch meekly from her chair._

"The test every human must pass, Cecil, Genna, is the test which puts our instinct, our resolve, against every other force.  You must learn to rely on yourself, and to trust yourself to do the right thing.  There are many such tests in one's life, and you may not even realize it when they come along.  Before the Rite, you must learn to conquer yourself. It is not an easy task," he replied wearily.  "You have simply shown me tonight that you have a long way to go before you reach this point, Cecil."  Cecil nodded her head gravely and stood up to leave and Genna soon stood up too.

"Goodnight Professor," Cecil said and put her hand on Genna's shoulder.  "Come on, Genna, let's go." Cecil guided her sister to the door and had already opened the passageway when Dumbledore called.

"Cecil? Cecil, could you please bring back young Ms. Aveneere's Stone? Yes, that's it, right there is just fine," he said amicably, directing her where to set it down.  Then in a sterner voice, he continued, "You are an influential young woman, Ms. Aveneere, with or without your Stone.  You caused what happened tonight, and it is still in your ability to undo it.  That is not a power of magic, or a gift, but simply the power of the human heart.  We are complicated beings, and there are things within yourself that you must master before the Stone," he finished quietly.  "Now, goodnight," he said, and watched Cecil leave with a considerably larger amount of sadness than before.  Yes, she still had a long way left to go.

* * *

Yes, that is a very, very short chapter.  The shortest I've written in awhile, I think.  Though, I think it's pretty good content-wise, even if it's lacking length.  Only 2,900 words, yipes!  Oh well, I hope you liked it anyway.  I was wondering if ANYONE at all picked up on the Aveneere/Avenir thing I had going on.  Yes? No? Well, in the next chapter you can be assured to see (dun dun dun!) revealed histories, mortal plans, and L/J dramadramadrama (that's a lot of drama, in case you didn't pick up on that =D)  

Mwaz,

Naavi

**THANK YOUS:   Amelia Bedelia: Okay, I'm not one to turn down a dare: That was so sweet that you said I was sweet for you being sweet for me being sweet for you being sweet, and this is so sweet I feel like I just ate seventy-billion candy bars! *whew* don't know what happened at the end there, but as always, thanks for being SO Sweet ;) ****Ariana: Yeah, it sorta seemed like Sirius screwed it up before, but everything happens for a reason, and if I had the choice for a good story with L/J together the whole time I would be all for it… Sadly my writing mind works in odd ways, so they aren't together… *sigh* the drama… oh well, thanks for the review!  ****Ayla Pascal: Hahaha, your review had me cracking up ::squeals fangirishly:: I loved it! Thanks for the review as always!  ****Britz:  I am waiting oh-so-patiently for your email. As in, there are practically claw marks in my desk, but that's okie-dokey by me!  Take a vaca because you deserve one!  I'm guessing there were some more problemos with the computer, but I hope they are resolved quickly!  Miss ya! Mwaz ****bubblegum*girl: haha, no you really didn't sound like my mother… she might have been more like, aphrodisiac? _You wrote the word aphrodisiac, you know what it means?  I think she forgets I'm fifteen  o_O' anyway, thanks SO much for reviewing!  _****Calypzo: Love the sn, and sososo happy you reviewed.  Everyone who was so mad in their review made me laugh so hard…. Not that I was laughing at *you* No, no definitely not… mwaz and thanks ****Confuzzler:  Ahh, no don't come in after my characters! They are only used to me torturing them and might get… *gasp* CONFUZZLED!!!  Haha, okay… well… it was funny inside my head. Anyway, thanks for the compliment and the review, love ya much  ****Cquill13: Yay! I'm SO glad that you are back! I always loved your reviews, and I'm happy that I could finally return the favor by reviewing you.   Thanks sososo much!  I can't wait to hear from you again! ****Emotionless: Thanks for the review!  ****Hermione Granger: Wow, what a compliment.  JKR is a goddess, and even being mentioned in the same sentence with her is like a compliment (unless its like, wow you could never be like JKR you write like crap, but you get the pic) Thanks SO much! ****Kaeera: How can you say that your review doesn't count? It counts a lot! I hoped I semi- returned the favor by reviewing your fic.  I'll be sure to be much better about it in the future! Mwaz ****Le Chat Qui Garde Le Lune: I've missed you! Thanks so much for coming back to check this out!  It means a lot.  And I can't believe how many good stories you have now…. So many! Not like I'm one to talk, but update them quickly, please! ****Liz: Thanks for reading LP!  Haha, I didn't expect many ppl to say that they liked the whole "I hate you" thing, but you surprised me! **** Matrices: Sorry I didn't fulfill your request about l/j action, but hopefully the conflict is appearing more to you now.  But that might be in chapter 25… hm, I don't remember and I am too lazy to check. Anyway, I promise that this is getting much much more interesting plot-wise.  It's just taking awhile because I'm trying to be JKRish and have lots of little parts wind together in the end. Whew, long explanation. Thanks again!**** Min Hee Ha: Yeah! Min is back for good! Sound the horns, start the parade… lock naavi in a mental asylum… yes, yes, yes, its just all in a day's work.  Thanks so much for the review, and for putting up with my insanity.  mwaz**** Myri canari: Sorry about the long words and the confuzzling… I don't mean to!  The words the door uses are part of his character, so they won't be changed, but you won't see him much for awhile now, if that helps.  Thanksabunch! Oh and sorry this is later than you expected!  ****Parselmouth Majere: Ah! Don't be pissed at me! Just think of it this way, when they finally get together it will be that much better (I get excited just _thinking about the finale!) It'll be worth it! _****Stace: Wow! I can't believe this is the best fanfic you have ever read!  I suggest MochaButterfly's d/g fic (it's on my faves) and even if you don't like d/g you'll probably like this one.  Thanks for reading! ****PrincessLesse: Thanks for the reviews of this and of ANLL (though I won't be continuing that one for awhile.  I do have a rough chapter plan written and the skeletons for the next few chappies, but I'm concentrating on LP)  I'm glad you liked last chapter so much, and hope that this shortie wasn't too much of a disappointment ;) mwaz  ****Tinyiel: Glad you came to check this fic out, and I'm happy that I could be of some use to you at your start of ff.net. ****Vanessa: Hope everything for the scarlet letter went well, I definitely know about procrastinating on homework.  Take now, for instance, my Geography book is sitting right next to me.  But it looks pretty good right where it is, I think ;)  Thanks for reviewing! **


	25. History Doomed to Repeat

Hello everyone!  Chapter 25 is here!  I _know that 24 doesn't flow into 25, but there will be odd little intrusions in the chapters from now on, so get used to it ;)  Hope you like! Oh, and it's much, much longer than the last chapter.  It just worked out that that's where I had to cut off between 24 and 25, but I'm not making bitsy little chapters my habit, so don't worry. Oh yes, **WARNING: My French is not good, there is no need to tell me so, though help would be appreciated :)**_

* * *

_"I just can't bear it! I can't bear knowing that I could have known, and that I might have avoided the mess altogether," Cecil said, tears stinging her eyes.  "I'm ready for whatever test I have to pass.  Give the Rite to me this instant and I will pass," she said desperately.  Dumbledore shook his head sadly.  Genna looked frightened and continued to watch meekly from her chair._

_"The test every human must pass, Cecil, Genna, is the test which puts our instinct, our resolve, against every other force.  You must learn to rely on yourself, and to trust yourself to do the right thing.  There are many such tests in one's life, and you may not even realize it when they come along.  Before the Rite, you must learn to conquer yourself. It is not an easy task," he replied wearily.  "You have simply shown me tonight that you have a long way to go before you reach this point, Cecil."  Cecil nodded her head gravely and stood up to leave and Genna soon stood up too._

_"Goodnight Professor," Cecil said and put her hand on Genna's shoulder.  "Come on, Genna, let's go." Cecil guided her sister to the door and had already opened the passageway when Dumbledore called._

_"Cecil? Cecil, could you please bring back young Ms. Aveneere's Stone? Yes, that's it, right there is just fine," he said amicably, directing her where to set it down.  Then in a sterner voice, he continued, "You are an influential young woman, Ms. Aveneere, with or without your Stone.  You caused what happened tonight, and it is still in your ability to undo it.  That is not a power of magic, or a gift, but simply the power of the human heart.  We are complicated beings, and there are things within yourself that you must master before the Stone," he finished quietly.  "Now, goodnight," he said, and watched Cecil leave with a considerably larger amount of sadness than before.  Yes, she still had a long way left to go._

* * *

Chapter 25: History Doomed to Repeat

The woman looked as though she had teetered on the side of the river of youth past her time, as if she had jumped across the long bridge of middle age and had landed on the bank of senior citizenship in one giant leap.  Her hair—wispy, gray, and fine—was tucked neatly behind her ears.  She touched it often, as if she wasn't used to ever wearing it in such a casual fashion.  She was growing impatient and issued a loud sigh of perturbation. 

Immediately the small bundle in her arms began to cry.  She crooned him a soft song in a lilting high soprano voice.

_"Alouette, gentile alouette,_

_Alouette__, je te plumerai,_

_Alouette__, gentille Alouette  
Alouette je te plumerai.  
Je te plumerai la tête  
Je te plumerai la tête  
Et la tête, et la tête  
Alouette, Alouette  
O-o-o-o-oh" _

The little bundle in her arms knew no meaning of the words, but the tune seemed to comfort him. Her predominant arm was in a cast, hanging in a sling and it restricted her movements vastly.  He was nestled in a crook in her arm which was by no means comfortable for either party.  His chubby mouth bubbled into a tootless, adorable smile.  She crooned to him, humming, and was bumped nastily from behind.  He began to cry once again.

"Get on wit' it, wujya!" cried a raucous voice from behind her.  "The line's a-movin'!"

"_Imbécile," she muttered softly under her breath, taking very leisurely steps forward.  "__Vous__ mourra un homme mauvais… personne ne remarquera, comme toutes les personnes qui vous passe dans la rue!" she said nastily, her native French escaping her lips with a tainted scowl._

"Don't blubber in tha' French o' yours to me, lady!" he threatened. He moved close enough to make her want to hurl.  "Whajya say bout me?"

Marie, for that was her name, turned around to look the man in the face.  "_Pas de tout," she said briskly._

"I warned ya lady, don't try nunna tha' wit' me," he growled atrociously.  Marie turned to face him, she looked down her nose at the man who was nearly a foot taller than her, arched her eyebrows cunningly, and plastered a malicious smile on her face, all in a practiced, disdainful manner.  The man shrunk before her.

"I sed nuzzing," she pronounced in harsh English. "Do not bozzer me again."  He grumbled, but backed away, just as the teller said in a loud voice, "Next!"

"I vould like to apply vor citizenship.  I need zee papers," Marie said.  

"From what country do you originate, ma'am," he asked, severely bored by the mundane routine.

"France, off course," she said proudly.  The man eyed her warily, drew a set of papers from the rapidly dwindling stack.  He handed Marie the papers and she walked away, sniffing at the man behind her as she passed by.  The first instructions next to the box that required her name read, in bold letters, were **PLEASE PRINT CLEARLY. 'I shall simply skip that one for now,' she thought, knowing she could in no way write her name legibly with her current handicap, especially not in such a small space.  She struggled through the paper, marking that she had no residency, not anymore, and no remaining family, none except for Nicolas.  **

The papers were completed, except for her name, and so she strode to the most educated-looking man she could find.  _"Excuse-moi, but my arm ees broken, and I cannot write.  Vould you help me, __s'il__ vous-plaît?"  He merely looked at her oddly and strode away.  Marie scowled in disgust.  "Englishmen!  In France, we are more polite," she said quietly, her words laced with French.  Clearly, she needed to approach the other end of the social ladder for any sort of help.  Besides, those people were easily paid off, she realized, and she could certainly spare some money for a poor man._

"Pardon me, but I haff an offer for you," she said to a man she witnessed filling out his own papers, but wearing a terribly shabby old coat.  "My arm, it ees broken, and I cannot write, vould you help?" He looked dubious for a moment, and she added, "I vill pay!"  Instantly he smiled, showing grubby old teeth.  Marie cringed, but knew she was in the right place.

"Sure thing ma'am!  It'd be a pleasure.  Now, what's your first name?" he asked as he picked up her paper, scrutinizing it.  He paid no attention that she had marked no previous residency, most people going to England had nowhere else to live.  But that's where the work was, the cheap work.  That's why he was going, but this lady didn't strike him as the working class.  A noble in a poorly fabricated proletariat disguise was more fitting, but he didn't give it another thought.  She claimed no other relations, which was odd as well, though not too peculiar.  What truly struck him was what income level she had filed under.  What would a person with so much money be doing applying for citizenship in Britain?  And why would she be trying to look poor while doing it?

"Marie," she said stiffly, purposely cutting into his nosy perusal.  He looked not a bit sheepish, and Marie almost chastised herself to stooping to such a low level as to actually socialize with such a man.  She frowned, then realized Nicolas had become unhappy and smiled affectionately at him. 

"Aah," the man said.  "'S mah sister's name."  He paused, as if he expected her to make conversation.  "So yere French, are ya?" he said, with all the stupidity of a mule ramming into a fence repeated times.  Marie huffed softly with impatience, not able to appreciate that he was trying to be considerate and friendly.

"And yere middle initial?"

_"A," she said, pronouncing in French.  Her scribe looked confused, though she paid him no notice. _

"Oh!" he proclaimed.  "You mean, ay." Marie looked at him preposterously.  He had added an "h" sound to it, and he had opened his mouth so appallingly wide that three stacks of the straw probably could have fit inside.  She grimaced.

"Now fer yere last name," he said cheerily.

_"Avenir," she said, quietly, for she didn't want unsavory characters overhearing._

"Av-near?" he said, chuckling loudly.  "Y'all certainly got sum funny names up there. Ha, Av-near!" he repeated.  "How'd you spell that ma'am?"  

"Vell, it begins like 'have' but vithout see _h," she said debasingly, because he seemed to be partial to that letter. To a smarter person it would have been patronizing, simply by her manner of speech, but he simply continued along, taking care to write perfectly legibly in hopes of getting enough money for a solid meal.  The lady reeked of richness, he could tell, even if she had tried to mask it, and even if he had read her papers.  She was too prim, too condescending to be one of his own— any poor man could tell she didn't belong.  _

"Then you gotch yere 'n'" he said.  "What's next then, 'e'?"  

_"Oui, oui," she said absently, waving her hand twice.  She felt… not right.  She needed to be finished with this tiresome business quickly, and get out of here! She took a step away from her scrivener to look for anyone she should be avoiding. In the interim he muttered to himself (for he found it easier to write if the letter were said out loud), "Then an 'r,'" he said, "and another 'e'. And yere all done!" he proclaimed, drawing her attention back.  "Unless, that is, you need me to do yere birthday as well.  I kin write numbers jes as well as my letters," he said hopefully._

"Zank you, but no, I vill be fine." She hadn't realized she had left her birth date blank.  But it didn't matter if they couldn't read her birthday.  She had known she would have been declined without a legible name, however.  She handed him enough money to last him for a week of the dinner that he had imagined and walked quickly away, surreptitiously scribbling numbers (mostly resembling blobs of ink, however) into the birth date squares.  She had longed to be 38 again, and now she had her chance.  Her other documents for the final approval could be altered when she returned to the place she was staying.  A man was arranging all this for her, expediently forging the documents she needed, for a hefty sum, of course.  But it was necessary.  Now she would be safe.  Now Nicolas would be safe.

Marie's temporary employee, upon receiving his payment, had goggled.  When was the last time he had seen such money!  He couldn't remember, and he struggled to find his voice through the jubilant confusion.  He turned in her general direction and, though she was already a good twenty feet away and he couldn't see her, he yelled, "Well, thanks a whole bunch Ms. Av-near!!!"  She gasped.  She could feel the presence of the very men she had been trying to avoid change their direction in search of her.  They knew she was here, and now she had to run.  Her other documents she would simply have to do without, one way or another.

She ran to the counters where her document would be approved, and when she saw the long, endless lines she thought for a moment that she would be lost.  But a plan slipped into her mind.  Briskly she slapped Nicolas across his face and he let out a wild, violent cry.  She worked herself into a frenzy and ran to the head of the line, hysterical with false concern.

The attendant, a kindly old man, informed her that she could get assistance through the doors, where there was a maternal care ward.  Marie glanced at the door.  It was those who had passed through the next stage in their visa.

"Yes, please," she said as she hummed to her baby, forcing sobs out of her throat at the same time.  He brought her through the gate, assuring the man waiting in line that he would be attended to soon.  He let fly a long stream of German, then finally acquiesced.  Marie was at the door when she pretended to be struck with a sudden realization.  _"Sacré bleu!__  But I need zee papers approoved!" She regarded the attendant with distress, and he hurriedly returned to his desk, picked up his stamp and pressed it on her papers without so much as looking at them.  Marie almost forgot to hold the charade because of her good fortune.  The ten-minute scrutiny of her papers—cut down to the one short moment when they were sanctioned!_

"God bless," he said kindly, and sent her through the door.  She saw two large men approach the counter just as she walked through the door, but she simply continued to walk and didn't look back.  She headed straight for the maternal care ward, not even pausing to look at her papers.  A genuine worry for the small boy that she had so abused sprang into her mind, and she wished for his quick recovery.

Marie and her scribe had suffered and cross-lingual mistake, the French mingling with the English in a confused waltz, both parties ending up so dizzy that the ceiling looked no different that the floor.  And so, with two indifferent waves of her hand, Marie's name now read as such: _Mary A. Aveneere. Such a matter was trivial at this point.  Most importantly was the large red stamp across the top, proclaiming that yes, she was finally free._

**_APPROVED_**

**_June 17, 1793_**

* * *

Lily woke up early Sunday morning, hoping to leave without having to disturb her makeshift dorm mates.  But when she got out of bed she realized that Robyn had already risen, gotten breakfast, and was sitting in front of her dresser next to an empty chair.  She was clearly ready and waiting for a talk and some sort of explanation from Lily.  Lily sighed, cursed the memory of Rowena Ravenclaw for leaving such high standards for her prodigies, and sat down next to Robyn.  

"So, what do you want to know?" Lily said sadly, her own tiredness dulling the pain of the memory.

Robyn looked up innocently from her breakfast plate.  "I don't particularly want to know anything," she said diplomatically.  "But, if there's something that _you want to tell __me, just to get it off your chest, I would be willing to listen," she said, eliciting a half-smile.  _

"Curse Ravenclaw," Lily said again, smiling herself.  "You lot make too much sense."  Robyn shrugged, as if it was a long-accepted fact.  "I guess… I guess what startled me the most was the abruptness of it all.  If you had asked me on Friday if I liked James, I probably would have said no, not even realizing that, well—" she stopped, stammered, and blushed.  Robyn seemed to understand the rapid transformation Lily had undergone.  "And then the kiss in Hogsmeade, well, you've probably heard all about it." Robyn nodded.

"Ada," she replied simply, and Lily bristled.  

"And _her," she said venomously.  "Out of nowhere!" she grumbled.  "I can't believe I made such a fool out of myself, when he really likes her.  I mean, I usually get the gossip from Ada, so I can see where the connection wasn't made, but __honestly!  Honestly, Robyn, is Ada so much better than me?" Lily asked sadly.  "No, no don't answer that, forget I asked," she said, thinking better of it.  Robyn sighed, handed Lily a piece of toast for her to munch on, since she was obviously still upset, and formulated an answer.  Some moments later, she replied, "I understand why you feel bad that you kissed James when he liked someone else, but it's also perfectly understandable, judging by the horrible way he led you on!"  Robyn stifled to add that she had been so absolutely sure that James had liked her this summer, but hastened against it._

"But that's just it!" she exclaimed.  "_He kissed __me.  I just kissed him back.  He doesn't make any sense!" she said, falling back in her chair and taking a giant, ferocious bite out of her toast._

"Wait, what?" Robyn said, confused, absorbing what Lily had said.  "That slimeball!  You should have wrung his neck," she said venomously and scrunched up her eyebrows as if she was imagining it.  Lily smiled ruefully.  "I almost did.  But, at least I made sure I had as much mashed potatoes that could fit on the plate before I threw it at him," she said happily, and Robyn laughed.

"He looked positively miserable after you left," Robyn said, trying to encourage her light spirits.  "Just kept staring down at his plate, with the potatoes on his face and everything," Robyn said, giggling.  Lily laughed too, but that struck a chord with her.  That wasn't James, if he hadn't really cared he would have laughed it off, turned it into some sort of joke.  It just wasn't him.  'No,' she adamantly thought.  'You don't know James,' she told herself.  'You never knew him.  All he ever was were lies.'

And so she continued to laugh along with Robyn as the conversation was slowly turned to other more trivial things, though in her thoughts everything still seemed to revolve around _him.  He wouldn't get out of her thoughts, even when they started talking about Arithmancy, a class James didn't even take._

"And so it took me simply _forever for me to realize that the numbers weren't adding up because I had just copied down Aesclepius's** name wrong!  I was in front of the class, telling them that he didn't like the sight of blood, was a bit dim, and all sorts of things that were just **__horribly wrong," Robyn recalled from her fourth year.  "Can you imagine?  And of course everyone knows that he was one of the greatest healers in early times, he practically laid the foundation magic for our healing today! I felt like such an idiot," she grimaced, and Lily, while offering condolences, could only think that she wouldn't have noticed such an error, but James, who was in Magical Healing, would definitely have noticed._

"Well, you are ten times smarter than me anyways, Robyn, so you hardly have anything to worry about," Lily assured.  "You practically have the world at your fingertips!" she said, reciting an old phrase.  Robyn sobered.

"Dad said that," she said quietly, then took a few moments of silence, as if recalling a dream.  "Ever since I was five, and corrected him when he mentioned some Ministry policy or something," she added, not quite speaking to Lily anymore.  In another person this might have been bragging, but Lily, having known how the Delanns worked, felt at home trying to imagine the scene.  She ended up seeing herself though, small and tiny, as her Dad had said words of encouragement to her when she had finally learned to ride a bike.

"I'm sorry," Lily said, as much for herself as for Robyn.  She snapped out of her reverie, sniffing her nose.

"Oh, don't be.  It doesn't really feel like he's gone, just lost.  It seems weird, but I feel like he's still with me.  I still think of him all the time, and so it doesn't hurt so badly," she said softly.  "You know what I mean?" she asked, obviously referring to her parents.

"Yeah," she answered vaguely.  Her parents were gone, now.  They weren't inside her thoughts as they once had been, though it had really only been such a short time ago that they had died.  But she remembered them every day, and they made her ironically happy.  James, though, James was lost.   He was a ghost inside her head now, but she couldn't claim the peace it brought Robyn.  It hurt her terribly.

"I better get going, I have a lot of homework to do," she said, noticing the time.  Her Gryffindor housemates would usually be at breakfast by now, and so it was the perfect time to go into the dorm and grab all her books.  They both stood up, and Lily grabbed Robyn in a long, hard hug.  Her eyes stung when she let go.  "Thanks.  You helped."  Robyn smiled.

"You helped me, too," she answered.  "So I'm guessing I won't see you at Lunch or Dinner?" she questioned.  Lily didn't feel like cursing Ravenclaw for the third time that morning, so she just nodded.

"I'll catch you later, though," Lily said, and left as they finally said goodbye.  She trudged her books from Gryffindor Tower to the Library.  She didn't go to Lunch, merely worked through it, preferring to grab food around 3:00.  As she walked back to the Library, she planned for the rest of the day.  She could finish her work in another hour or two, gather up all her books and then stop by dinner on the very early side (when her Housemates were usually just finishing up whatever they had left of their homework from Friday and Saturday).  Then, if everything went alright, she could simply walk up to her dormitory and go to sleep without having to answer any pesky questions.

She munched on an apple as she made her way back up to the Library, content with her plan.  If everything went alright, she wouldn't have to deal with James until at least tomorrow.  She tried to remember her Monday schedule, for there had only been one Monday of classes since the term started.  James was with her almost the entire day, for she had only one elective scheduled for Monday.  She had no elective classes with him, for he took Magical Healing, Care of Magical Creatures, The Study of Ancient Runes, and a Transfiguration class.  She took Divination, Arithmancy, Magical Law, and an extra Charms course.  They had picked up Magical healing and Magical Law (more Auror-like than anything else, as boring as the name sounded) as fifth-year electives, and the Charms and Transfiguration class as their seventh-year elective, where seventh-years were encouraged to take a supplementary course in their strongest subject.

Lily, who took her Charms course on Wednesday, was simply excited by her class because it was the one course Dumbledore actually taught.  Many students had tried to enter the class even if they had strengths elsewhere simply to be taught by him.  But he hand-selected his students, and Lily, who had rather known she would be chosen, was excited nonetheless to be in his class.  He was a rather odd teacher, so far, she thought as she walked up to the Library door and opened it.  It was as curiously surprising as himself, as she was waiting for the class when everything came together and made sense, though she had a sense of foreboding if such a pinnacle would ever come.

She stopped as she came to the table she had claimed.  James sat only three tables further down, facing in her direction, yet currently absorbed in a Rune.  'Obviously,' Lily thought, mentally slapping herself.  'He has just as much work to make up from yesterday as I do.'  She found a simple solution, however, and simply sat in an opposite direction from him and rearranged her books so that they all faced her.  The last book, her large History of Magic text, squeaked across the table.  She could almost feel James' eyes at her neck. She caught her breath, wondering if he would talk to her, and though she tried to suppress the feeling, she wanted him to.  

James, from his table, was jerked out of a Rune translation by a loud squeak, and he was about to protest to the offender when he saw who it was.  It was Lily, and she had moved everything simply to save her the pain of looking at him.  He frowned, and his heart sunk.  She would hate him if he tried to talk to her, he thought, and so he simply returned to his Rune, though with far less vigor than he had before.  He could not help himself though, to steal a glance every five minutes or so.  Gradually he would wear away to more-than-a-moments at less than five minutes intervals, at which point he would shake his head roughly and continue to work, testing himself at how long he could stare at his parchment.

And Lily gave up hope that he would talk to her in much the same fashion.  As soon at 5:50 rolled around she began to pack up her things, even though she wasn't quite finished.  She could finish her Divination reading before she went to bed, however.  James watched her, and as he watched her start to walk to the door he gathered enough pluck to walk after her, and perhaps speak with her.

She heard him move behind her and her heartbeat quickened.  'Just think of this as a test, Lily,' she coached herself.  'He's just a person that you need to avoid.  Get away from him now and he'll know you won't have anything to do with him.  You'll be free of him forever.'  And so she walked out the doorway, not once turning back.  Past the door, James felt he couldn't follow.  The second before the door closed however, he yelled her name, "Lily!"

He waited, and waited, hoping she would turn and come back.  But still he stood there, alone in the middle of the Library, and she didn't come back.

* * *

Lily grabbed dinner, eating quickly.  She didn't want _too many people to see her at dinner by herself.  As she ate her salad she heard someone say her name and she perked her head up from the table.  She almost choked on a crouton when she saw that Ada Jordan, of all people, was waving and walking over to her table.  _

'Don't get mad at her, it was James's fault.  Be nice,' she cautioned to herself.  She waved halfheartedly and mustered up a smile.  "Hey Ada!  How's everything been since Thursday?" Lily said, naming the day they had talked last at their Arithmancy class.

"Everything's been fine with me, but how can you even ask?" She talked quickly, and Lily was soon overwhelmed.  "I just wanted to say how sorry I am for the whole James thing," she said unabashedly.  Lily had to swallow several times before answering.

"You shouldn't have to be sorry about anything," she strained to say.

"Simply _everyone has bee coming up and asking me about it, and I've just been like, 'You know, you really shouldn't get into it.  Just let them to themselves, you know?'" she said as she grabbed a piece of baguette from the basket on the table.  Lily had to remind herself to be nice, though she really couldn't see how much better than herself Ada could possibly be._

"I'm sure… I'm sure you can just get the details out of James," Lily said as peacefully as she could manage.  She nearly speared her pork chop, though, and Ada gave her an odd sort of look.  

"I only see James on Fridays, when we're partners in Magical Healing," she replied so serenely Lily couldn't understand how she did it.  'How can she act like nothing happened!'  Every second that passed Ada was getting closer and closer to spending the rest of her life in the Official Bitch Trailer Park inside Lily's head.  "I don't know how I am going to _stand talking to him on Friday," she said, biting thoughtfully on her baguette._

Lily dropped her pork chop.

"What?" she scrambled out of her mouth.  Her tongue seemed to be flopping like a dead fish inside her mouth.

"I mean, after he was just _so horrible to you!  The mashed potatoes were a nice touch though," she said, laughing a little.  Lily was mad and confused.  Either Ada truly was the typical Ravenclaw, and was actually much, much smarter than she appeared and was playing a seriously cruel joke on Lily, or there had been an equally serious miscommunication._

"But don't you _like James?!" she screeched. Ada stared her straight in the face for five deadly seconds when Lily was sure Ada was going to break out in some sort of maniacal laughter, and then she did.  Sort of.  She laughed, but it seemed like she thought the idea was actually __funny.  _

"I like that James is good at Magical Healing, and Loco Lorquo"—the endearing nickname for the School Nurse, Madame Lorquette—"already has me on her good side.  James is a little too… well, I'm not sure, but too _something for me," she finished.  Lily was pretty well convinced by now that Ada wasn't secretly a genius. Then after a second Ada continued, in a more strained voice, "Who exactly did you here that rumor from?"_

"From Cecil, from Sirius," Lily answered hazily.  'If James doesn't like Ada, then who _does he like?' she wondered to herself, as Ada excused herself to right the gossip, probably by spreading some more.  "See you on Thursday!" Lily said without looking at her.  She immediately left the Great Hall, thinking of the possible explanations._

For a moment she hoped that really, James actually like her.  'But if he did—if he really, really, did—then why hasn't he tried to talk to me?' she thought, ignoring the incident in the Library.  'So there was one pitiful 'Lily,' but he had a whole two hours to actually _explain, to at least say that he liked me,' she reasoned, blotting out the rest of her hope like the moon in a solar eclipse.  She was still thinking about what was happening when she entered Gryffindor Common Room quietly, trying not to draw attention to herself.  _

"LILY!!!" someone cried as soon as she walked in, and she winced.  As she faced the direction of the exclamation she saw Emily running towards her and brightened.  

"Emily, what's the matter?" she said happily, though her young friend looked worried and as if she had been sniffling.

"I've b-b-been waiting for you all d-day!" she said joyously as she blubbered.  Lily was caught in between a frown and a smile.  "I need help with my Charms homework, and I know you're really, really good at it, I wouldn't ask unless Genna wasn't feeling so horrible, because she's the only one who's really good enough to teach it to me and I'm sorry if you can't and it's okay if you don't want to but Professor Malchite was really mad at me and he said I was never going to learn unless I actually tried but I am trying I just don't understand so I was really hoping that you could help but it's okay if you can't," she said, finishing breathless.  Lily barely absorbed any of what she had said; Emily had been in such a rush.

"Of course I'll help you," Lily agreed despite how much work she had already.  "When should we set up a time for it?"

Emily looked abashed.  "Well… I _do have Charms tomorrow, so… maybe… if it was okay…"_

Lily smiled and offered, "Right now?"  Emily brightened and exuberantly agreed.

"I would have asked earlier," Emily said as she lead Lily to the desk she had her books on, "except that I had detention last night, and that's when Professor Malchite told me that I needed help," she explained.

"Was he too busy to help you himself?" Lily asked as she sat down and looked at the chapter Emily was on.  It was like time traveling to look at a description of Floating Charms.

"He didn't offer," she said simply.  Lily was on the brink of asking why she hadn't asked him herself when she continued, "I don't like Professor Malchite."  That surprised Lily, for she had always liked him, though he had been a little tetchy lately.  "He's not a good person," she said, then looked completely ashamed for saying so.  "I'm sorry," she said.  "Sometimes I say things I feel without realizing I feel that way and without even realizing I'm saying it!" 

"Don't worry about it," Lily assured her.  "For now, we'll just think about _Wingardium__ Leviosa, okay?"  She spent the next half-hour directing Emily on how to do the spell properly.  Then, on her third or fourth practice try, she managed to make her pen float a few feet off her desk._

"I did it!" she yelled, and the pen landed with a clank on her book.

"All you have to do it really _want for it to float, and you'll be fine," Lily said.  "I think that was your only real problem."_

"I just can't make myself want to do it for him," she said sadly.  It was strange that Emily could have such an immediate antipathy for the teacher, but Lily only tried to reassure her.

"Just imagine I'm there with you then.  Or maybe your parents.  I'm sure they'd be proud to see you do magic," Lily tried to inspire her.

"No, not my parents," she answered forlornly.

"I'm sorry," Lily said meaningfully and sadly.  This was the second time today her parents had surfaced so abruptly, and it was deadening her spirit.  "My parents are dead too."

"No, my parents didn't die.  They just left me," she said, even more despondent than before.  "When I was eight, they just brought me to Diagon Alley and left me there.  I know they aren't dead because they have to send money to the place that takes care of me."  Lily was truly shocked.  What kind of horrible people could ever want to abandon their child?  Lily was overcome with a fierce sense of responsibility for the small girl.

"You'll see, Hogwarts seems like home to everyone soon enough," Lily tried to offer soothing words.

"Yeah," Emily replied, completely happy once again.  "It's great.  Well, I'd better run down to Dinner now, Bye!" she said, and took off quickly.  Lily wondered how happy Emily really had been.  She spoke of it with such practiced indifference, as if she had tried to make herself not care.  Lily pondered this as she walked up to her room, picked up the Sunday news that had been deposited at her bed.  Quidditch, as usual, took first page news.  Lily, disgusted at the prospect of reading the same article simply re-worded for the hundredth time, tucked the paper under her bed.  Divination was even better than reading the same tired old story again and again.  

It turned out, though, that her progress was really quite slow, for she really couldn't keep her mind on the subtle nuances of tea leaves—of which there were about 200—when she had so many other things on her mind.  Thoughts of Emily almost rivaled those of Mr. Unmentionable as she tried to finish her Divination reading for the next day.

'How could Emily's parents be so horrible? How could _he be so horrible?  How can my whole goddamn life be so horrible!!!' she thought vehemently, though the last thought came across more as a statement than a question.  She felt tired, annoyed, confused, and mad enough to throw fifty plates at mashed potatoes at anyone who came near her.  She dropped her Divination book next to her, and, already in her pajamas, forced herself to sleep._

Emily, at that time, was just returning from her dinner and walking with all appearance of being content up to her dorm.  "Hey, everyone," she said as she opened the door.  A very gruff  "Be quiet!" greeted her from behind the curtains of Genna's bed.  Katie rolled her eyes and motioned Emily over to her bed, where Alexis and Clarice already sat.

She won't let anyone talk, Clarice wrote on a notepad with a pencil that had a large pink pouf on the end that she had brought from home.  She's being completely unreasonable, threatening to float us up to the ceiling and leave us there if we don't be quiet.  It's ridiculous.  Clarice had gone to a Muggle school that had been strict on handwriting, and hers was rather perfect.

Curse her for being so good at Charms, Katie wrote, scowling.  She could probably do it, too. And Alexis is just being herself, she added.  

Stubborn.

"Hey! I resent that!" Alexis said.  "Just because I won't do whatever Ms. Obnoxious wants us to do doesn't mean that I'm being "Stubborn," as you put it."  

"Shut up!" cried Genna, whom Emily thought might be crying at this point.  Alexis groaned and continued, in a much louder voice, obviously meant for Genna to overhear.

"I'll talk just as loud as I want to, considering how it is OUR dorm just as much as it is yours and you have no right to make all the rules.  It's only 8:00 and nobody is tired enough to go to bed.  SO, I will NOT shut up JUST to please YOU!!!" Alexis said rudely, though it seemed to do the trick.

"Fine," yelled Genna, getting out of her bed.  "Don't even take the time to ask what's wrong, just get mad and shout," she said, even as she was shouting herself.

"You never gave us a chance," Clarice interjected.  

"All day you've been sour, telling us not to talk at all, and definitely not to talk to _you.  So don't get all huffy at us, it isn't fair," Katie agreed.  Emily had watched until now, torn between what to do.  The argument seemed to come to a standstill, and so Emily calmly asked if Genna might care to tell that what was wrong now.  Genna simply stared at them all in anger, opened her mouth as if to speak, only to shut it quickly and storm out of the room. and walked out the dorm._

 "Shouldn't we go after her?" Emily asked the other three.

"She's just going to Cecil," Clarice answered, and the other two nodded, moving to their own beds.  Emily knew she felt worse because she had put up with less of it, but she still felt bad.  This morning all Genna had done was groan and mumble, and answer sharply and rudely to anyone who spoke to her.  But she was fine on Saturday, Emily thought as she walked to her own bed.  Someone went wrong last night I bet, she reasoned; something really hurt her and she can't tell us about it,  remembering how Genna had opened her mouth to answer only a minute ago.  Emily changed clothes and got into bed, hoping that whatever had happened to Genna would turn out alright in the end.

* * *

In a small country neighborhood on the very outskirts of London, a man sat in a large armchair reading the Sunday news.  The front page boldly proclaimed the triumph of the Appleby Arrows over the Ballycastle Bats, proclaiming underneath that Northern Britain prevails momentously over Northern Ireland and showing many exciting moments from the match, also giving a detailed description of the event which had even succeeded in raising 100,000 Galleons for charity out of the ticket sales.

He grimaced.  On the next page read the headline **"MYSTERIOUS VOLDEMORT MASSACRES AGAIN"  **

A small, hunched-over butler entered the room.  "Wonderful news, today, isn't it, sir?" he said, noticing the newspapers.  "The Appleby Arrows** pulled it off again, I see."  He poured some tea into the cup on the end table.  "They're your favorite team, if I'm not mistaken."**

His master sighed.  "Quidditch—first page as usual.  I do believe Mr. Avonde's team of the Karasjok Kites won their match as well, though the news would never report it," he said bitterly.  Pausing for a moment while he held his tea cup he added, "Please send for him, if you will.  That will be enough, for today.  You can take an early leave."

"Thank you sir, the missus will be grateful to you, as am I," he groveled, and strode out of the room.  Five minutes later Mr. Avonde walked in and sat down in an opposite armchair.

"Any news, Kropp?  Other than this Quidditch rubbish?" he asked, throwing the paper to his side where it flew to pieces.  The Quidditch players on the front page looked a little miffed, and Kropp Avonde scoffed disdainfully.

"We have found one, sir.  Eligible for our needs, young, and impressionable—Perfect," he grinned madly, showing large, gritty teeth.

"Where?"

"Ah, why this is the best part.  She is at Hogwarts!"  This had the reaction Avonde had expected.  

"Are you positive? This could mean the accomplishment of everything we have worked for, everything!"

"It has been confirmed by an inside source," Avonde replied happily.

"Well, you know what to do next.  It is good to know that there are such faithful allies in Norway as yourself. It shall not be forgotten."  With this, they both stood us, briefly shook hands.  "We have come far, Avonde, it would be… unprofitable… for a mistake to happen at this stage.  Do not fail."

Avonde, rather than being intimidated, was encouraged.  "Do not worry.  You shall make the front page yet."

* * *

How's _that for a long chapter!  I hope you liked it, that was a whole lot of plot in that chapter, so don't forget it all—it's important.  Also, I hope my interpretation of Voldie isn't taken wrongly.  I perceive him as not always being as corrupted as he is now.  I see a lot less exterior hate, but you never know, it could just be me ;)  _

And I'll give you a _leetle hint for the next chapter: Brush up on your French History.  Also in case you didn't understand the whole misinterpretation with the name, the English 'E' sounds like a badly-pronounced version of the French 'I'.  So, when he asked her is 'e' came next, she wasn't paying attention and said Yes (__oui) twice, and instead of one 'i' there were two 'e's.  I hope that clears up anything else. Oh, and also, for Voldie's little henchman, his name actually means something *hears gasps of astonishment*  Yes, its true, the JKR bug has bitten me!  Prize to the first one who tells me what it is! Actually, just the satisfaction of figuring it out *grin* Anywho, any other serious questions I will answer next chapter.  Toodles, Love ya Much!_

**Amelia Bedelia: That's so sweet you said I was sweet about you being sweet! Yay! The madness continues! Haha, and don't worry, I have debates with myself all the time :) ****AngeloftheDarkMoon: Thanks so much for tuning in for the fic! Thanks a bunch! ****Ariana: Yes, the end of the chapter will all be explained in due time…Ok, I attempted the "mystical author" thing, but I think I failed…a little…a lot, ok.  Haha, I really am crazy, but thanks a lot for following this story for so long!**** Blueauice: Awwww, you are too cute! Thanks so much for the review!  Oh, and Harry/Ginny is a fave of mine, so when you post your fic tell me and I will check it out!**** Britz: Waaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Where are you girlie? :(**** Bubblegum*girl: Yay! Thanks so much for adding me to you faves! Love ya much**** Calypzo: Yes, I am eeeeevil!!! *cackle cackle* hehehe…Ummm, if I seem crazy maybe you should check your last review =D**** Confuzzler: Ooh, you are an actor? That's so cool! Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it!**** Cquill13: Coolness for liking the seer thing, though you will see that the Avenirs aren't exactly seers. Stay tuned! mwaz**** DaemonSrorm: Thanks for the two reviews! I know it was really abrupt when I left Jinxsed, but one day I decided I didn't have enough time for Neopets and I actually *forgot* to post a bye message at the guild.  Anyway, thanks for still reading, it means a lot ;)**** Imagine: Wow, I can't believe you spent days reading this! You people sure do know how to make me feel special. And I loved the ronnerisms (bloody brilliant) Thanks so much! ****Jesusfreak7777777: Yay! I'm so happy that you think this is the best fic I've ever read, its means soooooo much! Thanks a lot ****Kaeera: I don't know when you get (got) back from Italy, but I hope you had fun and that you liked this chapter! Oh, and I would love it if you followed up on the "ron crying" ficlet. Mwaz! ****Le Chat Qui Garde Le Lune: Haha you have some weird friends…but I guess I figured that out when I read your fic :) Lol, good luck on the updating, your muse will kick you in the butt to get going soon enough! ****Lucky5: Thanks so much for all THREE reviews, you rock my world! I'm glad you still like it even though it has been so long since you've read it. Ttyl! ****Matrices: Wow, I reviewed matrices in math today… anyway, ignoring that bit of randomness, thanks for the review! I always look forward to hearing from you!  Hope you liked that chappie, and thanks for the help with the word ;) ****Myri ****Canari: Hey! How are you doing? Thanks so much for all the reviews and the help you gave me.  Sometimes I am such an idiot I cant believe it o.~ MWA ****Seaweed: Wow, thanks for the review and the props for my story! Hmmm…. James serenading Lily you say? I haven't thought of that one before, but maybe I'll see where it goes ;) ****Parselmouth**** Majere: tsk tsk for the cliffie?!? Okay, I guess you aren't a cliffie fan, so maybe you wont like this chapter either… :( sadness… ****PrincessLesse: It's a good thing you say you like angst, because we might be in for a loooooooong angsty trip ;)  Tokyo's Angel: Sorry there was such a long interim of no posting… I will be better from now on! Glad you liked the kiss!******

**THANKS TO ALL MY READERS!!! MWAZ**


	26. Future not Looking Bright

_Five minutes later Mr. Avonde walked in and sat down in an opposite armchair._

_"Any news, Kropp?__  Other than this Quidditch rubbish?" he asked, throwing the paper to his side where it flew to pieces.  The Quidditch players on the front page looked a little miffed, and Kropp Avonde scoffed disdainfully._

_"We have found one, sir.  Eligible for our needs, young, and impressionable—Perfect," he grinned madly, showing large, gritty teeth._

_"Where?"___

_"Ah, why this is the best part.__  She is at Hogwarts!"  This had the reaction Avonde had expected.  _

_"Are you positive? This could mean the accomplishment of everything we have worked for, everything!"_

_"It has been confirmed by an inside source," Avonde replied happily._

_"Well, you know what to do next.  It is good to know that there are such faithful allies in __Norway__ as yourself. It shall not be forgotten."  With this, they both stood us, briefly shook hands.  "We have come far, Avonde, it would be… unprofitable… for a mistake to happen at this stage.  Do not fail."_

_Avonde__, rather than being intimidated, was encouraged.  "Do not worry.  You shall make the front page yet."_

* * *

Searching.

That is how he spent his time now: wandering, flitting between aimlessness and purposefulness, between sanity and lunacy.  The dark edges of his mind were becoming fuzzy with the dizziness of want of power.  He was an image of Voldemort, a crude projection of his hatred with not near enough wit to support him through his toils.

And as he walked down the tawdry alleys in Muggle London he reminisced of his latest troubles.  The girl, the red-haired fiery she-demon that he so despised, she needed to be taken care of—he needed his revenge.  She had taken his knife and used it's power against him.  He had been foolish enough to alert Dumbledore to his dark presence; he had not assumed that the old fool would know such an archaic tracking spell.  And so he had paid the price to his master.  He had been demoted, tortured, and despised, and deep in his heart it hurt him, for he loved Voldemort so.  He worshiped him, and now he would do anything it took to make one final sacrifice to take penance for his sins of carelessness.

Now that the knife had been lost to him he needed some other aid for his dark plans.  The knife could not be replaced, but with hope, possibly regained.  It had been his most prized possession, it drew his to his master; it bound them together.  He whispered the inscription on the knife gently, for he knew it by heart.

_"You and me, dark and light,_

_Together reveal the hidden fright,_

_Trapped so long, bounded there,_

_Forever in the night-chilled air.___

_Unleash, unlock, divine a way,_

_To meet with thee on said day,_

_For bound to me are you, my dear,_

_Sewn together with the threads of fear."___

He said it often, it reminded him of his master.  How odd it was the he was considered light, he often thought.  He was a shadow of a man, his body left to serve the Dark Lord's purpose.  He had his shape, his features, and his memory from his body, and he had lost whatever heart that had still existed within him.  He was the one little children whimpered from at night, he made them believe of the undead and vengeful ghosts.  It gave him a thrill to cause such fear on such innocent faces.  

He became lonely when he had no spirit to join with; for he required a body with a half-spirit to inhabit.  The process of ripping half a person's spirit from their body was enjoyable to watch, and he always took such pleasure in seeing he Master perform the rite. But in his aloneness he became determined as he had only the ruminations of his own twisted mind to listen to.  Now, his mind was bent of revenge, but the fiery she-devil took the back seat to his most recent nemesis.  

"Kropp," he snarled, showing ragged teeth that would have rotted with stench had he still been whole.  Kropp didn't know what it meant to be loyal.  He was a newcomer, only fourteen months of service, and already in his Lord's inner circle.  And here he was, restricted, only able to prove his faith once in a moon, even less frequently, as often was the case. What he needed, he decided, was an act of such devotion that his master couldn't help but honor him. Kropp, then, would be forgotten.

He sniggered, his face ugly.  Kropp had not existed long enough to see Lord Voldemort's true breadth of power.  Kropp knew nothing, and he acted as if he knew everything, and he would pay. As he walked quickly through the devious roads, for he knew them well, he glanced upon the butcher shop that the old proprietor was just now closing up, at the moment engrossed in cleaning a large cleaver. He smiled grimly before dissolving into a small dark shadow to slither across the street.

For now, this would do.

* * *

Cecil watched as Lily went about her daily activities, working on drafting up proposals for the school, tutoring Emily, and just having a good time with her friends in the dorm.  And she noticed that when Lily saw James, lightning flashed through her eyes in a bolt of hatred and passion.  Love fuels hate, she thought woefully, and decided that if she didn't do something about this soon she would become too profound for her own good.

_You caused what happened tonight, and it is still in your ability to undo it. That is not a power of magic, or a gift, but simply the power of the human heart, Dumbledore had said. She doubted that she would ever forget it.  But what can I do? she wondered.  What can I possibly do?_

And so the days passed, and so the weeks passed.  It was almost as if the Gryffindors had been divided: boys and girls, as if they were still ten-year-olds at a party.  Cecil felt so horribly guilt;, she didn't know what to do.  How could she explain her mistake? How could she admit she had done something so wrong and cause so much more pain?  Many, many times over she resolved to tell Lily and reconcile her mistake, but every time she balked, she backed down; she stood away and watched the agony continue.  

A light snow fell one day during Charms with Professor Malchite and the Hufflepuffs.  Thomas Reilly, the has-been Quidditch star from last year, had already proved that he knew how to suck-up, but was yet continuing to demonstrate his talent.  Cecil watched as Lily rolled her eyes, stopping them surreptitiously to glance at James.  Lily sighed and looked down at her paper as Professor Malchite asked another question, and Thomas Reilly opened his mouth again.  Cecil remembered for a brief time after the Cup when Thomas had seemed to like Lily.  That certainly had passed as quickly as his notoriety for finally giving Hufflepuff a Cup win after all those years. 

The professor glanced coldly around the room, his gray eyes searching.  "Ms. Evans, surely you must know the answer." Lily started, caught off guard.  Professor Malchite never chose her as a victim; he had always somewhat favored her. Charms was her favorite subject, after all.  But Cecil supposed this class had lost some of its flavor since Lily had started taking the Advanced Class with Dumbledore.  Lily had no clue why she couldn't drop it, but this course claimed to cover all the information needed for the NEWTs.  

"I'm sorry Professor Malchite, but could you repeat the question?" she asked politely. He sneered.  

"No, I cannot.  But you can—twenty times write the question out, and a foot long parchment on its answer as well.  Pay attention from now on," he said, focusing in on her as she slumped in her seat.  Cecil witnessed James look affronted for her sake, but then covered his emotion, not quite sure if he had the right to feel anything on Lily's behalf.  The Professor surveyed the room, "I suggest that _all of you pay more attention—this class covers important information that you will need for final examinations! Don't think, even if you are in an Advanced Charms class, that this material is less important.  Now, scroll 245, please," he said calmly.  "Take notes." _

Lily jabbed her quill into her inkwell with a vengeance.  She knew how she would get her silly punishment done and still have time for her Prefect meeting tomorrow, they had one scheduled for the second day of every month, and today was December 1st.  She turned to look at Thomas Reilly, who had already moved to scroll 246 because he had worked ahead, and she grinned.  She knew _exactly how she was going to get it done.  _

Cecil walked with her out of class, Lily in a very accomplished mood, and strolled over to where Thomas was sorting through his bag.  "Thomas, hi!" she said warmly, and he looked up utterly surprised.  James, who was conferring with Sirius, raised his eyebrows when he saw them beginning to talk.  Cecil noticed this too, and her stomach churned.  _This is all my fault…_

"So, Thomas, I was wondering if you would help explain what Professor Malchite was talking about in class," she said.  He looked dubious, though.  "You don't have to write out the answers or anything, I don't want to cheat.  If you could just lend me your notes to copy and give me the scroll numbers that would be enough," she said, appearing ashamed for even asking.  Cecil's eyes widened.  This wasn't Lily—Lily didn't manipulate people like this.  And yet her tactic seemed to work.

"Oh no, Lily, it's really fine.  The answer was on scroll 237, but when I took notes I answered that question… It's not a foot, but there's some more about it two scrolls before," he supplied helpfully, handing over his parchment of notes.  Lily smiled, and Cecil wanted to run away, or at least make her stop acting this way.

"Well you know Professor Malchite; all you have to do is add in some fancy words and write with lots of spaces.  He wouldn't know the difference," she said jokingly.  Thomas froze.

"Professor Malchite is an intelligent man, a wary foe… I would not speak so ill of him.  There is a test next week, please return these notes before then." And with that he departed.  Lily happily tucked his notes in with her own blank parchment and walked down the hall.  She, it seemed, did not notice the oddity in Thomas's expression or behavior, nor the lingering stare James sent her as she walked down the hall.  For a moment, Cecil and James caught each other's eyes, and then they both looked away, ashamed.

Lily and Cecil walked to lunch, stopping at each window to see the progression of the snow.  "Hopefully we'll get a big storm, a huge one, just in time for Christmas," Cecil said, making Lily laugh.

"Christmas is practically a month away," she said. "And don't get me started on this buying presents business, I just don't have time for it," she continued with a laugh.  Cecil forced a smile.  Lily had changed, and she felt it was her fault. She seemed so selfish now, so cold and aloof. And yet, no matter how hard Cecil tried to explain about what had happened with James she just couldn't bring herself to do it.  Lily stared out the window, watching the flakes shimmer through the air.  "I wonder if they'll cancel the Quidditch match this weekend.  I wondered who would win, Hufflepuff or Slytherin.  After Gryffindor trounced Ravenclaw I've been waiting to see how it will all turn out, especially with Hufflepuff.  They really cam out of nowhere last year, didn't they?  Remember how upset James was?" she asked, staring out the window.  A flake she watched hit against the glass.  She put her finger up to it, but when she pulled away, it was gone.  "James," she muttered softly, and pulled her hand away, warming up her cold fingers on her cloak.

Cecil noticed this with a keen eye, and tried to open her mouth to say _something; anything, really, that she could think of.  But it all got stuck back there at the base of her throat.  Instead, as Lily announced she wanted to eat something warm and they'd better hurry, small tears pricked the corners of her eyes instead.  If I only had my Stone, Cecil thought, it could Tell me what to do._

Instead, Cecil had to go about the day as every other normal person.  She ached as she remembered how her life had once been.  When she was small and her mother had taught her of her heritage and of her art; of Telling.  Dear Mama, Cecil thought, what shall I do?

Cecil didn't know.  She could tell that James and Lily, and therefore all her friends, were drifting apart.  There were whispers and rumors going about and no one knew quite the whole truth.  Except for Cecil, who knew it all and didn't have the guts to take a risk and fix it.  Her mother had told her of the importance of keeping her talents a secret, because certain people would do anything to require a Teller. Seers, they gave premonitions, mystic visions of the future that had to be decoded and analyzed.  Tellers, though, would see where their mood took them.  Whatever was deepest in their heart would be Told, and so their magic was one of the purest kinds.  But Cecil knew, for once she had read the locked books on the top shelf of her library at home, of the torture that happened to the Tellers of the past.  

Their mind would be obliterated; replaced with another where their thoughts focused on something devious from their own desires.  They would Tell what was needed and then briefly awake from the trance, their Stone would be run through with a thousand cracks, and yet it would not break. Then, without any further hesitation, the Teller would die.  The line of the Tellers—Avenir, those of the future—had lived without fear once, and so to the Dark side they were expendable.  Death filled the visions of the Tellers for a hundred years, and slowly they began to die away.  Some survived through the males that carried the gift, though many valiant men died pretending they too, could Tell the future.  Some escaped, but most died.  And Cecil's paranoia grew, for she felt—she _knew—that the problem with the Sorting Hat and the attack on Genna's room were threats.  She knew someone was after her, after Genna, but her mother had decided Hogwarts was safer for whatever reason._

Cecil sighed.  More than ever she wanted to leave this place.  She wanted to escape these walls and escape their troubles, but even though she wouldn't admit it, most of all, she simply wanted to escape from herself.

* * *

Marie sat in the small cramped room, amidst the people of the streets, the consorts of the rats, the lice, and the bugs, and clasped Nicolas to her tightly.  Marie's lips were chapped, her eyelids inflamed, her nails encrusted with a layer of dirt that replenished itself despite her obsessive efforts to remove it.  The man next to her reeked of liquor, the cheap kind bought of the grizzly man on a poor street corner.  He gurgled in his sleep and Marie gripped the small boy even more tightly against her.  "_Mon cherie," she whispered adoringly through the darkness of the room.  _

And then she reached inside her coat on an instinct and withdrew something small enough to fit inside her long, graceful fingers.  Upon her touch, there was a small glow, just enough to make the dirt caked in the wrinkles on her knuckles visible.  She scowled, shifted Nicolas in her arms, and waited to be Told.

The vision came, though she didn't see it in the Stone.  It appeared in her mind, in her eyes.  She still had an odd, vague sensation of the area around her, the palpable world, though as she Told the vision she saw seemed more realistic than the slums surrounding her.  Pupils dilated into large black discs made her eyes seem wide and young and innocent again, though in truth she was none of those any longer.  Marie needed no information at this point, but Telling was an escape from the present, an escape her unblooded high-society body and soul was grieving for.  

Slowly her vision was taken over, like the gradual winding tendrils of a vine upon a trellis.  She relaxed and in place of the crusty man she viewed her old house, the rolling country behind it, the willow tree and then bench beside it that overlooked a hill.  It was gorgeous on summer evenings, the reds and golds of the sunset melding together.  She missed those nights, she missed the peace and calm, she missed the bench that overlooked the hill.  What she didn't miss, and what she didn't see, were the newly dug graves halfway down the hill, haphazardly covered with dirt.  Though Marie was gone, her family would be able to watch the sunsets for eternity.

Nicolas squealed, and Marie became conscious of the world around her once more.  She shushed him as the people around her cursed or shifted in annoyance.  Marie only rolled her eyes as they complained.  She rearranged herself and winced as her arm pained her.  She gritted her teeth as she twisted to pull something from the back picket of her coat, now slightly reeking of the poor.  She withdrew the documents that had nestled in her pocket.  Mr. Taide had given them to her.  They were the final step to change her identity, to forget her past, and to bless Nicolas with a new future.  She knew that men were after her, all the nobles were in danger.  And in the magical community, the purging of nobility in France was already underway.  She had been Told to flee, warned of what could come to her if she stayed behind, stood strong with the others instead of taking flight.

Taide had informed her of her trackers, ever since her first visit weeks ago when she had been warned of the danger.  None of the nobles were safe in any event, and she was in even more danger because not only was she nobility, but she was magical as well.  Her wand, she remembered with anguish, had been left behind so as not to arise suspicion.  She had thought—or perhaps just strongly hoped—that she would be able to return home one last time.  That was the bane of being a Teller.  She had access to the future, and no way to control what was shown to her.  But her power could not be misused; the Rite had ingrained that in her mind.  She had a gift, and whatever was Told to her—that was a gift as well. 

And somehow, she was still trying to discern exactly how, the information had been leaked that she was a Teller.  In such a time of darkness and despair, the weak at heart were deviated.  The strong, brawny men that had chased her while she signed the papers weren't acting on their own, she knew.  They couldn't be.  There was an organization, somewhere, that desired her talents.  Her sisters hadn't received the gift, and males could only carry.  Little Nicolas was not entirely safe, but if she could find a home for him here in Britain then there was still hope.

France was in the past now.  She would miss her friends, her family, her home; and most of all the simple, beloved life she had lived.  Her husband, before he, too, had become part of the past just three months ago, had been active in the Magical Counsel in France.  Most other magical nobility had receded from the public eye in order to lessen the threat against them.  But Jacques had not abandoned _Le Conseil Primordial, he had remained and aided the crumbling Ministry to his dying day.  The Minister, a corrupted, deceitful man, was hated; a rebellion was at his feet.  Marie knew that while she sat in the dank room, more and more precautions were being instituted across the Channel.  How easy would it have been simply to Apparate into Britain, instead of waiting pitifully in this room!  But she had gone through the trouble of doing it the normal way, the Muggle way. There was obviously a magical tracker on her, but luckily the powers of the Tellers did not register with such a spell.  Taide had informed her that at some point a magical representative would ask her a series of questions in order to determine if she was a Muggle or a witch, followed with a series of verification spells on her visa papers.  Then, at a certain point, she would be taken aside and filtered through the wizard portal to Britain.  Marie almost laughed when she thought of how the poor Muggle services must wonder over these disappearances.  What silly people they are, she mused with a smile._

Snuggling down into her coat and propping Nicolas against her chest, Marie slipped off into slumber.  There was nothing left to do now but wait.

* * *

Lily, as she had recently decided, hated the number two.  She was full of unreasonable thoughts these days, and this was one of the oddest.  Two, she decided, connoted horrible things for on the second day of every month she was forced to spend three hours with James Potter in front of McGonagall, pretending as if they actually got along. The Deputy Headmistress sat in on these monthly Prefect meetings to overrule any out-of-hand arguments.  None of these ever happened, however, because of the thick tension that hung between Lily and James.  

James sat talking with Remus at his side.  Lily sat with Cecil next to her, reviewing Thomas's borrowed notes one last time.  "Here you go Thomas," she said, reaching across Cecil to hand them back to him.  "Thanks so much," she added with a very fake smile.  James, whose eyes were wandering, grimaced.

"First order of business," he began—

"We haven't taken roll yet," Lily interrupted pertinently.  James, and most of the other boys in the room, rolled their eyes.  But a little corner of James's heart twitched and so he handed her the roll sheets without complaint.  "Also," Lily continued audaciously, completely cutting off James, "I think we should address the issue of the Holiday Break rules."  McGonagall coughed discretely into her hand, her eyes locked with Lily's.  The younger girl immediately became downcast, and started checking off names.  "After whatever James has to say, that is," she added for appeasement, without, however, a single glance at James.

He looked gratified nonetheless.  "Well, we have had a lot of incidents with people going of school grounds.  We need a way—a _good way—to make sure that people aren't outside when something bad could happen." The rest of the room was silent._

"Way to get the party started, James," Remus whispered quietly. James sighed loudly.

"All I'm trying to do is keep everyone safe.  When its past hours and first-years are running around outside it isn't safe!  The teachers, no offence Professor McGonagall, can't do anything.  We need to." Most people looked dubious at actually enforcing such strict rules and James thought for a moment he was defeated.  This would have been so much easier if Lily was backing him up! But she was mouthing silently to Cecil about something.  Probably some new reason to hate me, he thought miserably.

"Am I correct, Mr. Potter, to assume that you wish to find new ways to enforce the off-grounds policy because you, collectively, as students, know how to sneak out?" McGonagall arched her eyebrow querulously.

James, Mr. Troublemaker, looked at all the doubting faces around him.  Remus offered a small smile and a nod, and James replied forcibly, "Yes." McGonagall tapped her fingers on the desk pensively.

"One of the most productive proposals I have heard in awhile, Mr. Potter.  Very well done." James allowed himself one small smile of satisfaction before Lily popped in.

"Yes, well, the next part of the plan is for each one of you to draft up an idea for how we should go about enforcing these rules.  We would like a good, solid idea.  Not just to keep Filch running like crazy around the castle.  Find one of us in two weeks and drop off the ideas for discussion next month.  Remember our meeting is on the 12th, though, because we are still one break on the 2nd." She shifted through her papers, not noticing the look on James's face.  "Now, I have a few things to bring up about the Holiday Break rules"…

The meeting continued for another hour and everyone slowly got up to go about their duties, homework or otherwise.  Lily got outside the doorway and rearranged her papers in her bag, preparing to take a quick trip to the library.  She had parted with Cecil, who decided to call it a night.

"What was that all about?" a harsh voice demanded of her.  James.

She scowled.  "What was all _what about?" she countered nastily.  James looked shocked._

"Not only did you cut me off at the beginning of the meeting, but when McGonagall told me I had a good idea you jumped right in and took credit for it."

"I did not try to take credit for it James, I was simply trying to move the meeting along, to get more issues raised," she said defensively with a dangerous dark spark in her eyes.

"Lily!" James exclaimed, truly appalled at her, "This isn't an issue that can wait for next month.  We have put it off long enough.  _Voldemort is out there. And he's not going to wait a month for us to come up with new grounds rules." Then, to his amazement, she laughed._

"It's not like he's sitting outside the door like a puppy-dog, waiting for us to come out." Lily adjusted her bad once more, utterly unruffled and completely amused at the prospect of Voldemort lurking in the woods.  Did she even realize that part of the reason he was doing this was for her? She was a target, or hadn't she noticed yet? So many thoughts ran through his head: wonder, worry, fear.

"Lily," he whispered, "what's happened to you?" 

Lily sucked in her breath quickly as he reached his hand over to brush hair out of her face.  She was so surprised she didn't know what she was doing.  As if on reflex, she slapped his hand away.  She turned around, confused and angry at herself for hurting him when all she wanted to do was hug him and cry.  Collecting herself, she walked as normally as she could down the hallway and away from him.

James stared at his hand, which beat an angry red.  Screams rang in his ears, and turning to the door he slammed the offended hand into it as hard as he could.  Splinters from the wood door made him bleed, and he didn't notice.  Outside the prefect room that night, he sat and forced himself not to waste tears on Lily Evans.

* * *

Wow, so sorry that took so long.  Well, I'm leaving for a swim meet in… ten minutes.  If there are mistakes in the last section I am immensely sorry, I don't have time to fix them.  If I miss the bus they leave me behind :) Kind people, these swim coaches are (eh, Min?) Yay for Lucy and imagine who are Norweigan and figured out about Kropp.  No time to explain it now, but I will lata! Muah to you all, proper thanks next time!


End file.
